[CONTENTID1] CHAPTER 12[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2] 7 April 2018 [/CONTENTID2]



 

[CONTENTID3]
 

As you open your eyes, a blinding light greets you. There's no need to guess, you've experienced this countless times before. It seems like this repetitive phase will be a constant in your life. Perhaps, in a past life, you committed a deadly sin, and that's why you're destined to suffer like this in the present. 

Even you are really exhausted and could really use some rest, you still force yourself to sit up. You grunt when you feel your head spinning wildly. Without caring the pain you rip away the iv fluid on your hand, leaving it to bleed.

Blood. You always hated it. Now the sight of blood bring you some sense of relief. The pain you get from bleeding always satisfy you so much. It is unknown when did your mind get this sick. The warmth from the liquid also reminds you that you are still alive because everything else in this world felt so cold.

"Jaein!" A woman shouted grabbing your wrists as you trying to pull of wires that attached on your body. You ignore her, stubbornly trying to use your strength to fight her, but obviously she is way stronger than you. You can't even sit up without struggling. "For God sake! Stay here!" Seulgi is furious with your attitude. She quickly called for nurses as she pinned you down the bed.

"LET ME GO! Please I'm fine! I want to go home!" Too late, you are already tied to the bed and struggle to get away even though you know it is a fruitless attempt. After awhile you stopped. You know it will only tire you out if you continue.

"Don't you want to tell me what happened yesterday?" Seulgi asked softly. You just shook your head, brushing off anything she asks while looking at anything but her. You don't want to talk to anybody right now.

"Please Jae, don't hide anything from me. Last night, you collapsed right in front of the hospital entrance. You were a sobbing mess when they found you. What happened exactly?" As a friend, Seulgi is really concerned. You won't turn out like this unless triggered, so obviously something really did occurred.

"I said nothing." The tone you used sounded really empty. Its hanging in the air.

"If you are lying then I will keep you warded till you tell me truth. I want to help you, Jae. Please, don't keep everything to yourself. You have to talk it out. Sadness if were shared will be lessen." You close your eyes in frustration. Does it make any difference if you tell others. It just make you more pathetic and you are done being pathetic. Seulgi, she may be your friend, but till when would she stay? One day she will had enough of your ugly mess.

Over the years, she had been trying tirelessly to mend you back together. However, the moment Sehun stepped away from your life, everything started to crumble. Day by day, your spirit began to deteriorate, and like ashes fading into the air, you never managed to reclaim your old self again. You thought these days you are getting much better with Jongin, Baekhyun and Seulgi constant support and also Jihoon presence. It is more terrible than ever though. Because you don't fall as hard when you are already at the bottom. The higher you stand the harsher it felt when you fall again.

Last night was dreadful. Getting out even a word about this is truly hard. You already crumbled heart crumble again. Till when will you stand all of this?

You don't deserve to be a mother. Don't you ever feel disgusted with yourself? Huh?!"

Breathing felt so difficult now that you start recalling yesterday scene.

" I al-almost killed J-Jihoo-n" You turn to Seulgi with teary eyes still terrified of last night. The next moment, you wailed out in pain, clutching hard to your chest as the pain grow by each second. Seulgi moved to sat beside you and give a hug.

"No, you did not intend to that. I know it's not your fault, Jae." You shook your head, repeating the no's as much as you can. If someone sees you like this, they would probably assumed you are mentally-ill instantly. Yes. You are and you are not denying it. All this emotional distress you experienced through years shaped you to become a person you are today. Just like a broken robot, you keep malfunctioning by self distructing yourself.

"You love Jihoon to death. You are his mother, you didn't mean it Jae. Believe me it's not your fault." The doctor console her friend softly.

"No, Seul... I f-forgot that he is a-allergic to sesame. I almost kill him! I-I could have done better!"

Since there's no sign the emotional breakdown going to end any soon, Seulgi had choice but to sedate you to sleep. Your blood pressure is quite high too, so for the mean time you need to rest.
 

.....

After Jongin found out Jihoon was hospitalized, he went to visit him right after his done with schedule for the day. When he entered the room, the boy is sitting up reading a book peacefully. He broke into a big smile when he sees his favorite uncle. 

"Uncle!"

"Hey, big boy!" Jongin went to him for a tight hug and their signature fist bumps. "How you feeling?"

