"Out of the mud of your fears, struggles, pain, and confusion, the lotus flower of your inner heart will spontaneously grow" – Unknown

Two and a Half Months ago…

Hyun-Woo had been captured. The police officers loyal to Woo Bin and the Song clan had allowed F3 the opportunity to question Hyun-Woo first. Woo Bin, Joon Pyo, and Yi Jeong stood in a solitary, colorless room underneath a series of fluorescent lights. Hyun-Woo sat handcuffed at a long, gray table. Hyun-Woo stared out at F3 with a smirk on his face.

Woo Bin turned to Joon Pyo and Yi Jeong. "Want to play Good Cop, Bad Cop?"

"Yea, I'll be Bad Cop!" Joon Pyo exuberantly volunteered.

"I wanted to be Bad Cop," Woo Bin whined, almost childishly.

"No way!"

"How about Bad Cop, Bad Cop?" Yi Jeong suggested with a grin from the sidelines.

Joon Pyo and Woo Bin simultaneously grinned. "You want in on this Yi Jeong?"

Yi Jeong folded his arms, "No, I'll just watch."

F2 turned to Hyun-Woo.

Woo Bin grew extremely serious. He leaned forward menacingly and clutched the table so hard it could have snapped. "The charges are: kidnapping, assault, attempted murder, and murder… How do you plead?"

"What is this? " Hyun-Woo demanded. Where is my lawyer?" he replied, arrogantly.

"You don't get one," Woo Bin replied.

"Of course I get one! Where do you think we are? This is the United States. And I'm not talking until I do."

Alex entered in a black skirt suit, with her hair up, and glasses on. She gave Hyun-Woo a death-glare before turning to F3.

"Ohhh, another bad cop," Woo Bin grinned.

"You think you people intimidate me or something?" Hyun-Woo sneered.

Woo Bin swiftly moved to Hyun-Woo and knocked him across the face with the back of his hand. Then, Woo Bin pulled up a chair beside Hyun-Woo and straddled it backward. He leaned over the back and glared at Hyun-Woo.

"I should…break…each…one…of your fingers one by one for what you did to my friend…," Woo Bin said slowly, twisted as the branches of an old tree in winter, "No, I should do worse, but that's a start… And not one person here would stop me," he snarled in a low tone. "Feeling intimidated yet?"

"No," Hyun-Woo growled.

Woo Bin grabbed Hyun-Woo by the collar. "You attempted to kill two of my best friends…you put one of them in the hospital for three weeks in a coma!" Woo Bin roughly released his grip.

"Not to mention you kidnapped Jan Di and abused Alex!" Joon Pyo shouted.

Hyun-Woo scoffed.

"Is this funny to you?" Joon Pyo grabbed Hyun-Woo by the collar this time, pulled him up, and slammed him against the back wall.

Hyun-Woo smiled devilishly. Joon Pyo reared back and punched him square in the jaw. Alex exchanged a glance with Yi Jeong, and then she sighed and crossed her arms.

"Hey man, easy…," Woo Bin put up a hand, grinning.

"I thought you were a bad cop?" Joon Pyo shot back at Woo Bin over his shoulder, as he tightened his grip on Hyun-Woo's collar.

"I am. Just hoping that you leave some for me, while I try to decide what to do to him first," Woo Bin squeezed his fist.

Hyun-Woo touched his mouth. "You guys are so pathetic," he snarled in a toxic voice, "This pitiful show you're putting on...I know, it's just that. I know you're not going to do anything…you F4 pretty boys are nothing but cowardly weaklings controlled by your women!"

F3 scoffed. No women controlled them! Well, perhaps they were fools for a couple women in particular…

"And as far as your friend goes…I wish I had killed him…he's the weakest one of you all…" Hyun-Woo glared at F3. F3 collectively fumed. Joon Pyo's nostrils flared, and he tightened his fists at his side. Yi Jeong tightened his grip upon his own arms.

