A/N: Bold is Jaejoong's voice, oh and if you guys didn't know, he got ually assaulted, not . (I made a continuity error in the journal, saying JJ was instead of the latter)

File date: September 15th 2006

“Where...where are you taking me?!”

Come here you little ! Stop trying to run away!!

What are you doing?! Why are you touching me....stop!!

Stay ing still!! Jeez! I thought you liked having a up in your ...you like to do it with Yunho right?!!

Stop please!! -sobs- Stop!!!.....

Why ...you ing scared? Are you picky on your ?

*group laughs*

Yah Leeteuk...take a picture of his ! I want everyone to see!!!

Wow...his is sure soft!! I heard Yunho loves steam buns very much, that’s why he likes your ...firm and white...hahahhahahahaha....

Boys!! Keep taking pictures!!!

-sobs-Aish!! Stop please!!!! -grunts-

Now stay still Jaejoongie...you like being on the bottom right?!

-THUD-

Ow!!! Yahhhh!!!! Did you just ing punch me?!!!!

Yahh!!! Where are going?!!!! Yah!!!!!!

You ing !!!

-loud steps-

I’m so scared...Yunho....what am I going to do? Without you here...I’ve been experiencing so much...it hurts...knowing that you’re not here....

I tried to fight back, I really did.

I managed to pin him to the ground...

But...now I can’t forget the way they fondled me...its so disgusting....their hands on me....

Right now I’m running to that oak tree...I’m running as far as I can...

Yunho...please come back to your senses...and....and...return home....

I’m sorry...I’m sorry for running of on you like that....when you tried to kiss me....

I...I ...just wasn’t ready...It’s not that I don’t like you....

I....-pants- I really do....It’s just....I’m scared of loving you....

How about....if you leave me....like my appa? If I love you too much...I’m scared that you’ll disappear one day....

The things that give me happiness...they always disappear from me....

I don’t want you to disappear Yunho...

File date: September 17th  2006

(A/N: Bold letters is Jaejoong, non-bold is YH’s dad)

Kim Jaejoong…I heard that you have the evidence…am I right?

Yes…yes…Jung-Sajangnim…

Get rid of it.

Why…why…why Sajangnim?

You live here. Living here means you’re automatically linked to our whole family, our whole company…you’re associated with the Jung’s because of your mother’s occupation…

What…what does that have to do with anything Sajangnim?

Don’t you know? The neighbor’s, my colleagues…that investor…you’ve served them in this house before…right?

 Yes…

You’ve served them tea when I had the conference in the living room, which means they know your face. You’re considered as an employee to the Jung’s. Your purpose is to serve us. Your face…it’s very distinguishable…My colleagues know you as the kid who works for my house. They could spread gossip and ruin things…

If your little incident gets out in the news, your face will be all over the newspapers…that means I’ll be dragged into the situation…In-Sung, Yunho…I can’t let that happen. Stocks will drop, things will get out of hand, the business will be affected…

I want this whole thing to be a secret.

My son already made a mess with filing the case.

But…but

I’ll make a deal. If you don’t send in the recorded evidence…I’ll give you something in exchange…a reward that will compensate for everything.

Kim Jaejoong…usually I don’t offer this. But you’re a very bright kid. Compared to that son of mine Jung Yunho.

I see…

Your mother has…she’s sick right?

Ye…yes…

I’ve been noticing. She’s been looking frailer by the day.

Well…for the past few weeks, she’s been getting dizzy…she was also getting nosebleeds…two weeks ago we went to the doctor…and we got the results…

What were the results Kim Jaejoong?

Well…she was a growing tumor...in her head...

Well, that’s very unfortunate. Treatments…they’re very expensive…right? Medicine, surgery, hospital stay…

It’s…it does cost…it does cost a lot…

How about if I pay for your mom’s treatments…I’ll pay for everything…

Also…since you’re very bright…I think you have a potential for working for my company for my company…

Wait…what? You’re…you’re offering me…that? No sajangnim…I

 I’m not giving you a choice. You’re taking this offer no matter what.

But…but still….

How else are you going to pay for your mother’s treatments? Part time jobs? A young man like you can’t handle all that…you have a pretty face, that’s why you got ually assaulted…tsk…tsk…maybe you could turn into ion…but that would be a waste for your brain right?

You want to go to Seoul University…right?

Well…yes…

 A kid like you can’t afford that. How about if I give you a scholarship?

My offer’s pretty good Kim Jaejoong…I think I’m being too generous. But I’ll do anything to upkeep my reputation…

University, a future position at my company, and coverage for your mother’s medical expenses.

I’m basically like an insurance company.

Kim Jaejoong…what do you think? Do you want more? I’ll give you more.

~

DECEMBER 23, 2006

The wind howled like a wolf, blowing harshly against my skin. I raised my scarf, hoping it would shield me from the cold. My fingers curled, numbing to the winter breeze. Judging from how cold they were, my little fingers had the possibility of shattering and falling to the ground.

