Mellifluous Thumps

Author: ivanaaf

Chapters: 1 (drabble)

Reviewer: YellowGoyangi

Title: 9/10

I would call this a nice title, mostly because it really suits your scenarios. There’s just a capitalization error in the first chapter.

Chapter Title: Nothing But Melodic Heartbeats
Correction: Nothing but Melodic Heartbeats 

Description/Foreword: 8/10

The description is nice because when I first read it, I was interested into reading it more than I already was! The only problems I have with the description are the punctuation and grammar in one of the sentences.

You Wrote: But it doesn’t mean that five mellifluous songs are not eligible to represent how love actually does, feels, and desires.
Correction/Suggestion: But that doesn’t mean that five mellifluous songs are not eligible to represent how love actually feels, what love can do, and what love may desire

The description and foreword are one of your first impressions on the reader, and if errors like these are spotted by the reader, it will automatically ruin your first impression as a writer. 

Appearance: 7/10

Having a white background is alright, although it may not make your story as eye-catching. It’s good to have the pictures the same size, so good job on that! Now, about that one chapter which contains all of the scenarios…I’m not too sure it. The appearance would have been better it each scenario had its own chapter.

Characterization: 20/20 

These are very short scenarios, I was unable to take note on each characters’ characteristics, therefore, I cannot say you did or did not make your characters follow their roles. In the future, be sure that your characters do have a specific roles and characteristics in which they stick to.

Grammar and Punctuation: 11/20

So English isn’t your native language? I see, there are a few grammar errors in each scenario, so please pay attention to my corrections! c:

You Wrote: Tiffany Hwang spent tenth of her day in a coffee house in Aqgujong. 

I’m really not sure about the “spent tenth of her day” part. You’re trying to tell how much time Tiffany spent at the coffee house? If so…

Correction: Tiffany Hwang spent a tenth of her day in a coffee house at Aqgujong.

You were missing “a” in between the word “spent” and “day.” Also, when mentioning a place/location, you must use the word “at” instead of “in.”

You Wrote: Lee Junho did exercise, dance, football, and I thought those were moments where I had to work very hard.
Correction: Lee Junho exercised, danced, and played football, while I thought there were other moments where I had to work very hard.

You Wrote: Both liked classical music and chocolate milkshake, were equally terrible at science, hated any kind of insects, and loved each other.
Correction: Both of them liked classical music and chocolate milkshakes. They were equally terrible at science, hated any kind of insects, but they both loved each other.

There are some parts where a sentence needs to end and they are part where a specific word should replace the other. (As seen in the corrections) Also, work on your words that are plurals. (more than one) 
Ex: “Milkshakes” instead of Milkshake
I cannot correct every error in your story, but I can say that for a non-native English speaker, you’re not that bad! If you are not confident with your grammar, I would recommend hiring a story editor to fix those errors. ^^

Plot: 2/15

These are scenarios with different plots, but I have to honestly say that they’re were all pretty…cliché. Not only cliché but the plots were confusing too. On a few, I wasn’t even sure that was going on. :c

Flow: 3/10 

On a few of the scenarios, I didn’t know what was going on and where the characters were at. Things were happening very quickly and I wish that the characters’ actions had more details into what each of them was doing.

Total Enjoyment: 1/5 

I’m sorry. It was difficult for me to enjoy the story due to the flow and errors. Those mistakes made hard for me, as a reader, to do my one job, and that was to read. :c

Total: 61/100

R/N; I hope I wasn’t harsh, if I was, I’m sorry! >_< I hope I’ve helped with your writing. Feel free to use my corrections. ^^