Joon Pyo leaned back heavily in his office chair. He put a hand to his forehead and lightly rubbed his temples. Since Jan Di's visit he'd been going about life in a daze, simply going through the motions. He couldn't shake the sickening feeling that he was losing her. She'd apologized, and he'd forgiven her, but he couldn't stop picturing the image of her and Ji Hoo kissing. He was going crazy knowing that Ji Hoo was with her everyday, and he was thousands of miles away.

He thought of Ji Hoo. They'd been best friends for 15 years. The two had been unlikely best friends, as different as night and day, as they say. It began with Joon Pyo approaching an introverted 5 year old Ji Hoo at school. He watched Ji Hoo play with a toy and had been prepared to demand that he give it to him. Instead, the boy had held the toy out to him willingly, avoiding eye contact the entire time. It had been the first gesture of kindness anyone had ever shown him. They'd been friends since that day. He'd assumed they would always be best friends, but he could feel their friendship being ripped apart at the seams.

It had always been difficult for him to think of others before himself. He supposed that it was because he'd always been treated like he was the only one who mattered. Yet, as Alex had said, he mattered not because he was a son or friend, but because he was a commodity. He was important because of his name and what he could bring to Shinwha. That was, until Ji Hoo and the rest of F4 came along. The members of F4 had been true friends to him, especially Ji Hoo. Joon Pyo, Ji Hoo, Yi Jung, and Woo Bin, they were always together. And they were loyal to him. He liked that. They valued him as a friend, not because of his name, but because of him.

So, why was he willing to toss it all away? His feelings for Jan Di were strong, very strong. She was his first love, and he loved her more than anyone in this world. He could never forget that. Ji Hoo had long ago relinquished Jan Di to him. There were very few times Ji Hoo didn't succumb to him. Ji Hoo was always the calm one, the voice of reason. He'd voice his opinion when he felt that Joon Pyo should rethink something, but he almost never opposed him. There had only been a handful of times when Ji Hoo had resisted Joon Pyo, when Joon Pyo had attempted to take Ji Hoo's handmade robot from his father, and now Jan Di. He could once again see Ji Hoo putting up a fight about handing over something he loved dearly. But unlike the robot, Jan Di belonged to Joon Pyo.

Joon Pyo couldn't imagine a reality in which Jan Di did not belong to him. He just couldn't accept it. There was a time when he'd considered handing Jan Di over to Ji Hoo because he felt that she would be better off. The idea had driven him mad, but he'd been prepared to do it as a last resort. He knew that Jan Di would be in good hands. He could imagine Ji Hoo loving and caring for her each day. This thought further enraged him. He desired for Jan Di to be happy, but he needed to be the one to bring that for her. He hated needing anything or anyone, but he could feel it so strongly.

He couldn't imagine not having control of this. He'd truly believed for a long time that he could make anything happen the way he wanted by simply asserting his will. At first, it had all been about winning her over, about getting his way, about the control… Jan Di hated him at first. He'd changed her mind. She refused to date him at first. He'd changed her mind. But, now…

In the midst of his agony, Alex walked in. She studied him for a moment. He hadn't yet noticed she was there. She pursed her lips and sighed before calling his name.

"Joon Pyo, would you like to get some lunch with me?"

He stirred from his musings. "What?"

"Lunch. Would you like to get some lunch with me?"

"Oh. Whatever."

Alex and Joon Pyo sat down to lunch at the café in their building. Alex sipped the tea that had been brought out for her. She watched a clearly distracted Joon Pyo over her glass.

"How are things going?" She asked casually.

Joon Pyo looked at her but didn't respond.

"You worked things out with your girlfriend, right? You spent Christmas together, didn't you?"

Joon Pyo sighed. "I suppose we worked things out."

Alex chewed her lip. "So, was it a misunderstanding?"

Joon Pyo looked away.

"You did talk about the situation and where you stand, didn't you?"

"Alex, just shut up!" He shouted, trembling with anger.

Alex stared at him.

"I don't want to talk about it, and it's none of your business!"

Alex nodded slowly, unable to deny feeling a bit hurt. "I'm sorry," she responded coldly.

