a/n: honestly, please don't call me 'author-nim'. i do not enjoy it, it sounds very stiff. please just call me jade!

"Come on, Yoongi! I told you who I like, so now you have to tell me! Well, no, because I already know that it's Jimin, but come on, tell me how much you like him. I want to know how much you like him! You guys would be such a cute couple. Well, of course Taehyung and I would be cuter, but still! I want to know! Then we can both cry together because we don't know if we'll ever be able to get together with them! We can get to know each other even better while we cry ourselves to sleep! Doesn't that sound great? Come on, Yoongi!"

Yoongi stared at him like he was crazy.

"Do you think I want to do that stuff? Why would I ever tell you how much I like him? So that you can tell him? Why would I ever want to cry myself to sleep with you? That's so weird- you're so weird, Jungkook."

"I know, Yoongi, but please! Tell me! I won't stop asking! Tell me!"

The older man rolled his eyes, dragging his hands across his face.

"Why does it feel like everyone's trying to interview me today?"

Jungkook scrunched up his nose, deciding that his onion rings were more interesting than Yoongi. He dipped them in ketchup and shoved them in his mouth, tilting his head to the side in happiness. Seeing the vinegar to the side, he decided to try some with the food. Pouring a copious amount out, he lightly dressed the rings with the vinegar and ate the entire thing in one bite.

He immediately started coughing, tears springing to his eyes.

Okay, maybe he didn't lightly dress them.

Maybe he drowned them in the clear liquid.

You'd never know, would you?

The small blond boy started thumping on his chest, basically hacking out his lungs. He heard a snort in the midst of his coughing, looking up to see Yoongi laughing at his absolute misery.

With much effort, Jungkook shakily raised his right hand, his middle finger standing loud and proud. He managed to mouth the words ' you' before coughing took over his entire body again. That just made the green haired man laugh even harder, laying his head on the table so that the only visible sign of him laughing was the inconsistent shaking of his shoulders. 

You could still hear him.

He was literally a dying seal.

Many people passing by them just stared at them oddly, not knowing or understanding why there was a child choking and another one crying from laughing too hard.

Yoongi stopped wheezing with laughter, wiping the tears off of his face.

"Oh my god, Jungkook, are you okay? That was too funny. Jesus, why'd you use so much vinegar?"

Jungkook had his elbows on the table, propping up his face in both hands. His lips were burning and he was pretty sure that his eyes were red and puffy from the crying that had accompanied his... vinegary escapade.

"I don't even know. I feel awful now. Everything feels funny. I think I'm going to throw up. Or pass out. Or throw up while passing out. I don't know. It just seems super likely right n- WHOA. YOONGI, DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR?"

The man stood up, backing away from Jungkook. He grabbed onto his hair, pulling some down in front of his face so that he could look at it closely. He glanced back at Jungkook who was still frozen in awe, looking as though he was trying to grab onto Yoongi, but instead grasping onto the empty air.

"Umm, yeah, it's green. You were here for this earlier, Kook. You saw me. You're the second person to see it, besides my mom. Are you okay?"

Jungkook only continued to stare at him, face filled with wonder.

"No... it's some shade of black! Or blue! Are you tricking me? Whoa... it's back to green again! WHOA! MY HANDS ARE DISAPPEARING! THEY'RE GOING SEE THR- AM I CHIHIRO FROM SPIRITED AWAY?" His head shot up to look at Yoongi, a bit of drool coming out of the side of the young boy's mouth.

"YOONGI, ARE YOU ACTUALLY HAKU?"

The boy then gasped, still not aware of the spit dribbling down the side of his face.

Yoongi just stared down at his food. He checked the bottle of vinegar and it seemed okay, then he checked the ketchup, nothing wrong there, then he looked up at the lady who had prepared their food, and she just gave him a nod before winking.

He groaned.

Jungkook had been drugged. 

The other customers sitting around them had started getting annoyed, some taking out their phones to record the whole thing, others getting up and leaving their food unfinished. Apparently, the young blond either took no notice or just didn't care, because he continued screaming at the top of his lungs.

"THAT MUST BE WHY YOUR HAIR CHANGED COLOUR! OF COURSE, YOU'RE HIDING THE FACT THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY A DRAGON FROM ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE ME! YOONGI, DO YOU LOVE ME? I WOULD LOVE YOUR DRAGON FORM REGARDLESS, MIN YOONGI!"

The boy stopped for a minute, face turning from one of elation to pure horror.

