28
The First and The Lastnote: this chap is extremely long :]
*
Here I was, in the airport, waiting for Gyuri to pick me up. Jessica bought a flight for me to go home. We were so awkward at each other yesterday, barely speaking like we used to and it kills me slowly. I knew Jessica kept her distance from me, acting like she didn't want to touch me at all despite in deep down, she wanted to touch me, hug me, kiss me, etc. Oh please, I knew Jessica.
I had no courage to touch her again after I got rejected by her several times. Jessica didn't want to have skin-contact with me and knowing it, it made my heart feels like it was squeezed by something hard. It was so hurt.
I was quite hoping that Jessica would come with me to Korea, but she refused.
Just tell me when you have decided.
Confused, as always. This was how it felt when you had to choose one between two options, to choose someone who you really loves.
I dragged my feet out of the arrival gate to Gyuri who was waving her hand towards me. The confusion washed away when I see her precious smile. She hugged me tightly, probably feeling worried after what happened few days ago. I asked Gyuri to pick me up at airport instead of Yoona or somebody else. In no particular reasons, I just wanted to be with Gyuri for a while.
We walked to her car in silence, hand in hand. Gyuri often stole a glance at me, checking if I'm good. Nothing illustrated on my face right now. Just by thinking the choice I had to make, it made me confused to death.
As the car started moving, Gyuri turned her head to me who was resting my head against the window.
"So Tiffany, do you mind to tell me about how the hell you ended up in New York?" Gyuri started.
"He took me to New York for unknown reason and sent me home."
"Did he do any inappropriate things to you?"
I shook my head, keeping my eyes on the road. "He didn't."
Jessica's disappointed face crossed in my mind. Her eyes told me so much disappointment in her, about how I broke our kisses because Nichkhun's face appeared in my head, her fake smiles, how she kept distance with me, and how she didn't want to touch me at all.
I buried my face on my palms, suddenly tears flowing out of my eyes down to cheeks.
"This is so confusing!"
"What?" Gyuri calmly asked me.
"Jessica was the one who kidnapped me, Gyul."
She stared at me with those huge eyes, but then her eyes softened as she cocked her head to one side. "No wonder"
"How-"
"She still loves you and of course she will do that to ruin everything."
"But that was an insane move!"
"For you, it was, but it wasn't for us who are know that Jessica still loves you and she will do anything to get you back."
"Us?"
"I had a long conversation with that short girl in your wedding day. She told me everything."
"Sunny?"
"No, the other one with pepero hair."
"Taeyeon?"
"Yes, Taeyeon."
Aish that midget...
I sighed, wipping my tears with my thumb and continuing to stare at my shoes. Gyuri caressed my hand but still having her eyes on the road.
"So, what did you do with Jessica in New York?"
"She asked me to choose."
"Between her and Nichkhun?"
I nodded.
"Who will you choose?"
This time, Gyuri turned her head to me, giving me that warm smile of hers. Gyuri knew I was confused. She didn't ask me for more when I didn't answer her, but her grip on my hand getting tightened like she wanted an answer.
"I...don't know. I love both of them."
"As far as I know about Hwang Tiffany, she is not a greedy woman. She know what's the best for her."
I sighed, obviously don't know what to say to Gyuri. I ran out of words.
"Choose who's the best for you, Tiffany. The one who you loves very much, who left you so much memories in your heart." She stopped her car because we had arrived at my apartment. "Tell your heart to decide because it's the determination."
*
I got up of my bed, removing my blanket to the side and taking a glance of Yoona who was sleeping soundly while hugging her Rilakkuma doll. It was two in the morning, I had not slept because I kept thinking of those things and it got so much complicated each time I think about it; my eyes didn't cooperate with me even though I was dead tired.
The living room was so quiet and dark as I stepped in. I opened the refrigerator, looking for something to kill my boredom instead of laying on the bed, but I found nothing. Perhaps a glass of hot milk will help.
