[CONTENTID2] FINAL RECOVER JOURNAL 1 [/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID1]

-continued from chap 21 bc it would've been too big...this is a continuation of yunho's last entry. If you forget what was written, read the finishing paragraphs of the last chap-

I know it’s too early to say that I love him, but I really did. It wasn’t just an infatuation…it was passion.

Until I realized....

It was all just a dream. The ***. It was so vivid; I woke up thinking that I had actually done it with Jaejoong. The feelings were too real, the movements of our bodies... Aish!! I’m getting all embarrassed thinking about it…my cheeks are still warm from it!!

This was my first wet dream. I want to do it so badly with Jaejoong, but God knows how traumatized he is...he only lets me hug him, but not anything further than that. I’ll give him some time eventually…even if I wait one hundred years…what was important was that I have his heart…

I stole one of Jaejoong’s boxers and replaced my own wet ones. Aish! Aish! There was so much in my boxers…It was like I dreamt of Lee Hyori ing me…except it was Jaejoong instead!!! That’s how I was!!! I usually don’t get wet dreams… >.<

Right now I'm beside Jaejoong...he's still sleeping on the bed. The rain is pouring really loudly on this Sunday morning. I don’t want to wake him up since it’s only six am, and he looks really cute…like a sleeping puppy.

~~

-same day-

While me and Hyung were jogging, I told Hyung about the wet dream. He laughed at me, not because he was making fun of me, its because he was amused. I snapped at him, telling him it's not funny, and that it was serious.

By the way, I told Hyung that me and Jaejoong were an official thing now. Hyung was so ing happy. He was like…

“Yunho!! I’m so happy for you!!!” Then he pulled me into a tight embrace…

I told him that I no longer needed his ‘special cologne’ and . He said I should use it because he saw me smoking the night before.

“But you’re smoking again. Doesn’t Jaejoong HATE the smell of cigarettes?”

I told him he was right. Aish! I have to quit. This time, I really will.

Hyung asked me if I told anyone else about Jaejoong and I’s relationship.

Then I remembered something…

“I still have to tell Heechul…” I told Hyung.

Hyung says I should, considering what Heechul did in order for Jaejoong to like me.

When we were running up the hill, Hyung asked me what I did to get Jaejoong’s heart.

I told Hyung that we we’re in the moment…but I didn’t tell him about the situation we were in…

Honestly, I didn’t know. Why did Jaejoong accept my heart? Was it his state of mind? I honestly don’t care…the important thing was Jaejoong is now my boyfriend. Aish…I feel so warm in the inside!! Just writing the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘Jaejoong’ in the same sentence makes my heart flutter!! >.<

Hyung asked about the stuff me and Jaejoong do. You know like if we kissed and stuff. I said…

“Well…all we do is hug in the same bed. I kissed him two times before we became…you know a thing, but he didn’t like those kisses so those don’t count…”

Then Hyung said…

“Well, you gotta take things slow…especially in Jaejoong’s state…”

I told Hyung not to remind me about that thing.

Then Hyung asks me…

“When’s Jaejoong going back to school? I heard he really wants to go to Seoul University…but with that attendance of his, it might affect his chances of going…”

Then I told Hyung…

“I’ll try to convince Jaejoong to come back…”

I honestly don’t know if I can.

These days…it feels like Jaejoong is a corpse. He won’t move. He won’t talk. He won’t eat. It’s not like I’m burdened by it or anything, but it’s just sad to see.

“Abouji is starting to get suspicious of Jaejoong’s behavior…Abouji says Jaejoong is using his weakness as an excuse to be lazy.” Hyung says.

Those words made me really angry…so angry that I stopped my jog. Then I tell Hyung…

“Abouji doesn’t give a . He doesn’t give a about anyone…how could he be so…so dumb? Can’t he understand Jaejoong’s pain??”

Then Hyung says…

“Don’t you know our father well enough? He has no heart.”

Then I tell him…

“At least he cares about you a little bit. He treats me like trash. Changmin is pretty much invisible to him…and he makes step-omma cry…”

Then Hyung asks…

“How do you know abouji is the reason why step-omma cries?”

Then I tell him…

“Have you seen step-omma these days? She looks so lonely without abouji because abouji barely pays attention to her. Hyung, I thought you were smart…but you’re ing naïve…”

Then he says…

“I didn’t say so otherwise. I just asked how you’re certain that Abouji is the cause of our step-omma’s sadness…that’s all.”

Then I ask Hyung the most…nerve-wracking question ever…

“Hyung…do you think Abouji is cheating on step-omma?”

Hyung stops and gives me a look. Like the look when you’re concerned about something. I don’t know the word for it, but I definitely know the look.

“Let’s not assume things for now Yunho-yah…” then he takes off and runs super fast, so fast that I could no longer keep up. I envy Hyung’s legs, they’re really long and super strong. Although I could definitely fight better than Hyung, Hyung can run really fast.

