Chapter 21
Seeking for Love
Sunggyu entered his room with high hope Woohyun already there in his place. His shoulders fell in slumped as he saw his PA’s table still vacant. Sunggyu thought Woohyun already came to office because his car was not in the mansion this morning. Sunggyu pinched his nose bridge to calm his uneasy heart. Was Woohyun angry at him about last night? Sunggyu truly regret with his bad treatment to Woohyun. He wanted to seek forgiveness from his wife.
His phone resting on the table, he took and unlocked it. He pressed the log icon to search for Woohyun’s number. Sunggyu groaned after his ears caught the voice of female operator answere him instead of Woohyun. “Why you off your phone, Woohyun-ah? I am dead worry about you, darling. Where are you?” Not a while after that, Sunggyu brought his feet to Sungyeol’s table to ask about Woohyun absence.
“Sungyeol-shi, have Woohyun arrived?” Sunggyu asked Sungyeol who just about to start his work.
The tall guy shook his head answering to Sunggyu question. “I have not see he pass my table yet.”
“Geurae? Does he call you to inform anything?”
“No, sir. Why?” Sungyeol perplexed with the Sunggyu’s anxious expression
“Nothing. Continue your work.”
“Ne, sir.”
Woohyun thanked his aunt for the tea she place on the table. Jiyoon took her place besides her only nephew. She knew Woohyun must be in problem right now, if not he would not come here with troubled face. She knew his nephew very well. He only come to her when he think he could not handle the problem alone. He need someone for him to talk about it, to lean on her/his shoulder sharing his burden.
“How are you, eomma?” Woohyun initiated the conversation. After his mother death, Jiyoon told him to address her ‘eomma’. Her little concern made Woohyun’s heart swell with happiness. He have a mother figure to lean on after her mother passed away.
“I am fine, Woohyun-ah. What makes you come here, again?”
Woohyun did not reply her immediately. He took some time to gather all his strength before he opened his mouth telling her everything kept inside his heart for a long time being. Jiyoon gave him a encouraging gaze to support him continue his story. Woohyun threw his body into his aunt’s body. His face was in her shoulder. Jiyoon rubbed her nephew back in soothing manner as she heard sobbing escaped from his mouth. She let her nephew to release all in his heart.
Jiyoon wiped the tears stain left on Woohyun face. Woohyun’s lips formed a thin line, embarrassed by his act, crying helplessly on her shoulder.
“What is bothering you? You can tell me, honey.”
“I want to go far from here, eomma.”
Jiyoon gasped after Woohyun said that. But why?
“Do you have problem?”
“I met him again. Kim Sunggyu.” Woohyun mumbled against jiyoon’s chest but managed to be heard by her.
“When?”
“I worked for him.”
“But why are you leaving? What is the relation with him?” Jiyoon asked in confusion as she could not figure out the behind meaning of her nephew.
“We met again around nine months ago. At first the meeting was totally awkward but he had shown me his effort to win my heart. He said he love and wanted to start over again. But ..” Woohyun choked on his own tears. He could not finish his sentence. His mind automatically revolved back the bitter memory which he wished to vanish forever from him.
Woohyun took a deep breath to calm himself before he proceed back. “But he questioned my honesty. He accused me intentionally seduced L and slept with him until I was impregnated.”
Jiyoon did not say anything after. She was still dumbstruck by Woohyun’s story. She never thought Sunggyu will act like that. The man he thought who can give Woohyun a new life, hurt her nephew again for the second time. But she not put the blame on Sunggyu immediately because she had no idea on the real story.
“Honey, every problem has its solution. We need to find them.” Jiyoon coaxed her crying nephew.
“I am tired. I need to calm my mind.”
“Arasso, if that you want I will help you. Your uncle’s sister stay in Malaysia. Her husband died three years ago in a crashed there. Maybe you can stay with her for a while.”
“Really, eomma?” Woohyun eyes sparkling, looking up to his aunt face.
“Yes. I ask your uncle first.”
“Thank you, eomma.”
Sunggyu could not stay still if he did not get any news from Woohyun. He have not touch his works yet since he came into his room this morning all he did was pacing back and forth in his room with phone in his hand, waiting a call back from Woohyun. Could not control his restless heart, Sunggyu left his office to go home, to see if Woohyun was there by any chance.
Sunggyu’s heartbeat running wild when he did not see any trance of Woohyun at the mansion. His car was nowhere to be found. Sunggyu slammed his car’s door and jogged into the mansion. With shaky hand he unlocked the door silently hoping he can see Woohyun sitting in the living room.
