One hour, Sungjong sat still void of any expression.

two hours, his hand had gotten warmer from the length of time it spent between Myungsoo’s grasp.

 then three came. When a single tear finally streaked down on his left cheek as he slowly pulled his hands from his friend and using his own bag to replace his body Sungjong freed himself, got up  and wipe his tears away only to be replaced by another.

A minute. He just stood there complete silence…

Two minutes. He wanted to leave but his feet felt heavy, then

Three came..

The younger boy kneeled beside the sleeping boy, closed his eyes for a moment to take a deep breathe as if taking all the courage he has and slowly brushed his lips with Myungsoo’s.

When Sungjong opened his eyes he stumbled back not believing what just he did. His hands were trembling…

A second. He sat there on the floor in a state of complete shock.

Second second. The event, rather what he did started to sink in… then

Myungsoo stirred a bit in his sleep and Sungjong felt his heart went off beat thinking what he will do if his friend wakes up but didn’t.

“What the hell am I doing” the younger boy mumbled as he run his palms unto his face, “I seemed to have finally lost it”

Sungjong felt the wall he built around his feelings for his friend crumble down. The small denials, the excuse of it being “a lapse in judgement”, and the “ it’s because we spent a lot of time together that’s why” came tumbling down one after the others.

“I’m sorry…I” the younger boy looked at his boyfriend and took one deep breathe. His last words were as silent as his confession but it was enough be heard even probably by a person sleeping in the room.

Myungsoo opened his eyes hugging Sungjong’s bag, a note was lying on the table and Sungyeol was quietly sitting on his bed looking at the dark clouds looming beyond alcohol.

“How are you feeling? Should I call the doctor?” the younger boy asked but Myungsoo’s eyes were scanning the room as if hoping for something..

“ if you’re looking for him, he left awhile ago” Sungyeol answered, “ you can leave now, I called my manager and he’s picking me up later.”

The younger boy shook his head in disbelief, “ I talked to your manager last night when he came here and he asked me to look out for you when he returns after visiting his wife.”

“ I’m fine, leave me alone” Sungyeol tried to stand but his knees still felt a bit weak, Myungsoo was quick enough to grab Sungyeol to help.

Sungjong was leaving the hospital when he saw a familiar face walking among a few men wearing dark suits.  

When Sunggyu saw him the older guy suddenly smiled and approach him.

“ Sungjong, what are you doing here?”

“ oh uhm, I visited Sungyeol today. Are you too?” Sungjong asked.

“Sungyeol? What happened to him?” Sunggyu asked, his expression tells that he doesn’t know anything.

“I.. I thought you knew. If you didn’t, then what are you doing here then?”

Myungsoo’s brother made a second pause and smiled, “ Working.I had a meeting with the directors of the hospital.

“oh” Sungjong said with a feeling that he said something he shouldn’t have.

“ You were saying about Sungyeol, what happened to him?” Sunggyu asked again.

The former had no choice but to tell what happened while the latter listened with a grave expression on his face.

“ I thought you were going to visit him when I saw you” Sungjong explained.

“ Could you take me to his room?”

“Uh, about that. You see …” Sungjong was hesitant remembering the the last the two brother saw each other.

“ don’t worry, I don’t think he won’t punch me like last time”

“if, is you insist then.”

“ I apologize for the inconvenience it caused you. Sungyeol’s a good person but sometimes he just bottles up everything even though he can’t handle it” Sunggyu explained as they arrive outside the room.

“ it’s nothing, besides…” Sungjong froze in his track as Sunggyu opened the door for him and the scene of Sungyeol sitting on the bedside with arms wrapped around Myungsoo’s neck while the other had his hands on the former’s waist.

“ Sunggyu?! What… what are you doing here?” Sungyeol looked shocked as he immediately pulled away from Myungsoo, “ Why are you here?”

“ if it I didn’t bump into Sungjong I wouldn’t know what happened to you. Why didn’t you call me.”

“ Sungjong?” Myungsoo thought out loud and when he turned he saw the younger boy was standing behind his older brother.

“Uhm, I … I still have to go back to school. I’ll leave the three of you” the youngest among the four was smiling as he lowly backs off and closed the door on him.

“ wait, Sungjong.” Myungsoo called out to his boyfriend but the younger boy was already out the door and was fast paced walking away from the place.

For more than a second Sungjong’s mind seemed to have gone into a catatonic state he doesn’t even know how he ended up in one of the hospital’s empty rest room but he doesn’t care. He stood there on the giant mirror his smile pasted on his lips.

“ you’re going to be fine Sungjong, you’re fine” he was smiling trying to cheer himself up but then his tears betrayed him, “ dammit, I’m… fine. I’m

Not…

…I’m

Fine…

Sungjong’s POV

In order to save my face if someone walks in and saw me crying like an idiot in a hospital’s rest room I hid myself in one of the cubicles and just let my stupid tears had it’s fill of falling.

“ha-ha I look so lame right now” I was laughing to myself but still I kept on crying. When I saw them I didn’t know what to do or how to react.

Were they kissing?

 Why are they in a position like that?

Why do I have to see something like that?

When Myungsoo saw me he had a questioning look on his face and when our eyes met I ran off.

Arghhh!! Why did I run away like that? **** Sungjong why the hell did you chicken’d out like that! What if he’ll think I’m weird and ask me why then what I should do?

Back there, I knew what I felt. It’s like a heavy black void suddenly appeared in the pit of my stomach and it’s dragging me down. A feeling I have come to hate every time Myungsoo talks about someone else.

Every time he talks about the person he loves.

Every time he smiles like he’s in love and he’s not looking at me..

I know that feeling but I’ve always been wary not to show it, but know he does. Does he?  

It hurts, it does and I’m not going to lie. *amn I could feel having a knife tearing through my chest but a part of me felt relieved.

Seeing them together has put the final nail on the coffin, Myungsoo had shown me that there’s only one person he loved.

It ain’t me.

However I’m glad. I could finally stop my hopes and stop thinking that there’s still a possibility for us, I could finally separate my feelings and I could finally play my part.

I know where I belong.

“ well, I guess my days are numbered. LOL” I laughed to myself and heard the echoing sound so hollow it made me think of an empty tin can. I wipe my tears once more, fixed myself then looked at the reflection that was staring back at me.

“ Whoa, you do look like a wreck Sungjong. Jeez, talk about stress and love” there nothing I could do but play pretend and joke myself seeing the red eyes and my puffed face. I took a cap from my bag and put it on and pointed at the other me.

“ hang in there, you still have a class to pass. Besides you just got your heart broken, what more could happen? ”

 I wished I hadn’t spoken to soon…

Maybe things wouldn't turn out like like they will...

...................................................................................................IDeviant................................................................

working on this chapter has been difficult, i had to make sure eveyrthing everything will end up to their places and this was the 5th time i rewrote this part. 

Also i had the pleasure of discussing the ending to a close friend of mine, a lot of insights were made and I was glad we talked about it and tried to put ourselves as the readers. it was fun and sad at the same time...

thanks as always for supporting and waiting for the chapters to come out. Exams and work are really exhausting and it's starting of the sick month for me so for guys who easily get sick stay strong! 

p.s i was checking my previous chapters when i realized i had some chapters hidden! chapter 7 and 16 were marked with the hide chapter and it caught me offguard since i didn't remember hiding it lol.