~~

-same day-

Jaejoong threw up today. I don’t know why. But he threw up a lot. Maybe it’s because he got another bad dream.

I hate seeing him like this. I hate it when he’s all miserable like this. God, what can I do to help him??

He can’t just mope around all day…he eventually has to move on…right??

Jaejoong told me to get out, he says he didn’t want to see anybody today. I’m really confused…one day he wants me hugging him, and the other day he wants me out from his sight. Maybe he’s embarrassed that I saw him puke.

Right now I’m writing this in the kitchen counter. Step-omma is watching ANOTHER sappy drama in the living room. Changmin is at the living room with step-omma, talking about how stupid the drama is and how bad the actor’s acting is.

Jaejoong’s omma is cooking ox tail bone marrow soup for Jaejoong. Jaejoong’s omma told me to bring some to him down the basement. I love step-omma, I really do, but Jaejoong’s omma is like a second omma to me. She talks to me as if I’m her son, which makes me all warm in the inside.

Sometimes step-omma is too involved in her jewels, makeup, and shopping that she’s kinda ditsy in a way. But she’s really nice and I can tell she loves Hyung, Changmin and I. She’s ten years younger than appa, so maybe that’s why she doesn’t have a sense of responsibility. She had Changmin at a really young age.

Sometimes I think abouji married step-omma for her looks. Step-omma is really pretty, she looks like a mix of Kim Tae Hee and Son Ye Jin. When I first saw her years ago, her looks were at its prime. She’s kinda getting old now, but she’s still pretty I guess.

 Jaejoong’s omma is like the moms I see in dramas. They know how to cook, they give advice, and they’re comforting. She talks to me the same way she talks to Jaejoong. I guess it’s because I’m really close to Jaejoong.

I don’t know why I’m writing this diary out in the open…but I guess it’s kinda comforting? The whole house is going through a hard time, and we’re trying the best to overcome it.

-same day-

I tried to give Jaejoong the ox-marrow soup, but he refused. Aish!

So then I just left it on the desk.

Step-omma tried to talk to Jaejoong today. She knocked on his door, but Jaejoong obviously didn’t open the door. Changmin too.

Changmin’s really sad about Jaejoong. Changmin says he’s going to give a present to Jaejoong.

Changmin doesn’t know about the whole thing. Everyone knows except the naieve little Changmin. I came up with a lie and told Changmin that Jaejoong got a bad grade on his exam, that’s all. Since you know, Jaejoong is serious about grades and all.

~~

Sept 21st 2006

I finally returned to school after a week of not going.

Now let me tell you what happened before class started. As of now I’m writing this in detention…

Everyone was super scared of me, since everyone knows I beat Yoochun. At least Heechul. Heechul and Kangin (some new transfer student) talked to me. It was obvious Kangin didn’t want to be dragged along, but then Heechul convinced him.

Kangin is really handsome. He has thick eyebrows and an unforgettable gaze. But he’s kinda shy. He said hi really quietly and returned to his desk after that. Heechul got all petty, but then I told Heechul it was okay.

Heechul told me Yoochun got expelled. And that the whole gang got suspended. Thank god.

Heechul’s proud of me since I quit the gang.

“Thank god you quit!! Now you can hang out with us, right?? It was so sad without you…”

To be honest, before I was super embarrassed of being associated with Heechul. But now I’m totally cool with him. He did so much for me…since you know, he ships me with Jaejoong.

2 months ago, Heechul told me that he ‘ships’ me with Jaejoong. Then I asked him… “What the hell does ‘ship’ mean?”

Then Heechul says it’s an English word. He says it’s part of the word ‘relationship’. I at English, so it took me a while to get it.

Then Heechul’s expression changes…

“Jaejoong…he’s okay right? I miss him so much. You know how sad it is to see that empty desk of his?”

I told him Jaejoong’s far from okay. Heechul says he’s going to bake a cake for Jaejoong and give him a card.

“I don’t think he’ll eat it. The best thing you can to do is just…talk to him or something…he won’t listen to me. Since you’re his best friend, maybe you should…you know make him feel better?”

Then Heechul says that he’s going to go walk home with me and visit Jaejoong. He says he’s going to give him flowers. Then I asked…

“Heechul, what flower does Jaejoong like?”

Then Heechul says… “It’s totally not the time to flirt with him you insenstitive !! He just…just got -whispers- …he obviously has no room for you right now…”

I wanted to tell him that me and Jaejoong were a thing…but I wanted to keep it a secret for now…since you know, it’s special…

Okay so then after me and Heechul’s little talk, Heechul went back to his desk…which is really far from mine for some reason. Then the little Jooyeon goes to my desk and says…

“Oppa~~I heard you got into a fight with Yoochun…Yoochun totally hates you now. If Yoochun hates you, then I hate you too!!”

