“So, is it possible for me to be the one who replace Jessica-noona in your heart?”

 

I groaned as I remember Jaejoong’s words earlier. It was so wrong. I meant, Jaejoong was Jessica’s brother and it was like he confessed his feelings to me. Even though it wasn’t I love you, but it was something like that.

 

But to be honest, I was so lucky before. Because when I was about to answer, Yuri, Yoona and Krystal went out to the lobby and they greeted me. Jaejoong excused himself when he saw them and it was such a relief. Urgh, I didn’t expect this will be happened.

 

It was quite stupid. Jaejoong confessed his feelings when I didn’t even have a feeling towards him. And why the hell just by drove me home, he got a feeling that I’d accept him?

 

I let out a sigh, which make Yuri, Yoona, and Krystal twisted their head towards me.

 

“What’s wrong, unnie?” Yoona and Krystal asked me at the same time.

 

“Nothing,”

 

“The crab tastes bad?” Yuri followed.

 

“No, it’s not that.”

 

De javu.

 

“So?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Yoona shrugged and continued munching her food, while Yuri and Krystal staring at each other like they know what I meant by that. But looked like they were thinking that I had a thought of Jessica, meanwhile I was thinking of Jaejoong’s words. I placed my spoon as I’ve finished my dinner and washed the dirty plate of mine in the sink. Yoona, Yuri, and Krystal were still in the dining room, talking happily. How I wish I could join them, but I couldn’t. It would be awkward since my mind wasn’t in its place. It was flying away to somewhere and I couldn’t find it anywhere.

 

I walked in to my room and threw my body on the bed. As I kept falling in the silence of my room, a bunch of thoughts were coming to me. They were what if—.

 

What if I never meet Jessica in the first place? What if I never fell in love with Jessica? What if Jessica never love me like I do and she was just pretend like she does? What if—

 

Argh!

 

I brought a pillow over my head, burying my face on it. I really hate to admit that I love Jessica this much. Even though she hurted me like this, made me cry endlessly, but I realize, there was a small part in my heart told me that I still love her. I think she used a black magic and made me love her like there was nobody in this world to be loved. And suddenly Krystal’s words rung again in my head.

 

“Looks like you need to hear her explanation and you will understand.”

 

I think I should, but I didn’t want to face her.

 

I sighed again and closed my eyes tighter.

 

*

 

“Tiffany!” I twisted my head as I hear someone called my name. It was Jaejoong with a suitcase in his hand.

 

“What’s up?” I stopped my tracks, turning my body around to him.

 

“Do you want to go home?”

 

“Yes, I’ve finished my work earlier today so yeah, I could go home earlier too. Why?”

 

“Do you mind if I give you a ride again?” Uh-oh.

 

“I don’t mind, but, I’m kind of want to go home by bus.”

 

“Well, may I join with you? I have never ride a public transportation in my life” Damn this cocky guy.

 

“Are you okay with it?”

 

“Yeah. Shall we?”

 

And I gave him a nod before we walk together. I felt so awkward if I remember yesterday’s incident. Jaejoong didn’t say anything, so did I. I got nothing in my head to be talked with Jaejoong. This was so awkward, wasn’t it?

 

We walked on the streets to the bus stop, passing a lot of people who probably were on their way home too. I think I need to say something about yesterday since I can’t keep calm because of it. I needed to explain it. It kept bothering me.

 

“Hey, Jaejoong,”

 

“Yes?” He twisted his head and smiled at me.

 

“About yesterday…” His face blushed all of sudden.

 

“You don’t need to answer it quickly. I know you need a time for it. I’ll let your feelings to grow first.”

 

“Ah, okay.” I lowered my head. Are you serious? I don’t know if I could do that for him. I wasn't easily fall in love to someone. And if I do, I’d get hurt until I’m desperate in life. Just like what happened, I was hurt because of a jerk named Jung Jessica. But I love that jerk so freaking much that I think I couldn’t give my heart to someone else.

 

Suddenly, I could feel a hand slipped around mine. Jaejoong just held my hand with his, intertwining them together. I gasped with the action and slowly released it off. His face looked disappointed and I felt bad for him. But I didn’t want to hold it because I don’t want to give him a hope. I didn't even have a feeling toward him. I wanted to let him know that I don’t love him. Yes, no matter how hard he would try, I had no plan to give my heart to him.

