Ren

I woke up today, just like any other day except this time I didn't look down there. I still had the same thing down there.

I planted my feet squarely on the wooden floor and got up. I made my bed as usual and walked towards my bathroom. I the shower, waiting for it to get hot. While waiting, I brushed my teeth, admiring the tennis ball lumps growing on my chest. I’m so happy that my mother has permitted me to start taking hormones.  I spat and rinsed my mouth. I put my hand in the shower and felt the water temperature. The water was hot. I stripped off my clothes, leaving it behind on the beige colored rag.

“Ahh,” I let out, my hair. I reached out and felt for my strawberry shampoo and found it. I squirted out some and massaged it into my hair until I could feel it getting lighter. I rinsed it out and took the strawberry scented body wash that I had gotten from my best friend, Maya. She bought it for me last year as my 16^th birthday present and since I like the scent of strawberries, she got me a strawberry body and hair scented kit. I scrubed everywhere, making sure to scrub down there. After everything was cleaned, I turned off the water and wrapped myself with my green towel. I allowed my wet hair fall behind me, leaving clear dots of water on the carpet as I walked back to my bedroom. I walked to my closet and pulled out a black bra, some pants and my school uniform. I was actually happy for the school term to begin for me because I was now registered as a female in the school registration book and I was now allowed to go to the female locker room and the restrooms without getting any weird stares from “biologically” born females. I took off my towel and put on some pants. I then put on my bra, before blow drying my hair. After everything was done, I slipped into my school uniform, consisting of a black above knee skirt, a white dress shirt and a black blazer with my school badge on it. I finished it off by buttoning up my blazer. I walked to my bathroom to look at myself; I was looking okay except for the fact that my bangs were kind of crooked. I took out my styling scissors from the drawer and tried to even it out.

“Ah, that’s much better” I patted my hair down. I was really looking good this morning. I put the scissors back, turned off the light and grabbed my black canvas backpack. As I was making my way down the steps, I was now able to smell what my mother was making.

“Smells like…..” I said, lifting my head up as I walked into the kitchen.

“Smells like Kimchi pork soup” My mother finished my sentence. Yummy, she’s making my favorite soup.

“Get the bowls of rice and put it on the table” My mother instructed. I got the bowls of rice sitting by the rice cooker and set it on the table by the two spoons. I sat at the table, waiting for my mother to bring the soup. She brought the soup and set it in between us. I took my spoon and tasted the soup.

"Delicious as always" I said, smacking my lips together.

"Thank you, sweety" She smiled. I started eating, looking at the clock on the wall because school started at 7:45am and I could not afford to be late on the first day.

"Are you ready to go this time?" She asked. I looked up and slowly nodded. I didn't want my mother worrying about me. I remembered in the 8th grade, I  dressed as a girl on the first day of school and I got jumped by JR and his crew NU'EST. They beat me up and left me with a broken arm and a bleeding nose. I didn't care about the injuries that I got, but the insults. They called me a drag queen,a gay guy who liked dressing as a female and a . Those insults hurted so much that it almost led me to committing suicide. But no, this lady wasn't going down that easily. My mother was there with me, up and down. She wanted to know who had done those things to me so that she could press charges, but I lied and said that I didn't see them because it was kind of dark where we were., which was partly true.

I smiled at my mother, trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay this time.

"Honey, I got you something as a good luck on your first day of school" She said,getting up. She slowly walked up the small steps upstairs and disappeared around the corner. I sat there and waited until I heard slow steps coming down the stairs. I looked up to see my mother holding a small white box in her hand. She came and took her seat once again.

"I know this isn't much, but I thought it would be nice giving it to you now" She pushed the box across the table. I reached out for it and grabbed it. I opened it and there in the small white box, sat a white Samsung anycall magic hole. It may have been an out-of-date old phone, but it was still a cell phone.

"Thank you, mom" I got up and hugged her, trying very hard not to cry. Because of her buying the hormones for me, we were almost out of money but not quite and I thought I could help by not asking for anything but then she goes out and buys me a phone.

"You're welcome,sweety" She said, patting my back.

"In case of anything happening, I have stored my phone number and work number in there already" she said pulling away. My mother may not have the greatest job in the world, selling fish at the market, but she was very good at keeping her promises. I looked at the time and it was already 7:15am.