Then I tell the little …

“If Yoochun hates me, and if you hate me then that means I don’t really give a ing . Now Lee Jooyeon, just please get lost…”

Then she ing blurts out…

“How dare you treat me like that?!! We ing had in the bathroom, and this is what I get?!! You’re ing scum Jung Yunho!!”

ing said she hates me, so what was she complaining about?? She was such an indecisive !! It’s either you hated me or you wanted a piece of my , there’s no in between!!

Then the whole class gets all riled up…

Then Heechul gets up from his chair and you know what he does???

“Aish…Lee Jooyeon…you’re the class eight’s right? You ed so much boys…it’s really pitiful~~”

Then the mess gets worse…one of Jooyeon’s friends Kim Taeyeon joins us and goes…

“Kim Heechul, who are you to talk?! You are class eight’s and Jung Yunho is class eight’s man !!”

Oh how dare she call Heechul a ?? So then I stood up from my desk and decided to add more fire to the fight…

“How the dare you call Heechul a ???”

Then Taeyeon does some sly expression and crosses her arms…the whole class is made some weird noises and they were taking pictures too…

“Oh if it isn’t the man talking…how many girls have you ed Jung Yunho?? Let me see…you ed Jooyeon…then you ed 10th grader Choi Jung Ah, 11th grader Shim Eun-Ah, oh, and class eight Lee Ji-Yeon…then…oh yes! 9th Grader Choi Soo Young…I also hear rumors of you having noraebang parties with some hookers off the street. I bet you’ve ed them all. You’re nothing but trash Jung Yunho…total trash!! I bet you have aids!! You’re really disgusting!! That’s why the whole school hates you!! Oh, and I heard you ed Kim Jaejoong!! A boy!! That’s why Yoochun-“

Writing that Kim Taeyeon-’s words are making me really mad. So then I ing slammed my hand on the desk, which scared everyone.  

Then Heechul goes… “Wow Kim Taeyeon…you’re really good at spewing out lies aren’t you? That’s why I hear the girls in our class gossiping about you…you totally lie about everything!! Didn’t you say you didn’t get any plastic surgery done?? You walk around like you’re a natural beauty but you totally got your eyes done!! I can see the ing incision line…”

Well, half of the stuff Taeyeon said was true…I did those girls…but I definitely did not Jaejoong!! Only in my dreams!!! But Heechul’s comeback was so good…I couldn’t help but be on his side.

Then he poked the tip of her nose…”Oh, and your nose has silicon too! Just like a Gangnam unni!!!!” Then the whole class laughs.

Then Heechul looks at Taeyeon… “Oh…two birds of the same flock…how pitiful!! One is an annoying , and another is a liar!! Face it Jooyeon…no matter how hard you try, you’ll never get Jung Yunho…because you’re the same breed as your cousin Park Yoochun!!”

Then Taeyeon goes… “How come it’s bad that Jooyeon s a lot of boys? If Jooyeon is a then Jung Yunho is a man-!!!”  

It’s kinda true. That little was somewhat right. If Jooyeon was much of a as I was, weren’t we the same? I hated how right she was. I guess it explains why Taeyeon is in the top 3 of our class. She’s a sly, but smart little fox.

Then the teacher entered the class, and she ing broke up the fight…now me, Heechul, Kim Taeyeon, and Lee Jooyeon are in detention. I also got twenty demerits so now my chances of ever going to college are ed.

It’s not like I needed college anyways…

Anyways…after I get out of here, me and Heechul are gonna go to Jaejoong.

~~

-same day-

Okay so Hyung picked me and Heechul up from school. The school called our house, but luckily abouji wasn’t there. Hyung told me Abouji is at a business trip in Busan. Yeah right, more like a night at a hotel with some e so someone can on his wrinkly, old .

Then Hyung drops as off at our house. Hyung says he has somewhere to go so then he drives off without entering the house.

Then before Heechul goes in he goes…”Aish!! I totally forgot to give Jaejoong a gift!! What am I going to do???”

Then I go… “Aish…Jaejoong doesn’t need a gift. He needs someone to comfort him…”

Then Heechul goes… “I guess…”

Okay so then we enter Jaejoong’s room. Luckily it wasn’t locked because he usually locks it.

But something was different. Jaejoong wasn’t lying down in bed. He was in the corner of the room with his little recorder. He didn’t see us entering since he was facing the wall.

So then I tell Heechul that we should leave him alone since Jaejoong’s in the middle of recording something…so then we leave. Heechul knows about Jaejoong’s obsession with that recorder of his, so then he understands. While we wait for Jaejoongt to finish his recording, we went upstairs and talked to Jaejoong’s omma.

