“let me down now, this is embarrassing” Sungjong said with his face buried in his boyfriend’s chest.

“ you’re forgetting something… you should be more polite ne?” ah. Even the back of his neck could blush so much.. Myungsoo’s grin widen as he carried the younger boy to their room.

“ don’t make me beat you… please?”

“ hahaha-lol! You… d***** what am I going to do with you? D*m* it Sungjong you’re pulling strings I don’t know exist inside me.” the older boy dropped his partner unto the bed and him on top. Sh*t if i call him cute he’s going to really beat me up.

“ you… you’re heavy. Stop teasing me and get off” Sungjong looked away but in doing so exposed his blushing neck.

“ I said I’m going to punish you right?” the other said biting his lower lip looking straight into his lover’s eyes.

“euh!? you… you idiot I’m not ready for anything!” Sungjong panicked and in reflex kicked Myungsoo but the older boy was quick to block his feet.

“ don’t move. Please… I feel like I lost all my energy” the latter whispered as he cuddled his boyfriend burying himself into the younger’s embrace, “ I just want to hug.”

“ you’re an idiot. You know that right?” Sungjong breathe a sigh of relief as he gave in.

“ shouldn’t you be praising me? Come one… praise me” the older boy wrapped his arms around the other.

“ how did it go?”

The younger boy asked but he didn’t press much giving time for Myungsoo to gather himself to talk.

“well, we talked… and I… I didn’t expect … all this time we’ve been *deep sigh” the younger boy gave Myungsoo a gentle squeeze to urge the older to continue, “ I finally know the truth. My mom, about my dad, and our family. In the end I choose not to blame them. My mom who fell in love with someone else or my dad who thought my mom could learn to love him. Sunggyu should not be blamed for all of this.” 

“ Our family may have been broken even before it started. The people in my family are nothing more but victims of circumstances. Realizing all those things,I thought my body’s going to give up in the middle of everything. I thought of how selfish I had been, or do I even deserve to be called a son or a brother, I was so scared I don’t know why, I was shaking but then I remembered you and I thought how painful your kicks are gonna be *chuckles or how many beating I will receive if I chickened out thinking of you I was able to do what I’m planned on doing... He said I have good doctors and if I want to I don’t have to leave the country for my treatment. I said sorry too… but I don’t know if that’s enough.”

Sungjong gave his friend a hug, “ you did well, you finally did it”

“It’s funny all this time I thought I was the only one suffering but now that we’ve talked to each other I know my brother had been suffering more than I do. I can’t help but think that if I haven’t met you I don’t think things would turn out this way. For that I’m grateful, I’m truly are. I used to think that everything and everyone had given up on me but now for once I was happy I am alive. You gave me the reason to”

“ my mom, you remember her?” Sungjong could feel his tears b. Thank heavens Myungsoo could see his tears, he had to male a change of topic or else he might say things he’ll probably regret for the rest of his life

“ she went missing in one of her medical mission. My dad he smiled at me and told me that my mom just probably got lost somewhere. But that night I saw him cry. My dad cries easily but I know that night his tears were different.” the younger boy look back in the past, something he’s been avoiding all this time, “ Then as time goes by I can feel like we adjusted to a house without a mother. Like she was being slowly forgotten I became angry and promised I would never forget, I would never give me up on her. I thought I was the only one hurting…*long pause…

 but then I realized my sisters even my dad they’re all pretending to be fine for my sake. From then on I wanted to be stronger. Many times I thought of just up and leave you but then I wouldn’t be able to face her knowing I gave up on a friend.”

“ the reason for joining that competition… was that for her?” Myungsoo asked

“ Yes, I’ve been saving money to find her. When I lost the competition I was angry at you but when I looked for the reason why I realized I wasn’t angry at you for making me miss the competition or for getting drunk and dragging me into your messy life*smiles. That wasn’t the reason why I was angry.” Sungjong tried to remain calm, scared that Myungsoo would hear his racing heartbeats. He breathes in closing his eyes and opens them upon exhale. I guess this is it…

“ Now, you’re finally moving on… moving on with your life. It’s time for me to do the same” Sungjong was smiling but deep he knows it’s probably the worst smile he ever made.