Aish. Why did winter have to be so ing cold? Yeah, it was pretty, but not pretty to stand in.

A bunch of couples walked passed me, their hands linked, and their gazes deep in each others. I couldn’t help but feel jealous. Today would’ve been the perfect day to take Jaejoong out on a date, but the reason why I came outside was not because of a date.

Jaejoong’s been listening to music on some old cassette player, so I wanted to give him something upgraded, something new. So I came out here in the blazing cold and bought him an MP3 with all the money I’ve saved.

Even though I’m freakin’ rich, my abouji barely gives me money. I only get weekly allowances from Changmin’s omma, which is fine I guess. She’s generous, and I like that. She’s also generous with Christmas presents, cause last year she gave me a game console (which I barely use), and a cashmere sweater that she knitted.

I wish I had enough money to gift everybody, but I only had enough to spare for Jaejoong’s present.

Oh, and I also bought a set of chocolates for Jaejoong’s mother, which makes two presents and a half-empty wallet. I wanted to thank Jaejoong’s omma for serving us, even though it was quite short lived. Jaejoong’s omoni is very nice, and cooks food real good.

I wish they didn’t have to leave, but it couldn’t be helped right? Jaejoong’s omma had cancer, and she was left with no choice but to treat it. At least abouji’s letting them off the hook.

Oh god. It’s still freakin’ cold, and I’ve only been out for five minutes. Maybe I should go inside some café and warm up before resuming my walk.

From out here, I could hear Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ playing. Oh, how much I loved Christmas.

Yeah, my abouji was barely home for Christmas, but I guess I liked the overall feeling of it. You know, with the Christmas tree decorating, and present wrapping. Even though I was a ‘bad’ boy, no one hesitated to give me presents, which was good I guess.

Hm, weird. From a distance, there’s a car that looks exactly like my dad’s. It’s black, and it has the silver rims on the wheels. And the Mercedes logo on the back. There’s no way it could be my abouji’s car, wouldn’t he be at work at this time?

“What the hell?!” I hissed, peering at the teenage boy walking into the car, who happened to look like Yoochun.

Following Yoochun, there’s a man that walked out of a café, following Yoochun’s steps. He wasn’t an ordinary guy, he looked exactly like my dad! He was short and pudgy with greying hair and a mustache.

What were Yoochun and my dad doing? Why were they together? Why was Yoochun in my abouji’s car.

I had to find out. I just have to!

I darted to the near-end of the road, holding my hand out as I signaled a taxi. Feeling relieved, a taxi pulls over at my direction.

“Ahjussi, can you follow that black car over there?” I asked, shutting the door behind me.

“What? Are you a sasaeng fan or something? I don’t provide services for sasaengs, there’s special taxis for that-.”

“I’m not a sasaeng,” I intervened. “I just want you to follow that car. Please go ahjussi, this is urgent!” I exclaimed, buckling my seatbelt.

“Oh..okay,” he croaked, soon moving the car.

I was so ing curious. Yeah, my abouji knew about my relation with Yoochun, and hated Yoochun, but why were they talking to each other now? Was there some secret behind them that I’m supposed to know?

The coldness in my skin thawed to the car’s heat, making me feel relieved. I wish I could stay in this heat forever.

We passed by a quite amount of buildings, along with shops, and traffic lights. Even though my abouji’s car was quite fast, the taxi still managed to keep up. I just hoped we wouldn’t lose them. My anxiety grew by a ton as the black car distanced themselves further.

Please god, let this taxi catch up.

There were so much cars, that it made it hard for us to tag along. But I couldn’t give up. I just couldn’t!

Then I realized, they were taking the way to Yoochun’s house. I knew the exact way to get there. I’ve been to Yoochun’s house for so much times, I could get there with a blindfold.

“Ahjussi, go to xxx street instead. You don’t have to follow them closely anymore,” I said.

“Okay. Did you change your mind or something?”

“Kind of.”

“Well, you’re lucky since this is the road leading up to it.”

Well obviously I knew that.

~

I was right! The black car that I wanted to follow so bad was puling up near Yoochun’s house. The taxi parked from behind, soon coming into a complete stop.

“Ahjussi, is it okay if I wait here for a bit?” I asked.

“Well, I’m kind of running at a schedule.”

“Just five minutes okay?” I asked as I peered over to the window. Strangely, it was just Yoochun coming out of the car, not my abouji or anybody else.

The black car takes off, disappearing to some alley. I was left with somewhat of an empty feeling.

“I think I’m okay now,” I said. “Here’s the cash.”

“Thank you,” he said, taking the money from me. “Have a good day.”

“You too,” I said, slamming the door. Damn, the coldness was back to haunt me!

The taxi soon drove away, leaving me alone in the road by myself. As I stepped forwards, the surface beneath my feet caused me to skid. Aish, the ground’s so icy, I wouldn’t be surprised if I ever fall. Well, I hope I don’t fall so I wouldn’t have to deal with a sore .

