A/N: I changed my username, so if you guys want to PM me or something my name is Gongyoosbae, no longer pasteljaexo...I dumped Jaejoong for Gong Yoo, I'm sorry Jaejoong..

"Seonsaengnim?"

"Jaejoong-ssi...I...I'm so sorry for spilling my drink..."

"No, it's...it's fine...I was the one who walked into you..."

"Let me get a tissue..."

Before I could further eavesdrop, the two walked away, leaving me completely stunned. Who was that guy, and why did Jaejoong call him Seonsaengnim? Was that guy Jaejoong's sunbae or something? I turned back to the table, placing a thumb on my chin. Curiosity killed me once again. Aish.

"Here is your samgyeopsal," the ahjumoni said, placing frozen slabs of meat onto the grill.

"Thank you."

She also handed me scissors, along with the sauces. Soon enough, she walked away, tending for the other table.

I picked up the scissors, cutting the meat into pieces as the grill began to sizzle. It's been seconds since they've left me here, as if Jaejoong had forgot me or something. Whatever, I didn't come here for the sole purpose of conversing. I came here to eat dinner and listen to good music.

But somehow, Jaejoong's absence was bothering me. The empty chair across me didn't look, or feel right. I simply couldn't eat all of this meat by myself. My stomach wasn't large enough to do so.

The thought of that man continued to lurk behind my head. Who was he?

I indulged myself in the music, carefully listening to the guiltar's strums. Although the melody was quite decent, my brain refused to divert from that man.

Curiosity got the best of me as I turned off the grill, soon leaving the table as I darted to the bathroom.

"How...how have you been?"

"I've been well..."

"So, I heard you followed my footsteps and became a professor,"

"Well, was a professor..."

"Hm?"

"I resigned..."

"Why?"

"For medical and personal reasons, that's all..."

"That's unfortunate..."

"Well, with my current circumstances, I can't really pursue it anymore..."

"..."

I remained sedentary to the wall, positioned inches away from the counters. I clenched my fists out of nervousness, praying to god that my face wouldn't appear in the mirror.

"So...how...how are you doing?" Jaejoong asked.

"I'm fine... "

"How's your family?"

"Good...”

“How about your wife?” Jaejoong asked.

“Actually...we...divorced...” the man said, making me raise my eyebrows.

“What...you....you did?” Jaejoong asked, his voice faltering.

“It...it was inevitable...” the man responded with a weak tone.

“I’m...I’m so sorry about that...”

“You don’t have to be sorry. It was better for the both of us, and our children.”

“How are the children?” Jaejoong asked. “Are they coping with it well?”

“Well right now they’re with their omma. And... well, they’ve been trying. But I think they’ve accepted it.”

"I see..." Jaejoong said.

"So, who are you with?" he asked.

My breath hitched at the guy's question. I prayed to god, hoping Jaejoong wouldn't say anything out of the ordinary.

"My...my friend."

"Oh. I see."

"You?" Jaejoong asked.

"I'm here by myself..."

"Oh..."

"..."

"Do you want to sit with us?" Jaejoong asked.

What? Him, sit with us? Was Jaejoong out of his mind? I'd intended for this dinner for two people, not three!

"If that's fine with you and him..."

"I'm sure he'll be fine with it, aha. I can convince him to do anything..."

Was he calling me a pushover?

"Okay, then I'll sit with you two then..."

Steps scraped against the floors, making me grab the handles by impulse.

"Yunho?"

Oh . I turned around, letting defeat wash over me. I should've just stayed at the table instead of bothering to eavesdrop. Why did I make my life so complicated?

"Hi..."

"What were you doing?" Jaejoong asked.

"Oh, I just...uh, needed to go to the bathroom..."

"I see..."

"Is this your friend that you were with?" the guy asked, glancing over to Jaejoong.

"Yes, that is him...oh, and Yunho....this is my old professor...Gong Ji Cheol..." Jaejoong said, doing an introductory hand gesture.

"Hi, I'm Jung Yunho," I said, bowing at him.

"Oh! You’re the Jung Yunho? The artist of the pelting rain?”