“Woohyun?” Sunggyu called out the name of the person he miss the most. He could not find Woohyun anywhere downstairs not even in the kitchen or backyard
Sunggyu realized he have not check into his room yet. Maybe Woohyun was sleeping? He climbed the staircase quickly and stopped for a while infront of Woohyun’s room. Sunggyu could hear his own heartbeat pumping against his ribcage. He brought his sweaty palm on the knob and turned it in slow motion.
Empty. Sunggyu froze in his place after his eyes scanned the empty room. No trance of Woohyun. Sunggyu went to open the wardrobe to confirm his gut. Yes, his gut was right. Woohyun was not here. He plopped himself on the bed,palming his face in his hands thinking why Woohyun left him. He hated himself right now because he never give Woohyun chance to explain. And now Woohyun determined to leave him.
Sunggyu rubbed his face before he lifted back his gaze to the front. As the bed was across the dressing table, Sunggyu’s sharp eyes caught pieces of paper nicely placed under a bottle of perfume. His feet dragged him there. His hand involuntary took it into his and he read the content of the latter with shaking heart and covered in cold sweat.
Hyung,
The moment you read this latter I was no longer there. I left your mansion already. You don’t have to look for me after this I give you chance to think about our relationship now. Forgive me as I never perform my duty as your wife before. I never hate you or something similar to it, just I just think myself are not perfect for you, not enough to make you happy. You are too kind for me, hyung. You deserve someone better than me to stay by your side, taking care of you.
I know you are burdened with this marriage, hyung. You still stay in this relationship because you feel responsible to me until you forget to find your own life and happiness. I just want you to know hyung, you are free to determine your own life. I will not interfere. Please look for your own happiness, hyung because I failed to do that. You deserve someone like Soyou-shi. Much perfect from me.
Also here, I returned back your cheques, hyung. Last night was my own willingness not because I want your money. I poured all my love for you in last night action. Never thought I was regret or angry with that. I only perform my duty as your wife. Don’t blame yourself for asking that. You have right on me.
Only one my request, hyung. Please let me be wife even though you are going to marry Soyou-shi. I don’t mind that but please let me be your wife and and perform my duty because I just love you so much. I want our sweet memory remain with me in my heart. I could not get rid that feeling. The more I tried, the stronger it attach in my heart. Please let me love you although I am not deserve to have you, hyung.
I always pray for hyung happiness with Soyou. May you God bless both of you until the end.
Nam Woohyun
Sunggyu’s tears fell heavily on the latter as he reading it. Woohyun’s wrote all his inner feelings on the paper. Sunggyu can feel his wife suffering because of him.
Regret. The only word can describe his feeling right now.
He flipped the paper only to see a poem wrote by Woohyun on the back of the paper. For the second time he could not stop his tears from wetting his face and paper. Woohyun poured all his emotions into his every words. Sunggyu felt like his heart was ripped apart.
I cry because I can’t forget
I cry although I want to forget
In the end, it’s greed, it’s all my fault
There’s no place for me to hide in my heart
Day by day, I talk less and less
So I’m afraid to say everything now
Don’t misunderstand me
Even though I’m not saying it out loud
Listen to my heart
My tears are like calluses
My sighs become my breaths
But I long for you again
If you ask me if I believe in love
Nod nod nod
I’m waiting again
They tell me to forget everything that has passed
But why do I have to forget everything now?
I don’t really have to be in pain
Even if I’m crying
Don’t comfort me
My tears are like calluses
My sighs become my breaths
But I long for you again
If you ask me if I believe in love
Even if I grow numb
In my heart
I can’t erase you
If you call this love then
Nod nod nod nod
I’m waiting again
Sunggyu’s hand lost his grip against the paper. He fell on his knee on the floor together with the latter left by Woohyun. Tears kept pouring showing no sign they will stop coming out from Sunggyu’s small eyes. He felt helpless. If he can turn back time, he make sure Woohyun could explain himself. How he wished he have that power. But he can’t. Woohyun left him again for the second time. This time much hurt from the previous one because his heart was filled with love for Woohyun.
“Woohyun.... Please forgive me,” Sunggyu said between his heavy sobs while his hand clenching hard the paper, hugging it closer to his chest.
“Please come back to me... I love you,”
The staffs in the office whispered to each other as soon as Sunggyu entered with depressed face and messy appearance. Their usual smart and handsome boss now look nothing much like a walking zombie. His face grown stubble and his skin a bit oily. They also noticed their boss look a bit thinner than usual.
“Morning, boss.” Sungyeol bumped onto Sunggyu when he was about to open the glass door and greeted him. Sungyeol frowned looking at how shabby his boss right now. His tie knot was not done properly left it hanging messily around his neck. His shirt also wrinkled and did not tuck nicely into his slacks.
