Something cracked, a pain in your chest panged at such words. Who knows what kind expression she wore, for all Yongguk did was let out a shaky sigh. Angered, flustered, pained, hurt, his bride sat there, a mess of emotions and thoughts waiting for him to continue. Waiting for him to get it off his chest.

This, this was going to happen someday. But who knew it’d be so soon. What bought it on?

Hands covering his face, with shaky sigh he dragged them down, wiping any tears as if any misture wasn’t there in the first place. "I can't-...I can't protect you the way you need. I never, ever, want to touch a gun again in my life, it goes against all my principles…But I know...I know that is the only way to keep you safe. I need to be able to fight on equal terms."

Unbelieveable. “You’re already are protecting me-”

"Not enough! Not nearly enough to guarantee your safety, or that you can stay by my side...I can't promise to keep you alive,” jaw clenched, Yongguk averted his gaze to a corner of the room. “And since I have gone back on my word...You're welcome to leave me, I’ll send divorce papers shortly." His ominous words roused a wave of vexation. This man is incorrigible.

“Do you hate me?” the question left your lips barely above a whisper. His expression faltered with widened eyes, yet plum lips remained sealed in a pursed line on steepled fingers.  “Answer me, Bang Yongguk. Do you hate me?” Trepidation filled the air, incredulously there came nothing except silence and heavy weight of the moment. “I guess that’s a yes then…I’ll go pack my things.” Tears burning in your eyes, and you stand to leave.

“No- ”cold fingers wrapped around a wrist as you stepped away. His hold enough to stop you taking another step, unless it was really you holding yourself back. Who knows. “I could never…I love you too much to see you hurt.”

“Then don’t you EVER tell me to leave,” angry tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. “Not until the day comes where you can’t stand it and hate me.” Large cold hands cupped your cheeks to thumb tears away. Enough, a swat of his hands gave you the breathing space you needed to hold strong. “Who said you needed a gun to protect me? The most painful thing in my life so far has been you telling me to leave, and the thought of divorce.” It was shocking how calm and quiet you were in this moment.

“Honey-”

“You promised me, Yongguk. You promised!” your quiet voice cracked as a cry threatened to spill, gulping it down you continued with tears streaming down your face. “I can protect my body but not my heart. I gave it to you, to keep. I have complete trust in you to protect it.” Yongguk shook himself free of his wallowing, all that stood before him was his wife, so incredibly vulnerable and alone in this moment…was their relation so trivial for him to bring up the divorce card like this?

He knew it wasn’t. Then why did he need to do this? “I’m so sorry, I-…I have no excuses”

“Then why do you keep pushing me away?” Yongguk watched the toll of his words speechlessly. His wife, the fabric of his shirt trying her ultimate best to keep a hold of herself. “I get that we need our personal space. But I’m your partner.” Reaching for his arm, your hold shook him with the following statement tumbling your lips.  “You CAN be weak in front of me, and I will cherish you the same as I do now.” This moment felt difficult on both, one for voicing her broken heart, and the other for feeling so vulnerable in this moment. Tilting your head up, you met Yongguk’s gaze, onyx eyes reflecting a pained wife concerned for her husband. “Why is it so hard for you to understand? I’m here for you. I’m not going to leave, even when you tell me to unless you hate me.” Moisture in his eyes turned to tears, Yongguk wrapped his arms around you. It would seem he was embracing you, but in that moment you were holding him up while he melted into your embrace. A vulnerable pool of emotions, he himself has yet to decipher.

“Will you be able to handle it?” his husky deep voice whispered, holding back a sob.

 “Mr.Bang. I come from a rat hole where I fought tooth and nail to live quietly…You became the root of my humility and self-respect. You gave me a life with meaning; I can handle it,” the ghost of a smile played at your lips, things were starting to get open, bit by bit.

“I-…where do I even begin?” his slender digits raked tousled hair.

Pulling yourselves towards the living room, you sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside you. “Anywhere you begin will be the beginning for me.” Following his bride into the living room, Yongguk at on the floor by his wife’s feet. Resting his head on her knees, his brides’ fingers raked his hair. Oh how he missed this touch, despite it being right beside him.

"I want to tell you though. I...I have severe anxiety and depression." A calm silence fell, egging him on to continue. "Things felt amazing with you here. You've given me a whole lot of other things to look at.” A ghost of a smile dancing at his lips grew. “Things to smile with. Reasons to believe in. You know? I haven't touched my medicine since you came to my house for the first time… I felt better, and here I am, getting all tense and anxious over one thing that can’t take responsibility for. A promise... I-...I love talking to you, being with you helps me figure out the things I didn't know about myself, and I begin to sort through these thoughts I have bit by bit. Frankly, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared now that I'm doing things wrong." A pregnant silence fell between the pair…perhaps this was too real.

"I've been in relationships before, “ you broke the silence. “But if anything, I can tell you marriage is nothing like dating."

Onyx eyes twinkled in the moonlight as he sighed. "You can say that again."

"Marriage is nothing like dating, " you repeated. Your statement made him sit up and look to you. "You and I both need to stop comparing them. When I had a boyfriend in the past I wouldn't tolerate an insult, and I would fight and scream... But you...with you I don't feel bound to do things differently, it just happens.” A pregnant pause fell between you tow, Yongguk’s silence egging you to continue. You look him in the eye and spoke gently, “ I love you more than I ever have loved, I respect you more than I did anyone in the past. Seeing you today, all I wanted was for you to be okay. I have stood by my honesty, and I've kept to my word about caring for you through sickness and health. Seeing you break like that today, I realised what's the biggest difference in marriage and dating. If we were dating, I'd be helping you get on your own feet for you sake. As your wife, I'd carry you with my own two feet to strengthen you, I have no issues in being a pillar of strength for you, because your existence and happiness means so much to me. We're a team now, you are not alone and never will be. I will do anything in my power to help you, you know I mean that."

Tears began to stream down Yongguk’s cheeks, it broke you to see your man so fragile nad pained that it made your vision blurry with wetness. Holding your hand in both of his, he pulled it to his lips placing a gentle kiss among tears and sobs. “I don’t deserve you” he sobbed as he held your hand to his forehead, a sign of great respect with a slumped frame was sad.

“That’s what I usually say,” you replied, the sob in your throat finally broke free, with quiet sniffles. Siting on the ground beside your husband, you pulled him into an embrace. “Then again, there’s no one I’d rather give myself to.” Crying in one another’s hold, never din a pathetic action ever feel so warming before. To be weak towards your spouse but strong for the, perhaps this is the root of love. Sobs and tears quietened down to sniffles and a rocking embrace in the cold pale moonlight.

“Can we stay like this for a while?” Yongguk asked, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

“I was going to whether or not you asked.” Tiling your head to nuzzle into his shoulder, a smile was inevitable at the innocence of his question.

“I love you,” Yongguk whispered with plush lips to your temple

“You’re on the couch tonight for being a .” You spoke, face buried in his shoulder, perhaps turning a little hotter. His hold around you tightened, as he breathed languidly.

“I still love you.” he whispered, head leaning against yours. His crisp cool scent that you loved and missed, his warmth, the softness of his skin, the scratch of stubble, his slightly increased pulse…a day like this, couldn’t have ended any better.  

“I do too.”

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A:N

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Sincerly sorry for being MIA when I promised wedensday updates. Please check out my "Life update" blog post to see reason why it took forever. 
I hope it was worth the wait.