200 lives, 1 love

Author: eagel_tamer

Chapters: 16 (on-going)

Reviewer: YellowGoyangi

Title: 9/10 

Honestly, I really liked the title! This may not be the most unique title, but I have to admit, it got me curious and it’s wasn’t too revealing. I really like how this is an angst fanfic and how the title suits well with it, considering that it shows that people are going to die in the story. I may not the biggest angst fan, but it may appear to be very eye-catching for big angst fans. 

Description/Foreword: 6/10

First of all, I love how you added questions into the foreword. That’s what really grabs onto the reader, so well done! I personally thought was really good, but I’d still like to gain a bit more of an angst feel to it because instead, I’m gaining this sad love story feeling. 
Suggestion: You could make it sound more angsty. ^^
Chapter 1 are the introductions right? There shouldn’t be a separate chapter for those; the introductions belong in the description/foreword. Also, it would be better if you told the readers a few characteristic traits of each character if you really want to display an introduction.

Appearance: 3/10

I’m sorry but the only thing I like about the poster and background is the text font. The base and color is fine too; it gives off a very angsty-feeling. The problem I have with it is that Junhong’s picture is standing out more than the main characters’ pictures; (Jiyong’s and Seunghyun’s) that would make the reader assume that this is more of a Zelo-angst story when really, it’s not.
Full links to photos are a big no-no. It looks very tacky towards your first viewers. Suggestion: Insert the photos instead, or at least hyperlink it.

Characterization: 5/20

Well, in your foreword, you didn’t really tell the readers the traits of each character which is fine if you clearly showed their traits throughout the story with their actions. You didn’t do that, so I didn’t nor couldn’t receive a clear image each of the characters’ personalities.

Grammar and Punctuation: 11/20 

Commas…commas everywhere. Throughout most of the story, I would rarely see a period that was supposed to end a sentence. 

You Wrote: “But hyung! I don’t need money to enjoy life!” Junhong protested
Correction: “But hyung! I don’t need money to enjoy life!” Junhong protested.

Also, you kept using the characters’ names too often; pronouns and words that replace a character’s name are big when writing a story.

You Wrote: Seunghyun gently placed a kiss on Jiyong's lips, he smirked while Jiyong's lips were parted, he swiftly grabbed Jiyong's lips again in a passionate kiss, his tongue was roaming around Jiyong mouth, soon the two were playing, dancing in the rhythm of their kiss, Jiyong broke, unable to breathe

Correction/Suggestion: Seunghyun gently placed a kiss on Jiyong's lips, and he smirked while the younger’s lips were parted. Swiftly, he latched onto Jiyong's lips again to form a more passionate kiss, his tongue roaming around the other’s mouth. Soon, the two were playing, dancing in the rhythm of their kiss until Jiyong broke it due to his inability to breathe.

Now, when I got further into the story, like at chapter thirteen through 16, the grammar and punctuation improved tremendously to where I actually had an easily and a more enjoyable time reading. Good job! c:

Plot: 9/15 

I’d call this plot slightly original, mostly because I don’t read that much angst as I actually want to, but I would rather call this plot closer to the more cliché side.

Flow: 5/10

From chapters 2 through 12, I was like…whoa! Slow down please! xD I couldn’t really keep because events were just occurring too quickly, although, the flow in chapters 13 through 16 were improved! It suddenly slowed down, and I was able to gain the picture of what was happening more clearly.

Total Enjoyment: 2/5  

The story itself- pretty good! I just had a hard time getting images into my head due to part of the story’s flow. I didn’t like how things went so fast, especially when Seunghyun and Jiyong first met. Yeah, they were eating dinner and everything; moments later…they feel like they knew each other ALREADY?! Like whoa. I just wish I could have read the conversation that made them grow so close to each other because that relationship was speedy!
I would have enjoyed the story a lot more if the action and events that occurred were more detailed. For example:
When Seunghyun and Yunho had a battle. 
When Junhong and his hyung attack on the “goons.” 
What also could be improved in detail were the main characters’ emotions. This is an angst fanfic, so make the reader be able to feel the true anger, sadness and rage that the characters were experiencing.

Total: 50/100

R/N; Wew! That was the first fanfic I’ve EVER reviewed. Thank you for being my first requester, I really appreciate it. I hope I wasn’t too harsh. >.< Feel free to use my suggestions but remember, it’s your fanfic so you do what you want with it. I’m just helping~ ^^ Have a nice day.