"in life... there is something that u can do it over again and there is some that u cant..."

"like things that u loose and can be obtain again and things u will never get a second chance"

that are lines of his new song...... Jae is standing outside his house..... looking at the star....  

"hyun joong... are u ok up there?.... it is a little bit cold is it?.... do u need me up there?... will u forgive me if i follow u there?.. i really miss u... really miss u... " can he hear me?... sometimes i walked outside through the rain... with an umbrella in my hand.... and listening to the sound of the rain coming down from the sky, pouring to the earth... i ll ask myself  "hyun joong are u crying again.... it is hard to be alone right.... but i m alone too down here.... " and sometime in the morning... when i wake up and walk to the balcony... i felt u walk beside me.... to the balcony... "we are here again ... the place u like to stand in the morning, when u wake up.... " why i felt like this..... it is because i miss u so much... i miss u... ur room.... is still here with the same things .. i put it all... just as u still here..... sometime i wake up in the middle of the night.... rushing here.... forgetting that u have gone...

and the email from that mysterious composer keep coming..... that person never reply my email.... never ask for any payment... after the first song he sent me... he never sent any song to any other singer again... it always been me... and i ve receive a lot... it just like the way he is communicating with me... what kind of person that person is.... it looks like that person has gone through a lot of pain before.. like have been betrayed and then loose something very important .. but cannot get it back... why did i always felt that that person know me ... i dont know....... but sometimes the song delivered is touching my heart and sometimes it calming me.... i ve tried to trace that person... but by just by an email address it is really hard....

KHJ POV

i ve composing songs for him.... may be unconsciously i tried to talk to him... he sent me many emails... but i never reply... he seemed so sad... is he lonely... i dont know.... works make me busy... but when i cannot sleep at night... i will composed something for him.... it felt like he is so near to me yet so far that i cannot reach him.... last time at my parent grave at our hometown.. i saw him with hyun jin and yoochun...they are sad... tears keep coming to their eyes.... and teh day i death to the world.. i saw him ... with a bouquet of forget me not... there at the place where the car crashed....he will walk down.... all the way.. to the place where they found the car... he will sit there for hours... even in the rain he is kneeling there... wet and drenched... and he s crying his heart out... luckily that place is deep down ... no one will go there...

i never heard any gossip of him with anyone after ive gone... they said he turn to be the ice prince without emotion... it is true... they reported that he never went to any social party or clubs after that.... what is he doing with his life?..... why he live like that.... it is 2 years already.... he should find someone new.... ...i  m in Seoul now... having some business to attend... they said i look like KHJ.. and i just smile... my dad just fly back to US... he mentioned something that make my heart stop beating for a while...

"son..."

"yes .. dad.. "

"mmm..find a partner .. someone u will cherish.."

"i think.. i m rather spend my time with u... "

"dont be like that.... why dont u get him back..."

"who?"

"i know everything, Yunho told me a lot.... "

"mmm"

"i know that u love me..... but if u stay like this... i will felt guilty.."

"why.. dad.. i didnt want to..."

"u felt that if u get someone else or fall in love again u will betray Yunho..."

"mmmm..."

"he knows u will feel like that... look like he really know u... if only he still alive i think he will be really happy with u beside him... but son... he is gone.... u have to accept it.... and he will never felt that u are betraying him by loving someone else.... i bet he is very happy up there if u did so.... and i will be happy too..."

"why u are saying this.... dad i..."

"hyun joong i m an old man already.... one day i will gone... just like Yunho.. and u ll be left alone.... i dont want it happened to u.... it is really sad dying alone.... at least before i close my eyes... i know that there is someone will be looking over u....and deep in ur heart u know who is that person is..."

he said all that while smiling at me... and my eyes... ah... why i am such a cry baby lately.....

here in Seoul... im with my guitar.. playing at my favorite spot years ago.... suddenly... i froze ... someone is staring at me..... its him....he s coming toward me.... i have to run... why he is here... he should be in Japan... he running.. trying to catch me... i hide myself.... he seemed lost... and shock... Jae.. im sorry... i m not ready to see u yet and i m not sure if i should....