"WAIT, YOU'RE NOT HAKU!"

Yoongi sighed, glad that Jungkook had regained at least some sen-

"YOU'RE HIS REINCARNATION!"

He slammed his head on the table.

"HOW DID I NOT SEE IT EARLIER? ALL THE SIGNS POINT TO IT! YOONGI, YOU DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT JIMIN BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE HIM, YOU LOVE ME! OF COURSE! I WAS SO STUPID! HOW COULD I HAVE JUST IGNORED YOUR FEELINGS LIKE THAT? HOW COULD I BETRAY YOU WITH LOVING SOMEONE ELSE? HOW COULD I LOVE KIM TAEHYUNG INSTEAD OF YOU? THAT WOULD BE LIKE CHIHIRO LOVING LIN EVEN THOUGH SHE OBVIOUSLY WAS MEANT TO BE WITH HAKU! IT'S DECIDED, THEN. I, JEON JUNGKOOK, THE REINCARNATION OF CHIHIRO OGINO, WILL DO MY BEST TO LOVE YOU, MIN YOONGI, THE REINCARNATION OF NIGIHAYAMI KOHAKU NUSHI! WE SHALL BE TOGETHER FOREVER, JUST LIKE CHIHIRO AND HAKU NEVER WERE. SO SAD. ACTUALLY, IF YOU READ PART TWO THAT THE ONE PERSON WROTE-" 

Yoongi was dragging Jungkook away from everyone else, apologizing and bowing as best as he could while walking away. The green haired man caught sight of the woman responsible for all this one last time, and she simply wiggled her eyebrows, smirking while motioning towards a certain area on Jungkook's body. Yoongi shivered and increased his pace.

No matter how many times you asked him, he would not admit that his face went red at the implications that woman made.

Soon, he managed to find what seemed to be an old abandoned alleyway and shoved Jungkook inside there, slapping his face once he was sitting against the wall.

"Ow. That hurt."

Jungkook cupped his cheek, expression blank and voice monotonous. Yoongi just sarcastically nodded at him, face radiating fake empathy.

"Oh, yeah, of course it hurts. Sorry about that, Jungkook. I really, truly, sincerely, hope that you're okay." Yoongi rolled his eyes while still nodding at Jungkook 'sympathetically', lightly patting the boy's hand that was laid on his cheek.

Jungkook seemed to say something akin to accepting the apology, but instead, he just mumbled a bit, hand catching that little blob of drool that was on his face as it fell down to the ground.

His eyes closed, and soon, Yoongi heard light snores coming from the boy. He lightly smiled, watching the boy's eyes flitter. His eyelashes moved just the slightest, and his mouth was slightly open. The older boy checked his phone, surprised to find that it was already four in the afternoon. He stared at the boy who was still asleep and sighed. Yoongi picked him up with much effort and sat him down on a table. Then, bending down, he hoisted the small blond onto his back, piggybacking him out of the park.

While he was walking towards the main gate, Jungkook seemed to somewhat wake up, hooking his arms lightly around the mint green haired man's neck. He laid his head onto Yoongi's shoulder and lightly spoke into the older's ear.

"Thank you, Haku..."

Then, he drifted back off to sleep. Yoongi hitched him higher up his back, and once he was sure that Jungkook was asleep again, he patted one of his thighs, smile still evident on his face.

"No problem, kid. No problem."

Taehyung and Jimin were lying on the younger's bed. The pink haired man had no more marker on his face, but it was very red due to the intensive scrubbing that had ensued because of it. 

Taehyung threw his arm on top of Jimin's stomach and sighed.

"Jimin."

"Taehyung."

"Don't ever let me fall asleep first at a party ever again."

"Oh, but you know I will."

"I know. I'm just saying, just in case you would have actually agreed."

"But I didn't."

"But you didn't, indeed."

Neither of them said anything after that, just lying there, staring up at the ceiling.

Do You Love Me by 2NE1 started blaring from Jimin's phone and he blushed before he scrambled off the bed, shutting his ringtone off and answering the phone with a shaky voice.

"H-hello? Yoongi?"

Taehyung smirked at him, not-so-silently laughing at him for setting that to Yoongi's personal ringtone.

"H-hello? Yoongi?"

The man bit his tongue once Jimin had picked up, struggling to keep Jungkook on his back and talk on the phone at the same time. He looked like he was about to collapse to the ground, and trust me, he more than felt like that too.

"Oh, hey, Jimin."