Yuri, Taeyeon, Sooyoung, Sunny, and Gyuri just got home at eleven in the evening after they heard of my explanation that the kidnapper was Jessica. Surprisingly they didn't really look surprise when hearing it, but then Gyuri's words rung in my head again that they won't be surprised if Jessica will do that to get me back.
I stood up near the kitchen counter, pouring the hot water into the glass as I keep stirring it. Everything on my head was like a tangled wires. I couldn't think straight. I knew Jessica gave me a time to choose, but I have to choose it as soon as possible. I didn't want to hang her and Nichkhun too long.
But who to choose? That's the question.
Without giving a single sip of the milk, I buried my head on my palms; feeling like I wanted to pull my hair as hard as I could and I hope it would help me releasing all of the doubts. But it can't.
All of my doubts will always be there until I decide my decision and it's not going to be easy.
While thinking of every single things that I had considered, I finally got an enlightenment about who is the person that I'm going to choose. Although I was still quite hesitant, but I was pretty sure about the decision that I'm going to take is the best choice.
I hurriedly walked back to the room, grabbing my phone and sending a message to that person who is currently in New York, probably laying on the lounge chair in the side of the pool, trying to relax but she can't. Her mind keeps telling her about the choice that I'm going to make OR that she is already in her private jet and will immediately take off of the runway to Korea once she got my message; well, probably.
To: Jessica
"I got my choice"
*
The office was surprisingly quiet and it was so unusual, with the sudden action of Yuri opened the door of her room with Taeyeon behind her.
"Tiffany!" She greeted and hugged me like she hasn't met me since a hundred year ago although we just did yesterday.
"Hey,"
"So how is it? Have you decided?" Taeyeon walked forward and stood up next to Yuri as she inserts her hands to the pocket of her jacket. Well, it was kind of a question that straight to the point and I mean, this is freaking nine in the morning, did she really have to bring up this topic right now?
"I have."
"Good. You better not disappoint me." Taeyeon let out a smile that probably a fake one and leave Yuri and I alone. I have no idea since when did she become a scumbag.
Yuri awkwardly smiled to me after she bit her tongue because the awkward atmosphere around her. I knew it was so uncomfortable for her since we are friends--best friends, but she quickly pat my back, dragging me to her office for coffee.
"Don't mind her. Let's grab a coffee. My new coffee maker has just arrived."
*
"Hey,"
I lifted up my head to see the caller that currently poking his head to the room. It was Khun. And there it was, I can felt a pang in my heart immediately just by seeing him.
He closed the door and walked toward my desk, wrapping his hand around my neck before planting a kiss on my lips. I could feel his fear after what happened in our wedding day. Probably he got pissed off by himself because he can't doing anything to safe me from Jessica.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you at that time. I hate myself."
"Don't be. It was over." I tried my best to smile at him.
I bet Khun sensed my fake smile. Suddenly, he kneeled down, holding my hands tightly as our eyes met.
"Tiffany, are you hiding something from me?"
"No, what are you thinking?" I chuckled.
"For serious, what happen? I will listen to your story. I know you still got traumatized after what happened in our wedding."
I lowered my head, hiding my face from his face that make me feel like I'm the most ungrateful woman in the world. I had this guy; this kind and handsome guy. He's mine for three years and we almost getting married. But I know I have to do something important now. I have to run the real mission.
"You know that I loved you so much, right Khun?"
"Of course I do."
"I'm so sorry that I lied to you."
He looked at me intently, looking forward for my next words. I'm going to break his heart.
"I did love you, but, I have to leave you."
"What are you talking about, Tiffany?"
"I just have to leave you, Khun." This time, I swear I couldn't unsee how Khun's eyes showed me so much disappointment that I'm going to choose Jessica over him. "To someone else."
He was the person that I spent three years with. We were so happy, we were so perfect, but I'm going to ruin all of them. I'm going to open the new page of my life with Jessica. Yes, I chose her eventually.
I love her and I will always do.
