This is the first time that I was tempted to actually leave everything behind me and give up on my project. But I keep convincing myself that it’ll just be the time of the month soon and my sensitive is activated. I just get really worked up when someone calls me weak or naïve and I certainly did not want that from Kyungsoo. Because you know. . . I mean, I’m not saying everything he says matters to me so much but. . . but you know, he’s still my project. Anyway, we are fortunate enough to get on a not-so-busy bus. Maybe only half of the seats were occupied and we chose the seats on the very back. It was my choice because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with other people’s conversations that I will surely hear even if I don’t want to because they speak so loudly, just pure obnoxiousness all over the place. I hate when people do that like, you’re in a public place and people don’t know you so they certainly do no need to know your friend’s husband is cheating on her with another man.
“Hey.” My thoughts were interrupted by Kyungsoo’s deep voice calling for my attention. I blankly turn my head to look at him who was sitting right beside me. I’m the one who’s seated by the window and so doing so made the breeze from the open window brush against my long hair towards my face. Kyungsoo made a pfft expression when the ends of my hair hit his face and mouth. He pushed it away from him before smiling cheekily. I am not going to smile back, I am not smiling back. “Don’t hold it.” He softly cooed making my eyes form wider. I look away as I realize I was making that awful fighting-the-urge-to-smile expression.
I’m sorry but it wasn’t my fault.
I have to admit, his smile is quite contagious and I would like to declare, before you give me malicious feedbacks to what I just said, that there are people who really have contagious smiles.
It’s a thing.
“I wasn’t holding anything.” I mumble and fold my arms to show my unimpressed condition even more. “I’m upset.” He mutters making me widen my eyes at him again. Oh wow, he has the audacity to get upset now? I want to kill him. “You’re the one who asked me on a date but you don’t seem to be enjoying.” He finished his sentence while scrunching his nose like a child. “Well, I did ask for a friendly date.” I hiss back. “Oh—Ohh, okay. Okay.” He suddenly muttered loudly and moved four seats apart from me. The . “What are you doing?” I ask while looking at other passengers to check if anyone minded his sudden grunt. “What? This is friendly for me. Hi.” He replied in monotone and even waved at me. What a jerk. “Whatever.” I mumble and roll my eyes back to the window.
“I kind of liked it better when it was more than a friendly date.”
I gulp at what he just said. I’m supposed to be quite happy that he’s making my project easier for me but UGH! Why does he have to be so flirtatious? This old man hasn’t had a date in years, that’s probably why?! I turn to him again with my unamused reaction. “Then take what you said back.” I order him seriously. “Take it back when you called me weak.” I continue while folding my arms again. He raised his thick eyebrow giving me a confused look. “I never called you weak, I just said you’re naïve. There’s a difference.” He argued back.
I turn away while clearing my throat.
It’s the same damn thing for me.
Suddenly, I felt a presence beside me once more. I look at him smiling down close to me. “Naïve as in innocent. Not weak as in. . . fragile.” He explained, suddenly with that earthly voice of his. “But either way, even if you really were fragile, aren’t fragile things the most valuable ones? The ones. . . you should really take care of.” he added with that charming smile of his that I hate. “I’m not a thing though.” I look away again while blinking heavily to hide my discomfort. My heart pounded at his close distance and his tone of voice.
“You have a thing for me though.”
I glare at him. “But I’m not in the mood to have a thing for you though.”
I keep fighting back just to shut him up. I get his point now but I’m still pissed for some reasons. I feel warm and sick and I don’t like it. “If you still don’t forgive me, I’ll really call you fragile.” He threatened making me glare at him in disbelief. “Oh wow, now you’re threatening me?” I ask but somehow, I find myself laughing back. “Don’t wait for me to call you fragile cause I might just take care of you really well.” He smirked before sitting more properly this time, turning his face ahead while having that satisfied grin on his face. “I don’t know if you’re just teasing me because you know I like you or you actually like me back so you keep on flirting.” I straightforwardly declare but he just shrugged his shoulders still smiling like that.
So somehow, we ended up on this beach. After getting off the bus, we had some walk and found this area. It seems like a tourist spot as well since there’s quite a few people on the other side of the shore. We picked the area with less people, obviously. “How’d you like the bus ride?” he asked while sitting down at one big rock. I sit on the other side, it had another rock across it but it was much smaller. I don’t mind the size of it, it fits me better. “Wasn’t too bad. Longest bus ride I’ve ever had though.” I reply honestly. I have gotten on busses before during university but I have never experience such ride, it was like. . . forty minutes of ride to get to where we are now.
“If you want we could go find a place for lunch, go to some shops nearby and then go back here later.”
I look at him. He was staring at a distance, to the water preferably. “Why do we need to go back here if we’ve already done that much?” I ask. He turned to me with a smile. “You want to see the sunset?” He asked. My eyes lit up as I look over to the distance. Ooh, that’s very tempting. I always see sunset pictures online and it’s beautiful. He sighed and looked towards the water again. “You know, I really loved Seul but I overdid it.” He suddenly opened up a topic about his past. I kept silent but showed my interest as I look more closely to him. He picked up a rock and threw it hard to the water.
A smile of satisfaction grew on his face as the rock hit the water.
“It was overdone to the point of almost giving everything I have just to make her happy, even if there’s nothing left of me. Sounds really dumb, right?” he chuckled but I could feel the bitterness on his tone. I never expected him to open up about this all of a sudden. “In my mind back then, as long as I keep giving her everything, she wouldn’t leave me. . . I was that insecure of myself. Everyone didn’t understand me, they all thought I was just really that crazy for her but honestly, now that I think of it, I was just. . . really insecure and scared to be left. In the end, I realized it was a selfish move.” He looked down while fiddling with another piece of rock that he had picked up. “Why?” a simple question came out of my lips as I frown. A very carefree, positive and happy Do Kyungsoo can feel insecure? That’s a big surprise for me. “I didn’t grow up wealthy, you know that, right?” He smiled as I nod to his response. “I never had friends cause I used to be very timid and. . . weak.” He looked at me meaningfully when he said the last word.
I never knew that.
I never imagined that there was ever a timid and weak Do Kyungsoo, just by looking at him now.
“Then my family obtained the land and all. Things changed. I gained a lot of friends, I got appreciated for the first time. I wasn’t. . . taken for granted anymore because I wasn’t that timid farmer boy they knew. A lot of friends took advantage of me but whenever I wouldn’t give or do what they want, they would leave. So that mentality was stuck in me, I guess. Neither does it sound like a big deal nor a dramatic past but it still made an impact on me and the things I do now.” He simplified the story while laughing as if there’s nothing wrong.
I wonder. . . if other people, aside from his family, knew about this?
“I think pretty much everyone has or had that mentality and everyone has been left despite having that mentality, so you’re good.” I try to encourage as casually as possible. I sigh and stare in space. “For me, I rarely question why my mother left me. What I question is. . . why sh