"Oh, that's it!" Woo Bin quickly closed the distance between himself and Hyun-Woo. He grabbed Hyun-Woo's arm and twisted it roughly. The sound of bone crunching could be heard. Hyun-Woo shouted out and writhed in pain. Yi Jeong tightened his jaw and put a hand to his head. Alex cringed.

"Stop, Woo Bin. Don't break it." Joon Pyo approached and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. Woo Bin turned to Joon Pyo, his face contorted by rage and still gripping Hyun-Woo's arm. Woo Bin scowled at Hyun-Woo and dropped the arm. Hyun-Woo clutched at it, still squirming from the pain of his nearly snapped ulna.

Joon Pyo turned to Hyun-Woo and got in his face. "Yoon Ji Hoo is a bigger man than you'll ever be."

Yi Jeong, the most sensible of the three men in the room, then approached Hyun-Woo. "You know we could stand here all day and cause you physical pain. And we would enjoy it, but that's really not why we're here." Yi Jeong looked Hyun-Woo coolly in the eye. "We're not like you."

Yi Jeong sighed. "…We're not going to offer you any deals or anything, but we wanted to give you the opportunity to do the right thing. We have plenty of evidence to put you away for a long time. You will go to jail, but perhaps you can ease your conscience a bit and make things easier for yourself by cooperating."

Alex sighed. She looked down and hugged herself tighter. Hyun-woo glared at Yi Jeong and then shot a fleeting look to Alex.

Hyun-Woo scoffed. "We shall see. I want to see my lawyer, now!" he demanded.

"Fine," Yi Jeong replied and walked away from him.

"You can see your lawyer once you apologize to her," Joon Pyo motioned to Alex. Alex looked to Joon Pyo and then to Hyun-Woo. She tightened .

Hyun-Woo scoffed. "Apologize? Why would I do that? Why would I admit that I am at fault for anything?"

"It's a lost cause, Joon Pyo. And conscience, Yi Jeong? He has none," Alex sneered. She put her hands on her hips and approached Hyun-Woo. F3 surrounded protectively.

"Hyun-Woo, there were a lot of things I wanted to say to you for a long time…I know it's useless to say any of them to you, but I'll go ahead, considering I won't see you ever again."

He squinted at her and tightened his jaw but remained silent.

"I loved you, and you betrayed me… I thought of you for a long time and of Joo-Won…" She suddenly raised a hand and slapped him in the face, pushing it to the side from the force. He grimaced and turned back to her. "That's for Joo-Won. I'm stopping there because I know that you're going to be punished for your crimes. I want you to know that I'm going to move on with my life, and I'm going to be happy. I'm never going to think of you again. You're no longer going to hurt me or the people I care about."

Hyun-Woo appeared the slightest bit affected. "Now, tell me about my father…," she demanded.

After the interrogation, Joon Pyo and Alex took a walk through Washington Square Park. They'd gotten some answers, and Hyun-Woo would be going to trial very soon. It seemed very clear that he'd be found guilty and spend most, if not his entire life, in jail.

"How are you doing, Joon Pyo?" she asked hesitantly.

"Fine," he replied bluntly, "Relieved to have this done with. And you?"

"I'm relieved as well," she sighed.

He looked to her. "Are you OK?"

She nodded and gazed out at the fountain. "Mm. Now, I can finally begin to move on…"

He nodded, without looking at her. He appeared as far away as the moon to her.

"What about you, Joon Pyo?"

"What about me?" he asked shortly.

"Are you…OK?"

He continued to walk ahead and then stopped. "No." He sat on a nearby bench and leaned forward. "No, I'm not."

Alex sat beside him. He buried his face in his hands, and Alex hesitantly put a hand on his back. She released her breath. She said nothing, but her hand remained supportively on his back, and he didn't push it away. She watched a couple pass, walking hand-in-hand down the concrete path.

Joon Pyo recalled Jan Di's words.

"I love you, Joon Pyo. I do, very much, but I just can't be with you while I'm having these other feelings… Mianhae, Goo Joon Pyo, mianhada…"

Jan Di had cried and knelt before him. He felt his insides slowly crumbling like a freshly demolished building. His eyes were reddened but remained dry. How could she possibly say that she loved him but harbor these other feelings? He hadn't understood how she could possibly have such confusion or let such indiscretions happen. At least, he hadn't then.