Joon Pyo exhaled sharply and stood. He turned from the table and walked off, leaving Alex sitting there.

Valentine's Day was quickly approaching. Ga Eul had been eagerly talking about sending something to Yi Jung in Sweden but was concerned about shipping costs. Jan Di thought of Joon Pyo and wondered how much it would be to send something to him. It probably wouldn't get there in time. She'd been too busy to be proactive about such things… That wasn't her greatest dilemma, though. She was agonizing over whom to give her Valentine's gift to this year. It only made sense to give it to her boyfriend. But, part of her really wanted to do something nice for Ji Hoo. He was her best friend; he'd done so much for her, and she was now being allowed to live in his home once more… She felt very grateful to him, and she felt herself wanting to make him…happy. Could she give to both? Was that wishy-washy? There was no rule against giving a Valentine to a male friend, was there? She sighed heavily before beginning to prepare her signature Valentine's Day chocolates in Ji Hoo's kitchen.

Jan Di was icing her masterpiece when Ji Hoo returned home. He meandered to the kitchen and noticed her inside. She was wearing a flowery apron with a character of some sort on it and concentrating hard on something. She didn't notice him enter right away.

He watched her for a moment before she looked up and saw him. "Sunbae!" She gasped. He gave a wave and smiled.

Instead of greeting him she waved him away frantically. "You have to get out!"

"What? You're kicking me out?" He asked, taken aback.

She laughed nervously. "Uh, yes…sorry…"

He cocked his head and looked at her curiously. She covered whatever she was working on.

"I was just going to get a glass of water."

"I'll get it!" Jan Di pulled out a glass and water bottle and poured the water for him. She walked over and handed it roughly to him, as she pushed him toward the door.

Ji Hoo took the glass and smirked down at her. "Alright, I'm going." He smiled and shook his head, as he exited the kitchen.

"See you later!" She waved him off once more and returned to her project.

Ji Hoo sat in his armchair reading. Jan Di had been in the kitchen for awhile. He was curious about what she was doing, but he was not one to pry. He looked up from his book absentmindedly. He smiled at the way her face had wrinkled in concentration and how flustered she'd gotten when he caught her. Was she actually making something for him?

Ji Hoo's phone rang. He looked at it, expressionless. He hesitated before picking it up. He greeted the other party and got up from his chair. He walked over to the windows. He glanced briefly toward the kitchen.

"Ah, I don't think I can, but thanks for thinking of me…" He ended the call and sighed. He returned to his chair and slumped back into it.

Later that evening after dinner, Jan Di and Ji Hoo sat together in the living room studying. Jan Di stared down at her book and rubbed her shoulder. Ji Hoo glanced over at her. "Are you OK?"

"Mm. Just a little stiff."

"Is your shoulder acting up again?"

"A little, but it's not bad, really."

Ji Hoo considered massaging the spot for her. But no, that would be something a boyfriend would do…

He simply nodded and turned back to his book, after one last brief glance. He was finding it hard to concentrate, so he headed to his piano. He sat down and began to play a melody.

Jan Di smiled, as she listened from the next room. After a short time, she made her way into the dining room. She watched him at the piano from a distance for a moment and then made her way over to him. "May I join you," she asked.

He looked up at her and nodded. She sat next to him and put her hands next to his on the piano. They locked eyes briefly. Jan Di abruptly looked down at the keyboard. They had done this so many times, but somehow being so close made her feel nervous lately. Ji Hoo began to play a familiar song that they'd played together many times. She followed suit and moved her hands in unison with his.

They finished the song, and Ji Hoo began another. She didn't recognize it, but the melody was soft and haunting. The music was soothing, and Jan Di suddenly felt very relaxed. She felt the urge to rest her head against his shoulder while he played. But no, she shouldn't do that. She watched him, as his fingers caressed the keys delicately but firmly and his eyes bore into them. Her eyes fluttered, as she felt herself falling into a trance.

Ji Hoo finished the melody. "What did you think?"

"Hm?" She smiled up at him, suddenly brought back to reality. "Oh, it was beautiful!"