Now, Yoongi isn't really one to ask for help. If he ever finds himself in a sticky situation, he typically finds a way to get out of it. After all, he's quick on his feet. His mother raised him that way.

This, however, was a situation that he could not exactly get out of.

He had picked up Jungkook, and he was actually quite enjoying the time with the boy who had fallen asleep, but he quickly realized that he didn't know how to get the kid home.

He was literally standing at the front gate of the amusement park with a passed out twelve year old on his back.

Didn't exactly look too good for him.

Ignoring the stares he was getting, Yoongi was about to call his mother to pick them up when he thought that she might not really appreciate the half-dead kid.

Also, she might think that he was a e.

For bringing home a kid.

Because, you know, it's his mom.

Anyway, so here he was, awkwardly calling Jimin for help.

Neither of them said anything for a while, Jimin because he was nervous and Yoongi because he straight up didn't know how to ask for help.

"Umm, Yoongi, if you have nothing to say-"

"No, no, I do! Umm, Jimin, would you happen to, umm... Would you happen to..."

The small brunet was biting down on his bottom lip, both excited and anxious to see what he was about to be asked. With where his mind was going, the answer was a loud, astounding yes, yes yes!

"WouldyouhappentohaveJungkook'smom'snumber?"

"Yes! Of cour- wait, what?"

Yoongi just sighed in relief, almost dropping the blond boy but scrambling to bring him higher onto his back.

"Thank god. Can you tell me what it is- or, or, actually, could you call Taehyung and ask him to call me? Then I can explain it to him."

Jimin was speechless and also very embarrassed. Without saying anything, he placed the phone on Taehyung's face and left it there.

"What the hell? Hello? Yoongi? Jimin just threw the phone on my face, what's up?"

"Oh, you guys were still together? Cool."

For some reason, that idea made Yoongi very uncomfortable. He knew that the two were very good friends, but he didn't know how good friends they were. 

"Umm, Taehyung, could you call Jungkook's mother for me? He's kind of passed out right now."

There was a sudden noise and then a high-pitched scream before a loud thud, and Yoongi stared at the phone before putting it back against his ear. He immediately pulled it away again when Taehyung started yelling.

"What did you do to him?! It's only four, he shouldn't be asleep already! What the hell? I swear to god, Min Yoongi, if you do not tell me what happened, you will not be waking up tomorrow."

Yoongi was honestly scared of him, but on the other side, Jimin was hitting Taehyung for being so rude, both for throwing him off of the bed (again) and threatening his Yoongi.

"Jesus, umm, well, we were eating and then he started acting really weirdly-"

"-weirdly how?"

"He was saying that he was Chihiro and that I was his Haku-"

"- wait, he said you were his Haku? Not... someone else?"

Min Yoongi was suspicious of the tone that the pink haired man had used to speak to him, but agreed nonetheless, attributing it to his anger.

"Yes? Anyway, he was being weird and so I looked up and the lady who made our food... winked at us, and that was when I knew that Jungkook had been drugged-"

"-YOU LET JUNGKOOK GET DRUGGED?"

"Oh my god, Taehyung, will you please let me finish? So Jungkook got drugged and I dragged him away when he fell asleep after I slapped him."

Yoongi purposely waited to see if Taehyung would react to this, and he was pleasantly surprised to see that he didn't. What he didn't know was that the younger boy was actually about to scream, so ready to punch him in the face.

"Now I'm just standing here with him on my back, and I don't exactly know how to get the kid home. So can you call his mom for me?"

Taehyung refused to speak to him anymore, giving the phone back to Jimin. He called Jungkook's mother with an angry expression on his face, waiting patiently for her to pick up.

Yoongi had no knowledge of any of this, thinking that Taehyung had just up and left.

"Hello? Tae?"

"Y-Yoongi, it's me again."

A smile unconsciously made it's way onto Yoongi's face as he patted Jungkook's , the boy having started to mutter in his sleep.

"...Tae...hyung..."

That seemed to spark something within the green haired man, for he immediately brightened up and started talking to Jimin excitedly.

"Hey, hey, Jimin, I have something to tell you."

The boy looked up and saw Taehyung animatedly speaking to Jungkook's parents with disbelief painted on his face. He wondered what they were talking about that was making the pink haired man so distressed.

Yoongi was still waiting for him to respond, though, and he didn't want to leave the poor boy hanging.

"Yeah, what is it?"