They sat together on the bench. "Joon Pyo," Alex began hesitantly. "About the kiss…"

He gave no reaction.

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. I was just caught up in the moment. I got a little dramatic, I guess…"

Joon Pyo was silent for a moment. He looked far off into the distance. "It's OK," he simply said.

The next few months were a whirlwind of emotions for Joon Pyo, as he attempted to go about life without Jan Di. He ran hot and cold on Alex and the others around him. He experienced the stages of "Grief" in all their glory. First was the denial. He acted like nothing was wrong. He continued to send messages to Jan Di and call occasionally, as if nothing had changed. She was polite, yet avoidant, and that drove him nuts.

Then, Anger reared its head. He'd shout at those around him for no reason, and he especially focused his anger on Jan Di. He'd send her a message, and if she didn't respond right away, he'd lash out through a series of other messages or call to rant at her. When he talked to her on the phone everything about her seemed to annoy him and set him off. He screamed at her and brought her to tears more than once. And then Depression came. And the cycle continued. Alex had done her best to help along the way. She'd pulled out all the stops. She'd tried talking, drinking, distraction, even childish destruction. He hadn't realized that she'd been right there with him for the entire ride.

One vulnerable night, Joon Pyo and Alex were once again together at a bar after work. They'd both had a bit too much to drink. After closing, they'd half-walked, half-stumbled back to his penthouse. Alex had slipped, and Joon Pyo had taken her by the arm and helped her up. He draped her arm over his shoulder and put his arm around her tiny waist. He attempted to help her along, but truly neither had been in any condition to physically support the other.

Somehow they made it inside, and they ended up talking. Joon Pyo had confided in Alex that night, more than he ever had. Half the time he hadn't even realized what he was saying until it had already escaped his lips. They'd talked about their lives, their mutual hatred for the families, and mostly about Jan Di and Joo-Won. They were unable to recall all the details the next morning, but they both agreed it had been cathartic.

One detail that had been exceedingly clear was that they'd kissed again. This time it was Joon Pyo's doing. They had both been seated on the floor, against the wall of all places, as they'd been unable to make it much further. Joon Pyo had been mumbling some nonsense about Jan Di and Ji Hoo.

"What does he have that I don't?" he managed to mutter.

"Nothing," Alex had responded to his semi-rhetorical question. "You're the amazing Goo Joon Pyo!"

"That's right," he mumbled. "But why isn't that good enough?"

"It IS good enough," she insisted.

He let his head fall back against the wall, with a slight bang.

Alex sighed heavily and looked over at him. He met her eyes after a moment and noticed she was just staring at him.

"What?" he demanded. She gazed upon him with an almost dreamy expression.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he demanded.

She sighed and said, "No reason."

Joon Pyo scoffed and told her she was crazy.

"Yes. Yes, I must be crazy," she agreed but continued to stare at him.

"What?!" he demanded again.

Finally, she mumbled, "I like you, Joon Pyo…I like you a lot…"

He wasn't sure where it had come from or what had possessed him, but he'd leaned in and taken her lips. She'd closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss briefly. It had been an intense yet short battle of two strong wills. Seconds later, Alex had passed out against his chest.

He'd slipped into unconsciousness himself shortly after, only to be mortified the next morning. They'd awoken the next morning and stared at each other wide eyed for a few minutes before realizing what had taken place. Then, they'd composed themselves and proceeded to take aspirin, drink a lot of water, and attempt to stomach some food.

Once sober and thinking clearly, they'd had a serious talk. Alex had admitted that she meant what she said when she told him she liked him and expressed how afraid she'd been for him. After a few thinly veiled insults, Joon Pyo had honestly told her that he found her to be very beautiful, enjoyed her company, and cared for her deeply, but that he still loved Jan Di. Jan Di was the one, the only one, he'd said.

She'd figured as much. She'd smiled and moved on from there. She'd asked him what he intended to do. "Will you fight for her?" Alex had asked.

"Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment" - Buddha

The Present...

Jan Di and Ji Hoo sat on the couch together studying. Jan Di rested her head against Ji Hoo's shoulder. He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. She instinctively snuggled closer, as she read silently from her textbook. He put his arm around her and lightly ran his fingers down her arm, massaging it. Then, he took her hand with his other. He began to place gentle kisses on it. He pulled up the sleeve of her sweatshirt and began to trail gentle kisses up her arm.

"Sunbae!" she exclaimed, after catching her breath.

He stopped and looked at her.

"I need to focus, and so do you!" she chastised.

He chuckled. "Sorry, I can't help it…" He nuzzled noses with her and placed a small kiss on her nose before pulling her closer to him.

Jan Di shook her head but inadvertently released a contented sigh. "I guess we're done studying then?"

He smiled and ran his thumb down her cheek and then kissed her lips. When he began to deepen the kiss, Jan Di pulled back. "No!" she pushed him playfully away, "I really need to study, stop distracting me!" She quickly grabbed her book and moved to the other end of the couch. She glanced over and pursed her lips, and then she smiled to herself.

Ji Hoo cleared his throat. "Sorry." He grinned and went back to his book. He grew pensive. After a moment, he glanced over at her.

"So, I guess it's safe to say the whole dating experiment was a success…" he began hesitantly, focusing his gaze on his book rather than her.

She glanced to him briefly, almost anxiously.

"I guess it's pretty obvious that we're compatible…" he continued.

He looked over at her. She looked down and nodded.

"And we're clearly attracted to each other…," he proceeded.

She blushed slightly and nodded again.

"And we… lo— have very strong feelings for each other…" He wasn't sure why he'd hesitated to say it. It wasn't as though he'd never said it before.

Her chest fell and rose heavily. She swallowed hard and nodded. He slowly moved over to sit next to her again. He took her hand and simply held it for a moment.

"Jan Di-yah…"

She met his eyes, timid as a mouse.

He squeezed her hand. "Jan Di-yah…," he began again, nervously. He took both of her hands this time and turned fully to her.

She continued to look at him, her breathing elevating from the intensity of his gaze. And then, her phone rang. She released the breath she'd been holding and glanced to the phone. She flinched visibly upon noticing who the caller was. He'd noticed, too.

After it had rung a few times, Ji Hoo asked, "Are you going to get that?"

"No, it's OK," she said.

"Go ahead," he suggested.

"OK. I'm s-sorry, I won't be long. Excuse me," she stammered. She picked up the phone and stood and walked across the room. Ji Hoo watched after her, suddenly feeling something very unpleasant rising within him.

"Joon Pyo, hi," he heard her say as she left the room.

Ji Hoo's chest began to ache with a familiar yet more intense form of jealousy. He leaned back against the couch and sighed. Good timing, Joon Pyo…

Jan Di returned 15 minutes later, not that Ji Hoo was timing it or anything... He'd done his best to avoid thinking about what Jan Di and Joon Pyo could be talking about, but he couldn't help being completely preoccupied by the fact that his girlfriend was on the phone with her ex-boyfriend.

"I'm sorry about that, Sunbae."

Ji Hoo stood and crossed his arms. "Was that Joon Pyo?"

"Yes."

"What did he want?"

"Nothing, really. He was just saying hi."

Long conversation for just saying hi… "So, have you two been talking a lot?"

"Not a lot. He's been calling a bit more in the past few weeks, though."

"Oh." Ji Hoo desperately wanted more information, but at the same time he felt anxious. "What do you guys talk about?" Ji Hoo knew that he was prying and being very mistrustful right now, but he couldn't seem to stop. He felt like tiny needles were stabbing him repeatedly in the heart.

Jan Di shook her head. "Nothing much, really. We're just trying to be friends, I guess. For awhile he was freezing me out, and then he got really angry, and now he's trying to be friends."

"Hm, friends, huh?" Ji Hoo commented suspiciously. It left a terrible taste in his mouth.

"Yes, friends," she repeated.