He smiled back at her. "I wrote it," he said humbly.

"Really?"

"Mm."

"It's really beautiful! What inspired you to write a song?"

"You did."

Jan Di's lips parted, and she stared at him for a moment.

"I wrote it for you," he said, without looking at her.

"Sunbae," she uttered, touched. "Thank you…" Though, the words didn't quite express it.

She smiled shyly. "Are there…lyrics?"

"…Some, but it's in progress. Mostly, it's just a melody right now." He paused and looked down at the keyboard. "I wrote it when you left for New York."

He met her eyes for a moment, and then he turned back to the piano. He toyed with the keys before putting his hands in his lap. He looked back to her. "Have you…been alright lately?"

"Hm?"

"You seem…different."

She mentally berated herself. Of course Ji Hoo would notice; he knew her all too well. Perhaps better than she knew herself.

"Oh…I'm fine."

He stared at her, clearly not convinced. "You can tell me if something is bothering you."

"It's nothing really," she smiled.

He nodded slowly and pursed his lips.

Jan Di excused herself shortly afterward. She prepared for bed and entered her room. She pulled out her phone. She brought up Joon Pyo's number and stared at it for a long moment. She hit the dial button. She took a deep breath as she listened to it ringing.

"Hello," Joon Pyo answered.

"Hello, Joon Pyo, how are you?"

"I'm fine. And you?"

Jan Di cleared . "Fine, thank you… How was your day today, well yesterday?"

"Fine. Yours?"

"Fine, too." Jan di pursed her lips, as the awkwardness washed over her. She closed her eyes tightly and took another deep breath. "Joon Pyo."

"Yes?" He asked calmly.

"I need to tell you something." She paused, hearing only silence on the other end.

She hesitated another 20 seconds or so. "…I'm staying with Ji Hoo Sunbae right now." She uttered and released a heavy breath.

She heard silence once more.

"It's only temporary…you see, my apartment is being worked on now, and it's unlivable, and my family is staying with relatives and renting out our place, so…"

"You're living there?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes. But just temporarily."

"Why did you go to him with your problem instead of me?" He asked coldly.

"It wasn't like that…you see…"

Joon Pyo snorted on the other end.

"Grandfather overheard and insisted… He practically dragged me here, actually," she chuckled nervously.

"And you couldn't say no?"

"Well, it's kind of difficult to say no to Grandfather, but really…it won't be much longer…"

She could hear him sneer on the other end.

"Does this bother you...?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course it bothers me!" He responded, raising his voice.

Jan Di was silent, slightly taken aback. "What are you worried about?"

"What am I worried about?" He jeered.

"Yes."

"Forget it."

"No, tell me…do you think something is going to happen?"

"I don't know. Something happened before," He replied coldly.

She could feel herself becoming angry, but she could hear the hurt in his voice, and it softened her. She knew that he was justified in his mistrust.

"Goo Joon Pyo, nothing is going to happen," she stated firmly.

Silence again.

"Joon Pyo?" She checked to see if he was still there.

"What exactly is going on between you two?" He asked suddenly.

Jan Di gaped, caught off-guard by his directness.

"N-n-nothing!" She stammered. She fidgeted with her blanket and twisted it beneath her fingers, as she wrapped herself tighter in it.

"Nothing, really?"

"Of course, nothing!"

"So, he kissed you against your will, then?"

Jan Di felt her stomach drop, and she felt suddenly speechless. It appeared they were going to discuss it now.

"Well, he…" She stammered, unsure of how to proceed.

"He forced himself on you?" Joon Pyo accused. "Was this yet another trap?"

"No! It wasn't like that…"

"Then, explain…" Joon Pyo growled.

Jan Di took a deep breath. "I can't really explain…we were talking, and he moved to kiss me. I just froze…I guess, I wasn't thinking, and I let him, OK?" She blurted out the end, nearly shouting it.

Silence again.

"It was only for a few seconds, but I allowed it…it was my fault, too." Jan Di hung her head heavily. She felt as though a weight had been lifted from her by confessing, but she simultaneously felt sickened. "I don't know why I did it…I'm so, so sorry, Joon Pyo." She emphasized the sorrys. And she truly was sorry for hurting him. She could feel tears forming.