"Mom, I'm so sorry, but I've got to get moving" I said, walking away. I went upstairs and got my black sneakers. I put them on and grabbed my lucky silver bracelet that my mom had gotten for me last year. I bounced down the steps and grabbed my bag. As I was  about to open the door, I heard my mother call my name. I turned around to see her standing there with a card and money in her hands.

"You forgot this card" She said handing me the card first.

"What is this?" I asked, confused. I flipped the orange card over and  a picture of a breakdancer along with and words Seoul City Pass. What the heck was this?

"It's a T-money card, and it's for taking the bus. I've already stored some money in there that's suppose to last you for 2 month. And here", She said, handing me money.

"This is for your lunch, and it's going to last you for a week, hopefully" She mumbled, looking down.

"Thank you so much, Mom" I hugged her. I opened the door and ran towards the bus station. I waited there for a while, looking at the time on my phone. It's 7:20am. The bus better hurry up. I looked out to the road and saw the bus approaching. I got on as soon as it stopped and swiped my card across the electric collector. I lifted my head up and saw no one from my school which was a good thing. I walked down the aisle, towards the back and took a seat. I set my backpack on my lap and went through it to see if anything was missing. Nope, everything's good. I sat there quietly and stared out the window at the tall buildings passing by. I and my mother lived in the heart of Seoul where there was good buisness and a social class of poverty stricken people, middle class(Which is what my mother and I are) and then there was the Upper class(NU'EST leader JR). You're probably wondering about my father. Well when I was about 11 years old, I came out as being "gay". I guess that was the first step to telling people that you were born in the wrong body. Well my father was a bit uneasy about hearing the news, but my mother was okay with it. And then about 4 years ago, when I was in the 7th grade, I told my parents that I was a girl and I had known it since I was 2 years old. My father, of all people didn't want to believe that his percious son, the person who was suppose to carry on the family name was actually a girl . He sent me to a lot of shrinks, to try and "cure" me of my sickness. That didn't work for him, so one day he just got up and packed his bags. The only note that he left was this:

Dear Cho Hee(My mother)

I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry for doing this to you.  When I married you, I made a promise to you to travel the journey with you  for better or worse. I know that I have betrayed my promise and I am truely sorry. I know Ren will grow up hating me and I'm okay with living with that, but living with a confused child isn't really going to do anything for me. Please take care of Ren and yourself.

Love,

Dae-Sun(My father).

I remember seeing my mother falling down to the floor, crying. And all I could do to help was hug her. No comforting words, because I knew that it wouldn't help her. About a week after his departure, I started cutting myself. I knew that it was my fault that my mother had lost her first love. I would always cut myself whenever she would go to work, to release the pain and angry that was bottled inside. I was so into cutting myself, that one day when my mother came home early I didn't hear her. She walked into the kitchen and caught me sitting on the floor with a kitchen knife in my hand, sawing at my arm. I remember just looking up at her, my eyes blank. I recall her telling me that it wasn't my fault. And then that incident came where I got jumped just for being "Different".

Well that's all in the past now. I took my phone out and looked at the time.it's 7:33am. I was going to be late. I got up off my seat and made my way towards the bus driver. I looked around the familar surroundings. We were almost near the bus station close to my school.

"Can you please stop the bus?" I asked. He nodded his head and pulls over to the side. I got off and started sprinting towards my school. I managed to get there under 5 mintues. I looked at the time and it was 7:38am. I managed to slip pass the gate before it closed.

"You're lucky this time,Ren" Mr. Yi said, smiling. Mr. Yi had a little crush on my mother but she didn't know it. He was the only teacher in the whole school who knew about my case.

"Thank you, Mr. Yi" I bowed. I started fast walking towards my class on the first floor. Thank goodness it was on the first floor and not the second or third. I forgot that I did't even know where my class was. I stopped and took out my schedule and looked at the class number. It was room 1D. I smoothed out my blazer and looked down at myself. The blazer was hugging my chest,making  my s look bigger.  I looked up again and saw room 1D to my left. I slowly walked toward the door and opened it slowly. I put my right feet in first before sending my whole body in. As soon as I stepped through the door, the once talkative classroom became silent. I walked straight with my head held up high like the way I saw on TV. Good thing the teacher wasn't here yet.