 

Because it belongs to Jessica.

 

Only Jessica.

 

*

 

Jaejoong dropped me by at the lobby just like yesterday. I was afraid he would get lost when he was on his way to home. But, I think he just called his driver to pick him up since he was talking to someone on the phone few minutes ago. I don’t care.

 

“See you tomorrow, Tiffany.”

 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Jaejoong. Thank you for drove me home for these two days.”

 

“Ah it’s okay. You know I’ll do anything for you.” He winked. I let out a small smile and thinking if I should tell him now. And I just remember that Jessica once told me the same sentence. But I felt butterflies inside my stomach and my heartbeat quickened when she said that to me. This time, her brother was the one who told me the same sentence, but I didn’t feel anything.

 

“Oh, looks like my driver has arrived,” He looked to the black Lamborghini that parked in the parking lot near the place where we stood, “I have to go. See you.” It’s now or never.

 

“Wait, Jaejoong!”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I need to tell you something.”

 

“About what?” When he turned his body, I could feel that I secretly gasped by his action.

 

“Please stop doing this to get my heart.”

 

“Why? I want to own it.”

 

“No, you can’t, Jaejoong. No matter how hard you tried to get it, slowly you will realize that you can’t.”

 

"Stop loving Jessica-noona, Tiffany. She has Hara-noona and they are engaged.”

 

“I know. I freaking know about it,” I could feel my heart being stabbed by knifes when I heard it. Yes, I know that I love someone who’s already taken by a lucky girl named Hara, but I just can’t stop loving her. “But, my heart is belong to Jessica. No one can take it.”

 

“You are so stupid for doing this. You are hurting yourself, Tiffany. I bet there are some people outside who’s waiting to get your heart instead of my sister.”

 

“You can call me stupid, idiot, or whatever if you like, but it’s in vain because I’m the one who feel it. I’m the one who feel about how huge my love for Jessica and I couldn’t just let it go. I’d prefer to get hurt instead of dating someone whom I don’t love. I indirectly hurt them too.”

 

Jaejoong gritted his teeth, clenching his hand. He held his anger. Yes, his face told me so, but I don’t care. I had to tell him about this before it was too late.

 

“I’m going to be honest to you. Everytime I was with Jessica, I could feel that I’m protected. I feel secure and loved around her. And the weirdest thing is…" I breathed in before continuing my words, “… Jessica is the only one who could make me feel that way. I know I shouldn’t say this, but I couldn’t lie about my own feelings. I hope you would understand, Jaejoong.”

 

“You really need to move on, Tiffany. You really need to do that and give your heart to those people who deserve to own it.”

 

“I think I would do that someday, but not now. I would do that when my heart is ready for it. And your sister deserves it.”

 

“No, she doesn’t!”

 

“Say whatever you want, but as far as I know about myself, I don’t change my mind easily.”

 

Jaejoong groaned, he looked so frustrated. So did I. Saying those things wasn’t easy because it made the memories of me and Jessica were playing like a movie in my head. It was very clear. Every single moment I had with her were so precious that I think I could cry at this moment. But no, I held it because I didn’t want Jaejoong to see it.

 

“Are you done? Because my sister is waiting for me.” Actually, I’m not sure if Yoona is already home or not. I didn’t care. I just wanted to leave him and stop talking about this topic. He nodded before walking backwards to his luxury car. I exited the lobby and went up to the floor where my room was at. I felt so relieved that I could said what I wanted to say to Jaejoong. Everything was clear now and I had said that I didn’t have a feeling towards him. I hope he would understand.

 

I-I miss Jessica…

 

And I could feel myself slid down against the wall as I buried my face on my palms.

 

*

 

A park.

 

Yes, this was where I was right now. I needed to spend the time alone because I can’t endure this anymore and decided to search for a fresh air. It was freaking nine in the evening but I didn’t feel sleepy or tired or anything, even though coldness keep hitting on me since I got out of my apartment. It wasn't even snowy yet and I was wondering why, but I didn’t care.

