The One

Author: BlankPaperTS

Chapters: 1 (one-shot)

Reviewer: BeautifulMess

Title: 5/10
Unfortunately, the title is part of the list of common names, and although Daehyun expressed his desire to be ‘the one’ for Sunhwa, I personally think you could have thought of a better name for the one-shot.


Description/Foreword: 4/10
Error:
We just met on today. Since we saw each other and we touched, I feel like I wanted to be always there for her. The one who will love her.
Correct:
We just met today. Ever since we saw each other and we touched, I felt like I wanted to be always there for her; the one who will love her.

You did not put the foreword and the description in their rightful places. The little snippet you placed on the foreword should be at the description, while the author’s note you put in the description should be in the foreword. On a different note, it was good that you kept it short and gave a little sneak peak for the readers.


Appearance: 10/10 
It was neat and simple. I had no problems with it whatsoever.


Characterization: 10/20 
For characterization, nothing in their personality really stood out to me except for Daehyun’s abrupt desire to be with Sunhwa. When you make a one-shot, usually you would just go ahead and make the plot progress since one-shots do not have multiple chapters. So one would think that there is simply no more time to dwell on the characters too much since the series of actions should be put first. I don’t think that’s the best way, because your characters will definitely seem empty and boring. I suggest you write more about their thoughts and feelings to the extent of giving the readers an idea of how their personality is without directly stating it. 

Grammar and Punctuation: 10/20
Your style was simple and easy to read; no complicated words or anything like that which is good for one-shots like yours. Your punctuations was alright too, but do not put spaces after quotation marks. I noticed how you constructed your dialogue like this:
“ Mark and Anthony went swimming. “

That is absolutely incorrect. There should be no spaces, like this:
“Mark and Anthony went swimming.”

As for your grammar as a whole, you should really work on it. I see that you’re confused with tenses, so try to work on that.


Plot: 9/15 
It’s nothing new, to be quite honest. I think the concept of the plot would have been more interesting if you dwelled on the characters more since your one-shot obviously revolved around them instead of the whole graveyard scenario.


Flow: 5/10 
Your flow was fine at first, but once Daehyun and Sunhwa started conversing, things started to become rushed. Firstly, their physical interaction was too sudden in my opinion. Although I know how they were in a graveyard and they’re both extremely emotionally unstable, I do not thing anyone would want to engage in physical contact that fast. Also, when Daehyun asked her if he wanted to go to the park, she immediately agreed. I know that she was listening to his song, which indicates she’s probably a fan, but no ordinary person would agree to intimate things like that, even if their mourning or in grief. 
Also, about Daehyun’s feelings, the transition wouldn’t seem so fast if you explained their thoughts more elaborately like what I said earlier.


Total Enjoyment: 1/5 
Personally, I am not really into these kinds of stories, so it did not really quip my interest. I do hope you work more on your mistakes as this will definitely make you improve by a whole lot! Thanks!

Total: 54/100