SONG HYE KYO

It had been a week since that night I had a confrontation with Joong Ki. I had tried contacting him several times through calls and messages but none of my calls were picked up and none of my texts received a reply. 

"You'd rather hurt me instead?"

What Joong Ki said that night had been playing in my mind ever since, and it pains me so much every time I recall it but I truly think that this was better than the both of us acting on our feelings and causing problems for everyone around us. I know insisting to Joong Ki that we remain friends despite the fact that we both now know how we still feel for each other wasn't fair, but I sincerely believe that this was the right path for the both of us. With this, I would avoid hurting Seung Heon Oppa and I would not be putting Joong Ki's public image in a dangerous position. Even if every fiber of my being wanted to be with Joong Ki, I had to sacrifice that just so I can protect him and Seung Heon Oppa. 

Every move that I do is being scrutinized by the public, no matter how trivial it was. The news of my moving was eaten up by the media as a sign that I was totally moving on from Joong Ki since they reported that after 3 years of living in the house I used to share with him after our divorce, I finally sold the place and moved to another house in Hannam-dong. Although some outlets didn't fail to mention that Joong Ki and I now live in the same neighborhood. I sighed as I saw that particular news report, people are really still keeping an eye on the two of us despite the fact that I'm publicly dating someone else and that I've already released a statement that Joong Ki and I are now friends -- well I guess we're not anymore after that night. 

As I ruminated these thoughts I was having, my manager walked in the meeting room that I was staying at with a handful of documents on her hands. She placed them on top of the desk with a clatter. 

"What are all these?" I asked, looking up to her. 

"Script proposals for you to review." She said. 

"Unnie, I just finished filming a drama a few months ago. I'm not going to accept anything right now. I already broke my tradition of going on a two year hiatus after a project by doing that drama with Gong Yoo Oppa and then doing the drama with Seung Heon Oppa right after. I'm planning to take a long break this time." I exhaled. 

"No can do this time. The agency wants you to accept one project for this year again." She said as she sat in front of me. 

"What? Why?" 

She just shrugged at me. "No idea, just an order from the higher ups." 

I sighed. If this was an order from the bosses at UAA then there's no reason for me to protest anymore since that's futile. I scanned the titles of the script dramas before me, trying to find something that seemed interesting but nothing really caught my eye.

"I don't really want to do another drama right now." I sighed. 

"There's nothing we can do but accept one, you know that." My manager said. 

I took one of the scripts that had a very catching title; Now We Are Breaking Up.

"This one seems a little interesting." I said as I scanned through the script book. 

"Ah. I wouldn't consider that one if I were you." She said.

"Why?" 

"Song Joong Ki's the first choice for the male lead." She said quietly. 

"Then why give this to me?" I clicked my tongue as I raised my eyebrows. 

"Well, since we released a statement that the two of you are friends now, the production crew wanted to have you as the first choice for the female lead. But that's ofcourse if you accept." My manager said. "The agency actually wanted you to take that but they thought it would be best if you decide it on your own instead of forcing you to take it. They think that you working with Joong Ki once again would make the drama a huge hit. They're predicting that ratings would surpass 40%."

"That's an astronomical prediction." I said as I stifled a laugh. 

"You gotta admit, anything that has to do with you and Song Joong Ki is big news. The public just marvels at anything about the two of you." She continued.

"Should I take it then?" I asked.

"Do you want to? I mean, I know Joong Ki and you are friends now but are you sure you want to work with him as a couple in a drama? And also the title seems a little too concerning for the two of you." My manager said. 

"You're right. This could pose problems. Although I have no qualms with working with Joong Ki but the public might perceive it differently." I said as I nodded at her. 

"Then let's postpone that for now. Anyway I have something I want to talk to you about." My manager said as she looked straight at me. 

"What is it?" I asked.

"How are you and Seung Heon-ssi? You know, after that talk we had two days before you moved in to your new house."

"I haven't met Oppa yet. We'll be having dinner tomorrow so maybe I can organize my thoughts after that." I said non-chalantly.

"Your thoughts? Shouldn't you clear your feelings?" She asked.

"Well, my rational mind comes first then I'm sure my feelings would follow." I replied. 

