[CONTENTID2] RECOVERY JOURNAL [/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID1]

Another long...long...chapter....there's flashbacks too...so it makes it long...feel free to take a break if you get tired...its 28 pages...I lost brain cells while writing the last chapter, sorry if it's evident in this chapter (if I manage to make any grammatical errors and spelling mistakes)

~~

Flashback:

I placed my journal inside my jacket, feeling content as I wrote my concluding sentences. Hopefully it wouldn’t fall out, because if it did, I’d be so ing embarrassed.

I rubbed my palms onto the creases of my jeans, heating my thighs as I tried to calm the outbreak of butterflies swarming my stomach.

I hope this date goes good. If not my efforts of altering my appearance to cater to Jaejoong’s tastes would fall through. And I didn’t want that to happen. I’ve come this far. I even memorized the quotes from Romeo and Juliet.

I glanced at the clock, praying to God, or whoever ruled my destiny.

I exited my room, soon going downstairs. One more staircase and I’d be in the basement.

Before I got a chance to land my foot on one step, I catch a glimpse of Lee Mi Ran; the maid I greatly despised.

“Yunho…where are you going? Why do you look so fancy?”

I step back, losing grip of the rails.

“Places,” I said.

She crossed her flabby arms, staring me down as if I convicted a crime. “Okay.”

Finally, she left my sight as her round, plump silhouette disappears into the kitchen. Phew.

I resumed my journey to the basement as I ran down the steps, unable to contain my excitement.

Deep in my head, I envisioned Jaejoong’s appearance, predicting the image of a fancy looking boy.

My chest pounded, harder and harder as I neared his bedroom door.

“Jaejoong-ah…are you ready yet?” I asked, rapping my knuckles on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure…” he replied.

I take the knob within my palms, twisting it as I invite myself to Jaejoong’s bedroom.

The familiar sight of his beige walls and his single bed made me feel welcome. I’ve been here millions of times, so much that the dimensions of the room would remain crystal clear if I closed my eyes.

The DBSK poster remained on his wall, held by a couple pieces of tape. Books lined up in the small bookshelf, boasting his collection of literary fiction.

His bed was clean, crisp and neat. Unlike mine, which was always left messy. To my joy, the pink elephant I got him sat with the cluster of pillows.

I hope he never throws it out.

I turn my head, finding Jaejoong in front of the mirror. His focus was fixed towards his reflection. He seemed worried about something as he repeatedly combed his fingers through his black locks.

“Do I look fine?” he asked.

“Of course you do!” I replied, trying to sound diplomatic as possible. I had the urge to express my contentment by adding swears and raising the pitch of my voice, but I couldn’t. I had to be like Hyung. Cool, calm, and collected.

He looked better than fine. He looked ing hot. So…fancy?

 My eyes danced at his small frame, dancing in harmony as I eyed his perfectly crisp polo. Layered on top was a navy blue blazer. His pants were sleek and straight, showcasing the shape of his legs. His hair stayed the same, but his face already looked expensive, so what was the point of changing his hair to suit the fancy occasion?

Aish. Why was he so cute? Why was he so handsome?

My heart skipped a beat as he spins towards me. . What will he think of my whole get up? I spent the whole night with Heechul planning this whole outfit. I hope Jaejoong says something about it.

“Wow Yunho, you look…you look so fancy…that’s new…”

My chest tightened as I heard his words. Yes! My cheeks burned as I wrap my head around Jaejoong’s words.

“Um…thanks…you too…” I said.

I wanted to say he looked ing great.

“We should get going, I don’t want to be late…” I said, glancing at my watch.

“Oh right…” he said.

Jaejoong and I headed to the door, the lights flickering off as he flips the switch. We go through the long corridor, soon leading us to the spacious section of the basement, which consisted of the sofa and the T.V that Changmin broke.

“Where’s this exhibition?” Jaejoong asked as we head up the stairs.

“It’s in Gangnam. It holds…very excellent artwork,” I replied.

“Good job Yunho. You’re doing fine so far…” Hyung’s voice transmitted through my ears, reminding me of the earpiece hooked to my ear.

“Thanks…” I said.

“Huh?” Jaejoong asked, looking taken aback as we got to the main floor.

Aish! I’m so stupid!

“You’re not supposed to reply idiot!” Heechul exclaimed.

