Boyfriend-Girlfriend, Deal?

Author: Inspirit-Baby

Chapters: 11 (on-going)

Reviewer: SimplyCuddly

Title: 8.5/10 

Just by reading the title, I felt like this was going to be a romcom fic. So you depicted the genre nicely. Good!

It's not the most original, eye-catching title I ever seen on this site, but I like it nevertheless. It brings a certain vibe of curiosity. 

Description/Foreword: 8.5/10 

Okay, the first thing I noticed is the poster and contest credits. I recommend putting that at the bottom of your description/foreword, rather than putting it at the top. It'll make it look more clean and neat.

Anyway, let's move to the foreword! It's good that you gave a fair, not-too-revealing summary, but I think you could have arranged it into a paragraph to make it look more organized. But that's totally up to you!

Appearance: 9/10 

I have no problem with the appearance! The pink theme suites the story very well. 
 

Characterization: 12/20

The characterization was good! I understood the characters' personalities through their actions and words, but I think you could add some more thought and feelings process in them. Give us the details, details! Anyway, I found it humorous how Woohyun and Hyemin would always bicker and yell at each other. However, the name calling "evil witch" and "stupid monkey" was a bit too repetitive. It's cute and funny, but try not overuse it or else it'll become dry and it might bother the readers. 

On a side note, I feel like you could have explained their family backgrounds a bit more. Like, why are the adults getting Hyemin and Woohyun in these arranged marriages exactly? It's a rather important part to the story, and the way you depicted the background seemed a tad bit vague. Overall, I suggest for you to try going for more elaboration. 


Grammar and Punctuation: 8/20 

I noticed a few grammar mistakes that caught my eye such a misspellings, punctuation, and the like. But first of all, the tenses. Sometimes I would see you writing in past tense and then the next line would be present tense.

Example:

Hyemin walked through the hallway with Suzy, a bright smile on her face.

It's Lunch time and she's looking for Sunggyu so she can return his PE uniform.

Correct:

Hyemin walked through the hallway with Suzy, a bright smile on her face. It was lunch time and she was looking for Sunggyu so she can return his PE uniform. 

OR

Hyemin walks through the hallway with Suzy, a bright smile on her face. It's lunch time and she's looking for Sunggyu so she can return his PE uniform. 

Do you see that? You should be using only one tense, and switching between the two should never be done. If you're confused about tenses, try brushing up on them. 

Another thing that caught my attention was the dialogue. There would be many times where you wouldn't specify who's speaking, and that causes the readers to get confused and they'll have to back-up to see who really was talking. 

Example:

"Yah! If you're not going to talk, I'll hang up and-"

"Wait! Evil witch!"

"What?!"

"Uhm. Hal abeoji wants you to come over tomorrow. I'll pick you up at around 10 in the morning."

"Um. Yeah. Good night."

Correct:

Hyemin growled, huffing in annoyance. "Yah! If you're not going to talk, I'll hang up and-"

"Wait! Evil witch!" Woohyun butted in.

"What?!"

"Uhm," Woohyun hesitated for brief moment. "Hal abeoji wants you to come over tomorrow. I'll pick you up at around 10 in the morning."

Hyemin blinked, clearing awkwardly. "Um. Yeah. Good night."

It's okay if you don't specify who's talking sometimes, but make sure you don't go over more than three lines (that's what I suggest). Also, if you bring more details in your dialogue, you can throw in their actions and reactions to things which will help emphasize and boost their characters. 

Plot: 10/15 

I've seen numerous plots featuring an arranged marriage. However, I found it different because the two main characters aren't arranged together. Instead, they're arranged with different people. That's a small plus in my book!
 

Flow: 5/10 

The flow was very fast. I found that you rushed and switched the scenes a bit too much. I recommend constructing your sentences with more details and actions which will help smoothen the flow. 

Total Enjoyment: 3/5 

Despite the mistakes and grammatical errors, I found this story pretty cute! I'm sorry if I sounded a bit straight-forward, but I'm just trying to help. :) Just try working on the things I pointed out and you're all good! Thanks for requesting! ^^

Total: 64/100