“Yup, that’s me...” I said. Embarrassment scorched my cheeks as I acknowledged the fact.

“I’m a big fan of your works!” he exclaimed, his face beaming. “Your art work is amazing.”

“Oh, really? Well thank you very much!” I said, faking the widest grin as I looked up at him.

I couldn’t deny that this man was very, very handsome. He possessed a muscular, tall build, which made me feel ten times tinier than my normal size. His features exuded a masculine feel, especially with his straight, prominent nose. His eyes were hooded and held the shade of chocolate brown. His hair looked styled with care, with its wefts directed to the side. His eyebrows were thick and ungroomed, emphasizing his ruggedness.

Could this be possibly the professor whom Jaejoong was speaking of?

Jaejoong was right, he is better than me. Despite his age, he looked capable of doing things that I couldn’t dream of. He also looked like a man who held a lot of intelligence and wit.

“Let’s...let’s go sit,” Jaejoong said.

~

Fifteen minutes have passed, and it felt like there was an icy barrier between the professors and I.

They were too engrossed in their conversation, leaving me completely isolated.

Instead of jumping in their conversation, I silently grilled my meat, waiting for time to slip.

I wanted to speak to Jaejoong, I wanted to exchange a word with him!

But considering the fact that they’re both literature professors, a person like me would bring absurdity to the conversation. If couldn’t even diffrienciate an adjective and a noun, how was I supposed to analyze the literary elements of Romeo and Juliet?

To my delight, the edges of the meat had finally crisped, causing me to grab the scissors and slice the meat. Little slabs of the meat plopped onto the grill as I made my incision. Satisfied with the meat’s division, I palmed the lettuce, and inserted the meat into the vegetable.

“Meat’s ready,” I said as I added the radish.

“You’ve been awfully quiet Yunho,” Jaejoong remarked, glancing over to me.

“Oh...sorry...guess I was too busy listening to the band,” I said, stuffing the lettuce wrap into my mouth.

“So, Yunho-ssi, are you planning to release any more art work?” Gong Ji Cheol asked, elevating a brow.

This guy seemed super interested in my art.

“Um,” I mumbled. “I’m planning...an... exhibition...”

“Yunho, you should really close your mouth when you’re talking...its gross,” Jaejoong remarked, putting the meat in his lettuce.

The shell of my ears inflamed with heat, taking offense of his words.

“It’s quite cute,” Ji Cheol chuckled.

“I’m not trying to be cute,” I retorted.

“Oh...” Ji Cheol said, his eyes bouncing left and right.

“Seonsaeng was doing you a favor and lied for you,” Jaejoong said, his tone full of sass.

“Oh, no... I was saying he was cute because that’s what I genuinely felt,” Ji Cheol clarified, putting his hands on his chest.

“Oh seonsaeng~” Jaejoong said, in somewhat of a flirtatious tone. “We all know how nice you are.”

“Oh Jaejoong, you’re such a tease...” Ji Cheol chuckled, nudging his arm. “I may be nice, but I’m not nice with grading...”

“Oh,” Jaejoong said, gulping down his lettuce wrap. “I remembered that time when you gave me an 85% on my paper, I was really, really mad about that.”

“Really?” Ji Cheol asked, cocking his head. “Hm, I wonder why...I only remember giving you nineties in that class, especially with your insightful papers...”

“You did, but you were inconsistent one time,” Jaejoong said, wagging a finger.

I crossed my arms, left out once again.

Couldn’t Ji Cheol get lost? Yeah, he was nice. But I wanted to speak to Jaejoong. And his overall appearance made me feel inferior. How could a guy have such broad shoulders? Even his outfit was decent, especially with the way his cuffs are rolled up.

And I couldn’t help but notice the twinkle in Jaejoong’s eyes, as if he’s completely enticed with this man. It was like a dullened pearl getting polished to its past, pristine condition.

“Kim Jaejoong-ssi, you should go on stage,” Ji Cheol suggested.

Jaejoong’s eyes expanded, seeming taken aback.

“Um...let’s not,” Jaejoong said, shaking his head.

“I heard you singing before.”