"Wait a minute. Are you saying you're forcing yourself to come to like him because you will your mind to?" My manager looked surprised as she said this. 

I nodded. "There's nothing persuasion can't overcome anyways. Besides, as I've said loads of times, Unnie. Being with Seung Heon Oppa is the right choice and I'm contented with that." 

My manager groaned. "Yah, Song Hye Kyo. I said this before and I'm saying this again. Being just contented is not equivalent to happiness." 

I looked at my manager in the eye. "Unnie, what if the thing that actually makes me happy hurts a lot of people and would put them in a difficult situation." 

"As long as you're happy then who cares, right?" She said. 

I shook my head at her. "I can't afford to be that selfish. I'll be hurting Seung Heon Oppa with that mindset." 

My manager sighed. "You're already hurting him if you're only forcing yourself to like him. You're just prolonging his pain and giving him expectations if you continue to date him without actually being in love with him." 

"I can be inlove with him." I said simply.

"Hye Kyo, this isn't a role. This is real life." She said.

I sighed. My manager has no idea what she's talking about. I can't just admit my feelings to everyone around me because those feelings are aimed at one person only. And having feelings for that person complicates everything. 

"I thought you wanted me to date Seung Heon Oppa?" I said to her.

"I did at first because I thought he might be good for you, but I noticed that you never really did seem inlove whenever you talk about him. When you told me that the two of you were now an official couple, it was like you're simply stating a fact with no feelings involved. Also, you were saying all these things about him like you're convincing yourself that you should like him. Like you're settling on liking him." My manager said. 

When I kept quiet my manager continued. "Hye Kyo, what is going on with you? Why do you seem like you're pushing yourself to have feelings for Seung Heon-ssi like it's the thing you're supposed to do? You know you're free to be with someone you want. Do you have anyone else that you truly like? Because it seems to me that you have and you're just trying your best to transfer those feelings to Seung Heon-ssi." 

I sighed. There was no point in lying to my manager. She had been with me for almost my whole career anyways, she knew me like the back of her hand.

"I do have someone. But I can't be with him." I said. 

"Why not? If you like that person then go be with him." She said. 

"It's Joong Ki." I said as I looked at her. 

My manager's eyes were wide with shock. "What?" 

I just gave her a small bitter smile. 

"I thought you said the two of you are just friends now? What's up with having feelings for him again? Does Joong Ki know about this?!" She exclaimed. 

"I talked to Joong Ki a week ago. We sort of had a heated conversation about this." I admitted to my manager.

"A week ago?! What do you mean?! What happened?!" She interrogated. 

"I asked him to come over at my house to visit Ruby and then we talked about it." I said as I recounted the events of that night. "He said he wanted me back and that he loves me still. He wants to get back together again." 

"Then?! What did you say?!" My manager demanded. 

"I told him my real feelings." I said. "But I told him we can't be together. It's too complicated and too hard to even consider being together again with him." 

My manager rubbed her temples as the shock of the things I'm saying got to her. "Is this a melodrama or something? I'm so confused. He filed for a divorce three years ago and now he's saying he still loves you and wants to get back together? Is that guy's screw on his head loose?!" 

I chuckled at my manager. "I guess we are crazy. Joong Ki said he wants to make it up to me." 

"And you! You're saying you don't want to get back together even though you both love each other? And you're going to persuade yourself to like Seung Heon-ssi just because you think it's the right thing to do? You're going to sacrifice your happiness and feelings? Are you some kind of martyr?!" My manager exclaimed. 

"I thought you wanted me to distance myself from Joong Ki? You're contradicting what you said to me months ago, Unnie." I laughed.

"That was before I learned that you still love him! When I said those things I thought you didn't have any speck of feeling for him at all and that you hated him. I thought all he brought you was pain and hardship, but now that I'm hearing that you love him still how can I let you deprive yourself of being with someone you truly love?" My manager said. 

"Unnie. You of all people know that if I get back together with Joong Ki just because we love each other would cause a lot of damage and problems to the people involved. I'll put his career at risk because of the controversies and I'd even drag Seung Heon Oppa along with it. Oppa was someone who took great care of his image before he dated me, I'm not going to