Somehow, I couldn’t move from my spot right now. I find myself finding comfort through slumping down this carpeted floor while leaning on my bedroom door. It gives me the view of my room, well. . . Soobin’s room, technically. The space looked happy, it had a lot of family pictures, it was bright-looking despite that it’s night time, her instruments are neatly organized at one corner, I could see music as this girl’s future career. It’s a room I never had even when I was her age.
I realized. . . this room is kind of similar to the character I’m trying to portray throughout my stay here. Not wrecked.
My real bedroom. . . it’s black and white, very plain. Has all the luxury furniture, no pictures, no any other color.
It was nothing compared to this room.
It was. . . lifeless.
And that was how I liked it. Used to.
“All these shall pass, Iseul.” I mutter to myself. I try my best to convince myself that I don’t like my life at the moment. I have never favored my life before, ever. I despised it, there was no reason for me to like it at all. Earlier, I just had to go. That kindness, that undivided attention, those sincere eyes he gave me. . . they were things I’ve never really received from any man before. They. . . scared me.
I don’t want to appreciate any of that because I might want it.
In fact, I might want more.
That’s definitely not included in my plan. I came here with a professional attitude, I should keep it that way. My shoulders drop back weakly as I fail to convince myself for the nth time. I was very much confident when I thought of this whole secret project. I was confident that I’ll easily be able to seduce this guy without anything else attached. I was never good in dealing with emotions, at least the good kind of emotions. I’ve only been here for like, two and a half months and I feel like all of that are changing. I shake my head while putting my forearms together so I could hide my face in between them. “Relax, Iseul. . . you’re not changing, you’re just. . . gaining some habits.” Once again, I try to convince myself.
But before my inner self could even listen to my own words, I heard a soft faint music coming from outside.
That familiar smooth movements of strings creating those lovely sounds that I heard some minutes ago.
I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know.
She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home.
I lean away from the door out of surprise. I immediately turn my head around just to double check if I’m not hallucinating. It felt really close to me. . . like he’s inches away from me. The door as the only barrier between us. He. . . followed me?
I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets.
To carry love, to carry children of our own.
Okay, that’s it. I turn my whole body around in a kneeling position and grabbed the knob to open the door. The music immediately stopped and I saw him also kneeling down – which was weird at first glance because I was also kneeling down – and he had the guitar in his arms while a smart phone, which was not his, is on the floor. I blinked in confusion so I peeked down at the phone on the floor. It seems to have some groups of words in it like a poe—oh. . . is he reading the lyrics while singing?
“Uhm. . .” He immediately pushed the smart phone behind him and smiled. “If you’re not feeling well, I can finish the song here.” He softly spoke. I gulp down and slowly let myself fall back down to the floor while looking back at him. “Are you feeling that sick?” Kyungsoo asked and immediately put the guitar down this time. I felt the rush coming back into me when he crawled closer and touched my forehead. “No, I’m okay. I-I’m just tired.” I mutter, barely opening my mouth.
He moved away, back to his original spot.
But this time, he just stared at me. Full of concern in his eyes, it still amazes me how he can give me such thing.
“That. . . is not my phone, as you know. It’s Junhyung’s. I just. . . I felt stupid singing without knowing the exact lyrics so. . .” He opened up while scratching his neck out of embarrassment. I smile. “No, it’s. . .” I try to come up with words like OKAY. Duh. “It’s romantic.”
. Did I just say that?
Han Iseul, just keep it up. You’re. . . supposed to do and say these things anyway.
Why are you hesitating?!
“Oh, really?” He chuckled charmingly while rubbing the tip of his nose. He then slumped down the floor, same as I was doing. “You didn’t look okay earlier so I thought of singing, hoping to cheer you up. It’s always fascinating to see someone do something you haven’t seen them do yet. Like me with your cooking, I haven’t seen it. Would be fascinating.” He said while lifting a brow to tease. “Ugh, there you go again with my cooking.” I argue but then I find myself laughing along his soft chuckles. “So, are we staying here or you want to go back out?” He then changed the subject.
We kind of look silly sitting on the floor across each other, this opened door between us.
“If I stay here, you’ll stay? You don’t have to. You go have fun with them and drink. I saw some booze Taeguk Oppa bought. Do you drink?” I ask. To my surprise, he gestured me to move aside and then he crawled into the room to instead lean on the wall beside the door, settling back down on the floor. S