Flashback

“He’s already sleep… Just let him be for now… Don’t make him stress or say anything that would make him, you know… Stress… Don’t… And please… Stop scolding him… He’s not a kid! He’s ing 40! You guys are unbelievable… I don’t need him to say anything not to know that you guys scolded him just now…” Jong Suk said as he stares at the three brothers one by one with his both hands at his waist.

 

Jong Suk just comes out from the room, after giving a proper treatment to their hyung while the others are waiting outside.

 

“We were worried… He went missing out of sudden with his health condition that is not so well… We couldn’t help it…” Jiyong explained but with guilt this time.

 

“We are sorry… This is not supposed to happen,” Taeyang added.

 

“ing hell, it shouldn’t happen! I know that you guys are worried, but it’s not a good excuse to pour everything to your hyung like that! And I don’t care who’s saying what, just remember… Your hyung has done nothing for himself before, but only for you guys. And only this one time, he made a scene; you guys want to flip straight away at him? What were you thinking? I’m not talking here as a doctor, I’m talking as your hyung’s best friend this time… Please… Grow up! Seunghyun can’t be there for you forever… He’s human and he’s not immortal being… Soon or later, he just needs to go… So, stop making things so hard for him…”

End Of Flashback

 

“Ji…”

 

That soft voice from his wife, gives him a bit shudder from a long silence. He doesn’t turn around to look at the source of the voice but he just keeps in his position, standing near the lake with his both hands in his pocket. The sun is almost setting and he just realized that now after spending staring into spaces alone.

 

“You’ve been here for quite some time…” Da Ra continued with concerned as her right hand slowly links with Jiyong’s left forearm.

 

Jiyong didn’t respond to his wife’s words but his eyes keep on looking emptily towards the lake before him.

 

“Seungri is still not talking?” Da Ra asked.

 

Jiyong let out a sigh at that mention of name.

 

“It’s been 2 days…” Jiyong said reluctantly. “He’s avoiding us… I don’t know what to do with him…”

 

“Find him… Talk… We shouldn’t let him be like this…” Da Ra said.

 

“He’s not a kid anymore…” Jiyong said.

 

“Then he should understand…” Da Ra replied.

 

“I don’t blame him for his outburst because we did understand… It’s entirely our fault… Our faults…” Jiyong said with a sigh.

 

Da Ra tilted up her head to have a proper look on her husband’s face.

 

“How I wish I can do something about it…” Da Ra said.

 

“Just be here… With me…” Jiyong whispered.

 

Da Ra keeps her silence and leans her head a bit to Jiyong’s arm. They look into empty spaces together this time, and the chaos in their heart is too obvious. This family is in great turmoil.

 

“He barely says a word to us…” Jiyong suddenly open his mouth.

 

Da Ra knows who Jiyong is talking about now, so she just waits for her husband to continue; pouring out his heart ache at the moment.

 

“Outsiders know him better than us… Understand him better than us… And it makes me feel like …” Jiyong said. “We are the one who is being stubborn Da Ra… It’s us… From the very beginning, it’s us who are being stubborn, hard headed… Not hyung…”

 

Da Ra caresses Jiyong’s left forearm softly, silently telling that she’s here to listen.

 

“We refused to let him go… We forced him to stay… We are trying our best to go against the odd… We makes things so hard for him when he already spend the most of his life time making things so easier for us… He put our needs above him all the time… He put us first before him… He wants the best for us and he gives us nothing but happiness… He tries his best to make sure that we get everything that we want… He tries his hardest to make sure that everything that he did, would make us happy in the end…” Jiyong’s voice breaks a little at the end of his words, so he bites his bottom lip. “We need to let go, Da Ra… This time, we need to let go….”

 

Da Ra’s tears fall as she heard that but she didn’t say anything.