I took the first seat in the 3 row and sat down. I straightened out my bangs and sat there with my eyes looking out straight. Everyone around me started talking again, ignoring me. The teacher walked in after the final bell rang and looked at all of us. He was a thinly, frial man with pale skin and harry potter glasses. He looked to be in his mid to early twenties.

"Ahh um, Class has begun" He commanded. I was shocked. The voice coming from the frial man sounded like it belonged to a Principal or somebody higher.

"Ok, I have never seen any of you guys before, so I think it would be best you do a self introduction. Tell us your name, age and hobby/hobbies" He said, scanning the room. The first person began and so on. I heard a familiar voice far behind me and turned around. It was none other than JR.

"Well, what's up guys. The name's JR. Don't ask me what it means cuz I won't answer. I'm 17 and I like writing music as my hobby" He says, looking at me. I quickly turned around and look  down at my lap. The introductions continued until it was my turn. I slowly stood up, trying to look graceful.

"Hello, everyone. My name is Choi Minki and I'm 17 years old. My hobbies are writing music and composing beats even though I'm not very good at it. Treat me well" I said,bowing. The teacher clapped and said that it was a very nice introduction. The introductions finished off with a boy named Wu Duck-Won. Kids started laughing at his name but I didn't dare laugh because I had been in his position before.

"Ok, you guys won't be able to pick where to sit. Get up and push the desks into pairs" He said. I got up and pushed my desk next to my neighbor's desk. I moved up to the front and stood there with my eyes on the floor. He called out peoples' names and told them to go take their seat. Then I heard JR's name then mine. *What? I have to sit next to him???*

"Yah! what are you waiting for?" The teacher barked, startling me. I looked around, red faced and made my way towards JR who was already seated. I slid into my seat and placed my bag down by my leg. I sneaked a peek at JR while the teacher continued. I analyzed his transformation over the summer break. He had changed a bit but not that much. He had gotten a triple piercing in his right ear which was the only one that I was able to see, and his skin had gotten a bit darker which I'm guessing is from being outside too much. I hadn' event gotten that far when I felt his eyes on me. I looked up at him with a blank face.

"What the hell are you looking at, you " He growled. I quickly averted my eyes and stared ahead. After the intro was done, the teacher stood in front of the class.

"I'm Mr.Ki. You may not call me by any other name. I'm not going to tell you my age, but my hobby is riding my bicycle and painting pictures up in the mountains." Everyone was silent. This teacher was not to be messed with.

"This class is Korean History. While you are in this class you will have a major project in which if you fail,you fail my class" He said. This project that he was talking about better be indiviual because I don't work very well with others. He went through his rules and expectations for the class while I sat there with my eyes glued to the board. I didn't dare look at JR ever again. As I looked forward, I felt a sharp poke at my side. I slid my eyes down to the object poking me and my eyes nearly came out of their sockets. There it was. A small pocket knife poking my side and the owner was none other than JR himself. I lookd up at him, trying to mask the fear from showing. He smirked at me and poked again. I winced in pain, holding my side. All that ran through my mind was 'How could JR have a knife in school and no one knew about it?'

"You scared?" He questioned. I just stared at him. I was not going to let him ruin my year this time. He went in farther, increasing the pain. I let out a sharp scream and the teacher stopped. Everyone started laughing.

"Is there a problem, Miss Minki?" He asked. I shook my head no.

"Then why did you interrupt my class?" I didn't have an answer for him so I just sat there and stared.

"Since you've decided that you're mute, I suggest you pack your bags and get out of my classroom. I expect a 4 page essay about manners and classroom etiquettes on my desk by tomorrow" He said,before  turning around. I picked up my bag and walked out of the classroom. I sat against the wall outside the classroom and began crying. This was the worst day ever. I heard the door open and close. I looked up to see JR standing there,looking at me . He stared down at me disgust but then his face softened just for a second before the look of disgust returned.

"People like you shouldn't be allowed to live with society. Dyfunctional beings like you should have your own island somewhere or better yet why don't you disappear" He said, smirking. Fresh salty tears wetted my face hearing this. JR was such a cruel person. He looked at me once more before heading off in the left direction. I got up, wiped my eyes and started walking. I didn't know where I was going but I had to get far away from the class.

This school year was going to be a living nightmare as it always had been.