After leaving the cafe, Sungjong got into a cab as if in a daze, along the way he saw a small park and decided to get off. He did not even care where he is, he just want to get out of the place as fast as he could and get away from every thing. He sat on the small bench and just stared into empty space. He never felt this hurricane of emotions before, frankly his mind went blurry and before he knew it he was looking at Myungsoo’s brother in a shock after he slapped him.

Sungjong’s POV

“You’re not the first person ”

Those words suddenly made me feel weak on the knees yet it’s only logical. Even back in high school I never suspected anything,our lives up until now are in complete opposite direction. The people he met before me, I never knew them. The life he had before I met him, the places he went to. His likes his dislikes, I don’t know them all. I just assumed things on my own, we sleep in the same bed every day, it suddenly feels like we’re actually miles apart.

But why the heck am I feeling this way? For the second time in my life, once again I feel so useless. Why do I keep losing people that matters to me. What the hell am I even thinking, I already lost him. Telling myself not to think about it but I can’t, I keep wondering.

What if we didn’t became roommates back then, what if I’m not the person who’s supposed to be there. Will I ever feel this way? Will I ever fall in love with him? …

Will he even looked at me and smile?

Will he even call out my name?

Can even be friends?

What if that guy is right, what if I’m only there to be an excuse? Should I say it’s okay since we’re only pretending anyways or should I say it hurts but I’m still risking my heart anyways.Arrrggghhh!

So what if I’m not his first? It’s already fine that I’m with him now. I love him, that fact won’t change but above all as a friend I want him to get through this.

*deep sigh

 Why am I trying to fight for someone who’s not mine?

Dam* it Sungjong, next time can you fall in love to someone who’s not in love with someone else!

End of POV

There are only a few people strolling in the park, Sungjong was deep in his thoughts when a ball rolled near his side.

“Ah! It’s you!” a kid pointed at him in a loud voice. “It’s me!”

“You’re that kid from before! Jimin’s uhmm bride right?! Ho Seok-ah, ne?” Sungjong can’t help but smile remembering the little accident before”

“Ne, but I like Jhope better” the kid sat beside the older boy while Sungjong picked up the ball and handed it back.

“Oh, I see you have a cute nickname”

“I like my nickname because JHope means Jimin’s Hope. That’s why I like it”

“haha, you kids are awesome” Sungjong thought out loud, “ by the way where’s Jimin?”

JHope paused for a moment before answering, “ He went back home since my family are leaving tomorrow”

“to where?” Sungjong asked the little kid.

“My mom remarried and I get to have a new dad” JHope said as a matter of fact.

“Oh” Sungjong commented.

“It’s okay, I like my new dad and he came to meet Jimin too.”

“ I see, good for you then”

“How about you? Why are you alone?”

“Well you see… “ Sungjong can’t find the right words for his sentence.

“It’s alright, Jimin and I fight a lot too. But we love each other and we make up easily since he loves me too.”

“How can you be so sure that he loves you?” Sungjong was starting to forget he’s talking to kid.

“Well, I kinda had this feeling in me, like when I’m in pain and when I think of Jimin it slowly goes away”

“A..ha” Sungjong could only utter simple words.

“It’s like, when you hear it’s name it’s nice and makes you happy” JHope said trying to explain it to the adult in front of him.

“I see, I get what you mean” Sungjong said with a smile.

“See, it’s not hard for adult to understand us kids.”

“hahaha, I just felt like the role has been reverse here.”  

From a far someone was calling JHope’s name.

“ah, I have to go now Sungjong-hyung. Let’s see each other when I come back okay? Bye-bye” JHope hop off the bench and runs to his mom.

“Right, let’s see each other sometime…” The older boy waved in reflex, “Kids have really no sense of time huh? No matter how far they are everything seemed to simple. I wonder how Myungsoo looked when he was a kid”  

It too a moment of silence for Sungjong to realized that he lost track of time again. He immediately walked out of the park into the nearest bus stop while frantically rummaging for his phone inside his bag. When he turned it on his worries were confirmed. . He’s typing profusely on his phone answering to Myungsoo’s unread messages and missed calls.

By the time Sungjong finally came back to the house Myungsoo had called his fifteen times.

“Where have you been?” was his “boyfriend’s” first words when he opened the door to their flat.

“Ah, I was in a coffee shop and lost time. I also to forgot switch my phone, sorry” Sungjong glanced at his clock he only has an hour before his work, “ Why did you call me? Need anything?”

“What did you do there?” Myungsoo was wearing a blank almost angry expression.

“Ah, I was…” Before Sungjong could reveal the truth his phone rang once again, this time it’s an unregistered number. “Excuse me for a bit”

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me. Just checking if you already got home” an unfamiliar voice sounded from the other line.

“What? You must have gotten the wrong number” Sungjong said and was about to hang up.

“We just talked in the coffee shop and you already forgotten about me?” Sunggyu sounded hurt.

“You?! What do you want?!”

“I forgot to tell you that you should keep our conversations and meetings from now on a secret from my brother. We don’t really see eye to eye”

“And how sure are you that I will see you again!” Sungjong hissed under his breathe.

“Let’s just say, it’s not a matter of you not wanting to meet me. It’s me wanting to see you.” The line went dead.

“Hello? YAH! You stupid one heck of a!” Sungjong was furiously taking to the phone when Myungsoo appeared behind him.

“Who was that?”

“Ah … that was nothing. Just someone’ Sungjong immediately hides the phone in his pocket. “Uhm, I was just angry because he kept talking non-sense and I don’t have much time because of my school projects”

Myungsoo eyed him for a second and said nothing.

“Hey, Myungsoo. I’m sorry I didn’t answered your call. I swear I forgot to turn on my phone. I keep forgetting”

“It’s alright, just be careful next time. Come one I’ll accompany you to your work” the older boy suddenly seemed cold Sungjong felt a pang of pain.

“Ey, come one. Are you angry with me?” without realizing it he was grabbing his “boyfriend” by the arm.

“No I’m not. I’m just… nothing. I’m just the one thinking of stupid things. I’m fine”

“No you’re not. Tell me, we’re friends right?” He gave the older boy a small tug on the arm. Myungsoo responded by turning around and putting his arms around his friend for a tight hug.

“For a moment I thought you got tired of me, I thought I’m going to loose my head over it. I’m so tired, I tried to sleep but every time I close my eyes bad things starts to show up again”

“Then tell me what’s bothering you. ”

“Nothing, I’m fine. You’re here now and I’m gonna be fine”

As they walked to Sungjong’s part-time job not once did Myungsoo let go his Sungjong’s hands. Yet the latter felt that he and Myungsoo just got a bit further apart.

................................................................IDeviant............................................

Why won't Myungsoo tell him anything?!