inspired by this and this

Namjoon was in the hospital, Taehyung and Jungkook were crying in the corner, Jimin was poking Yoongi who was half-dead, Hoseok was still screaming and Seokjin was ready to die.

Let's backtrack a few hours, to before any of this happened.

It was supposed to be a normal day, perfect and just like any other, when Seokjin realized that they were running out of groceries. Of course, being the wonderful mom of the group that Seokjin is, he decided to go shopping.

He was fine with that, really, shopping was a fun thing to do. He liked the time to himself and was looking forward to it. That is, until...

"I want to go too!"

The tall blond man pinched the bridge of his nose, taking deep breaths in and letting them out slowly.

"Taehyung, no. You can't come with me to the supermarket. I only need to buy a few things, anyway. I'll be home soon, so just wait for me patiently, okay? Is there anything specific you want?"

The brunet twenty-one year old (who was really a seven year old stuck in his overgrown body) puffed out his cheeks and stomped down his foot, not amused at all.

"I want to go!"

Seokjin pursed his lips and pressed on his temples, trying not to get a headache. He weighed the pros and cons and decided that, yeah, it might be okay to have Taehyung come with him. He should still have the shirts lying around somewhere...

"Tae, come with me."

The two walked into Seokjin and Yoongi's room where the latter was currently passed out on the bed. Jimin was laying across Seokjin's bed, lazily flipping through the pages of a manga. The oldest man in the room went through a suitcase underneath his bed, pulling out random shirts and stuffing them back in before he found what he was looking for.

He shook the shirt out and smiled triumphantly at it before handing it over to Taehyung.

The boy held it in front of him, reading the words carefully.

"'If found, please return to Jin.' Oh, I remember these shirts. They're from that time-"

"We don't talk about that time, Kim Taehyung."

"R-right..."

The brunet veered his eyes away from the shirt, balling it into no larger than his own fist. He kept it by his side as Seokjin continued to look through the suitcase, trying to find his hot pink shirt that stated 'I am Jin' in large font.

Jimin looked at the shirt that Seokjin was now holding up and he threw his manga onto the ground.

"Where are you guys going? I want to go! Take me with you!"

The blond man groaned and was about to speak up when Taehyung spoke for him.

"CHIMCHIM! I'M GOING TO THE SUPERMARKET WITH SEOKJINNINE! IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE HE'S LET US OUT IN PUBLIC! I'M SO EXCITED!"

Jimin's jaw dropped and he stared at Seokjin. The older man swore that he could see flames in the boy's eyes that were as bright, if not brighter than his orange hair. 

"TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

"TAKE JIMINNIE WITH US, SEOKJIN! IT'LL MAKE THE TRIP EVEN BETTER!"

There were fast footsteps coming from the hall before two loud slaps against the doorway made Hoseok's presence known, eyes wide and staring all of the residents in the room down. He spoke quickly, harshly, almost like a loud whisper.

"Where are you guys going."

Seokjin rolled his eyes before opening his mouth again, but Taehyung and Jimin shut him down.

"We're going to the supermarket! Come with his, Hobi! It'll be so much fun!"

Before Seokjin could even say a word, Hoseok nodded like this trip would determine the fate of the world and ran off to his own room. Taehyung and Jimin nodded to each other and ran off after him, leaving Seokjin to silently cry into his pink shirt while Yoongi continued sleeping, oblivious to everything that just happened.

Namjoon walked into the doorway, eating a bag of chips and nodded towards the three boys who were going crazy in their room.

"What're they so excited about? The last time they were like this is when you agreed to take them to the bea- you're not taking them somewhere, are you?"

Seokjin barely lifted his head from the shirt, just enough so that Namjoon could see the dread and sadness in his eyes.

"Oh, Jinnie... Jin no..."

The tall man put down his chips and walked towards Seokjin, awkwardly wrapping his arms around the older boy who continued to cry.

"Jinnie, if it makes you feel any better, I'll come with you to make sure they don't burn the place down."

Seokjin started crying even harder.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a door slamming shut and the rattling of another one trying to be opened. There was some incoherent screaming and both Seokjin and Namjoon swore they heard a moan before there was silence. Then, the knocking on a door and more jiggling of the handle ensued, someone desperately trying to get into a room.