The other end was very silent. She'd expected him to yell. She'd expected him to go into a rage. She wondered if he was even still there.

Breathing heavily, she said his name. She could hear his breathing now, and it was very heavy and tense.

"I made a mistake. Can you…forgive me?" She asked, timidly, feeling the wetness of the tears streaming down her face.

There was silence for another moment, and then Joon Pyo simply said, "I don't know."

Jan Di heard the call end. She checked her phone to make sure. He'd hung up. She couldn't blame him. She absentmindedy felt her phone slip from her fingers and heard it drop to the floor. She hugged her knees to her chest and released the floodgates.

Ji Hoo had been passing her room. He hesitated outside upon hearing the all too familiar sound of her crying. He knew her cries well, and they had varying levels of intensity. This one was a heavy downpour. He could clearly tell that she was hurting severely. He felt the familiar pit in his stomach that he got every time he knew she was hurting. The emergency bell was ringing loudly in his heart. He froze and leaned heavily against the door, listening. The cries continued and began to increase. He clenched his jaw tightly and began to walk away. He faltered after a few feet and tightened his fists hard at his sides. He hesitated for a second before returning to the door. He raised his hand up to the door and held it there, as it lightly shook. With resolve, he knocked.

"Yes?" she replied, through muffled tears.

He slid open the door slightly. He stared at her sorrowfully, with an aching tenderness.

"Sunbae?" She sniffed, attempting to quickly dry her tears with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She was on her bed on the floor, wrapped up in a blanket. He clenched his jaw.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly.

She too readily nodded that she was. He could see her chest still heaving, as she attempted to collect herself.

He hung in the doorway and watched her head drop to her knees. She buried it in the blanket wrapped around her.

He sighed heavily before moving to her. He stood above her. She slowly lifted her head and stared up at him as a wounded animal. She wiped another tear. He looked upon her tear-stained face once more before sitting beside her. She looked over at him.

He swiftly pulled her against him and wrapped his arms snugly around her. A light gasp escaped her lips, as she felt her body against his and realized she was practically on his lap.

But, she gave in and sunk into him, as she felt the tears continue to slowly flow.

"What happened?" He whispered, as he instinctively began to rub her arms.

She sighed. "Nothing, really."

"What happened?" He repeated, even more gently, despite feeling his frustration building.

She exhaled, and he felt her breath against his chest. She could feel her confusion building. Despite her current devastation, she could feel goosebumps form over her entire body at his touch. She could feel his breath against her face. She wanted to be held tighter.

"I talked to Joon Pyo."

He nodded and leaned his head against hers. He waited patiently for her response, as he continued to caress her hair, her arms, her back…

Jan Di took a deep breath. She knew he was attempting to calm her, but little did he know he was having quite the opposite effect.

"I told him I was staying here…and he was mad…"

She felt Ji Hoo sigh, as he continued to hold her tightly. "I'll talk to him," he replied plainly, as if the solution was so simple.

"No, he has a right to be mad."

Ji Hoo furrowed his brow. "You're not doing anything wrong; you just needed a place to stay." He continued to her hair.

She felt her heartbeat begin to race. Did he have any idea what he was doing?

He could feel her heart speed up against his chest. He could practically hear it thumping. Or, perhaps it was his own.

"I don't think he trusts me."

Ji Hoo flinched. "No, it's me he doesn't trust." He paused. "I talked to him in New York…"

Jan Di looked up at him. His arms remained around her but stilled.

"I told him about my feelings for you," he said.

She stared at him a moment longer, then looked down.

"It's both of us," she replied, her eyes still downcast.

He stared at her for a moment.

"I'll talk to him," Ji Hoo reassured. "I also told him that I wasn't going to do anything more about my feelings. I'm so sorry that you're in this mess because of me."

Jan Di sighed. She pulled back from him slightly and looked him in the eyes. "I told him it was my fault, too. I told him that I…let you."

Ji Hoo looked at her quizzically.