Jaejoong’s omma was glad to see Heechul. She really likes Heechul…well I guess she likes anybody’s who is nice to Heechul. Jaejoong’s omma was cleaning the kitchen, so then me and Heechul helped her. Usually Jaejoong was the one who helped, but then we decided to fill in for Jaejoong.

Then I went out to the porch and went out for a smoke. Yeah I promised I wouldn’t do it again, but it. Then Heechul saw me smoking and goes…

“Ew! Ew! Ew!! Do you want to ing die Jung Yunho?? You’re totally going to get wrinkles and yellow teeth…Jaejoong won’t like that!!” and then he ing takes the cigarette and steps on it like a total psycho.

Then I tell Heechul to go back to the basement to check on Jaejoong. The door was ing locked again. So then Heechul knocks on the door and goes…

“Yah!!! Kim Jaejoong!!! Open the door~~~I know you’re down and miserable…but…but you can’t stay like this forever!! I know what they did to you was terrible…but Jaejoong-ah…listen…Yunho, In-sung, your mom, the other kid whose name I don’t know (Changmin), and I are here for you okay?? So please open up and talk to us…aing??? Mmmm???”

Then the doorknob twists to my surprise. And then Jaejoong goes into Heechul’s arms and hugs him…like in a bromantic way…not in a way that would make me jealous…well I guess the remedy to Jaejoong’s pain was Heechul’s somewhat encouraging words…

Then the tree of us go sit on the bed…Jaejoong begins to talk a bit…

“So…what happened…what happened in school??”

Then Heechul tells Jaejoong about the whole fight involving me, Jooyeon, Taeyeon and him and tells him how juicy it was…

“My comebacks were totally killer!! I talked about how plastic Taeyeon was and how she always claims that she’s a natural beauty!! Aish, it was annoying!!!”

Then Heechul talks about the new kid who he made friends with…

“So I made a new friend, his name is Kangin…he’s kinda like a loser but like I felt bad for him so then I talked to him and now were tight!! If you considering going to school…I’ll introduce him to you!!”

Then I get all jealous and nudge Heechul’s soldier… “Yah!! Kangin…Kangin is straight you know…”

Then…then you know what Jaejoong does?? Oh my god…he does the most heart fluttering thing…

“Yunho…you don’t need to get jealous…” Jaejoong whispers…then he grabs my hand…

Then my heart goes dugeundugeundugen… >.<

Then Heechul’s eyes go all wide and goes… “OH MY ING GOD…YOU TWO ARE…ARE…-whispers- dating????”

Then I pull Jaejoong closer and then I nod… “Yup…” and my cheeks go all warm and fuzzy…

Then Heechul jumps like crazy on the bed…”Oh my god!!! So the we did for you paid off?!!! Aish!! I’m going crazy!!!”

Then Jaejoong goes… “What…what do you mean the ‘stuff you did for him’? “

Then Heechul sits back down and goes… “Oh my god Jaejoong…you know how desperate-“

And then I cover Heechul’s big mouth and stop him from talking… “Aish…stop blabbering…”

Then Heechul nods…

Then Jaejoong goes… “Thanks guys…you made me forget about…you know the stuff…” Then he lets go of my hand…

Then Heechul goes… “Kim Jaejoong...we’re here for you all the time…me and Yunho are going to be there to protect you…so stop moping around and go back to school okay???”

Then Jaejoong goes… “I will…but…but my grades…they’re probably so bad right now…”

Then Heechul goes… “I got that all covered…I paid the second smartest kid to do your homework kekekeke…”

And then I go… “Oh my god!! You actually did that Heechul?!” Jaejoong has the same reaction as me…

“Oh my god, that’s cheating…I can’t let do…”

Then I look deep into Jaejoong’s eyes… “Jaejoong, sometimes you have to let people be nice to you okay??”

Then Jaejoong goes… “But…but…”

Then Heechul gets all annoyed and says… “Aish Kim Jaejoong!! Can’t you say thank you??? I skipped lunch so I could pay that kid~~~ >.<”

Then Jaejoong gets even more sad… “But Heechul…you didn’t have to… “

Then I say something to make feel less guilty…I was lying but whatever…

“Don’t worry…the cafeteria food is gross anyways…right Heechul? McDonalds is where you should spend money for food…not the Cafeteria…”

Then we talk for a while and then Heechul leaves. I asked if he could stay over for dinner since my abouji wasn’t here anyways but then Heechul says he has to go to Hagwon…so then we let him leave.

Then I go to Jaejoong… “You’re really lucky to have Heechul as a friend…”

Then Jaejoong goes… “I know…and I’m thankful for him…you know who else I’m thankful for?”

Then I go…  “who??”

Then he hugs me and goes… “Jung Yunho.”

Aish!! I’m kicking my sheets!!! That was like the best thing ever!!! I feel like some dumb teenage girl, but my heart won’t stop fluttering!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~>.<

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