"Jungkookie! Jungkookie, open the door for Taetae!"

There was no noise for a minute before the door creaked open, a hoarse voice letting out a short, clipped what.

Taehyung frowned and cooed at the sleepy boy in front of him, squishing Jungkook's cheeks together as he spoke animatedly towards the slightly younger boy. He was shaking Jungkook's head from side to side, keeping the boy awake.

"We're going to the supermarket, Kookie! Come with us? Please?"

Jungkook was going to decline, wanting to get some more sleep, but Taehyung gave him the puppy dog eyes and pouted, and he knew that his heart really couldn't take any more. Especially not after just being woken up. He nodded slightly, rubbing his left eye as he shuffled back deeper into his room, leaving the door open just enough for Taehyung to slip in.

A few minutes later, Jungkook and Taehyung both came out, Jungkook much livelier than he was before and Taehyung much more disheveled than before.

Seokjin clapped his hands and let out a breath. He stared at the six men in front of him, each of them wearing his 'Lost person' shirt. He himself donned the pink garment with his name printed on it, staring each and every one of them down.

"Alright, first rule. When we get there, we do not run in, we do not pet every animal we see, we do not start dancing in the middle of the street, we do not start playing with sock puppets or puppets of any kind, we definitely do not start playing our kazoos," he gave a pointed look to Taehyung, "we do not flash people no matter how nice we think our abdominal muscles are, we do not steal other people's ice cream and no, 'it already fell on the ground' is not a valid reason for that either. Second rule. Do not, I repeat, do not interrupt me while I am shopping unless it is an  e m e r g e n c y. I am your only source of food. Ruin the shopping trip and you're all living off of an apple and two potato chips for the rest of the week. You can thank Namjoon for that. Third rule, well, not really a rule, more like a plea, or cry for help, if you will, try not to embarrass yourselves too much? I would like to be able to go back out into public, thank you very much. Do you all understand?"

Seokjin looked between all of them and they all nodded, aside from Yoongi who was nodding off to sleep. He clapped his hands again and pointed towards the door, leading his little troop of men out into the big world.

"Let's go."

As soon as they got in the car, Taehyung started blasting Cypher PT. 3: Killer and doing his best to rap the entire song even though he clearly could not. At the end of it, everyone kind of stared at him in disgust, Jungkook lightly patting his back with a pained expression on his face.

Seokjin shook his head. He could already feel the bad vibes just oozing out of the car.

Or maybe that was just Taehyung's awful rapping skills.

It didn't matter. The two were equally terrible.

Pretty soon, they pulled up next to the store and they all filed out of the car (thank god because Taehyung was about to start playing more music). Seokjin gave them all one final look before he took one step forward and let the automatic doors open for him. He breathed in the crisp smell of the store and let out a happy sigh, turning around to let them all know that they could walk in.

They all stepped forward and Seokjin turned back around. Maybe the bad feeling he had gotten really was just Taehyung being an awful rapp- splat.

Frozen, the tall blond man stiffly turned around, only to find Taehyung lying flat on the ground, preventing the sliding doors from closing. His eyes widened and Seokjin quickly ushered everyone into the store while he called Jungkook over to help lift the fallen brunet up.

The tears were welling up in Taehyung's eyes and Seokjin pointed at him, all but threatening him to even try crying. He it up and got Jungkook to retie his shoelaces (because Jungkook was really good at weird things) before they successfully entered the store.

Not even a full minute later, Hoseok had found the postcards.

The first few were of some cool places,

"Look, Jimin! This one's of Paris! I've never been there bef- oh! This one's in Japan! The cherry blossoms are so pretty! Oh my god! These are the Pyramids of Giza! Dude! We should go!"

A few were some old drawings,

"Look at this one! I think it's some sort of flower, it's very nice. Are those shrimp? Taehyung, what is that?"

But then he found the animal cards.

"Aww, look at that puppy! It's so cute and fluffy and- OH MY GOD."

"Hoseok, what is i-"

"OH MY GOD. TAEHYUNG. JUNGKOOK. JIMIN YOONGI NAMJOON SEOKJIN HOSEOK GUYS GUYS GUYS IT'S A HORSE."

No one said anything for a moment, running that last sentence through their heads a few times.