 

I really wanted to clear out my mind and not thinking of anything for few minutes, but I can’t. If someone was wondering, my mind was filled of Jessica. Yes, that jerk. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I took a sip of the coffee that I bought when I was on my way here.

 

Again, every words that I said to Jaejoong were back to my mind and it automatically made my mind filled with those moments I ever had with Jessica. I sighed. How I wish I could just get rid of it and live happily without thinking of her. My life had ruined. Yes, it ruined by Jessica freaking Jung.

 

I had been sitting here for almost an hour, without doing anything but sipping the coffee and staring blankly at nowhere. How could someone made me depressed until I was like losing someone important like when I lost my parents? This feeling was exactly same; as hurt as when I lost my parents. I never thought that Jessica would have a huge effect for me. This is so—

 

“Tiffany?”

 

It wasn’t me, right? It wasn’t my voice and as I know, I was alone in this park. Nobody was here. Only me, sitting on the bench with a disposable coffee cup in my hand. But that voice was familiar. I did know whose voice that was. A voice that I’ve missed. A voice that I used to hear everytime back then. A voice that used to say 'I love you', 'I miss you', etc. And it was a voice that used to be my moodbooster, just by hearing it, I could feel happy immediately and nervous at the same time.

 

I didn’t dare to turn my head. I wasn't ready to see her after a long time.

 

“Tiffany?” She called my name once again because I didn’t turn my head to see her. No, please. Just go away. I’m trying to hate you here, even though I know I can’t do that. I'm too weak to do that.

 

“Go away.” I kept my voice as y as I could.

 

“Tiffany, listen to me for once, will you?” I could feel her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

 

And failed.

 

Jessica grabbed my hand and brought me to her embrace. She had anticipate my movement and it happened as her expected. I kept rebelling in her embrace, trying so hard not to cry because I don't want her to see my weak side. A side that look like I-couldn't-live-without-her. But Jessica was too strong, I couldn't get out from her hug. She hugged me even tighter.

 

And I let my tears fell down to my cheek. I hit her chest repeatedly.

 

"Damn, Jessica! Damn you! Why are you coming to me now? I don't want to see you. I don't want to see your face!" I lied. It was totally a lie. I missed her. I wanted to see her face. I repeat, I miss Jessica.

 

She brought my head deeper to her chest, brushing my hair with her palm softly, digging her nose between my hair.

 

"I know you are lying, Tiffany."

 

"Stop pretending like you could read everything in my mind! You ain’t Taeyeon!" I pushed her, but failed again, Jessica even bring my head to her chest again.

 

"Listen, you feel this heartbeat? Can you hear it?" Yes, I could. It beat so fast. Like mine whenever Jessica was around. "This beat is only for you, Tiffany. Why couldn't you trust me?"

 

"Stop lying, Jessica. Just by hearing your words, it makes me hurt because it wasn't the sincere one."

 

Again, Jessica pushed my head to her chest as she brought her head in front of mine. I could feel her soft breath, her grip on my wrist that getting tighten because I think she has lost control.

 

"Tell me what I should do to make you believe me again? Tell me how to get your trust again."

 

"Nothing. You have broke my heart and you would never get it again."

 

"Everyone deserve a second chance, Tiffany. It was totally a misunderstand. You haven't even heard my explanation about Hara."

 

"I don't need it! You made me like a who's trying to get someone else's fiance."

 

"Hara doesn't even know who you are!"

 

"Still! It make me guilty!"

 

Jessica pulled her hair, frustrated. Finally she released me. I slumped down to the bench while she dropped to the ground. She looked skinnier than the last time I saw her. I didn't know what happened to her, but it make me sad.

 

"Tell me, Tiffany," Did I just hear Jessica crying? Her voice was croaked, sobs could be heard at the same time, "Tell me what I should do to make you trust me again."

 

This time, a pang could be felt in my heart. It was the first time I saw Jessica crying and kneeling down in front of me. She looked so weak, broken-hearted just like me. No more strong Jessica. She was weak when it comes to me. I was her weakness.

 

I followed her, slump down to the ground. My body did itself without my brain and heart's permissions. I raised my hands, landed on Jessica's face to lift it up. Her cheeks were wet because of the tears and her eyes were red as I look directly at it. I wiped her tears with my thumb, slowly brought her to my embrace like she did before. Why was I being like this? I supposed to be mad at her, not calming her down by hugging her like this.