Ji Hoo hesitated. "Did you tell him that we're dating?"

Jan Di looked down and mumbled, "Well, no not yet..."

Ji Hoo sighed. "Why not? It's been nearly three months." He shoved his hands in his pockets and began to pace.

"Because we haven't talked much, and I didn't really know how to say it…it's kind of hard over the phone…" Though, she couldn't imagine it being any better in person, perhaps worse. "Plus, Joon Pyo's been having a rough time with our break-up. I didn't want to make it worse."

"Oh," Ji Hoo grew even more somber and continued to pace.

"I'm sorry. I should've told him by now."

Ji Hoo sighed and turned back to her. "There's no other reason, then, that you didn't tell him?"

"Like what?" she asked, incredulous.

"Like, maybe you're not sure about what you want, or you're not sure things will work out with us?"

"Sunbae…it's not that. It just isn't easy to say…"

Ji Hoo nodded in apparent understanding, but he still seemed incredibly hurt. "You should tell him."

Jan Di sighed. "I know, you're right."

"Actually, I should have told him; he's my friend. Maybe I should talk to him," Ji Hoo said decisively.

"No. I should do it," she retorted.

Ji Hoo sighed again. "Well, you should do it sooner rather than later, OK? Or, it'll only be worse." He recalled the last time… "It's not going to get any easier…"

"I know, you're right." She didn't exactly care for his tone, though.

"Unless…" Ji Hoo began.

"Unless what?"

"Unless there's some reason you don't want him to know…"

"Sunbae…that's not fair! I'm not deliberately keeping it from him. It's just hard to say… And I'm worried about how he'll take it."

Ji Hoo sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands.

"I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to cause problems between you two either," she said gently and sat down next to him.

He still had his face buried in his hands and was leaning forward, resting his elbows against his knees. "Sunbae…" She put a hand on his back. "I'm sorry. Are you upset with me?"

He dropped his hands and turned to her. "No," he paused, "…I'm going to go to bed, though. I'm kind of tired. Goodnight." He stood and made his way to his room.

Jan Di sighed and went to her room as well.

"There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills" - Buddha

The next day was tense. Ji Hoo was clearly in a foul mood and had been very quiet. Jan Di hadn't seen him much that day. He'd said that it was due to his schedule, but he also wasn't making any effort to see her like he normally would. She pondered about how to break the news to Joon Pyo. Maybe she should just come out and say what she'd avoided for so long, rip off the bandage.

Jan Di had been highly distracted all day long. She decided to go to the stairwell in the late afternoon to clear her head. The stairwell had been her sanctuary, their sanctuary for the longest time, so she wasn't entirely surprised to find Ji Hoo there, sitting with his back against the balcony, one leg bent and an arm resting against it.

"Sunbae…"

He looked up at her with an expression bleak as rain on a wedding day, and he was silent. She sat beside him and glanced over. He just stared out ahead.

"Don't make that face," she poked his cheek as he'd done to her. The corners of his mouth curved slightly. Jan Di pursed her lips and sighed.

"Do you remember the first time we met here?"

"How could I forget?" he gave a weak smile.

"Hmm, what you must have thought of me…," she mused.

He gave a faint chuckle. "I thought you were noisy…and interesting…"

She chuckled. "And I was completely humiliated..."

His smile grew slightly. "Because you were caught ranting about us?"

"Yea, that and…because I kind of had a crush on you…"

He looked at her. Jan Di looked down and smiled at the memory. She hugged her legs to her chest. "I had a crush on you from the first time I saw you playing in the woods…" His lips parted, and then he smiled at her tenderly.

"Then, I found out about F4, and that you were part of F4…" She gave a short laugh. "I wasn't sure what to think after that…"

He smirked. "And then the yelling came…"

Jan Di chuckled. "Yea… Well, I was mainly yelling about Joon Pyo… But I soon realized that you weren't like the others… And I fell for you…But you already loved someone else."

He sighed. "I was so stupid back then…"

"What do you mean? You already had a history with Seo Hyun, and I'm nothing compared to her… Why would you even look at someone like me? I didn't stand a chance." Jan Di glanced downward and pursed her lips.