"Did you... did you just call for yourself?"

"GUYS IT'S A HORSE. I'M GOING TO SCREAM-"

"please no-"

"I'M GOING TO- AHHH-"

"Goddamnit Hoseok-"

Seokjin had to hold his head for a few seconds before he could even try to stop Hoseok's screaming. He punched the boy a few times before he slapped him in the face. He even tried taking away the horse postcard (and the entire postcard rack, much to the employees' amusement), but nothing worked.

Hoseok was broken and would forever be screaming now.

There was no saving him.

Seokjin led his children away from the screaming man, hoping that none of the staff or personnel would realize that he had originally come with them. He guessed that he didn't do a good enough job of leading them when Namjoon ran into the very first display that he could find. Boxes of cereal flew everywhere, little chunks now visible everywhere.

The five boys froze in their footsteps, seeing an angry employee holding a broom slowly lift up one eyebrow. Seokjin sheepishly smiled, bowing down as best he could while walking, pushing down all of their heads to show apology as they stepped around the cereal.

The next display that Namjoon took down was the new ramen that was on sale.

After that was the tent that was pitched inside to show how large it was for campers.

Not even seconds later, the fishing poles came crashing down to the ground.

Seokjin was running out of convincing smiles to give.

He ran his hands across his entire face, looking at the boys who were ruining his life. Somehow, Taehyung had managed to acquire a lollipop and was enjoying the little treat, off in his own world while Jimin and Jungkook were thumb wrestling. Namjoon was sitting on the ground by himself, not wanting to move in case he broke something else, like a fridge or something.

Was there even a fridge in this store?

Seokjin didn't think so.

He could still hear Hoseok's screams in the distance, an announcement coming on every now and then for someone to claim the boy since he had no method of going home.

Of course, they didn't know that for sure. They just assumed that since Hoseok wouldn't answer any questions and he wasn't leaving on his own.

Seokjin really didn't want to go and get him just yet, though. He hadn't even started shopping, too busy taking care of these six idio-

"WHERE THE IS YOONGI?"

The four boys all stopped everything they were doing and looked up at him before they looked to their sides, shrugged and went back to doing their own things. Seokjin huffed, hitting them all over the head with a newspaper (because you know he was going to be doing some price matching).

"No. All of you, get up and go look for Yoongi. Now. I will start shopping because we still need to eat. Remember, don't come find me unless there's an emergency. That means that a bathroom break is not a good enough reason to find me. Someone come tell me if you find Yoongi. Alright, don't die, and try not to break anything else, okay? I'll see you all again soon."

Seokjin picked up a basket and dove into the stores, finding items on his shopping list quicker than he imagined.

They would be able to get out of here quickly and safely.

Seokjin overestimates a lot of things.

He definitely did not expect to see this, though.

Namjoon had found Yoongi a while ago. The man had climbed into a shopping cart almost immediately after walking into the store and now he was lying asleep, unaware of all the danger going on around him.

If there was one positive thing Seokjin had to say, it was that he was glad they were able to make Hoseok stop screaming.

However, there was a larger problem.

Taehyung was currently on Jungkook's back and Jimin was on Hoseok's back. They were stood at the end of the aisle, Seokjin right behind them and Namjoon slowly pushing Yoongi's cart back and forth like a stroller on the opposite end. They were a finish line, of sorts. Seokjin watched in horror as Namjoon lifted up his arm, swinging it down and Jungkook and Hoseok running off at top speed towards the shopping cart.

Seokjin takes it back; they weren't able to make Hoseok stop screaming.

Taehyung was laughing loudly, holding onto Jungkook a little too tightly, Jungkook's hands grabbing securely onto Taehyung's thighs. Jimin had his hands thrown into the air, hitting Hoseok every time the boy's hands drifted a little too close to the Jimbooty.

Of course, Taehyung and Jungkook won, and Namjoon congratulated them by handing them an open bag of potato chips (which may or may not have been opened because he fell on top of the entire shelf of chips and popped a few bags open). 

The blond man slowly backed away from all of them, shaking his head.

"This isn't happening right now. This isn't real. I should be waking up right now and- oh who am I kidding. This happened last time too. These little ers, I knew I shouldn't have brought them out."