Sunggyu only nodded his head to Sungyeol greeting causing the frown forming on the guy forehead deepen. As he was working here, never he saw Sunggyu acting cold with his staffs. The only one time he remembered Sunggyu gave him cold shoulder during the time he mistook L as Sunggyu because of he accidental bumped onto his back. He said sorry to him but he left in anger. Their similar back view made Sungyeol had that thought but he knew it was L after Sunggyu made a meeting about his twin will be working with time.
Sunggyu threw his body onto his chair then closed both his eyes. Four days after Woohyun left him already turned him to a helpless person. He cannot remember when the last time he had his proper meal and dressing properly. His mind cannot think other things as he kept remember the content of Woohyun’s latter previous days. He cannot accept the fact that Woohyun left him. Again.
“Sungyeol, come into my room for a while.” Sunggyu pressed the intercom button to connect him with Sungyeol outside his room.
“Alright, boss.”
Not even a minute, Sungyeol came into Sunggyu’s room. He knocked thrice before entering but left unnoticed by Sunggyu then he decided to enter when he did not get the reply. Sungyeol saw his boss staring blankly into space. His eyes trailed the direction of Sunggyu’s stare and fell to Woohyun’s empty table.
“Mr. Kim?” Sungyeol called out Sunggyu from his trance in a soft voice.
“I’m sorry. I was lost in thought just now.” Sunggyu gave Sungyeol a thin smile to hide his emotion.
“Why are you calling me, sir?”
“Oh yes. Do you by any chance get a call from Wooohyun?”
“No, I have not, sir. Already four days he did not come. Do you have any idea, sir.”
A heavy sigh released between Sunggyu’s lips. “If I know, I am not ask you, Sungyeol.”
Sungyeol shrugged his shoulder after he got his reply from Sunggyu. He turned back his heels to the door after Sunggyu excuse him to resume back his work.
“Where are you, Woohyun? I look for you at your house but you are not there. Please be safe anywhere you are, darling. Saranghae,”
“Mr. Kim!” Sunggyu was about to scold anybody who barged into his room without knocking first but he swallow back his words when Sungyeol coming to him with shocked expression.
“What is it, Sungyeol?” Sunggyu put down his pen and drifted his focus to now much calmer Sungyeol.
“I got an email from Woohyun hyung.” Hearing that name, Sunggyu’s eyes spark with a little hope even his guts telling him the otherwise. Sungyeol looked into his boss face in sad face.
“He sent me a resignation latter.” Sungyeol spoke in a low voice. He still in shock state after received the email. He replied Woohyun back asking him why but he did not reply him back. He had no idea why would Woohyun did this.
Sunggyu did not react to the news. His fear came true. Woohyun really wanted to disappear permanently from his live. “It’s okay, Sungyeol. Can you go now? Let me settle this.”
Sungyeol almost left the room when Sunggyu’s voice from inside stoppeed him. “Ne, Mr. Kim?”
“Do you know any Woohyun relatives or family members?”
“As far I know him, hyung only told me about his aunt once when I asked his family background.”
“Can you please get me Woohyun’s personal document from the clerk from staff personal department?”
Sungyeol nodded and too his leave after Sunggyu thanked him. Sunggyu rested his back against the backrest after Sungyeol left his room. His head suddenly felt heavy thinking his endless marriage problem.
Sunggyu’s car stopped right infront a peach terrace house. He looked again the address written in the paper for confirmation before he ring the bell. A few second after the bell pressed, a man about in his early 50’s opened the gate and invited him into the car pouch.
“Who are looking for, sir?” The man asked Sunggyu.
“Is this Mrs. Nam Jiyoon residence?” Sunggyu asked politely.
“Yes it is. I am her husband, Son Dongwoon.” The man introduced himself to Sunggyu.
“I am Kim Sunggyu, husband of Woohyun.” Sunggyu offered his hand for a handshake and gladly took by Dongwoon.
“Come inside first. My wife and Woohyun went to the market.”
“Thank you.”
Dongwoon told Sunggyu to wait in the living room while he went into his room to inform his wife on a guest sudden visit. He did not tell the guest was Sunggyu. After he informed Jiyoon, he went into the kitchen to prepare Sunggyu a cold drink considering he came at noon. The weather today quite hot and dry.
“Oh, thank you.” Sunggyu took the mug from Dongwoon and have a sipped to wet his thirsty throat.
Not long after that, the conversation of those two men were stopped due to the sound of engine entering the car pouch. Sunggyu heart pounding crazily waiting to see Woohyun face for the first time after almost six days he went missing.
“Yeobo, please help me with these groceries.” Jiyoon called out his husband from the door frame. Sunggyu bowed to the politely to her.
