KHJ POV

the snow is falling.....  lately i had developed some habit... may be because here... i ve a lot of time to spend, its different from last time... when everyday is a busy day...

-i ve become a reader - read a lot of books lately

-starting to learn languages.... may be because where i am right now

-starting to write song.... may be i m lonely... or thinking about him...

like sentences that i ve found - "when the happy ending seems to far away... enjoying the current story... and may be i ll get there...."

it is really funny... to see the world from a different perspective, when u have encountered a life and dead situation, u will likely to review ur life differently... i dont know what i ve doing back then... am i really doing all that for my little brother or for myself.... may be i should stay at school and study... or may be i should just ignore Jae and do what i should do.... but the maybe - is something one cannt retrieve back... it is something of my past and i should not feel regret about it....

mmmm... he had told me about what happened in Korea from the time he lifted me from the accident scene until now.... i m not so surprise to hear that they all thought i am dead... may be it is better that way... but to hyun jin it will be hard..... i m thanking him.... i think i owe my life to him....the doctor said that if i am late by another half an hour... may be i m really dead right now... luckly he followed me that day.... and he seemed to care much about me....i didnt ask why he change his perception toward me... and i didnt want to ask...

JAE POV

"dad...i m really sorry"

"mmm... but what can u do.. he s dead already"

"i felt like im the worst bastard on earth right now"

"but jae... i dont think he had killed himself... the police had verify from the scene, that there is a braking tire mark all the way... and the way it crash didnt look like he is under drug or alcohol.... the  street itself is dangerous... and there is no suicide notes... "

"may be.. who knows... i had killed him spiritually before that... "

"it just u are too late to apologize.... but still i think he will want u too move on... knowing how he is for years... i think he like u to succeed"

"how could i be so stupid.... " and his tears flowing down.... hyun joong..... i m sorry.... why i didnt realize it sooner....

and by the  weekend another news had shocked the korean entertainment world... an unknown mp3 had been circulated in the net... revealing the conversation between korean diva and her friends about the betting and schemes that has lead to the dead of KHJ.... the sources of the tape is unknown... and the diva lost everything

Jae at the other hand vanish from the social circle for a few months and return back later as an ice prince - cold and emotionless with the face of an angel... it is known that he didnt show any affection at all to any person who pursue him after that, he work hard may be a million time before he is back then... sometimes they said he will practice his dance until he collapsed in the studio.. he is just like a robot without feeling and they never see him smiling to the public again....but his popularity had rise to the top, better than before... his songs had been at the top of korean and Orion chart even taiwan.... he seemed to work as he will die tomorrow... they speculate that it is because of the guilt he felt after the KHJ accident...

even hyun jin had a talk with Jae after he return to Korea with Yoochun... he think Jae is ignoring everything and punished himself because of what happened.... but Jae will only smile ... the only time when he will show any emotion is at the date of KHJ died or whenever he see the flower - forget me not...

KHJ POV

it had been a long time since he visited me... i m fully recovered... and living at a small house near the lake...he ask me where i wanted to go after recover... and i said i didnt know... i ve alone here... but i know that this place is fully guarded.. all the things i want will be delivered by maids and his men... until one day... a middle age man come to see me..

"actually ... he had forbid me from come and meet u... but ... i think i should.."

"why? i didnt see him for weeks.. what happened... ?"

"he ... is.. dying"

"what!!!!? "

"he got some unknown disease... and his life circle is at the end of it... the doctor had confirm it since a long time ago"

"but why he didnt tell me? ... i need to see him"

"that is why i came... please accompany him... at least until he left this world... im begging u..."

"i will... i m the one who suppose to say that he had done so much for me..........."

"thanks.... i really thank you... on  behalf of me and my son.."

that day they brought me to him.... he is in the room... reading... and he look s so calm.... when he saw me... he smiled...

"so... the old man went to see u"

"yah!!!.... why didnt u tell me anything.... "

"i just want u to live without sadness... i dont want to see u cry again.... "

suddenly tears are dropping from both of us....  why ..... are god ...is so cruel...

one evening.. near the lake....

i am walking with him here... we are looking at the lake... my feeling... i dont really know.... if i said that i like him.... may be its true...

"u still remember how we meet years ago..."

"yeah.... that time... i just a rookie... just debuted... and u always gave me a cold shoulder...i didnt know why u hate me so much"

"mmm... i really hate u that time..... u are the only one that make Jae forgot me... i tried to win him back, but he only saw u..."

"he is heartbroken at that time..."

"when i heard he has someone else... i know that u ve been cheated by him... and i keep tailing u... i dont know why, at first i thought i just want to see u broke down and felt broken heart just like i did..... but seeing what Jae done to u..... i think ive fallen for u... seeing u walk aimlessly in the rain.. and crying your sadness away..... it really touch my heart.... it makes me want to protect u"

he smile and put his head on my shoulder... the breeze from the lake swept through us... it seemed like we sit there for a long time.. i took my coat and put it on him.... just dont die... ill accompany u forever..... just dont die..... i dont know why i felt a stab of pain in my heart..... if i can trade my life... ill gave it to him... i prayed hard in my heart... harder than when i thought i can die..... please god......

there is a sound across of the lake... make me realize that the sun is coming down... i wake him up...

"Yunho... lets go home..."

and there is no answer..... that evening... he died on my shoulder...... in his sleep, he is smiling and holding my hand... .... he had left me peacefully..... and my tears starting to fall again...... it felt like my heart is bursting into pieces.... .....