Seongdong-gu

February 2017

It had been a year since the time I left this place. I prefer to stay in Hannam-dong. Many people thought it was because of the better facility the place has, but more than that, the reason was, I did not think I could stay in this place, no more. But, ever since I watched that video of her, I cannot help but to comeback to reminisce. There was an urge in myself to go back to this place and to have the scenes back into my head, though there were times they were playing in my mind, without me asking.

She was there. She always be there, somewhere inside my head, rented free.

I was sitting in the chair which I placed next to the window so I can look around to every corners this house had. Kitchen near the front door, where we usually cooked a simple ramen because we were to hungry to wait for our Chinese food to be delivered.

The couch where we usually just chilled out. Sometimes, it was me sitting with her head in my lap. I still can remember how she looked up at me while she was telling me about her day, her days, or her whole week, because sometimes we had to wait for the whole week to meet. And if we needed to wait the whole week, I could see that side of Kim Taeyeon, her other side where she would talk more than she used to.

There were other times, when it was me who put my head in her lap. Sometimes she would play with my hair, scolded me, and told me to stop dying my hair, in the other times, there would be no words, no words were shared, just me and her, we just smiled at each other, and with her gave me small kisses in between our smiles.

And the balcony, when we just there hugging each other watching the city that got quieter by night. I loved to breath in her scent. She always had that fresh yet sweet scent. From her hair to her neck. I just loved her scent.

Oh, I miss her scent.

I ruffled my hair, frustrated. It had been years, I’d been trying hard, but she was still there.

I tried to reach her out the time we met a year later after that last encounter where I threw those harsh words. But it was useless, the pain I caused in her was too deep to heal. We met again the next year when I tried hard to ignore her although we shared same stage receiving awards. But that was useless, I came home keeping her smiles in my head.

The next day, I went to buy a house in Hannam-dong because everytime at the end of the day, I always found myself had failed to accept the truth that all of it had ended, I hurt her, and there was no way back.

I watched again the music video she just released.

How I wanted to tell her that it’s also not fine for me.

Taking my phone from the pocket I decided to do something useless. Something that I did once in a while but led to a hollow victory: texting her.

Seongdong-gu

December 2013

I was preparing the plates when I heard the door was opening. There was only one person who did not need to ring the bell to get into this unit. I saw her walking in, she was cute, as always, wearing short pants in this cold weather, with loose tees, I was about to say something but then I saw her winter coat was hanging in her right arm, and there was the cute Ginger in the other arm before finally she let Ginger walk in his own. That cute poodle already had his favourite spot, I put a dog house in the corner next to the balcony.

“I was shocked I heard my own voice when I entered the room,” she said walking closer to me. I smiled. I’d been playing video of her singing my most favourite Christmas song: My Grown Up Christmas List at her Christmas concert with other members. I wanted be so full of myself to say, she chose this song for me.

“Too bad, I cannot attend and watch it live,” I said as I hugged her small figure and gave a light peck at top of her head. “You did so well, baby girl. Thank you for singing it for me.”

She hugged me back. “I sang it for the fans, not for you. And don’t you dare to come visit my concert. You are G-Dragon. We cannot have G-Dragon at our concert.”

“Why is that?”
 

“What would Dispatch put as the headline if their camera found you at our concert?”

I walked her to the dining table and let her sit in one of the chair, “you still believe in Dispatch?”

She laughed. Because we both know how the media worked here, in our country.

“Do we really need to eat at this hour? It’s almost midnight,” she said while taking the plate I just gave her.

“I skipped the staff dinner today, and run home after Psy’s hyung concert for a reason, Taeng. And the reason is to have a Christmas dinner with you.”

And I can see her cheeks both were in blush. I liked seeing her blushing. So cute. Like a high school student w