 

 

 

Taeyang just standing at the counter, with his eyes observing his maknae’s doing in silence. Seungri is there talking with a few interns, explaining something about treatment and he didn’t even bother to turn and look at his hyung who is from beginning, watching him from afar. Those interns then dispersed after Seungri finishes his explanation. They bid goodbye and Seungri walks away and heading to somewhere else. Seungri push the elevator’s button, wanting to go down and soon as the elevator opens, his walks right in. He immediately push the close button, to make sure he going downstairs alone but his hope was thrown away when a pair of hands manage to stop the elevator to close at the last minute. Seungri looks up and as he has expected. His Taeyang hyung stares at him. Seungri moves to walk out from the elevator, showing that he doesn’t want to ride in the same elevator with his hyung but Taeyang is moving fast, by pushing his maknae back into the elevator with him and walks in at the same time.

 

Seungri is stunned by the move so he stares at his hyung.

 

“Full…” Taeyang said to a nurse who seems want to ride together with them. The nurse backed off immediately as she noticed the intense atmosphere between the two men. Taeyang push the close button, which then it leaves only the two of them in that elevator.

 

“What is this hyung? This is hospital…” Seungri starts.

 

“Shut up…” Taeyang replied sternly as he push a button at the elevator walls which makes it stop right away. They are hanging in the middle of level 20-19 now. Taeyang looks at his maknae now and Seungri put up a hard cold face towards his hyung.

 

“What are you doing, Seungri?” Taeyang begins as cold as ever.

 

Seungri looks away, knowing what his hyung is referring to now.

 

“Two days… Seriously?” Taeyang asked. “Two days of not talking… You didn’t come to us… You didn’t answer our calls… You are avoiding everyone and even to make it worse, you didn’t even come to Seunghyun hyung to apologize,”

 

Seungri keeps his silence, not bothering to answer.

 

“Are you really going to do it like this?” Taeyang asked again. “Are you really going to treat your hyung like ?”

 

“What is there to apologize for!!” Seungri finally opens his mouth. “He made his choice and he’s ing make it clear to us of what he wants!”

 

Taeyang purses his lips into a thin line to stop himself from cursing out loud. He takes a deep breath before he starts again.

 

“What does he want Seungri…” Taeyang asked as calm as he could.

 

Seungri looks at Taeyang who obviously look so furious.

 

“Tell me… What does he want? If you are that genius! If you claim that you know your eldest hyung so well… Tell me! What does he want??? Come on… Tell me…” Taeyang asked repeatedly.

 

Seungri keeps his mouth shut, not daring to opens his mouth at first.

 

“I thought you can read his mind! So now, why are you keeping your mouth shut!?!” Taeyang is finally raising his voice. “You couldn’t even shut the hell out of yourself that night, and now you suddenly refused to talk!? Seriously Seungri??? I’m giving you chance to talk and now no? You are not going to talk? You know what, this is exactly how you should behave that night! Shut the hell up!!” Taeyang burst out.

 

“You want me to shut my mouth!!??? You want me to keep quite??? You want me to hold my silence when everything that he did, everything that he chose is going againt us! He pulled a crazy stunt by disappeared without a word, and you want me to keep calm and just wait??? He refused for transplant, which means he is choosing death over us! You still want me to keep my composure and hold my tongue? Is that what are you expecting from me??? Hyung, don’t tell me you too just agreed with his dying wish because before this, I thought we all agreed to make him undergo this surgery so we can save him! And now this?? I’m the bad guy now? When everything that I did was to save my eldest hyung because I want him there for my wedding!! I don’t want to put a ring on Seohyun without him there… I don’t want to tell my kids about my childhood, about my past with only Seunghyun hyung in photos!!” Seungri burst out and his voice clearly filling the space.

 

Seungri’s eyes are b in tears as he looks into Taeyang’e eyes who already staring at him sadly. Seungri pursed his lips into a thin line, letting his tears to finally fall.

 

“I was desperate back then… And I’m definitely desperate right now… So, am I the bad guy now?” Seungri said slowly with his shaking voice. “Seunghyun hyung is being stubborn hyung… He is doing everything his way… He gave up? He rather died this time? With an excuse that he already watched each and everyone’s success? So, that’s it? He better off this time? What a selfish move was that? He hid his condition from us for years 10 years ago… He did it his way back then and now? What’s the difference, hyung? He’s still doing it his way…”

 

Taeyang takes his own time in digesting his youngest dongsaengs’ words before he opens his mouth once again.