From this distance, Yoochun’s house was five meters away. His house was built at a slope, so there was no choice but to walk up the steep road. His house was located in the ghetto. It was quite shady here. The houses were grimy, and its exterior rusty. There was usually trash scattered around the road, left from passer byers.

Yoochun’s shadow disappeared from the road as he turned to his house. I stepped aside, hiding behind the street post, hoping he wouldn’t get a glimpse of him.

It’s been a while since I saw that bastard. The last time I’ve seen him was at that noraebang. Just seeing him gave me an urge to punch anything in my sight. What he did to Jaejoong was unimaginably disgusting. I knew he was trash, but I didn’t know he could go to the extent of attempting to someone.

I stepped away from the street post as Yoochun opens his door. Then, I continue my walk.

It was kind of hard to see since it was night, and the dying lamp posts didn’t help either. The nasty odor of trash intrudes my nose, causing me to hold in my breath.

The familiar structure of Yoochun’s box-like house appears in my sight. Icicles were hanging off the roofs, its ends sharp enough to stab someone. Rust stuck on the white walls and dried snow-covered weeds grew from the pavement’s cracks. Black plastic bags were scattered throughout, along with empty bottles of soju and cigarette packs.

Through the screen door, a glint of orange light was to be seen, along with Yoochun’s silhouette.

Yoochun came from a broken family. His parents were divorced, so he had no choice but to live with his dad. But his dad was barely home due to his job as a late night construction work.

My legs shook, not because of the cold, but knowing that I would be facing Jaejoong’s ual offender. I didn’t want to enter, but I had to. I needed answers. I needed answers to why the charges were dropped against him. To why he had done what he did to Jaejoong. To why he was a piece of human trash.

I knocked on the screen door, making the door rattle. That silhouette didn’t even move. That bastard.

“Yah!!! Park Yoochun!!! Open the freakin’ door!! It’s freakin’ cold!!”

Suddenly, the silhouette moves towards me.

“Jung Yunho?” he questioned, his voice trapped beneath the door.

“Yeah it’s me! Open the damn door!!??”

“Why, so you can punch me again?”

“Just open the ing door!!”

The door hinge squeaks as Yoochun flings the door open. I could tell he’d just smoked a cigarette. The smell of it was triggering me. It’s been months since I’ve last smoked, and the smell of it became disgusting to me. Looking at Yoochun, was like looking at a past reflection of myself. Disgusting, just like trash.

I darted past him, not bothering myself to greet him properly.

“Who the hell do you think you are? Did I say you can enter my house?!” Yoochun burst, slamming the door.

The house was the same as I remembered it. It was still messy and small, but somewhat comforting. There were scattered ramyeon cups, and plates stacked in the sink. The lingering acidic smell of soju clung onto the walls, instantly reminding me of the days when Yoochun and I drank ourselves ‘till dawn. The days before Jaejoong came to my life. Thank god I’d recovered from that mess I once was.

“Look, I don’t want to be here either,” I said, turning around to face him. “But I have a lot of questions to ask you Park Yoochun...”

“Like what?!” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Earlier...I saw...you walking into my appa’s car,” I said.

His eyes grew twice in size.

“How...how do you know if it was your appa’s car? It could be anybody else’s car!”

“Because...I’m not stupid Park Yoochun,” I gnarled.

“Anyways, is that all you’re going to talk about?! Is that the reason why you came to my house, just to ask that question?” he asked, his arms crossed as he leaned his shoulder against the window. That sly, overly confident expression of his was back. That facial expression of his that made me want to ing punch him.

“Obviously there’s something going between you and my dad,” I said, stepping forwards. “Tell me Park Yoochun...why were you and my abouji at the café? Why did he drop you off to this house?”

“Is it any of your business?”

“Of course it is! It involves my ing dad, of course it would you dumb...”

“...”

“Now...tell me, why were you and my abouji together?!” I asked, raising my voice.

“Fine...I’ll tell you...” he said, parting from the wall.

“...”

“It’s about Jaejoong,” he said.

My breath hitched, hearing the sound of Jaejoong’s name from that dirty mouth of his.

“What about Jaejoong?!” I asked, my jaw clenching.

“Jung Yunho, do you know why I was let off easy from the ual assault case?”

“Wh...why?” I stammered.

I needed a reasoning for Jaejoong’s injustice, to why the charges were dropped.

“It was all because of your father.”

I couldn’t bring myself to bring Yoochun. Everything he said with that mouth of his was a lie. But even if it seemed like a lie, it seemed closer to the truth. I couldn’t decide. I didn’t know whether to believe or to not believe.

“What?!” I burst.

“Your father and I made a deal,” Yoochun said.

“Wh...what deal?” I croaked.

“After the day of the assault, apparently Jaejoong was going to send in evidence to the police.”

“Evidence...evidence of what?”

“He recorded...the thing I did to him...” he muttered, his eyes lowering.

My heart throbbed, taking in the density of the fact. It made me mad and somewhat anxious, knowing that th