Aish.

“Oh! I was just thanking the evening that it rewarded us with such good weather…” I replied, hoping these words wouldn’t sound awkward, considering it came out of my own mouth.

“Good job Yunho. You sounded smart. Keep going,” Hyung said.

Thank god.

“I’ll open the door for you!” I exclaimed, claiming hold of the knob. The door swung open, welcoming the night’s shadows.

“Thank you,” Jaejoong said as he stepped forward.

“I called a taxi ahead of time to ensure that we’ll be there on time.”

“Wow Yunho-yah!! So smooth! Me and your hyung didn’t even think about that!! It feels like I’m listening to a drama~~”

Aish. Heechul’s making me feel all embarrassed now. So embarrassed that I wanted to curl up into a ball.

As we approached the road, I sped my pace to the taxi and opened the car for Jaejoong. He entered the car, giving me a nod to thank my gratitude. I closed the door behind him, soon walking to the other side of the taxi.

“Take us to the Myeonhang Exhibit in Gangnam please,” I said, shutting the door.

“Okay,” the taxi driver replied.

Soon the car advanced forwards as the sight of our house vanishes.

What the hell was I supposed to say now? If I was ‘punk’ Yunho, I would’ve rambled about something by now. But tonight, and for the rest of my life I was ‘smart and serious Yunho’. 

“Say something Yunho…talk about Shakespere or something…aish the silence is making me go crazy…” Heechul remarked.

Oh yeah! But wait…I kinda forgot the quotes…I swear I practiced it all night! Why couldn’t I remember them??? Swearing in my head, I decided to pull out my journal in the moonlight’s dim glow.

I flipped through the pages of my messy handwriting, seeking for the list of quotes. I placed my index finger on the first second, smirking to myself as I read it in my head.

“Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly. then your love would also change,” I said, hiding my journal afterwards.

I decided it’d be the best quote, since you know, the moon’s out right now.

“Wow Yunho…I can’t believe you managed to remember that line!!” Heechul beamed.

Heh. Not really. But okay, let’s just go with that thought.

“Wow Yunho, that’s one of my favorite quotes from Shakespeare. It showcases the evolution of human nature; don’t you think?”

I nodded like a dumb idiot, finally coming to realization of what that quote actually meant. I just thought it was an imagery-technique to describe the moon.

What the hell am I supposed to say now?

“He’s not saying anything In-Sung hyung! What’s he gonna do??

*Give it to me…Yunho…it’s me Hyung…tell him that um, the human nature is really interesting…a very complex thing…”

Thank god. If Hyung hadn’t stepped in, I would’ve ended up saying something weird.

“The human nature is very interesting. Don’t you think Jaejoong-ah? It’s very…very complex…” I said, ceasing the silence.

“It is. I’ve been contemplating about that fact. People change as they grow older. The future is very unpredictable. It would be really interesting to see how much I change as a person.”

Jaejoong was right, and somewhat his words were a mere reflection of my own self. I was changing my ways for the sake of Jaejoong in the sake of love.

“I think…I think you’ll be a great person in the future…” I said without holding back. “You’re smart…and you’re nice…unlike me…”

“This is no time for self pit- “

“Well, to be honest…those are the only things going for me. I’m kinda jealous of you…”

“Wh…why?” I asked.

“You’re strong and independent. You don’t need anybody holding you back. You’re also very honest. And you seem like a good protector.”

“Yeah…but…it brings me to a lot of trouble…” I said.

“Should I stop them? They’re kinda getting depressing…”

“*No…the conversation is actually going somewhere and they’re revealing things about each other…it’s going at a good direction.

Good, because I want to hear the rest of this sappy fest.”

Aish. Hyung and Heechul’s conversation is making me distracted.

“Yeah, but you’re getting better.”

“But really, why do you feel inferior compared to me?” I asked.

“Because…I’m weak as hell. I want to be strong like you. I want to do whatever I want…but my conscience…it holds me back from doing things I really want to do. From saying things, I want to say,” he said. “So…that’s why I’m curious about the future. Maybe I will change for the better. I just have to find an opportunity of when to.”

“And,” he continued. “You can stand up for yourself. I can’t do that. If someone fights me…I’ll just back down. But…but you Yunho…you’re a warrior…you punch back…I can’t do that.”