She gave a second chance and of course I'm not going to let it out of my hand. No matter how Jessica hurt me by the sudden news of her marriage with Hara few years ago, no matter how Hara hated me because I took her wife away, and no matter how God had gave me Nichkhun--this perfect human being, but I will always love Jessica and I will choose her.
I felt grateful to feel loved by Khun for three years.
"To your ex?" He frantically asked. He was afraid of my answer.
I shut my eyes tightly, somehow feel pissed off of myself because I hurt this innocent guy. I felt horrible in front of him and of course I felt like I am a that using him to be a rebound. Frankly, what Taeyeon said in the coffee shop was almost true, but hey, did you ever expect that you will love him eventually?
His grip on my hand loosened up. Khun was disappointed and I allows anyone to punch my face.
I quickly grabbed his face and I found that he was holding back his tears, but it just escaped from his eyes. The tears had fallen down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Khun. I didn't mean to do that, but I have to."
"For a reason, I didn't really surprise to hear this, but still, it hurts me." He whipped his tears, clearly that he is avoiding my stare.
"I am kind of sensing something weird when I told you the news about a woman was hospitalized back then, but I decided to get rid of it." He said as he bit his lower lip. "Because I know you wouldn't fall for a woman, right?"
I gulped hearing the question. I knew he had to know the truth. "The woman in the television is the woman that I loves, Khun. I chose her."
Tongue-tied. Yes, Khun was obviously have nothing to say anymore knowing that I'm a biual, but then he chuckled.
"I see," Khun faced me, looking at me with those disappointed eyes. "I'm not good enough for you, right?"
"You are too good for me, Nichkhun Horvejkul. You are lovely, kind, sweet and you have those everything that girls dream of." I held my breath before continuing my words. "I felt proud for having a guy like you, but, I am in a position where I have to choose a priority because I know I won't have it again in my life and I'm not planning to let that chance go away."
"I want to ask you something and please answer it honestly."
"What is that?"
"As I know, your relationship with me was way longer than when you were with her, right?" I nodded as the answer. "Then why did you choose her over me? You said you love me."
I slumped back on my chair, feeling sort of anxious because I knew he will ask this question someday; and it just happened.
"You know, Khun, sometimes, the periods being in a relationship with someone is not a measure to feel how much you love that person. The longer you gets, the more you loves him or her and will not let them go anywhere. Well, it happens in some people's life, but not to me." Khun looked at me, patiently waiting of my words. "And if she didn't give me this chance, I would probably marry you. I do love you, but if I have to choose, I will choose her, Khun."
"And in my case, no matter how hard and how long I tried to forget her, it won't work and I know that she will always be there; laying in my heart even in the smallest part and she will not leave."
"You told me that you have forgot everything about her."
"I did, but then I realized that I lied. How a single thing about her can make me feel anxious suddenly. Just by remembering something about her, sometimes I couldn't stop thinking about her all day long. I couldn't concentrate on anything I do."
"Is it because you missed her?"
"Yes, probably. I don't know because it happened without a reason."
"Was she your first love, Tiffany?"
I didn't expect he will ask that question, but I knew he has the right to ask that.
"Yes, she was."
Nichkhun stared blankly at the floor, trying to digest the truth in my words. I was being so honest, I let everything out of my chest. And I saw his movement. Now his eyes were fully on me.
"I see. It explains everything." He added. "Can I hug you for one last time?"
"Of course." He moved closer and gave me a tight hug. I knew I'm going to miss his scent. All of memories we made, I will keep them in my heart because he was a part of my life. I will definitely won't forget this adorable, perfect, kind, and sweet guy.
And I kind of hate that I was the in the relationship and I was kind of hoping that he will cheat on me, but I knew it won't happened. Khun wasn't a type of guy like that.
"Thank you for your understanding, Khun. And thank you for everything."
"No problem. I wish you a happiness with that woman." He merely smiled before walking out of the room, but he turned to me as he twirled the door knob.
"Thank you for everything. I had an awesome life journey being your boyfriend, but then I realize I have to find another one and start all over again with my future woman." And he left with a smile on his face.
