Accidental Sparks

Author: ayu-hime

Chapters: 11 (on-going)

Reviewer: SimplyCuddly

Title: 10/10

I really like the title! At eleven chapters, I can surely say that the title suites the story's plot. Very nice!

Description/Foreword: 9/10

This is excellent! It gives a fair amount of the story (not too much and not too little), and it really captured my interests. 

The only thing that bothered me is the horizontal dividing lines. Personally, I think it would look better overall without them. But of course, everything is up to you!

Appearance: 10/10 

I have no problems with the appearance at all. The spacing was neat and tidy, and the poster is simply beautiful.

Characterization: 18/20 

The personalities you gave to your characters really stood out. Luhan, Miyoung, Chanyeol, and even the side characters showed themselves clearly and they captured my interests.

However, I was bit befuddled by the backgrounds, particularly speaking of Chanyeol and Luhan and their relations with the sick ahjumma. What are the boys' relations to ahjumma, exactly? I was thinking they just met at the hospital, but I remembered that ahjumma took care of Chanyeol and Luhan when they were kids, and before she was sick. Why did she take care of them? Did ahjumma take care of them because they were family friends, business, or something?

I don't know, maybe that'll all be revealed later in the story. I guess I'm thinking too much, haha. But I suppose I'm just curious! I hope I didn't sound too confusing. 

Grammar and Punctuation: 17/20 

Your writing style is very good! I saw no issues with your grammar, so great job! I noticed couple mistakes with your tenses, so be sure to watch out for that!
Example: 

Luhan sat there in his car which is parked a few steps away from the hospital.

Correction:

Luhan sat there in his car which was parked a few steps away from the hospital.  

The only thing that particularly concerned me was the punctuation. There would be times where I would find it useful to use a comma instead of separating into two sentences with a period.

Example:

His parents weren't there for him all the time. Mrs. Jung was the only shoulder he could lean on.

Correction/Suggestion:

His parents weren't there for him all the time, so Mrs. Jung was the only shoulder he could lean on.

It's fine if you choose not to use the comma all the time, but I think it will result in smoother and easier reading. 

Plot: 13/15

I've seen a few stories like this, so it's not incredibly original. However, you made it interesting and I like it nevertheless. 

Flow: 8.5/10

The flow is fine, but I found that Luhan and Miyoung's relationship sprouted a bit too quickly. I felt the same with Miyoung and Chanyeol a little as well. I think there could have been more development and elaboration in their relationship at the start. Overall, I found you did and are doing a good job!

Total Enjoyment: 4/5

Personally, I really like your story! You have a great amount of potential with your impressive writing, and please continue to write awesome stories like this one! I hope I helped you out. 

Total: 89.5/100