"I'm good now. Don't worry! It's just a bit of a rash," Jihoon reassures, pulling up his sleeves to show the allergic reaction he sustained. Jongin is well aware of the kid's allergy to sesame because he witnessed it once before. It used to be worse when Jihoon was a toddler, but he has grown a lot since then.

"I brought you some fruits," Jongin says, pulling out a box of sliced fruits from a paper bag. "And your favorite tteokbokki, without sesame, of course!" He then takes out another container from the bag, puts it on the table. As they eat, the two of them engage in a lively chat, and the room is filled with laughter. Baekhyun who just came back from store in the lobby jumps in with his loud voice.

"Who we have here? Kim Kai!" The elder got a bit too excited as he ruffles Jongin's hair and pinch Jongin's cheeks. Jongin almost want to knee him the groin for the treatment.

"Hey, its your hyung caring for you. Be nice!" Baekhyun manage to dodge another punch.

"Shut up! It's not even a year difference! Why don't you do that to Sehun too?" Of course they know if they do that to Sehun they will get hit instantly. Jongin on the other hand is an easy target for Baekhyun to bully because of his softie personality.

"Sehun is boring, that's why I love doing that to you," Baek playfully teases, ruffling Jongin's hair again, causing him to curse in a whisper.

"Speaking of Sehun, where is he?" Jongin looks around.

"Daddy went home to shower. He will back soon." Jihoon said as he stuff another fruit inside his mouth.

They trio continue with their random chatting. In this kind of moment Jihoon feels the happiest. He may not have grown up with a mother, but he has 3 fathers that has love him unconditionally. Both Baekhyun and Jongin treated him with utmost care and affection from since he could remember. And the most important part, they are more fun than his father. Sorry not sorry, daddy.

"AH, I really want to stay with you Jihoonie. I have to go though." Jongin pouted, squishing Jihoon puffy cheeks. "Let's go to zoo when you discharge. You haven't been to Seoul zoo yet right?" The kid got so excited hearing that. He will not forget that and would claim the promise as soon as he got discharge.

....

Jongin leaves the ward and heads outside, where he meets Sehun halfway. His best friend looks even more terrible than the last time he saw him. Sehun must be worried sick, considering Jihoon was just admitted last month due to a fever, and now he's back in again with another case. Being a Ceo is hard enough, add up with the single father title. He don't even want to imagine himself in Sehun's place.

Jongin decides to bring Sehun to a coffee shop nearby for a short chat. His friend seems to need some bro time.

"Got you latte~" Jongin places a tray with two cups of latte in front of Sehun, who clearly seems displeased by the choice of drink.

"Latte is for wimps." He lowly comments. Of course, Jongin knows that Sehun prefer espresso which is super bitter. Blergh. He will not gulp that black liquid even he is offered a grand.

"You need some sweetness in your life." The model replied sarcastically. He took a sit in front of Sehun, just staring at the guy for a good while. How come he look like a 40 year old already?

"Stop frowning already. Jihoon will be fine, right? He'll get out of the hospital soon. You don't have to worry so much," Jongin tries to ease his friend's concern, but it appears to be futile. Sehun's frown deepens, as if his eyebrows couldn't arch any further. Sigh. Come to think of it, how does Jihoon eaten sesame at the first place. Sehun is very particular on what he feeds Jihoon because of the allergy.

"Huh, I don't even want to start. Its giving me more reasons to hate her." At that statement, Jongin stop sipping his coffee sitting up straight instantly.

"What? Her who?" It took him a second later to guess the person Sehun meant. "Jae?"

"Can't we please stop talking about her?" 

"No, what happened? What did you say to her?" There's no way it went without a hitch. What Jongin worries about is you. Sehun can't go himself at this point.

"What else? She tried to kill my son, she get what she deserves!" Jongin hands instantly clench into fists. He still trying to remain calm.

"Whatever happens in the pass, doesn't give you the right to treat her badly. Besides, Jae gave birth to Jihoon, there's no way she would want to hurt the child!" People in the shop starts to glance at the two.

"Are you being serious? Whose side you on?! You don't know what that bitc-" A punch landed right on his face before he could even finish the statement.

"I don't care. I would abandon our friendship for her if you keep treating her like this. I may not know what happened back then, but