“When?” Jaejoong gasped.

“When I was eating my ramen...you were singing behind the counter...to...to Forgotten season.”

That song. The song that I held fear of. The shattering of glass and splatters of blood came to mind, making me squirm in my seat.

“You still remember that?” Jaejoong asked.

“Of course.”

“That was nine years ago...”

Was that the color of red in Jaejoong’s cheeks? Why was he blushing? Was he really attracted to this man?

“Since we have no performers booked for the following act, is anyone willing to go up on stage?” the man on the stage said into his microphone, his eyes scanning the room.

“He will!”

My head turned, spotting Ji Cheol’s finger aiming at Jaejoong.

Jaejoong shook his head, his eyes full of worry.

The crowd soon chanted, clapping their hands in hopes to encourage Jaejoong.

“Fine...” Jaejoong croaked, standing up from his chair. There was ounce of confidence within Jaejoong as he hunched his shoulders, taking each step slowly.

“Have you heard him sing before?” Ji Cheol asked, glancing over to me.

“Me...me?...oh, well...I heard him in the shower...”

“Oh, I see,” he said, nodding. “So, do you live with him?”

“Um,” I croaked. “Yeah.”

“Jaejoong. He’s a very interesting guy, don’t you think?” Ji Cheol asked raising a brow.

“Well...” I said, sipping on my water. “He is.”

“It may seem that he’s strong and all...but actually, he’s very broken in the inside...”

“I...I know that,” I said, rubbing my palm against my thighs.

“Is...is he currently in a relationship right now?”

His words all the air out of my chest. He asked that so abruptly, that I forgot to breathe.

“Why...why are you curious?” I asked.

“Whenever he asks me, he gives me such a confusing answer...”

“Well...” I said, looking at my lap. “He’s...he’s...still trying to get over his last relationship.”

“Oh...really?” he asked.

“Yeah...he’s very pitiful....”

“I can sense it,” he said, his gaze lowering.

“Do you think...he can get over it?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Why are you asking me?” he asked.

“Because...it seems that you’re wiser than me.”

“Well...depends on how much he loved that person...”

“Well, it seems that he can’t escape...no matter how hard he tries...and I feel really bad.”

“...”

“I...” I croaked. “I just want him to be happy...as a friend.”

“He does deserve all the happiness in the world,” Ji Cheol agreed.

“I don’t know...why he’s so dwelled upon the past.”

“Well, since you don’t know his own experiences, so you can’t really comment about it. Love is different for lots of people.”

My heart took a toll on his words, acknowledging his deep insight.

But deep inside, I wanted to say that I was the one who he loves. Not loved, but loves.

I can see it in Jaejoong’s eyes, the radiating passion he has towards me. His desperation, his yearning.

“Hello...I’m....Kim Jaejoong.”

My eyes went to the stage, drawn in by Jaejoong’s presence. Underneath those lights, his beauty glowed so brightly, so blindingly.

People’s cheers swallowed the room as they clapped their hands, immediately livening the atmosphere.

“I’m going to sing,” he said, tightening the grip on his microphone. “Even Though I Loved You.”

The beginning melodies of the song burst through the speakers, soon followed by Jaejoong’s captivating vocals. He sang the song with such clarity, such passion, causing my heart to throb.

Out of the people, his eyes were directed towards me, twinkling in the lights.

 The world surrounding me seemed insignificant, vanishing within my very eyes.

The timbre of his voice, the look in his eyes, the way the light beamed upon him made it seem that he was the only man standing. 

Yesterday rain fell from morning til night
Descending in thick cloud through the dust
Your delicate voice that filled my ears
Vanished into the rain

Sometimes I will shed tears longing for you
Sometimes my heart will twinge* with loneliness
Though I loved you Though I loved you
I was just only able to look at you from afar
Unable to come close

Though I wanted to remain close by your side
I had no choice but to leave
Though I loved you

Sometimes I will shed tears longing for you
Sometimes my heart will twinge with loneliness
Though I loved you Though I loved you
I was just only able to look at you from afar
Unable to come close

Though I wanted to remain close by your side
I had no choice but to leave
Though I loved you
Though I loved you

Why were tears wetting my cheeks? Was it the melody, or the lyrics?

