To Seduce the Unwilling

Author: SoaringCliche

Chapters: 9 (completed)

Reviewer: YellowGoyangi

Title: 10/10 

This title is very eye catching, especially to a -fan’s eye. Being a big fan of , I was honestly very excited to read this story! Good job on the title! ^^

Description/Foreword: 10/10

It’s interesting and doesn’t reveal too much at all…which is good! It’s just enough to grab a reader’s attention, and it certainly grabbed onto mine. I found it very smart that you added a little preview into the foreword. After I read the entire story, I found what you decided to put for the preview was a very wise choice. I personally wouldn't choose any other part of the story to select as the preview. More writers should do this because it gives the reader a better idea of the story than they would have gotten if they just read the description itself. Fantastic!
 

Appearance: 7/10 

I was about to give the appearance a rate of 6 because of the green background you had previously. I’m sorry, but it didn’t look that very nice with your poster. You changed it to this nice, simple blue background and it looked SO much better; it looked nice with your poster as well. You should be so lucky you changed it in time. ;D Highlighting…it’s not very necessary. I understand your fanfic is colorful but highlighting words just makes things look tacky. 
Suggestion: Color, bold, or change size of the text if you want words to stand out. Do not highlight.
 

Characterization: 15/20

You didn’t explain nor talk about the main characters’ characteristic traits in your description/foreword, which is totally fine if you showed their traits throughout the story. You did that, so good job! You maintained Yoseob’s personality quite well, although, I caught something in chapter 1 that confused me a little on Kikwang’s personality.

You Wrote: “We’re supposed to be reading this,” the shy Kikwang murmured.

After reading that, I was thinking: “Alright so, Kikwang has the trait of shyness. Okay.”
But as I read further into the story, I realized that this guy isn’t a tad bit of shy! It’s important to give the reader the right traits to describe a character, especially in the first chapter, and those traits should stick onto the character throughout the entire story.
In chapter 8, all these new characters were randomly added into the story. (Luhan, Ilhoon, Minho) I got so confused when they were in the same setting as the Lee family because I wasn’t sure if they were part of the family or just friends of Kikwang. It would have been better if you had stated the side characters’ purposes in the story, especially when you suddenly add a new one in. If you don’t, it could make the reader question why they were even part of the story.
Other than that, I loved ALL the characters. They were all so funny in their own way.
 

Grammar and Punctuations: 11/20 

There was a problem in your writing whenever a character would say a statement.

You Wrote: “Idiot,” a deep voice whisper against my ear. My eye twitched.
Correction: “Idiot.” a deep voice whispered against my ear. My eye twitched.

You see, you added a comma where the period was supposed to be located at, leaving the sentence as a fragment. If the character has finished speaking, it’s important to add a period at the end of their words, but when they’re not finished talking, you may add the comma. In this case, the “deep voice” had finished what he was saying and the other character had said something afterwards. 
Since this entire story is based upon Yoseob’s point of view, there is no need to italicize his thoughts. I saw a lot of his thoughts being italicized during the first few chapters, but then you gradually began to stop. There were quite a few spelling errors in most of the chapters and sometimes you would write in present-tense. Writing in present-tense is a big no-no.
Suggestion: Carefully re-read the chapter you’re about to post in case of these silly, little mistakes. ^^
 

Plot: 8/15 

Well, I see a lot of “seducing” fanfics lurking around in this site quite often so I could consider this plot a bit more on the cliché side. The steps Yoseob took in order to seduce Kikwang were also very cliché, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t enjoyable! xD
 

Flow: 8/10 

To me, maintaining the flow is one of the most important requirement to a story, especially if you want the reader to enjoy it, and I have to say that you did a pretty good job maintaining the flow. Although there were times when things acted fast like in chapter 7, the majority flow was nice and easy to follow.

Total Enjoyment: 4.5/5 

My dear friend, your writing is just hilarious. I can’t count the times you managed to make me laugh while I read this story. Honestly, during the first two chapters I was thinking: “Eh, it’s another author trying to be funny. Here we go again.” But dang I regret second guessing you. May I point out just this part of chapter 7?

You Wrote: “You had better hope that at least one Lee stays straight because if not, you’ll be the first to go. I’ll not have my family line dying out because all of the Lee heirs decide to embrace their inner rainbow,”

Do you have any idea how much I laughed at those two sentences? xD Honey, you even succeeded to make me both spazz and laugh during the ! Now that’s some badass skill right there. I really enjoyed reading this story in Yoseob’s point of view; his mind is just full of humor. Personally, I love it when a story manages to make me crack into a laugh; it makes my time reading ten times more enjoyable. 

Total: 73.5/100
 

R/N; Thank you for being another requester of mine; I had a good time reading and reviewing your story! I hope I wasn’t too harsh in some parts though. >.< Feel free to use my suggestions but remember…it’s your fanfic, so you do what you want with it. I’m just helping~ ^^ Good day sir!
One last thing…you have just created a new Kiseob shipper.*^*