Needless to say, Jaejoong seemed tentative, a bit cautious with his movements from our walk from the bathroom to the road. Silence took over, both of us clueless of what to do afterwards. Should we hold hands? Should we say each others names in a sing-song way? I’d given Jaejoong my permission to pursue his dreams, but for some unknown reason, he wasn't taking advantage of my approval.

As the grass's blades poked beneath my soles, the thought of my recklessness comes to mind as I ponder upon the responsibilities I had left back home.

What was I going to do about the exhibition? The preparations were still unfinished, and the theme remained undecided.

I had to make invitations, book a press conference...I simply couldn't let my duties slip away due to some promise I made.

"Jaejoong, go ahead in the car, I have to call someone really quickly, okay?" I asked.

Jaejoong glanced over his shoulder, and gave me a simple nod. It was strange not hearing a remark from him, considering his impatient tenancies. But then I thought, if he'd waited for me for ten years, time alone in the car wouldn't hurt him, right? I distanced away from Heechul's car, drawing towards the shadow of a tall, skinny tree.

What was I going to do about Heechul's car? I couldn’t just take it away from him, that’d be too cruel. Preparing to tighten the loose ties, I punched in a number of somebody I trusted very well. Although I would have to lie to him, he would believe me no matter than circumstances.

"Yunho?"

"Hyung."

"Where were you?! I've been trying to get a reach of you after Changmin said you abruptly went to his house to get hiking gear."

"I had....a meeting...with one of the sponsors for my exhibition..." I lied, stuttering my words.  "He wanted...to go on a hiking trip, and I couldn't deny...since he's my sponsor and all..."

"So you came to Changmin's house at one in the morning, just to get hiking gear? When did they schedule that hiking trip?”

Oh god, why was he acting all police on me? Why couldn't he see things with a blind eye? Why did he overanalyze everything?

"At like...six o’clock in the morning.... cause he likes things early...he's a busy person you know?" I said. My lies were making less sense with each word I said. How did people lie? How did I keep my relationship with Jaejoong a secret from the past? Was I that smart back then? Did the amnesia take a chunk of my brain? Were my lying skills affected?

Although Hyung was no longer oblivious to Jaejoong’s and I’s reunification, I couldn’t bring myself to say the truth. I couldn’t reveal my plans. I couldn’t. How would my brother react to the fact of me running away with a man? Not just any man, but a man that our family resented. A man that loved Jung Yunho.

"Oh, I see..." Hyung said.

"Oh and Hyung...I'll be gone for a month...."

"Wait, what?"

Within seconds, I plotted an unbelievable lie in my head, so unbelievable that my stomach lurched at the sound of it.

"Um...I forgot to tell you this, but Mr. Mashimoto wants me to do...um a collaborate with me...for some art thing in his museum.... you know Jun Mashimoto right? The famous Japanese veteran artist... so I have to go to Japan and stay there for a month...."

I crossed my fingers, hoping my lie sounded half-decent.

"Oh. I see...are you leaving today?"

Thank god. He fact that he didn’t bother to question me loosened the weight on my chest as I heave out a sigh.

"Yes...um, I'm at the airport..."

"How about Jaejoong? Is he..."

"No. He left. He left the house and I'll never see him again...ever..." I spat.

"That abruptly?"

"Yes...he's gone forever. Zoom."

"Oh, I see then. That's unfortunate..."

“It...it is, but what could we do about it right?”

“Yunho, are you okay without him?”

What was I supposed to answer? Yes? No?

“Perfect,” I replied, uncertain if the answer was a lie.

“You...sure?”

“Yes Hyung. Perfectly sure,” I said, increasing the pitch of my voice.

“...”

"Oh and tell Changmin that Heechul has his hiking stuff...I left it in Heechul's house...."

It was an absolute lie, just for now. After I call Heechul, it’ll merge into the truth. 

"Okay. Will do."

"Oh...they want me on board in the plane...gotta go Hyung...."

What a horrible lie! Who goes to the airport after they go hiking?!! What kind of illogic was that?!! My stupidity was seriously at a different level.

“Bye Yunho. Have a good time in Japan,” Hyung said.

“Yeah, bye...I’ll call you when I’m there.”

After hanging the phone, I heaved my chest once again. Did Hyung believe my lies? Was this plan a success?

Next person. The person I trusted next to Hyung.

"Yunho?!!!"

"Heechul...”

"Where the hell are you?!!"

"In the middle of nowhere..."

"Huh?!!"

"And your car is with me too..."

"Oh my god...did you runaway with Jaejoong?!!!l"

"..."

"You're ing cray!!!" He exclaimed.

"How is that even a surprise?"

"Well, considering that you went to the hospital I guess its not even shocking anymore..."

“Let’s not talk about my craziness.... let’s talk about you. How...how are you doing? Are you out of the hospital now?” I asked.

“Yes, like an hour ago,” he replied.

“Are you...fine?”