 

“Seungri…” Taeyang finally found his voice. “Selfish should be the last word that you were ever said about Seunghyun hyung… Selfish should be the last thing that you will ever think of him…”

 

Seungri just shakes his head and looks away.

 

“Which part of him hiding his illness from us, is a selfish thing to you?” Taeyang suddenly asked.

 

Seungri wrinkles at that question, but refused to look at his hyung.

 

“Wasn’t it the most selfless thing that anyone could ever do in their life?” Taeyang asked again. “Which part of him hiding his current condition from us, that is so selfish to you? Again, wasn’t it the most selfless thing to do?” Taeyang said softly. “Maknae-ah… In his entire life, he spends it by putting our needs above him… How do you think me, Jiyong, and Daesung managed to finish our schools without any problem? How do you think the three of us managed to complete our studies and have the things that we have today?” Taeyang stops for awhile as he turns Seungri around; to make his maknae looks at him face to face. “At the very moment, when you couldn’t even forgive yourself for Eun Hye’s death, he himself came to you… He embraced you… He said it’s okay… He said it’s fine… He said it’s not your fault… He was there for you when you were weak… He held your hand, when you were shaking… He wiped your tears when you had nothing but guilt… So, tell me… Which part of it, which makes Seunghyun hyung is so selfish in your eyes? And what did he do that is so wrong till you have to say things like that to him? What did he do to deserve this kind of anger from you?”

 

Seungri gulps his own saliva as one by one of memories coming rushing in his mind, taking him to the very moment when everything was falling apart.

 

“He buried his feelings for us, Seungri….” Taeyang said sadly.

 

“He lives his life with us, for us, without even once mentioning about her… He makes us think that he is fine… He makes us think that we are moving on together… He makes us think that past is past… But Seungri… The reality is that the love of his life just took a bullet for you, saved you, then donor her heart for him, saved him, so he can live his life with his dongsaengs and he can see his maknae made a tremendous job to become a heart specialist like her… So, what do you think now? Is he still selfish in your eyes? For once in his life time, Seungri… He just wants to keep one thing for himself… Her heart…” Taeyang asked.

 

Seungri just freezes in his spot have nothing to rebut, have no words to reply. He stands like a statue and just let Taeyang moves forwards to reach the stop button and push it one more time. So, the elevator finally moves back.

 

“Do you know what Seunghyun hyung’s last word to Eun Hye before they parted ways?” Taeyang added and Seungri just listens.

 

“He said he doesn’t love her…”

 

Seungri’s eyes turn wide as he heard that and he doesn’t expect that one.

 

The elevator finally reaches the Ground floor and it opens right away. Taeyang looks at his maknae’s face one last time before finally giving him one last piece of mind.

 

 

“You wanted to see me?” Seungri said as his head appeared at Jong Suk’s door.

 

Jong Suk lifts up his head and with a small smile, he nods his head. “Come in…”

 

Seungri enters the room and walks to the chair, as he then politely pull the chair for him to sit.

 

“How’s work?” Jong Suk asked to start the conversation.

 

“Everything is fine, for now I don’t have any schedule for surgery yet…” Seungri answered.

 

Jong Suk nods his head, feeling satisfied with the answer. “So you are not that busy these days?” he added.

 

Seungri looks a bit uncomfortable with the question.

 

“You are not that busy… You don’t have any surgery… So, how’s your hyung? I expect that you must be spending time with him a lot these days, judging by your schedule…” Jong Suk gives a sharp piercing comment at the end.

 

Seungri looks down at his hand, refused to look at Jong Suk’s face right now.