"That's not true at all… I was just so blind then…but despite that, I still noticed you."

Jan Di shook her head. "I honestly don't know what you or Joon Pyo ever saw in me…"

He put a hand on hers. "There were so many things we saw in you…you were, no are, very special."

She smiled weakly. "Did you know that you were my first love?" she asked, rubbing her knee lightly with her free hand.

"I'm very honored by that," he smiled at her. She continued to look down and hugged her knees tighter.

"…I suspected it…," he continued, "…I kind of heard what you said about letting go of your first love that night of our first date… That was when I let you go. One of the worst nights of my life… I never should've let you go… I never should have gone after Seo Hyun in the first place, really. If I hadn't done that, then maybe you and Joon Pyo would never have…maybe you and I would have…"

"There's no use in dwelling on what ifs, right?" she replied. "We just have to deal with what is before us, and we're here now, right?"

Ji Hoo sighed. He stood and began to pace around the stairwell. "It killed me when I lost you the first time…and I thought I'd never have you back… And then I finally had you…"

Jan Di looked up at him and stood. She stared at his back. She approached him cautiously and touched his arm. "Sunbae…"

He turned back to her and fervently took her in his arms. He pulled her in close, resting one hand on her back, and the other was intertwined in her hair. Her hair was much longer now, slightly curly, and a lovely shade of chestnut. It currently hung halfway down her back in a ponytail. Pleased with the results from the first time, she'd continued to let him trim it for her. He'd mentioned once that he wanted to see it long, so she'd decided to let it grow, He found himself running his hand through her hair, the hair he knew so well. He leaned into her and rested his chin on her shoulder, attempting to hide the anguish that was plainly written on his face.

"That's why I got so upset last night…because I'm so afraid to lose you again…when I think about losing you again, it makes me crazy…I feel like…I barely have you as it is…and that's not your fault. I mean, these last few months have been…incredible, but I know that part of your heart still belongs to Joon Pyo...," he paused, "…And I understand that… It kills me, but I can deal with it as long as you're with me…as long as I know that someday…maybe…you'll be able to let go of him and be completely mine..."

"Sunbae…" she whispered against him, tears forming now.

He released her and brought her to arm's length. "I know that no matter what he'll always have a special place in your heart, but I just hope that…someday, maybe…" his voice trailed off.

Ji Hoo paused and turned slightly from her. He put a hand to his head. "I just can't believe we're together sometimes…it doesn't seem real, and I feel like I'm going to wake up any minute…"

"Sunbae…" She slipped her hand into his and gave it a comforting squeeze. He squeezed back.

"I worry that I pushed you too quickly…that we jumped in too quickly…" he turned back to her and met her gaze.

She sighed, and he took both of her hands. "I don't want to scare you away, but…if I lost you now…I don't think I could go on…"

"Sunbae…"

"I'm in way too deep now, Jan Di. You're everything to me now…" He immediately regretted speaking so freely, and he released the breath he'd been holding. Then, he slowly released her hand and turned away. He took a few steps from her.

"Even if I could never have you, I don't think I could leave your side...," he said.

"Sunbae…"

He sighed. "I'm sorry for getting so jealous… Forgive me."

Jan Di tightened . She shook her head. "No, you had a good reason to be upset. I should have told Joon Pyo. I can see why you'd be concerned about it. I am going to tell him and very soon. …I'm not very good at relationships and love if you hadn't noticed," she gave a short laugh. "I'm still learning, I guess, and I'm trying to get better. I hope you can be patient with me a little while longer…"

She approached him again and put a hand on his arm. She tugged gently on his sleeve and he turned toward her. She put both hands on the side of his face and pulled him down gently. She gave him a tender kiss on the lips.

"I really do love you," she said sincerely.

He melted and put his hand behind her head and pulled her gently to him. He touched his forehead lightly to hers. He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her into his chest. "Oh, Jan Di. I love you, too, my little otter…" And they remained there for awhile longer, wrapped up in each other's embrace.