“If you’re talking about physically, then yes!! But mentally and emotionally and financially?!!!! No! My shop window is broken!! So now my café’s closed until the repair...which is not until next week!!! Ugh!!! And I still have to deal with that Park Yoochun!!!!” he cried.

A pang of guilt entered me, knowing about the favors I had planned for him to do.

“Heechul...I’m really, really sorry...I know you’re busy and everything...but I really, really need you to do this. Just for once. I know I’m crazy...I know it’s going to add to the amount of stress.... but please...” I begged.

" You sound awfully desperate. What do you want?!” he asked, his tone in a line between annoyance and concern.

"I want you to plan my exhibit..." I hesitantly said.

"What?!!"

"It's on October and I didn't even hand out invitations yet!! And I still have to schedule a press conference!!"

"Why won't you do it?!!!" he burst.

"Because...I'll be gone for a month..."

"What?!!! Say that again?!!!" his voice louder. 

"Month. Gone. Yunho gone,” I said.

"Going where?”

"I'm going to Hyung's villa...in Gyeongido..."

"Why?!!! Why are you leaving me to do everything?!!!! Huh?!! While you get a vacation I have to do your dirty work?!!! Jung, you're crazy!!!"

"Because...Jaejoong..."

"Oh my god. See this is why I didn't want you two to meet again!!! I love you both but-"

"I need to do him a favor...just for one month..."

"Huh?!!!"

"For one month, I'm going to pamper him. I'm going to let him do anything he wants towards me."

"Why?!!! Are you making yourself a dog?!!! What kind of are you into Jung?!!!"

"It's not a okay!!! I...Heechul...because of me he's crazy okay?!! I turned him into a total lunatic!!! Because of the promises I made of not leaving him...because the love I gave him...I gave him too much of everything that it made him turn out this way!!! So...I need to make it up to him...I need to clean his mind...”

"This is going to worsen things Jung...he's going to be more desperate after you both leave each other!!!"

"I already clarified it with him. it's a way of tying loose knots and saying goodbye before we leave each other for good...”  

"..."

"So Heechul...as a friend I need you to write the things I'm going to say on a piece of paper..."

"What's in it for me?"

"I'll buy you a Gucci watch for your birthday!!!"

"Fine! Deal!!"

"Okay, so here's the stuff...ready?"

"First go contact my PR manager Tiffany Hwang so you can arrange a press conference for my exhibition, then you have to call my graphic designer Choi Kyuhyun and ask him to make banners, and invitations for the exhibition...And then call my event planner...her name is Lee Bo Young. Oh yes, and you have to arrange a meeting with one of the sponsors...I’ll text you their numbers after I end this call..."

"Oh my god, so much work.... you’re going to make me do all this?!!"

"I’ll...I’ll help you hook up with Siwon!” I exclaimed, thinking about Heechul’s crush from the journal.

“I’ve been over Siwon since forever!”

“Then who do you want?!”

“Hmmm....Kang Dong Won.”

I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness.

“Heechul, you can’t just have Kang Dong Won. He’s Korea’s top actor...a different species from us. You need to lower your standards...”

“I was kidding!! Everyone in Korea knows how unattainable he is...Anyways Yunho, you’re my friend. I’ll do anything for you...you don’t even need to give me that Gucci watch...well you can if you want to, but still!”

“Really?” I asked, relieved that I wouldn’t have to purchase an overly-priced watch.

“Nope...actually, I take it back, I want it.”

“Aish! You’re so fickle!”

“I am.”

"And um, I have one more favor to ask you...actually two."

"What?"

"I need you to bring Jaejoong and I's clothes...and bring his other medication to Hyung's villa...you have an extra key to my house, right? Oh and Changmin’s hiking gear is in your car-"

"How the hell am I going to do those things when I don't have MY CAR?!!!!"

"Then ride a taxi!!"

"You crazy?!! No way!!!"

"Get Siwon to drive you then!!!"

"Fine!!!!!!! I'll do all your dirty work Jung Yunho!!!!!!!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you Heechul!!!!!!" I beamed. Aish, even if Heechul was overbearing at times, he was a man to be trusted.

"Expect me to be late.."

"That's fine..."

"UGHHHHHHH....I really don't want to do this Jung Yunho!' But if it means getting Jaejoong back to his old self, then I’m all for it!!”

“Oh and Heechul-ahh....”

“What?!”

“Don’t tell my Hyung, or Changmin that I’m doing this...especially Hyung since he thinks I’m in Japan for some collaboration project...”

“More dirtiness to the pile of work I have to do,” Heechul sighed.

“Sorry.”

“....”

“Wish us luck,” I whispered.

“Luck.”

“...”

“Oh and Yunho.”

“Yes?”

“Be careful.”

“I’m back,” I said, returning to the passenger’s seat, soon slamming the door behind me. 

To my surprise, Jaejoong was focused on eating his Choco pie as bits of chocolate trailed the corners of his mouth. I thought he’d hated chocopies with a deep passion, what happened to that hatred?

“You look pleased with that treat of yours,” I said, glancing over my shoulder. Somewhat, the corners of mouth twitched in amusement as I continued to watch him. He resembled a hungry kitten that gobbled on bits of fish.  