Wow. I didn’t know he felt like this. I thought I knew everything about him, but this conversation proved my assumptions to be false.

“Well, you…you just have to find courage…” I said. “Just think of yourself as your own best friend…you wouldn’t want your best friend getting mistreated right?”

“Good advice Yunho…” Hyung said.

“I guess…”

“So…respect yourself is my advice for you…”

The car stops in front of a large building, indicating that we reached our destination.

“We’re here,” the taxi driver said.

“Here’s the money…” I said.

“No, I’ll pay-“

“No Jaejoong.  I’ll do it. Tonight, you don’t owe anything to me,” I said, handing the cash to the driver.

“Wow Yunho-yah…just like a real man!! So cool!! If you were in love with me, I totally would’ve dated you right away!! Jaejoong is so lucky!!” Heechul exclaimed.

Aish…Heechul’s making me feel all embarrassed again.

We finally left the car, soon heading to the glass-covered building. I surveyed the structure, inspecting its impressive architecture. Complex shapes and uniquely shaped windows were fixed onto the building, making it contrast from the rest of its neighboring buildings.

“Wow, this is hella big,” I whispered to myself.

Jaejoong was ten steps ahead of me, causing me to fasten my steps.

“How am I doing so far?” I whispered, hoping Jaejoong wouldn’t notice me talking to some microphone fixed to my jacket.

“So far, you’re doing pretty decent…” Hyung said.

“Where are you guys in the building?” I asked, approaching the glass doors.

“We’re in the gallery…right now we’re standing behind a plant. Well, Heechul’s at the food booth since he got hungry…”

“How did you manage to get a pass? Since you know, it’s only by invite.”

“Yunho, did you forget how rich we are? Money has the power to do things…”

“Oh right…” I said, totally feeling stupid. “Well tell Heechul to get out of the food booth since we’re walking in right now and I don’t want Jaejoong to see him since he’ll get all distracted and .”

“Language Yunho-yah. And don’t worry, I’ll call him right now.”

“Thanks Hyung,” I said. “Jaejoong-ah! Wait for me,” I called out, jogging towards him.

“Wow…this building is totally impressive…”

“It definitely is,” I said, glancing at the marble-covered lobby. “Let’s go check in now.”

“I’m Jung Yunho, the third place winner of Seoul’s Youth Artists award. I got two tickets to get free admission to this museum…” I said, hoping I sounded composed as I handed the passes to the front desk lady.

The old me would’ve went like:

“Hey!! I won the contest so let me in okay?”

But I was no longer that Jung Yunho. I was a totally different person.

“Oh yes, that’s you right? Go right in,” she said, flashing a smile.

“Wow Yunho…how come you didn’t tell me you won an art competition?” Jaejoong asked, letting out a gasp.

“Well,” I said, scratching my head. “It’s not really a big deal…”

“Are you kidding?” he asked, as we both turn to the art-work covered walls. “That’s a huge accomplishment!”

I can’t believe Jaejoong was praising me. This date is turning out better than expected.

As we lead ourselves further to the gallery, my focus began to divert to the walls as I looked at the paintings. An explosion of colours and ideas entered my head, giving sources of inspiration for my next artwork.

“Wow…this is impressive…” I said, stepping towards an oil painting.

I gaped at the painting in awe, looking at the multiple use of warm colours. The were applied with perfection as the colors blended in harmony. I couldn’t stop looking at it as I immersed myself into its beauty.

(Author’s Note: I know I’m supposed to use simpler words for Yunho since he was a teenager here, but this is a flashback from his adult mind, if that makes sense).

“I think it’s Romeo and Juliet…” Jaejoong said.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yeah…that’s Juliet,” he pointed to the woman in dressed in white dress. “And that’s Romeo,” he said to the guy with the cape.

It was the perfect opportunity to share my knowledge about 16th century western literature.

“Jaejoong…what…what do you think about Romeo and Juliet?” I asked, glancing at him.

“Romeo and Juliet? I think it’s a very beautiful, but tragic story. I was actually obsessed with it in junior high.”

Wow! He read that in junior high? Now I feel stupid as hell.

“If you were Romeo…would you fall in love with her, knowing that her family is against your own?” I asked.

