The morning light glints through the small curtain cracks by the window. Myungsoo was fast asleep on his side of the bed as the blanket rhythms his slow breathing. On the other side, Sungjong was wide awake.

Lying staring at the sleeping person next to him. Even if he wanted to get out of the bed the latter’s arms was wrapped around his waist.

“Look at you, looking just like a kid when you’re sleeping. Who would’ve think you’ve been through a lot. All these years, suffering on your own.” Sungjong gently brushes off the strands of hair covering his friend’s face.

*last night

“What do you mean you killed your mom? It was an accident.” Sungjong softly asked.

It took the other a couple of breathes and reassuring smiles from his partner for Myungsoo to start.

“ Even before I was born my bro… Sunggyu was already sick.” the older boy said gradually opening up, “ I grew up with my mom constantly on his side, it’s not that she ignores me but she’s usually too tired to take care of me. In return Sunggyu would always play with me and it was fun. He was any sibling you want him to be. Our dad would join us if he has the time but sometimes I wish my mom would pay attention to me. Then slowly things start to change.”

Sungjong did not stir.

“ Sunggyu was rushed into the hospital. For the first time I saw my parents. Mom spent her days mostly in the hospital, dad started coming home late. Sometimes I would wait outside the gate of our house hoping one of them would appear. But then when both our parents are home all they did was fight. Even if I cover my ears or bury myself in a ton of pillows I can still hear their voices every time they argue.” Myungsoo could still recall seeing the wound on her mother’s arm during one his parents fight session.

“ I tried calling Sunggyu but no one answered. I wasn’t allowed to visit him and when I asked dad he just looked at me and told me off. I thought he’s never gonna come home”

“ but he did, right? He came back” Sungjong said. He doesn’t know what to do or how to react even. he’s feeling relieved that Myungsoo’s opening up to him but is he ready to know what the other has been trying to hide for so long?

“ I can still remember I was playing in the snow when he came home, he looked so pale but I was happy thinking we might be able to go back to the way things were.” the older boy sighed, “But it didn’t.”

“He spent his days inside his room, we didn’t get to talk much either as mom won’t let me in. Once I sneaked inside his room to give him a gift and it resulted to our parents having a big fight I thought all the furniture in the house would be destroyed.” This time Myungsoo made a small bitter smile. “ I was always the one causing them to fight.”

For a minute Myungsoo said nothing and just stared into the empty space. Every night in his dreams he finds himself standing in that same room. It’s as if his dream was telling him if he only listened to his brother. If he only didn’t cried for help, if only he stayed inside the room like he was told to. He wouldn’t suffer like this.

“ Then came the night, Sunggyu woke me up and led me to the attic.”

It was heavily snowing that night, the attic was cold and dark. The only light coming through was from a tall street lamp post outside the house. The room was overlooking the back of the house, the  alley looked like a black hole anyone would think someone was lurking their just waiting for an unsuspecting victim to drag into the darkest pit of the world.

“ Stay here, don’t come out. ” Sunggyu sounded colder than the freezing temperature outside.  

“ why?” the younger brother stared asked.

“ Someone, a monster is going to get mom but if you stay in this room she will be fine.” It was a straight through lie but young as he is Myungsoo trusted his brother’s every words.

“ But when can I come out?” The second son asked.

“ Wait till the sun lights up the room, only then can you come out. Okay?”

“ but what if mom would call for me?”

“ Never answer, it’s not her. The monster only mimics her voice, do you hear me?” Sunggyu said, “ if you come out of this room, something bad will happen to mom. Do yo hear me? Don’t leave this room.”

The young Myungsoo conceded silently, when his older brother turned to leave he caught the end of Sunggyu’s shirt.

“ Can’t you stay here?”

“ I can’t. It’s not every time that I’ll be there to help you” Sunggyu looked at his younger brother, “ Grow up.”

The younger brother could only nod his head as his older brother brushed him off and closed the door.

Myungsoo hugged his body sitting by the door. He snuggled on the blanket his older brother had provided for him. He trusted Sunggyu, his brother was the only person he could trust that will always look out for him. Even when he’s alone in the room

He felt as if Sunggyu was guarding him from nearby and it made him feel brave. It’s only been a few weeks when his older brother got back from the hospital. Myungsoo missed his older brother he’s not even allowed to see him the only thing he could do was slip the old rugged toy he made for his older brother. Myungsoo rubbed his cheek, he could still feel a bit of stinging sensation from when his mother slapped him when she caught his youngest son sneaking in his with toys to his brother’s room to play.  

From the attic Myungsoo could hear the muffled crashing sounds. It was probably because he was used to hearing those sounds that even though he doesn’t see what’s going on he knew his parents was fighting.

“I know they’re arguing with each other again. No matter how hard I cover my ears, I can still hear them” The older boy paused for a moment before he continued.

The latter then remembered the suffocating silence that enveloped the whole house. He wanted to call out his brother but covered his mouth. He sat on the floor, ears by the door trying to any sound he could from below.

Myungsoo blinked and he brought back himself to the present, he slowly look at Sungjong.

“Then, I heard a car pulled over I went to the window and saw it parked in the alley at the back of our house. I couldn’t see much since the snow was a bit strong but then a few minutes later” Myungsoo took the time to catch his breathe, “ I saw mom walked out of the house and… and he was holding Sunggyu by the hand.”

“They were carrying bags.”

Sungjong could only looked at Myungsoo in silence. If anyone other than himself could see the pain in the latter’s expression one would truly believed that he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“ I was sure he was looking up at me before they entered the car and drove away. I didn’t know what happened but I was calling out my brother’s name while crying banging the window that my dad found me.”
Myungsoo could hear his dad’s voice ringing behind his ear while calling his name. When his dad tried to pulled him out of the room he resisted while angrily crying our to his dad to stop.

“ They’re not coming back! Your mom or your brother! They’re not coming back”

That was the first time I saw dad crying on his knees. He apologized for so many times I thought he’d gone insane. He was begging me to come to him.

And I did.” Myungsoo shook his head.

I asked my dad, where is mom?

Where did Sunggyu go?

When are they going to come back...

but my dad just hugged me and apologized, “ They’re gone, they’re not coming back here. Your mom, she left us. It’s just the two of us from now on. I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean dad?”

“Your mom, she abandoned us.”

A tear escape the young man's eyes, Myungsoo's hands were trembling as he gazed into Sungjong's eyes, 

" Mom left us." 

............................................................IDeviant....................................................................

Hi guys! He're the first part of Myungsoo's side of the story. I hope you like it, I was kinda happy that despite this week being so busy I was still able to update today...

Actually I can't sleep at night because the story has been bugging me for so long every time I close my eyes I can feel it whispering inside my head! I think I just need coffee hehe 

Happy weekend