He heard Hoseok's screaming gradually getting louder and Seokjin turned around, only to see the boy riding Yoongi's shopping cart across the shop, heading straight for him. Seokjin's eyes widened and he was about to step out of the way when Namjoon tripped on his shoelace trying to push him out of the way, getting Seokjin out of the crosshairs but placing himself right in the middle of them.

The three boys crashed into a display (which happened to be the cereal that the employee had just finished setting up again), leaving Namjoon with (finally) a broken leg. Hoseok had stopped screaming, now letting out a small whine that Seokjin could barely hear.

Yoongi somehow came out of that perfectly fine, though, barely waking up and letting out a 'huh?' before falling asleep again.

Seokjin turned to see how the other children were doing, and was devastated to find a number of things: Taehyung was crying, Jungkook was staring at his thumb like it was the entire universe compressed into a small pill, and Jimin was standing in the middle of a giant crowd, phones out and pictures being taken.

He decided that Jimin's case was the most serious, leaving his groceries in the middle of the store and running towards them.

The blond man pushed through the already thick crowd and was shocked to find Jimin's shirt lifted up, the boy doing body rolls while spinning in a circle to show all the people surrounding him. Seokjin spotted a mother who looked absolutely horrified and was trying to cover up her daughter's eyes for the sake of both of their innocence's.

He nodded at her, determined to stop this awful child of his and ran at Jimin. He pulled down the boy's shirt and covered his eyes (for what reason, he didn't exactly know) before leading him out of the sea of disappointed people. He sat the orange haired boy next to Jungkook and looked over to where Taehyung was still sobbing.

"Tae, what's wrong?"

Taehyung looked at him with large, round eyes, tears streaming down his face and snot dripping out of his nose like a faucet. Seokjin grimaced and took a handkerchief out of his pocket, wiping first Taehyung's nasal area before folding the cloth and running it over the rest of his face.

"L-LIAM-"

"Okay wait what who is Liam what is going on- Jungkook who is Liam-"

Jungkook turned and looked at Taehyung with a concerned look on his face, thumb forgotten about for now.

"Liam is Taehyung's new bug friend. We found him by the soup. He's a small beetle that reminded Tae of Liam Payne from One Direction. Tae thinks that Liam the Beetle doesn't really like spoons."

Jungkook nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He looked at Taehyung with concern again, wondering what was making the boy so sad.

"Tae, is Liam okay?"

"LIAM IS DEAD. HOSEOK RAN HIM OVER WITH YOONGI AND THEN NAMJOON CRASHED INTO THE CEREAL AND ONE OF THE BOXES LANDED ON LITTLE LIAM'S SHELL AND THEN HE WAS EVEN MORE CRUSHED THAN HE ALREADY WAS AND EVERYTHING IS AWFUL AND WE NEVER EVEN GOT TO SHOW LIAM OUR HOUSE AND NOW HE'S DEAD, JUNGKOOKIE, DEAD. WHAT DO I DO, KOOKIE? LIAM IS DEAD!"

"THAT'S TERRIBLE! OH NO, LIAM IS DEAD!"

Soon enough, both boys were sobbing like there was no tomorrow and Seokjin was sure that some of his hair was falling out from all the different things going on right now. His right eye started twitching as he registered Hoseok start to scream again, probably because the boy overheard Taehyung blame him for Liam the Beetle's cause of death.

Yoongi was still sleeping, but now his rest was disturbed because Jimin wouldn't stop poking his cheek. No matter what way he turned in the shopping cart, Jimin was always there to poke his cheek.

Seokjin was pleased to discover that an employee had at least called an ambulance for Namjoon a while ago, and he had been told that Namjoon was now in the hospital.

Wonderful.

Just great.

Seokjin loved shopping.

It just brought him so much joy and happiness, you know?

He dragged the remainder of the boys to the cash register and paid for everything after he shoved them all outside, and as soon as he stepped foot out of the store, a huge piece of paper was taped to the front window with their faces on it, the word BANNED in large, bolded red letters pasted underneath.

Seokjin sighed.

Guess they'd have to find another store next time.

He stared at the five boys on the ground.

He really was ready to die.

a/n: turned out a lot duller than i wanted but this is what you get bc i got six hours of sleep on a weekend after i went to a party. i literally wrote this in like two hours ok leave me alone