 

I love her. I really do. I had had enough to pretend that I hate her, in fact, I love her with all my heart.

 

But we didn't say anything. We kept our mouth shut as we feel each other's warmth. I shouldn't have do this; hugging someone's fiance, but I can't help it anymore. I missed this hug. I missed her. I missed Jessica.

 

Slowly Jessica raised her head up, looking at me in the eye before she moved it to my lips. I knew what she was going to do. And it was right. She leaned her head closer to me, her hand reaching up my cheek.

 

And after a long time, I could feel her soft lips on mine again. She captured my lips with hers as she gently pushed my head for a deeper kiss. I closed my eyes, enjoying every movement of Jessica's tongue in my mouth.

 

Jessica bit my lower lip before pulling her head away, but I wanted it more and unconsiously leaned closer and kissed her again. I knew this was so wrong, but I can't hold the longing anymore. Sooner or later, she will caught me that I still love her. Or she already did.

 

My fingers tangled themselves in Jessica’s hair, while Jessica had her hands on the edge of the bench for her support. Our kisses pouring every feels that we had been longed since the day we broke up. I realized both of us were still loving at each other, but the fact that Jessica had a fiance cannot help us. Three weeks were enough for us--for me. At least, I've felt about being Jessica's girlfriend. I felt loved by her.

 

"I love you, Tiffany. I really do." She whispered between our kiss and planted another kiss on my lips. She was hungry of love that I had not given to her. So did I.

 

"I love you too."

 

She smirked and pulled away her head. I could see Jessica's beautiful dark blue eyes again. It was staring at me as I caressed her cheek. If only Hara never come to Jessica's life, I think I might be her bride-to-be. So sad that it was only my imagination. It only happens in my dream.

 

"I envy your fiance," I leaned on Jessica's chest, feeling it keep moving up and down as she was breathing. Jessica brushed my hair, sometimes kiss my temple.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because she own you."

 

Jessica kept shut for few seconds before saying something.

 

"Let me tell you something, a secret about Hara." Jessica chuckled, lifting up my chin so I could look at her in the eye again.

 

"She might have and could do everything. She has wealth, our couple ring that I think I have thrown away mine to a river few months ago, she might have an approval to get married with me so she automatically claims me as hers," Her eyes looked so confident, "But she doesn't have something in this world."

 

"What is it?"

 

"Do you want to know what is it?"

 

I nodded.

 

"It's my heart,"

 

I clammed up, cannot say anything because I realize how honest Jessica was. Yes, her eyes told me.

 

"She doesn't have and doesn’t own my heart because it belongs to someone."

 

"Who's that lucky person?"

 

"It's you,” She kissed my lips this time. “My heart belongs to you, Tiffany."

 

*

 

“Hot chocolate?” Jessica offered me as she raise an empty cup in her hand. I nodded, slightly pulled the light brown blanket over my chest. Jessica took me to her apartment right after we spent our time in the park; talking endlessly like we used to, joking and everything. There was no Hara in her apartment. Hell, Jessica doesn’t want to live with someone she doesn’t love. That was what she said when we were on our way here.

 

Looks like I was going to spend the night here. I missed being in this luxury apartment. Jessica’s scent around her bed and it make me calm.

 

Before I could close my eyes, I heard Jessica called my name from the porch of her room; waved her hand at me, calling me to go out to the porch. Those sparkling eyes of hers make me happy, because I knew what she feels right now. She was happy.

 

I removed the blanket to the side and walked toward Jessica who was standing with her arms rested on the railing. I was shivering as the cold night wind was blowing. Well, I only wore a t-shirt since my jacket was hung on the hanger in Jessica’s room. But I immediately felt warm when Jessica brought me to her embrace; hugging me so tight.

 

“Warm enough?”

 

I nodded and slid my arms around her waist, hugging her back. I sniffed in Jessica’s scent. A scent that could make me calm and happy at the same time. Those thoughts about Hara still bothering me, but I was trying so hard to get rid of it and enjoy what I am doing right now. Actually, I had no right to hug Jessica right now since I wasn't her girlfriend anymore and Jessica had a fiance, but I couldn’t let her go. I missed her and I unconsciously let my selfish feelings to grow on me. I let it to control me this time.