“ what do you mean?” Myungsoo asked not understanding where the conversation is going. He got up and sat beside the bed and the younger boy followed with a serious look on his face.

“ I don’t know if I’m using the right words but … let’s break up.

It’s probably the right time end this”

…

… …

… …. …

“ You… you really think that way?” Myungsoo broke off the long dead silence between them.

“ Yeah, I think from the start we’ve always been heading this way. We’re never really in a relationship in the first place and you don’t need me to help you anymore. This is the perfect time to say that we can go back to our good old friendship” Sungjong smiled and gently patted Myungsoo on the shoulder, “ don’t you think so?”

“ yeah… yea.. you’re probably right… yup” the older boy said as if trying to convince himself that their conversation just now didn’t happen, “ yeah, you’re definitely right. I had fun until now, thank you so much.”

“ Yeah, me too. It was fun” Sungjong bit his lower lip as if he wanted to say something else.

“ I’ll… * deep exhale. As promised I’ll transfer the amount we promised when we started dating.”

“ You don’t have to. I told you I wanted to help as your friend.”

“ Please, accept it. It’s the only thing I ever had, after what you have done to me it’s the only thing I could give ” this time Myungsoo took Sungjong by the hand staring intently at the younger boy.

“ please don’t. I don’t want anything else from you. I’m already happy seeing you doing the right things. The memory of knowing you is enough”

“ Then… what will we do now?” Myungsoo hugged Sungjong by the waist as the younger boy stood and he was sitting on the bed.

“ I was planning to go back to the dormitory after the winter vacation. You mister should focused on your treatment and getting better.” the younger boy gently said.

“ Is this really happening?”

“ I don’t know, but myself is telling me this is the right thing to do.”

There was a silence on Myungsoo’s side before the older boy stood up to meet Sungjong’s eyes, “ if you believed this is the right thing, then it probably is. I promise to get better, you promise me that you’ll be happy. Okay?”

“ okay.” the two leaned on each other’s forehead looking down.

“can … can we do it one last time. Even if it’s just until sunrise let’s pretend like it’s still us. Can we?” Myungsoo pleaded, “ please… I want this to be my reward. You said I did great right? Please Sungjong just one last time.”

“ o… okay” the younger boy couldn’t admit to himself that he too wanted to pretend even if it’s till the last moment they can spend before they finally go back to how things were.

 What Sungjong received was the warmest and the most painful embrace he can remember. He wanted time to stop just so he could stay longer in his friend’s arms but he knew if he does he would start to wish for more, so he let go.

“ I’ll take a shower first. We’ve been travelling and I want to wash of the dirt” 

“ okay, I’ll be here.” Myungsoo quietly replied.

When the door closed the latter kept staring at the closed door then his eyes wandered on the small clock ticking away on the bedside.

Eight hours till sunrise. Eight hours till my refuge disappears. Till...  Myungsoo reach for the clock, he had this urge to stop the hands from ticking off the time but as he reached for the batteries he look the the door where Sungjong disappeared and stopped. No Sungjong deserve to get his life back.... If I keep on depending on him I will only hurt him more.

This is the right thing.

Yeah. This is the right thing.

The same words were being mumbled in the bathroom as Sungjong sat on the floor by the shower. The warm water trickling down his bare skin, tracing his nape, down his shoulders soaking up the his slender body as his tears fall down like the water droplets in a heavy morning rain.

 This is the right thing to do... but d*mm*t why does the right thing have to be this painful. Sungjong mumbled to himself. I want this pain to go away...

............................................................................IDeviant.............................................................. 

I was listening to "Clock" when writing this and I can't believe how much the lyrics seemed to eased it way into the script . ... i don't know but for me this is probably the saddest part of the story i had to write. at first i don't want to even write the words " Break-up" LOL 

Happy that finally I getto see my otp again and that was more than enough i really like the first part of the mv where they both sang the parts. afterall these years they're still the best otp I know.