Knowing myself and my frugal trait, I made the taxi drop us a few blocks away from the actual place, in hopes to lessen the taxi fare. Thankfully that idea paid off, since I only paid half of the actual price. Somewhat, it was killing two birds with one stone. You get excercise and a full wallet. 

“Aish Yunho-ah. You have so much money…but you want to walk?! Just to save money?!!” Jaejoong complained from behind me as his shadow loomed upon mine.

“Whatever. And it’s a good way to exercise…” I said.

The quiet, tranquil streets towered over us like a ring of fire. Some of the stores were beginning to close as lights flickered into darkness. Jaejoong and I were the only people walking as the sound of our soles scraping filled the silence. From afar, the bustling life of Hongdae sparkled within my sight.

“Aish, even if it’s almost summer, my hands are cold…” Jaejoong said, rubbing his hands together.

“To be truthful…”

“What?” he asked.

“When I first met you, I thought you would be those guys who never spoke to anyone. You know you looked kinda cold. You had some mysterious aura going on, like if you’re some Prince from the Joseon era…”

“What made you change that impression?” he asked.

“Well,” I said, shoving my hands into my jean pockets. “Even though you’re a bit psycho, you’re somewhat warm…you kind of feel like a mother. You know cooking, cleaning the house, nagging me…”

“So you think of me as your personal maid?” he asked.

“No!” I chuckled. “I guess it’s just nice having you around…I never really had a mother, so I don’t know how it feels to have one.”

Even if I had negative thoughts about him, I guess I grew fond of him?

“Wow…thanks Yunho…”

“No problem…”

“But…” he said.

“But what?” I asked.

“You’re somewhat right about the cold part…”

“Why?” I asked.

“Ten years ago,” he said, gazing up at the trees. “I used to be cold. Just like the impression you stated.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…but when I moved into that house…it changed my life…”

“In what sort of way?” I asked. “In a bad way…good way?”

“A mix of both,” he replied.

“Tell me more…”

“Well…I used to be quiet. I never stepped outside the room except to go to school and help my mom with the kitchen…but then this person wouldn’t stop pestering me.”

“…”

“At first he annoyed me…but then I grew fond of him…but I was in love with someone else…”

“Who was the person you were in love with?” I asked.

“There were three siblings in that house…I shared an unrequited love with the oldest sibling.”

“Really?” I gasped. “Why did you like that person?”

“That person…was smart, dependable, charming, handsome…”

It sounded like he was describing In-Sung in a way. Those were the words my brother got associated with.

“That man even went to a prestigious college,” Jaejoong said.

“Wait…that man?” I asked, blinking my eyes in shock.

“I like men.”

Silence cut between us as his confession leaves me astonished. He said it in such a composed way, despite it bringing great shock towards me.

Jaejoong…was gay? My pockets shifted as my hands shuddered, not from the cold air-but from Jaejoong.

“Really?” I said, ceasing the silence. “Well…that’s good…people are becoming more accepting these days…I guess…”

“You sound frightened by the fact…”

“No!” I shrieked. “I was just surprised…that’s all…”

“Don’t worry…I’m not going to jump on you!” he said, nudging my shoulder.

Like a canon, my heart was about to explode out of my chest.

“So then,” he said, continuing his story. “I eventually got over my first love…”

“Wh…why?”

“Because I fell in love with the one who pestered me…”

“Why…?” I had no other words to say but why.

“A group of boys…they were attempting to me,” he muttered.

“R…?” I asked. The pace of my heartbeats quickened to a rapid speed.

“Yeah…and then…when I refused to let them…they beat me up…” he said, wrapping his arms around himself.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…”

“But then…the second brother came to my rescue when I called him at the payphone near some oak tree…”

“And then?”

“Then he let me ride on his back on our way to home…”

“…”

“When he cleaned my wounds at the bathroom …I knew that I already liked him…”

Author’s Note: By the way, when Yunho is getting his flashbacks- he’s actually not aware of the monologue. He just sees the scene, but doesn’t get the meaning behind it. I only put his thoughts since it would be easier to convey his feelings from ten years ago.

“Stay still,” I said, settling him on the counter.

I pulled the drawer, obtaining the first aid kit within my grasp. I opened it, unveiling its contents.

The damp hand towel was already on the counter, ready for me to clean his fresh wounds.

That guy…he looked so scared as if the world crashed in front of his eyes. He shuddered within his spot, hugging himself tightly.

My poor pitiful angel.

Luckily, I existed to catch him from his fall.

“Don’t be scared…” I said, dabbing the towel on his wounds.

“Yunho-ah,” he quivered.

“I already reported those bastards to the police…”

“But…but I’m still scared…” he whimpered. His crystal-like tears sparkled within the lights, soon sliding to the tip of his chin.

My baby.

A mix of anger and sadness leashes me by the ankles. How dare they do this to him? He’s done nothing wrong…

His only wrong doing was not loving me back.

He loved my Hyung too much. So much that I hated my Hyung for it.

What did my Hyung have that I didn’t? He was smarter than me, more eloquent-but I could change…just for the sake of this boy.

“If I’m by your side, you won’t be scared anymore,” I said, gripping his hand. The warmth of my hand ceases the iciness of his flesh.

“Yunho-ah.”

“Please love me,” I said, wrapping his fragile body in my arms.

The softness of his breath caressed the nape of my neck, along with his tears. Somewhat, he was sharing his own pain with me.

“I promise…I’ll change for you…you don’t like how I fight? I’ll change that. My smoking habits…? My alcohol? I’ll quit…just for you…I need you…you’re no longer a want, but a necessity…” my cries of desperation echoed throughout the walls as I exerted all the pain out of my chest.

Did love make you this crazy?

“Yunho…” he said, digging his fingers through the strands of my hair.

“Please…just love me…” I muttered.

“I will…just promise me one thing?”

“What?” I asked, pulling away from him to get his answer.

“Just don’t leave me…”

“Are you okay?” Jaejoong asked, pulling me back to reality.

“Um…um…yeah,” I said. “Jaejoong…”

“What?” he asked.

“That guy…the second guy you loved…how was he like?”

“Rebellious. Stubborn. Like a storm. But lovable. He was also a clutz, but a good fighter.”

“I see…”

“Yunho-ah…”

“Wh…what?”

“How was your first love like?”

“If I could only remember,” I lied.

Honestly, that answer was half a lie. I could envision that person, but not in a vivid, clear way. 

Oh, how I wish I could remember. 

If I could, my life would make much more sense. 

~~

“Here’s the café…it’s the best in Itaewon, I swear…” I said, pulling the handle of the door.

There was a line up of people in front of the counter, waiting to order. A clash of voices panged thr