Now everything had been cleared. Everything had done. It felt so right after releasing all of your doubts, at least, I'm not living with lies and doubts anymore. It was painful.
But one more thing. I had to meet my girl first.
I grabbed my coat, phone, and wallet; immediately heading out of the room to the elevator, went through those people who were standing in the lobby.
I miss her. I miss Jessica.
*
You know where to find me.
Here I was, in front of the door of Jessica's room. Yeah, I know she will be here. I inhaled the air and exhaled immediately, trying to calm my heart down because it beats so fast because two reasons. First, I'm nervous. Second, I keep running from the lobby to the elevator and from elevator to Jessica's room.
I raised my hand, hesitantly pressed the bell. Before I could shut my eyes, I saw the door is being opened and a pair of slippers of Captain America showed up in my sight. Do I have to raise my head now? To see this beautiful and gorgeous woman in front of me.
I'm not ready, but I slowly do that. Our eyes met. Her poker face changed to be a cheerful one. She immediately hugged me, bringing me inside of her apartment without breaking the hug.
We didn't say anything but snuggle deeper into each other.
In the end, we were gathered up together again no matter how hard the life we had been through. We had been separated for few years, but I thanked God for slapping my face, so freaking hard, only to make me realize that I was living with lies. And He let the stubborn Jessica Jung to ruin the wedding. God knew what's the best.
Jessica pulled her head away, staring at me with a lovely stare of hers. Her palm gently caressed my cheek and the staring battle continued.
"I thought the bell would never ring."
"But it did."
"Yeah," She pulled me closer for another hug, whispering something in my ear. "Thank you for choosing me, Tiffany. I have no idea if you didn't do that."
"I should thank you instead. Thank you for your effort, fighting for me 'till the very end."
"Oh it's not end, yet."
"What?" I asked her confusedly.
"We still have my parents and Hara."
Ouch, I forgot it's only the beginning. Although I was already tired of this , but I had to do this to get the happiness that we have been looking for since few years ago.
Jessica brought me to the sofa, hugging me from behind. She indeed missed me so freaking much; she doesn't even let me go. Oh my, I miss this scent. I turned around, wrapping my legs around her tiny waist.
"Whoa, the position is kinda dangerous here." Jessica teased.
"Well, I'm not planning to do that," I saw her grinned naughtily, "yet."
"Tell me about how you ended up hospitalized. You haven't told me about it."
Jessica leaned closer, burying her face on my neck as she murmured.
"Krys told me that you were getting married. Although I was trying so hard not to think about it, but it did bother me everytime." She kissed my neck and nibbled in between. Somehow, I missed these lips being on my body. Her arms that wrapped around my waist getting tightened as she remembering those times.
"I got stressed out and hospitalized because I fainted when I had just finished the meeting in the office."
"You love me very much, don't you? Even though you have a wife that waiting for you at home."
"I do and I will always be." She answered immediately as she brought her lips to my jawline, kissing it softly.
Her hands already wandering on the waistband of my jeans, like she was going to pull it off; until it stopped at the zipper, slowly pulling it down without asking my permission first.
"Not now, Jessi." I stopped her by grabbing her hand.
"Why?"
"I don't feel like to do that. Let me hug you a little longer." She obeyed by starting to hug me again. I missed being in her embrace. I missed her arms wrapped tightly around me like she doesn't want to let me go anywhere.
Stay with me, hold my hand and never let it go, she whispered.
"Let me fight for you this time, Jessi."
"My parents and Hara are my business, Fany-ah."
"Please, involve me this time. I don't want you to fight alone. I owe you too much."
Jessica clammed up, but then she pulled her head away, staring at me in the eye.
"Don't die in the middle of the war." And Jessica planted a soft kiss on my lips before pushing me down on to the sofa. My my, I knew where this is heading to.
TBC
a/n: :))) you finally got what you want, right readers? HAHAHA <3 i'm so sorry if i made it too long, but i was so excited when i wrote this and so much things i had changed in this chapter xD i hope you guys like it and im sorry for grammar error ;]
Comments