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, trying to conceal the twinging pain in my heart.

“Thank you everyone,” Jaejoong said, bowing.

The whole crowd awakened, filling the room with claps once again.

He slowly descended from the stage, taking each step with consideration.

He reappeared in our table as he sat himself down. “That was nerve-wracking,” he stammered, grabbing his chopsticks.

“You did...great,” I said, putting a thumbs up.

“Yunho’s right,” Ji Cheol said, striking a smile.

“Thanks...” Jaejoong said, glancing at Ji Cheol. Why was he only acknowledging his existence? Wasn’t he going to thank me too? He was the one looking at me in that performance!

“I need a drink to calm myself down....” Jaejoong said. “Ahjumma! A bottle of soju please!”

The ahjumma walked towards us with a bottle in her hand, soon placing it down.

“Thank you,” Jaejoong said, nodding at the ahjumma.

Jaejoong twisted the cap open, and poured a dose of alcohol into his glass. He lifted the glass to his mouth, soon swallowing it.

One drink was followed by another, soon followed with another bottle.

Shot by shot, his eyes reddened and his stance faltering.

“Don’t drink too much...you drank three bottles already...” Ji Cheol said, placing a hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder.

None of us but Jaejoong drank, which left me concerned, considering the amount he drank.

“I’m....okay....” Jaejoong slurred, slamming the shot glass down.

“Ahjumma....another........bottle....” he said, holding the neck of an empty bottle.

“Jaejoong...stop,” I said, holding out a hand.

“Why do you care....” he buzzed, darting his gaze at me. “You...you used to drink tons...why are you acting....like you’re...the....”

The table rattled as his head plopped on the surface, causing me to wince.

“Oh god,” I said, extending my arm. “Jaejoong-ah...wake up...” I said, shaking his shoulder.

“He drank too much,” Ji Cheol said, casting a concerned look at Jaejoong as he furrowed his brows. “I’ll take him home.”

“No,” I said, standing up. “I live with him...I’ll help him.”

“Oh, right. I totally forgot...” he stuttered.

I walked around the table, stooping down as I pulled Jaejoong’s arms in order to load him. The mass of his body left me breathless, despite his light weight. I hoisted myself up, returning to my stance.

“Oh...before you go,” Ji Cheol said, standing up. “When he wakes up...give this to him.”

“Okay...” I said, taking the piece of paper in my hand, soon placing it in my pocket. “But...what is it?”

“It’s a letter...a letter I’ve been meaning to send to him for a very long time...”

~

I heaved a sigh of relief as I plopped Jaejoong down on the bed. Damn, my back hurt. But even if it did, I somewhat felt strong.

My throat called for water, leading me to the hallway. Before I could take another step, my curiosity holds me back.

I dug into my pocket, reaching for the paper’s edges.

I unfolded the paper, hoping to reveal its contents.

May 8, 2007

Dear Kim Jaejoong-ssi,

As your professor, I want to give you some advice.

Today, I went to the convenience store...and I noticed you weren't there. I thought you had a day off, until I went to the very back of the store....

I heard you crying. Someone was in that room with you, but I couldn't see since the door was closed.

That was when I've discovered your deepest secret...also, the pain you've been hiding for the longest time...

I couldn't help but feel pity for you...

Your voice was faltering, and it sounded like you were having an emotional breakdown.

You were whimpering about the man you loved. And how you couldn't be with him...and how it took such a detrimental hit on your life...

It seemed that you really loved him.

That's when it hit me.

Listening to you, it felt like being my past self once again.

For the thirty years I've lived, I've been keeping a secret for the longest time.

Ever since high school, I knew something was wrong with me. Somewhat, I knew that I was different from all the other boys.

I wasn't aroused by the sight of a woman, nor attracted to her.

I liked...men.

I liked my best friend...I shared an unrequited love with him for as long as I could remember.

But when I found out he was getting married, I tried to hang myself.

But then I realized, life was precious.

So then I decided to live...just for myself.

But for the past years...I feel like I haven't liv