Life was spinning downwards, taking me into a vortex of infinite darkness

The ambulance transferred us to a hospital in Seoul, which was half an hour from the villa.

I leapt out of the ambulance, following the emergency workers as they wheeled the stretcher. We dashed through a hoard of people, running in a long, narrow corridor. People’s heads turned, taking an interest of the scene unfolding.

The automated doors slid open, leading us to the ER. Countless patients were loaded on beds, either receiving treatment, or resting. The paramedics loaded Jaejoong’s lifeless body onto the bed, causing me to step aside.

“When did he swallow it?” one nurse asked.

“This...morning...I don’t...know...the exact time...” I stammered.

“Not any longer than four hours?”

“I don’t...know...” I stammered, shaking my head.

The nurse nodded, resuming to prepare for the procedure as they cut the middle of Jaejoong’s t-shirt. I stood and stared, not knowing how to process the gruesome scene.

Another nurse propped Jaejoong’s head, holding it up, while the other nurse inserted a plastic tube down his mouth.

After planting the tube, the nurse attaches a funnel, soon pouring water into it. Then, the tube lowers, which causes the nurse to exert force onto a pump, resulting liquid to flow out of the tube. Contents splatted into a bowl, which another nurse was holding. Bile rushes up my throat as I witnessed the process.

My body tensed, unable to grasp the scene I was witnessing.  

God, why did Jaejoong have to suffer? God, please save him. Please. He lived a life full of suffering and tears. I want him to live, so then I can provide him with the happiness he needs.

Please, please let him live. I love him to death. If he ever dies, the whole world would stop, and I don’t think I could continue living.

God, if you exist...I’ll promise you...

Kim Jaejoong, if you let me have him next to me,

I’ll give up everything...

So please, let him live.

~

“Seonsaengnim...what’s the current stage of Jaejoong’s illness?” I asked, my hands linked, and my shoulders erect as I sat in the doctor’s office, dreading for his upcoming answer.

“It’s currently in the third stage,” the doctor explained, fixing his tie. He pulled out two sheets of x-ray scans, displaying the state of Jaejoong’s brain. “We did an MRI scan on him, and the tumor is beginning to spread in his front lobe.”

“What happens...when it spreads to the front lobe?” I asked.

“The frontal lobe is mainly responsible for behavior, personality, and judgment.”

“...”

“Have you noticed any changes within him for the fast pew months? Or any cognitive issues?” he asked.

“His behavior...it took a sudden turn...”

“When did it start? Did it happen gradually, or was it sudden?” he asked.

“It..happened two weeks ago...he was fine before that...he just had...occasional fainting spells...then...he suddenly changed, when he had some sort of dream...” I stammered.

“What kind of dream?”

“It was actually a nightmare,” I corrected. “Then...he started acting weird after that...”

“Then it must’ve been a coincidence...” the doctor explained. “What kind of behavioral changes have you seen in him?”

“Well,” I said, shifting in my seat. “It started with things like wearing shirts backwards, and stuttering his words...then, he got...suicidal.”

“That explains why he swallowed those pills,” he said.

“Well...in the note, he said...that the pain was too much for him...” I explained.

“That’s another reason. Many patients have considered committing suicide due to the pressure of costs, or the inability to tolerate the pain...he’s lucky he didn’t die, especially with the current state he’s in...” the doctor explained, joining his hands together.

“...”

“He needs to begin his treatment or the tumor will continue to spread. I appointed him to a critically acclaimed neurosurgeon in America, who will be in charge of his surgery and treatment...did he talk to his insurance company regarding the surgery on the costs and the date he’ll depart to San Francisco?”

“He’s...he’s going this October,” I said, looking at the calendar on the wall.  “I... think he spoke to them...” I croaked, unsure of my answer.

“Are you his guardian?” he asked.

I wanted to say I was his lover, but God knows I couldn’t.

“I’m...I’m his friend. His best friend,” I responded, shifting my eyes back and forth.

“I see...well, he needs to go to America as soon as possible, or the tumor will grow larger, which will hinder the process of making his cancer treatable...”

“Seonsaengnim...do you think he’ll live?”

“With the power of a doctor’s mind and skill, anything is possible,” he reassured.

~

“We moved him in the ICU,” the nurse said, reading her clipboard.

“W...why?” I asked. “I thought...he’s fine...”

“His vitals are stable, but he’s still unresponsive...” the nurse replied, looking up from the clipboard.

“Can...can I see him?” I asked.

“Yes, this way,” she said, leading me to another glass door. “He’s in the bed at the very end.”

“Thank you,” I said, bowing at her. The nurse smiled back and exited the ICU.

I drew towards the end of the room, taking each step slow due to my pulsating fear.

My fists clenched as my eyes dropped towards the body on the bed. The machine displayed his stable heartbeats, although I couldn’t trust it. If his heart was beating, then why wasn’t he opening his eyes? Why did he look dead? Why was