“I never...knew it was this good,” he mumbled, wiping the remnants of chocolate off his mouth.

“Never knew you had a cute side,” I chuckled.

“I did. Back then,” Jaejoong said, stuffing the glossy wrapper into his pockets.

“I wish I could remember,” I said.

“Well...those were our good times.”

“Do you miss them?” I asked, wishing I shared the same memories as him.

“I...do...” he muttered, looking down on his lap.

“...”

“Let’s go...” he said, turning the key of the engine.

“You don’t even know where were headed.”

“Where do you want to go?” Jaejoong asked.

“I said we’re running away, right? We can’t just go to Seoul. I know lots of people from Seoul, and if they see us holding hands and doing cutesy couple stuff...people will suspect us...”

“You’re right,” Jaejoong said, placing his thumb on his chin.

“I’ll drive.”

“Okay,” Jaejoong nodded.

To be truthfully honest, I had no desire to drive. At all. Maybe it was the lingering fear, or utter laziness. But already proposing the idea, I had no choice but to switch seats.

I opened the door, greeted by the sun’s rays as I exited the car. Then, I walked to the other side, soon claiming the driver’s spot.

Closing the door at the side of me, I took a peek of the side view mirrors, ensuring they angled properly. The click of the buckle satisfied me as I fastened my seatbelt. Grabbing hold of the steering wheel’s leather surface, my knuckles couldn’t help but tremble. Sweat seeped out of my palms as the gruesome image of the accident haunts me.

Could I do it? Could I take control of a car? Not an answer came to thought as uncertainty conquered my brain. 

“Yunho...you look scared. Do you think you’ll be okay?” Jaejoong asked, placing a hand on the tips of my fingers. I pulled away in response of his sudden touch.

“Sorry...I didn’t mean....to pull away like that,” I said.

Oh god. He’s going to be sad because of me. I can’t make him sad. This wasn’t my intention!

“No, it’s okay. It’s all my fault,” he said, placing his hands on his lap. “I guess I got too excited.”

“No... I said that you could do anything that you wanted for one month...right? It’s okay...put your hand on me, whisper in my ear...do anything. I won’t mind...” I croaked, lying to myself.

Maybe I did want him to put his hands on mine, maybe I did crave for the sound of my name escaping from his very own lips. It was an indescribable feeling, a complexity that one couldn’t simply answer.

“Okay...let’s pray for both our safety,” I said, putting my foot on the gas pedal.

I cranked the wheel to the left, in hopes to enter the middle lane. The car began its momentum, moving at a steady pace.

“I did it...I’m actually...driving,” I said, exhaling the built up tension from my chest.

“How long was it since you last drove?”

“Ever since the day of the accident.”

“Sorry,” Jaejoong murmured.

“Well, can’t say I really forgive you...but it was my fault...actually...something strange happened when I was driving that day...”

“What...what was it?”

“Well, I remember listening to a song. The song...Forgotten Season. It made me sad...but I don’t know why...”

“That...that song...”

“It was our song, right?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“Explains it. Then...I guess I must’ve been real crazy for you hm?”

“Very crazy,” he said.

“Then...we’re made for each other.”

“Guess so.”

“Kim Jaejoong...you seem somewhat meek.”

“Me?”

“Yes. Ever since that talk in the bathroom...what happened to your sass?”

“I’m just taken aback that’s all,” Jaejoong sighed. “But...there are two sides to me.”

“Really?” I asked, suddenly intrigued.

“Ever since the day...we separated...I did everything I could to change myself. I didn’t want to be weak anymore. So then I started going to the boxing rink, changing the way I talked...it was a defensive thing....so then eventually...it became a part of me.”

“...”

“There’s two Kim Jaejoong’s. One is the strong, undefeated Jaejoong. And the other is the weak, meek Kim Jaejoong...that one personality I try to hide from others. The one that hides his feelings until his heart bursts...The Kim Jaejoong I am ashamed of,” he muttered.  

“Well, we don’t have to hide anything...right?” I asked. “So let your weakness show...don’t be ashamed of your weakness.”

“I’ll try,” he answered.  

...

“Jaejoong-ah. I want to ask you something. Don’t worry...I’m not going to provoke you like I did last time.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Well, for the time we were apart...tell me...what did you do afterwards? Tell me everything. I want to know you better...”

“Well...” Jaejoong sighed. “I did lots of things. First, I moved to a small studio apartment in Suwon with my omma...”

“Then?”

“Then I moved to another high school.”

“How was high school for you?” I asked.

“Well...it was decent. I was friendless for the rest of the year. I figured it’d be fine since it was my last year, so I wasn’t too upset about it.”

“Ah, I see...” I said, nodding.

“Then...I did my two-year military service...”

Being a man in Korea meant serving your country for two years. Which meant I wasn’t considered as a real man. My self-esteem dropped, knowing I haven’t experienced the grittiness of army life.

“Which unit did you get drafted in?”