"I could have stopped it. I should have stopped it, but I…" She looked down again, feeling ashamed by what she'd allowed to happen. Her breathing began to speed again, and her chest heaved in turn. She felt even more ashamed that she couldn't stop thinking about the feel of his arms around her and the feel of his warm body against hers. She couldn't help but think about wrapping her arms around his neck, and… No! A line was being crossed.

He looked down at her. "Jan Di…" His mind was reeling. What was she trying to say?

She met his gaze. She felt a few more tears escape.

He just wanted to make her happy, now, and always. He just wanted to kiss the tears away. He just wanted to hold her through the night. If only he were allowed…

But, he kept wanting more…he'd become greedy. His thoughts were running wild. He wanted to touch her and kiss every square inch of her, and…No!

He had to actively calm his savage thoughts. It was taking every ounce of his self-control to refrain from allowing his baser instincts to control him. He was controlling his actions well, but his thoughts were another matter. But no, for now at least, he'd settle for just being there with her, comforting her, holding her…

So, he wiped her tears as he'd done a thousand other times. He watched her head fall once more. "He said he didn't know if he could forgive me when I asked him," she mumbled dejectedly.

Ji Hoo exhaled sharply. "He'll come around. I'm sure he's just angry right now… I'm sure he didn't mean it." He was becoming so sick of advocating for Joon Pyo's case instead of his own.

He continued to fail to act at each opportunity, but he couldn't seem to get Joon Pyo out of his mind. So many times he'd given in to Joon Pyo's will. But this time, just this one time, he wanted to fight for what he wanted. But he couldn't fight for someone who didn't want to be fought for…

"Jan Di?"

"Hm?" She muttered thoughtlessly.

"Why did you allow me to kiss you?" There, he asked. He asked the question that had been on his mind for weeks.

Her lips parted slightly and her eyes darted back and forth, as she continued to look down. She wrung her hands and twisted the blanket hard between her fingers.

"I…don't know," was all she could say. But she did know now. She had solved at least part of her dilemma. Like him, she'd experienced a moment of weakness. She'd given in to temptation. She'd been so upset with herself for allowing that to happen. It was clear that she had feelings for Ji Hoo, but what she needed to figure out now was how deep her feelings were. Was it simply an attraction, or was it more than that? If it was just an attraction, she would have to work through it and rid herself of any further temptations, such as this one now… If it was more, she would be forced to make a very difficult choice. A choice she didn't know if she was prepared to make.

He simply nodded. He wasn't going to press her further. He hadn't expected her to admit anything to him, but he knew. He was no fool. He could tell that there'd been the slightest change in her feelings toward him. He'd noticed her casting glances at him now and again. He'd noticed the way she would shiver slightly at his touch. Any other man probably would have taken advantage of this. But no, not him. When he'd first noticed, it had thrilled him. But the thrill was almost immediately followed by a deep sadness. It was worse to know and not be able to do anything about it. She would have to come to him on her own…

He sighed and put his arms around her once more. Perhaps he was taking advantage a bit… No, it was more like masochism, really. To his surprise, she pulled away from him.

"Jan Di?" he looked at her, unable to hide the hurt in his expression.

She looked down. "I'm sorry."

"It's OK…"

"This…can't continue to happen!" She exclaimed.

"What?" He wasn't sure why he was playing dumb. He knew all too well what she meant.

"This… We can't be like this! It's…not right…"

He exhaled and nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

She hesitated. "I want him to be able to trust me again."

Ji Hoo nodded. He stood and turned from her. "I'm sorry. Sleep well."

He slid open the door and left. He made his way to his bedroom in a fog, his frustration at its peak. He understood, yet he couldn't deny the sting of the rejection of his touch. He wasn't a rash man, but he felt like doing something rash. He collapsed onto his bed and raised his arm over his head. He sat up and pounded his fist against the bed. He noticed his phone on the bedside table. He picked it up.

He found Sun-Young's number and pulled up text messaging. Ok, I'll go. He typed the words and hesitated, his finger hovering over the send button. He exhaled sharply and hit the button. He tossed the phone carelessly onto the bedside table and fell back onto his pillow.