for a moment I hated my mom from the bottom of my heart.” Myungsoo hesitated on his next words but he took Sungjong by the hand as if afraid of what he’s going to say next could change everything,

“ I thought… No. I wished she, she would just disappear. I stood there seeing my dad trying to piece up our family and I was wishing for mine to die. I got angry at my mom… and my brother. I thought that I’d be better if they just disappear. If they left us to suffer, then they should just suffer too…

I want my mom to disappear.

 And… it happened.

Myungsoo let out a deep breathe he tried to smile as tears escape his eyes, “ She died.”

“I watched how the car my mom was in blew up in my flames, I saw my brother looking lifeless as the rescuers carried him to dad into an ambulance.”

Sungjong could feel that his friend was talking as if the accident only happened yesterday.

The older boy could clearly remember the blood seeping into the snow. He saw it slowly spread as if creeping to where he stand. His mom’s bloody hand hung on the crushed window of the passenger seat.

“her finger seemed to be pointing at me. There was blood everywhere”

“Every time I close my eyes I can hear her, I can feel her cold hands. She started to appear in my dreams, blaming me. Asking me why” the older boy could feel the fear creeping up his body, “ she kept… she kept pointing at me. Blaming me”

“I ….I killed my mom. I can’t change that, even if I wasn’t the one who did I’m the one who wished for it. It’s all the same.”

“When she was buried I stood in front on her grave and somehow I couldn’t cry. I just stood there, looking at the mound of soil not knowing what to feel.”

“Sunggyu wasn’t even able to attend the funeral, when he got out he just stood at the kitchen as if trying to find mom on the places she should be. The look he gave me, I couldn’t stand it.”

Sungjong could feel the warm droplet of tears falling unto his hands before they finally trickled down and got lost into the carpeted floor below.

Myungsoo waited for his brother to shout at him, to curse him, he was even ready if Sunggyu decides to beat him up but instead the latter kept quiet. A week after Sunggyu was discharged from the hospital he was getting ready for school.

His older brother did not say anything, not a word even though he ever even get to see their mom one last time.

After the his mother’s funeral Myungsoo stopped talking to anyone, his dad tried to talk to his younger son but the latter would blankly look at his father as if he doesn’t know him.

Nearing a year after their mother’s death they noticed that Myungsoo started to act differently, he’s usually quiet and listens to whatever is asked of him to do but as their mom’s death anniversary draws nigh nightmares started to haunt him.

He locks himself in the attic saying his mom told him to do it. At one point they have to hide anything that could the Sunggyu’s younger brother as Myungsoo had tried to kill himself multiple times.

The latter’s family, or whatever left of it started to crumble so as their business. Myungsoo’s dad asked for help from their relatives but they all turned their backs on them.

“It was Sunggyu who stepped up and to keep the family business alive.”

The younger brother was not joking. Sunggyu graduated from a prestigious university at the top of his class along with a double degree and a doctorate at the age of sixteen. He took over their family business as he was studying and through a steady stream by the time he graduated their business had been saved and steadily growing.

They tried putting Myungsoo in a type psychiatric treatment but even after the doctors would clear his condition it would start up again whenever their mother’s death anniversary draws near.

It was only the time when Sungyeol visited in their house that Myungsoo’s condition seemed to have lessened and he started to act himself and talk to others.

I didn’t want to burden anyone at a certain point I started believing that being invisible is alright. I thought I am but then Sungyeol came. “ Myungsoo made a quaint smile, “He looked at me, asked me if I was fine, told me everything’s going to be alright, to keep hanging on, that I need to be strong, and when he smiled at me I thought…”

This time Sungjong saw a smile he’d rarely seen of his friend. Strangely, he felt like something inside him is breaking.

“...When he smiled at me I thought, I can be fine . If Sungyeol’s there I’m going to be fine. I keep repeating those words to myself.”

The younger boy smiled through a sudden pang of pain in his chest.

But even that, was all a lie.” Myungsoo scoffed at himself, “ the person I thought could love me, the person I thought could accept me…”

The older boy finds it hard to finish his words as he tried to keep his storm inside.

“I could never compete with Sunggyu” Myungsoo finally said, “ and that’s why I don’t want you him to come near you. If he decides to take you, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Sungjong blinked when his roommate stirred in his sleep bringing him back to the present. What feels like a long flashback only took ten minutes in the real world. As Myungsoo finally opened up to him, the younger boy was never really prepared to realized how much the latter had suffered.

The younger by tried to remember bits of moments from he was in high school and tried to find Myungsoo in his memories. He never really paid attention to anything but back then there were rumors that Myungsoo was a year older than his grade.Sungjong never really got to the real story as to why as he hated gossiping about people’s lives.

Back then there are times he can think that the older boy was just any other normal high school boy hanging out with friends. However as Sungjong digs deeper into his memories he never once saw Myungsoo attend any of their school festivals.

come to think of it did I ever saw hims smile?”

Arrrghh! If only I met him earlier in my life, if only I talked to him back in high then maybe I could be more closer to you. If only I was able to gain your trust sooner, you wouldn’t have suffered more on your own.

Sungjong closed his eyes as thoughts came flooding his mind.

Even though I finally know the truth it still feels like I’m missing something. Like there’s still a missing part that I didn’t know of. .

The younger boy mumbled inside his head. He can’t take off Sungyeol’s reaction when Sunggyu was punched.

It was almost like he was afraid I can see his hands trembling.

Sungjong had still his eyes closed when he felt something touched his nose. He can feel the finger slid down his nose bridge and ended on the tip of his nose. He wanted to open his eyes but for whatever reason he ended up pretending to be asleep!

“good morning” he heard Myungsoo said followed by the young man’s arms slowly wrapping around his waist pulling Sungjong closer to his “boyfriend”.

The older boy went back to sleep but Sungjong couldn’t be more awake as he looked baffled with emotions of happiness and uttered shock while lying in Myungsoo’s arms.

DID HE JUST KISSED ME ON THE FOREHEAD?!!! He did NOT! ...........waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

The young architect student couldn’t believe what happened but the proof that he can still feel his friend’s warm lips kissed him is undeniable.

Sungjong cupped his face feeling his face heat up, “ Dam*** Myungsoo don’t make me fall harder than I already am.”

...........................................................................IDEviant........................................................................................

Thak you for the wait! 

It won't be long now...^_^