 

Silence. We both keep our mouth shut and enjoying the silence as we keep staring at the view of the city in night from the porch. We really enjoy this. Both of us staring at each other and burst out laughing for no reason. Jessica walked in to her room, bringing a blanket for us and she wrapped it around our body.

 

Really, I had to admit that there was nothing could make me happy than being with Jessica. Just by sitting near Jessica, my heart would beat uncontrollably. This was what I called happiness. Even though it was like a scene in some romance novels or movies and I thought it would never happen in real life, yet this was the best moment ever. I rested my head on Jessica’s shoulder, until Jessica jerked up from her seat; trying to catch something with her palm.

 

“It’s snowing.”

 

Oh, she was right. It was snowing right now (finally). How sweet, I was with Jessica when it was snowing. I heard that the first snow day of the year, is kind of romantic day for couples. But I got embarrassed by remembering that thing.

 

Jessica brought me closer to her again, but it feels different. I felt Jessica’s grip on my hand was getting tighter. I looked up to see her and the view was surprising me.

 

Jessica was crying all of sudden. I saw droplets of tears running down her cheeks all of sudden.

 

“W-why are you crying, Jessi?”

 

“Nothing,” was all what she said, and she buried her face in the crook of my neck right after. I had no idea what was going on, but I rubbed her back to calm her down. She snuggled deeper until I could feel her breath tickles my neck.

 

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Jessi. I know it’s b—” I wasn’t able to finish my words. Jessica captured my lips as she breathed in, taking my breath away. Once I felt Jessica’s lips on mine, I completely forget about the reason why Jessica was crying. I raised my hand up to the back of her head, taking it for a deeper kiss. While my another hand rested on Jessica’s shoulder blade.

 

Slowly, my body was moved backwards; Jessica gently pushed my body with hers to where the bed placed in, without leaving my lips for once. I grunted as I felt my body on her king-sized bed, watching Jessica that still working to remove her cardigan and crawling towards me once she threw the cardigan to the floor. She was ready to eat me up and I was ready to be eaten up by her. Beast Jessica is coming.

 

She pressed her lips against mine as I started wrapping my arms and my legs around her again. I parted my lips to let Jessica’s tongue in and she inserted it with no doubt. I moaned as I felt our tongue clashing at each other. As I expected, Jessica was a beast when it comes to this thing. She had a side where everyone doesn’t know and perhaps I was the only one who know it. Yes, this side of Jessica that she was hungry of love.

 

Jessica parted her lips from mine and continued its way down to my jawline, tracing every part of it until it arrived at my neck. I accidentally let out a yelp when Jessica kissed and bit it in between.

 

“No hickeys, please.”

 

“Does it matter?” Jessica lifted up her head, staring at me with that confused look. Urgh, Jessica was so cute when she was confused.

 

“Umm, not really…”

 

She chuckled as she made her way to my neck again. I brought my hand to the hem of her t-shirt and sneaked my hand in to her t-shirt. Jessica moaned as she felt my cold hand touched her . It was so soft. I traced every single of Jessica’s back, until I found her bra. I decided to unbuckle it, but a hand stopped me.

 

“You will get your turn later. It’s mine now to enjoy your glorious body.” Jessica said as she cups my cheek.

 

And I just realized, we left those two cups of hot chocolate in the porch, untouched.

 

-

 

I sat in my comfy office chair as I takes a sip of my coffee. A snowy day attacks the city and it was pouring heavily right now. Most of the streets were covered with snow since it has been coming since the last night. Looks like I was going to spend my weekend with Yoona, make a snowman in the park near our apartment. Yoona always asks me to do that in the first day of snow. But I was thinking once again, since Yoona has Yuri, maybe she won’t ask me to do that again. Well, who knows.

 

I let out a heavy sigh, not realizing that it was break time already. I wanted to get out of the room and meet Jessica, but I don’t want to do something stupid in the office. I was afraid that someone would see me with Jessica and have a thought that I’m flirting with her; since some people in this office know that Jessica has a fiance.

