JIYONG POV

It’s been a month since Sandara left. And I have no way of contacting her and I am afraid to ask her parents, that they might blame me. God! How I miss her!

I used to think I was tough before, but I was unprepared with the loss of Sandara. People who would see me would think I was some kind of zombie or robot. Functioning for functions sake, with my head and heart not into what I was doing.

I have thought over and over again how our break-up should have been, but I could only come up with one conclusion: I should never have broken up with her. I only feel myself sinking back into emptiness, only now the hole seems to be bigger and deeper.

I guess I regret the part where I did not explain myself? But how could I?

“Sandara, my parents are divorced because my father loves your mother. And I don’t want to hurt my mother further”

Even to me, it sounds like some complexly written drama cliché. Better not to also hurt Sandara with the truth.

I don’t even know if her parents also know about this. But judging from Mrs Park’s statements when I last saw her, they were not in contact with Dad for a long time. Dad must also be having a one-sided love with Sandara’s mother.

Somehow, I feel sympathy for both my parents, for being involved with a one-sided love.

I always have with me the Peter Pan book she took from me. I knew it was missing before but I didn’t even know she had it. I did not comprehend before the things she told me, being depressed and all.

The book is quite old now with the cover slightly peeling. Inside the cover I see my name in my once childish scrawl and with a pencilled name written before it.

Ssantoki ♥ Jiyong

I scanned the pages of the book when a folded note fell. I picked it up with curiosity. I was surprised to read a familiar handwriting”

Jiyong,

9 years I’ve spent on you. Thought of you, dreamt of you, prayed for you. I’ve searched for you in a crowd only to find you beside me when I least expected it. You have inspired my writing and became a friend to a lonely girl. For that I would always be thankful.

I believe that we were destined to meet. But perhaps fate had other plans. And if life should have it, i’ll go on with our paths occasionally crossing yet separate, a life well-lived even without you.

            Saranghae

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Sandara

Emotions flooded me after reading her letter. And realization hit me. I could feel myself choking up. Sandara, if only you knew, I was not the one you met 9 years ago.