Woohyun froze on his feet after he saw Sunggyu figure when he enter the house. He averted his eyes from him and followed his aunt.
“Woohyun..” The voice stopped Woohyun’s stepped in the middle of living room. Jiyoon hid behind the kitchen wall to see them. She asked his husband to not interfere their problem and just be a bystander, let them solve it.
Woohyun remained still like a statue. He can sense Sunggyu presence getting nearer behind his back but he did not budge to turn over. Sunggyu heart hurt seeing Woohyun reaction to him but he still thankful because at least Woohyun will to stop although he refused to look at him.
Jiyoon just watching in silence the drama in the living room. Even she was disappointed with Sunggyu action to her nephew but she still give Sunggyu chance to fix everything again. Everybody make mistakes she thought. After she listened the heartbroken story from Woohyun previous days before, she concluded that Sunggyu was blinded with anger and hatred. Everything he done was not come from his rational mind.
“How are you?”
“What do you want, Mr. Kim?” Woohyun asked with his back still facing Sunggyu.
“I come to bring you back. I am sorry for everything, Woohyun.” Sunggyu lifted his face when he heard a small chuckled from his wife.
“Sorry?” Now Woohyun turned his body facing body. Eyes b with fresh tears threaten to fall.
Hearing Sunggyu request made Woohyun heart swell in disappointment. Why now? Why he never asked for that when he was still there, emotionally tortured by him. Everytime when he step forward to explain himself, Sunggyu will snap at him. Sunggyu never give him chance to defense himself. He chose to listen to the outsiders and follow his rage instead listening to his wife.
Woohyun turned his heels to his room but his wrist was caught by Sunggyu in the mean time. “Please Woohyun, give me another chance.” Sunggyu begged.
Woohyun fixed his eyes to the helpless figure infront of him. The person infront him almost not look like Sunggyu. His face more thinner than before and stubble started to grow on him. But for him to go back to him almost impossible. His heart could bear to be hurt again.
“I had enough.”
“Please Woohyun, give me one more chance to know you better.” This time Sunggyu’s hand fell from Woohyun’s wrist to his hand and squeezed it against his bigger one.
Woohyun shook his head and pulled back his hand. Was not the time he gave not enough? His heart ached remembering the promise made by Sunggyu to hold him and protect him from the world. He entrust his heart to him but what he got in reply? Only endless doubt from him.
“I love you, Woohyun.”
“Just keep your love here, Mr. Kim,” Woohyun pointed his own left chest. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Please Woohyun, I’m begging you. Please give me another chance...”
“Go, Mr. Kim. Soyou deserve you better than me.” Sunggyu could not do anything to stop Woohyun from leaving him. He broke the younger trust. He crashed the latter fragile heart. His sad eyes sending the slowly disappearing figure behind the close door.
Sunggyu took his leave after the two elder figures came out from the kitchen. He thanked them for giving him chance to meet Woohyun and seek their forgiveness because he broke their nephew heart.
Woohyun hugged his aunt longer before he pulled back to hug Dongwoon after. Today he will fly to Malaysia away from Korea. Staying here only made his wound bleed again. He need time to clear his mind again after all had happen.
“Are you sure about this, Woohyun?” Dongwoon asked for nth time about his nephew decision. Same as Jiyoon, he love Woohyun like his own son. He learn that his nephew life was hard and he will do anything to make him happy.
Woohyun smiled assuredly to his uncle, convincing him he will be okay. “I’m going to stay at your sister’s place not anywhere else. If you don’t trust me, you are welcome to ask her about my well-being.”
Their moment were interrupt by an announcement informing the passengers of flight to Malaysia to start moving to the departure gate. Dongwoon pulled Woohyun’s luggage to the departure gate while Woohyun walked hand in hand with Jiyoon.
“Take care, Woohyun. Don’t forget to call me.” Jiyoon kissed both Woohyun’s cheeks.
“Arasso, eomma.” Woohyun moved to his uncle. “Thank you, appa. Take care yourself too.”
“I will, Woohyun. Now, go.” Woohyun dragged his feet to the open departure gate. He waved for the last time to his aunt and uncle.
Tears fell from Woohyun’s eyes the moment he felt the plane depart and ing upwards between the thick cloud of Korea’s sky. Finally he leaved the land of Korea. The land only brought pain to him. Maybe in Malaysia he can find a new life. The wedded band around his wedding finger made Woohyun thought drifted to the person who responsible slipped it there and also who responsible for his broken heart. If the fate against him to let he own the guy heart, let this ring to forever wrapping around his finger. The presence of it similar with the feeling of having his husband beside him. Woohyun kissed the wedded band once before he closed his eyes to sleep.
“Goodbye, Kim Sunggyu....”
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