 

Last night was totally drained me. I kind of lazy to go to work today because I was sleepy. But it was the best night I’ve ever had with Jessica, more than the first time we had . And I was wondering what was the reason Jessica cried last night? I wasn’t be able to ask her about it because I was immediately went to sleep. Ah, screw it. I’ll ask her when we meet.

 

I was about to get off of my chair, until I heard a knock on my door. I let the knocker in and how the guest surprised me.

 

It was Hara.

 

Yes, Hara. Jessica’s fiance.

 

What does she want?

 

“Tiffany?” She greeted me with that flawless smile. I saw she was holding a big envelope in her hand.

 

“Hello, Miss Hara.” I bowed. I was being polite here, even though my heart was quite aching. Why should I being polite to my so-called-enemy?

 

“Do you have spare time? I want to get to know you. All of Jessica’s friends I mean.” She smiled and I replied her with the fake one.

 

Jessica’s friends, huh? In her mind, I’m Jessica’s friend. If only you know what we did last night in her apartment. It was totally not friends things.

 

“Yes, I do. Have a sit.” Hara looked around as she placed down the envelope on the desk. I walked to a small desk where a coffee maker and its contents were. I think we would be fell into an awkward atmosphere in the next few minutes, where I exactly sat in front of her.

 

I put down the cup of coffee for Hara and sat down on the couch in front of Hara. She smiled sweetly towards me before speaking up everything about her wedding with Jessica. I didn’t know if she did it on purpose or not, but those things were really hurting my heart. About the gown, the church that she was already planning since few months ago and she said it was going to be held in United States. But as Krystal told me, the wedding will be held when Jessica is reaching 25, right? Wasn’t it too early for planning such things when the wedding is going to be held three more years from now on?

 

But I kept my ears for what everything Hara said to me. I didn’t know if she says the same thing to the others or it is to me only. To make me jealous because I knew she noticed that my relationship with Jessica was more than friends. But I don’t know. I was just guessing anyway.

 

She leaned back to the sofa for a comfortable position after she pushed the big envelope on the desk, to my direction.

 

“It’s for you. Go open it.”

 

I was hesitate. I was afraid it would be something bad, but I slowly grabbed the envelope and opened it. How the contents were suprising me, again. But this time, I think I could feel my heart stop beating for few seconds. Those were photos. Yes, photos.

 

Photos of me and Jessica hugging and kissing in the porch of Jessica’s apartment last night. They were taken from one angle and I think it was from the parking lot of Jessica's apartment. My hands were shaking, scared of the fact that Hara knew about me and Jessica. I underestimated her. And I heard a chuckle from the opposite direction.

 

“Surprised, eh Tiffany?” Hara crossed her legs and kept her eyes on me, who was still trying to find out what I should say to her next.

 

“Don’t ever think that I didn’t know about your relationship with my fiance. Even though we lived separatedly, but I know everything about Jessica. What Jessica doing or whom she is in relationship with.” There was a pressure in the last words. It was like stabbing me in the right spot in my heart. “Let me tell you something,” I gulped as I saw Hara got off of her seat, walking closer to me.

 

And she placed next to my ear.

 

“I love Jessica so freaking much and you think I would let her go that easy?” This time, her hand was roaming in my neck. Her thumb traces my collarbone, her breath tickled me.

 

“The answer is no. Mark my words, you won’t ever get Jessica because she is mine.”

 

Hara got off of me. She was about to get out of my room because she was started to walk away from me when I was left dumbfounded in sofa. That fake sweet smile was not on her face anymore. I bet she had released everything she wanted to say to me.

 

“Oh, I forgot something,” I gasped as I felt something thrown towards me, luckily I caught it perfectly because if I didn’t, it would hurt my face.

 

“An invitation for you.” And Hara left my room. I stared blankly at the thing she was given to me.

 

Yes, it was an invitation....

 

.... to Jessica and Hara’s wedding, that will be held less than three more weeks in United States. 

 

 

 

 

TBC

a/n: umm hi? lol finally updated! and i'm sorry if i didn't update it for a month T_T i hope you guys didn't forget the story hahaha sorry for grammar error (looks like my english has gotten worse). feel free to send me a PM if you don't understand something :D have a nice weekend!

and if you are wondering something, HaraSica's wedding was accelerated :3