The green haired boy poked at Jungkook a few times to make sure he wouldn't suddenly wake up and rip the phone from out of his hands. Satisfied with the lack of reaction, he still whispered into the phone, but with a huge smile on his face.

"Jungkook told me who he likes."

Jimin's head shot up and he stared right at Taehyung. His jaw was wide open, and after a few seconds of Taehyung just looking grumpily at the floor, he turned and caught Jimin's look. He mouthed the word 'what?' while waiting for Jungkook's parents to pick up the goddamn phone again because god knows where the hell they went.

Jimin just shook his head, turning around so that only his back was visible to the months younger boy.

"Who the is it? Who? Tell me, goddamnit! I need to know right now! Why would he tell you and now us? How did you get him to tell you? Did you have to do something in return for hi- DID YOU TELL HIM WHO YOU LIKE?"

Yoongi swallowed, not answering for a minute. Then, he carefully opened his mouth.

"You see, I have a way with my words. Now, do you want to know who the kid likes or not? Because if you keep asking me questions and interrogating me like everybody else seems to be doing today, you can kindly off."

He felt bad.

He didn't want to swear at Jimin, the kid was too sweet.

He didn't really have a choice, though, if he wanted the kid to stay oblivious.

Jimin scrunched his nose up and clicked his tongue.

"Fine. Just tell me who Jungkook likes. Do I know him?"

"Oh, Park Jimin, you more than know him."

The brunet froze.

No.

"..."

"..."

"It's not me, is it?"

It was Yoongi's turn this time for his jaw to drop to the ground.

"No! no, no, he doesn't like you! I said that because the kid likes Taehyung! Kim Taehyung! Jesus, no! What the hell, no! Okay? Jungkook likes Taehyung and not you, for god's sake- hey- !"

Jimin stopped speaking when there was suddenly a loud noise. There was what seemed to be a struggle, before a loud ! and a victorious cheer resounded from the speaker.

He heard two voices yelling, and assumed that he wasn't really supposed to be hearing the conversation.

"What the hell, Yoongi? Who did you just tell that to? I swear to god, if it was Taehyung, I am going to slaughter you."

"For 's sake, no, Jungkook, I didn't just tell Taehyung. And good lord, you didn't have to kick me like that! Weren't you supposed to be passed out? Why don't you go back to doing that?"

"Oh, so that you can tell even more people? I don't think so."

"Oh my god, Jungkook, that was Jimin, okay? I'm sure that Jimin isn't going to go around and scream that you love Taehyung across the whole town."

"Why do you have so much faith in him? You only met him a few months ago. Is this because you- mmrph!"

"Don't you ing dare."

Now he was curious! He wanted to know what Jungkook was going to say. 

Before he could even think to ask, there was a scream and some laughter before the voices returned.

"You ing my hand!"

"Well, that's what you get for putting it over my mouth! What are you trying to do, suffocate me? Jimin and Taehyung have already done a swell job on that!"

"Oh yeah? How'd they do that? Did Taehyung just take all your breath away?"

"Shut the up!"

"Make me!"

 Jimin bit his tongue.

"Guys."

"You little prick!"

" you!"

"Disrespectful brat! I'm older than you!"

"I'm taller than you!"

"So what? Maybe I'm just naturally short! Maybe I'm the real Asian here, with my real Asian height genes!"

"GUYS."

Suddenly, both boys shouted from the speaker.

"JIMIN, SHUT UP."

Highly offended by this, Jimin laid a hand on his chest and scoffed into the phone.

"Fine, you know what? I'm going to tell Taehyung exactly what Yoongi told me. Bye-"

"No."

"Yes."

There was suddenly extra weight added onto the bed, and soon, Taehyung's chin was digging into Jimin's left shoulder. The boy spoke mainly to Jimin, but also to the device against the brunet's ear.

"What's Jimin gonna tell me?"

Almost cutting him off, there was a very quick, very curt nothing before no one spoke again.

The pink haired boy slowly blinked a few times before pulling away from Jimin.

"...Okay then... Oh, by the way, Jungkook, your mom should be coming to pick you up now."

"Oh, thanks, Tae-"

"Oh, so he gets a thanks and I don't? I see how it is."

"Shut up."

Jimin didn't want to hear them argue any more, so he just placed the phone onto the bed, buried his hands in his face and ended the call with his tongue.

"I hate all of you."

a/n: sarcastic yoongi is life

so is second-hand embarrassment yoongi

i love yoongi

(if you didn't catch, i recently watched spirited away again)