“Hm…” he said, putting his thumb underneath his chin. “I would…if I totally loved that person, I would fight our obstacles…”

Then Jaejoong…why did we spend ten years apart? What was the reason? If we were deeply in love with each other in the past, why did we separate? Did we fail to fight our obstacles?

“Like Juliet…would you drink poison for the one you love?” I asked.

“I would.”

Jaejoong, if you’re willing to drink poison for me, then I’ll be willing to take a dagger for you. Even if it hurts, I’ll think of you…

~

Silence swallowed Jaejoong and I’s mouth as we continued to walk around the gallery. My feet were beginning to get tired, and I had the urge to yawn.

For some reason, Heechul and In-Sung weren’t speaking in the earpiece, which caused me to worry. This museum was so big; I couldn’t even find them.

I loved art. I really did. But this strict, fancy athmosphere was not my style of dating. Dressing like this was not my style. Speaking like this was not my style. For me, I preferred visiting galleries by myself.

“Oh my god Yunho!! I can see you!!! Turn around!!! Me and your Hyung are behind the plant!!”

I halted my walk and turned over my shoulder, fixating my gaze to the tall plant.

“He heard us!! It’s finally working!!!! You can hear us right??? We tried to speak into it, but I guess it stopped working for a little while…we heard you though…But Yunho, why aren’t you guys talking?? You were doing so good when you were talking about the Romeo and Juliet painting!! But now the date is totally getting boring!!”

“I don’t know what to talk about…And I’m kinda bored…I like galleries and all, but only when I’m by myself…it’s totally pressuring me!!”

“Aish!! Do-“

I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I yanked off the ear piece and decided I was going to do things my way. Heechul and Hyung no longer had the power to guide me.

I reached for Jaejoong’s bony wrist and slowly lead him to the corner of the wall. I spun him around, making him face me. His eyes widened, taken aback by my sudden initiative.

“Jaejoong-ah, this is boring. Let’s go to the arcade…”

“Wait…what?” he asked, raising his brows.

“Yeah…let’s go,” I said.

“Oh…okay…” he said, shifting his gaze back and forth.

We both exit the fanciness of the museum, as the night breeze greets us. Jaejoong and I walk side by side as we approached the nearby arcade.

This weather was pleasant, showing no signs of upcoming precipitation. Gangnam’s towers soared the sky, decorating the night sky with its lights.

Before I got a chance to open the door, my phone rang.

“Go in Jaejoong…I just have to answer this…” I said.

“Oh…okay,” he said, soon entering the arcade.

“Hello?” I said, turning around to face the street.

“ing Yunho! What the hell! Why did you ditch us? And why the hell did you rip out the earpiece!!”

“I don’t need your help anymore…I can’t do it…”

“Aish!!! I sacrificed my drama marathon to help you with your pathetic love life and now you’re…your quitting?!! Aigoo!!! When I see you next week, I’ll seriously rip all the hair out of your head!!!”

“Sorry Heechul…” I said, looking at the floor. I seriously did feel apologetic. But, what could I do?

“Whatever Yunho…I’m going home now…you better return the outfit that you borrowed from me!!! It was super expensive!!! Bye!!! Good luck with your date!!” he cried angrily.

He’s going to forgive me. Heechul can’t stay mad for that long, can he? Aish.

I entered the arcade, overwhelmed by the quantity of machines that flashed within my eyes. I furthered my steps as I seek for Jaejoong.

To my amusement, Jaejoong was perched on a stool, his focus directed at the screen as he tried to fight a zombie. He spun the lever, causing the pixelated characters to move forwards.

“Why can’t I ever win!!!??” Jaejoong cried as the words ‘Mission Failed’ flashed onto screen.

“Aish…I’ll teach you,” I said, crouching over his back as I take grasp of the controls.

My heart beats spiked as I felt his fists within my palms. I managed to get a whiff of the detergent he used on his clothes as I hover my head above his shoulder. Our heads were so close together, so close that I could easily plant a kiss on his cheek if I wanted to.

“If you want to beat the zombies…you gotta press really fast…like this…and then you take the control that moves your character and then you have to avoid them…you can’t just run into them. Then you shoot your lazers…”

“Wow Yunho!! You’re really good!!”

“I stayed overnight in this arcade just to beat this game…” I said, remembering the times I used to hang out with Yoochun.