 

“Well Seungri, you know how your Seunghyun hyung found out about his illness, around 13 years ago?” Jong Suk asked as he leans his back and look at Seungri who is still not saying anything. “Well, your hyung collapsed at the office one day and he was wheeled in here… I told your hyung that there was something abnormal with his heartbeat, so after that he came here for follow up till finally we knew what was wrong with him… I told him that his heart is overworking and the muscle is weakened… And we need to do something about it as soon as possible… I still remembered his face at that time… He looked dumbfounded at first… He kept on thinking how he ended up having a heart problem… I told him that such case might occurred to anyone and a regular check up would find about the problem sooner, which he actually never did any check up on his health before. He told me that his tiredness and dizziness were normal for him so he took it lightly and he never expected that he would have any problem with his heart.”

 

Seungri is still listening with his head down without interrupting even once.

 

“What your hyung said to me after he came to know about the diagnosis was “you need to fix this… whatever treatment there is, I would comply without a word… I can’t die now… I have a family that I need to take care of…” and I assured him that we can do something… We need to perform a surgery on him, which he complied right away without a second thought… I gave him date and what he needs to do, and one of the first thing I said to him was for him to inform the family members which later I saw something on his face which I never sees before when I told him about the diagnosis. I saw his fear for the first time…”

 

Seungri finally lifts up his head and looks at Jong Suk after avoiding for quite some time. Jong Suk gives out a small smile in return.

 

“He said… “I can comply with anything but not that…” and I asked him why which then he answered “They already have a lot in mind, and my illness should not be one of it…”…” Jong Suk stops for awhile before he starts again.

 

“I fixed a surgery for your hyung, but the initial date was rejected by your hyung with a very silly reason I must say… If I’m not mistaken the surgery was on Daesung’s birthday and with his hard headed he said to me “There is 365 days in a year, and you cannot cut my body open on my dongsaeng’s birthday… Which then I told him that if he refused, he won’t get to celebrate his dongsaeng’s birthday in another 365 days… And that was the very moment when he and I always in argument because I just realized how stubborn he can be… I forced him so many times to tell all of you, but he just shoved it aside with the very same reason… His illness would only be a burden to everyone and that is the last thing that he wishes for his family,”

 

“Your hyung is a very difficult patient to control, you know because he always has his way in everything… He just wants it to be done, but using his ways… His ways in postponing his surgery, or his check up and the reason always related to you guys… Daesung’s birthday, Jiyong needs help; Seungri needs stuffs or even Taeyang’s concerts…. Those things… And he will always come to me with his silly grins or stupid excuses and when I told him that you guys can do it without him… He will just smiles and said… “I’m their hyung…”

 

Seungri’s heart break and he doesn’t know what to say.

 

“You can say many things to your hyung, Seungri… You can be mad at him… You can be upset with him… He might act out and did something stupid before… Like disappeared… But the word “selfish” should be the last word you would ever think and say to him…” Jong Suk said.

 

Seungri takes a deep breath as he realized one thing. “You knew…” Seungri sighs.

 

Jong Suk let out a bitter smile.

 

“Seungri… Your hyung’s weakness is his dongsaengs… And his biggest strength turns out to be you guys too… So, in times like this, please… Don’t walk away from him…” Jong Suk said as he then takes a file near him and pushes it slowly to Seungri which is sitting in front of him. “Take a look at it…”

 

Seungri knows what that file is, so he slowly opens the file and has a look inside of it. Medical reports, radiology reports, the graphs, heart readings. Seungri skims through one by one and he knows what he is reading right now.

 

“We are transferring your hyung to CCU (Coronary Care Unit) tomorrow morning… We need to monitor his health from time to time while waiting for the new heart…” Jong Suk said.

Seungri lifts up his head as he stares at Jong Suk with wide teary eyes.

 

Jong Suk let out a sighs this time as he looks at Seungri with unreadable expression.

 

“Your hyung just said yes for a transplant…”

 

Seungri is walking weakly through the long hallway with the file in his hand. He just walks and walks without even once responding to the greeting of other hospital’s staffs. No smile on his face, no cheerful expression in his manners. Suddenly, he stops for a moment as his eyes caught the chair outside of his hyung’s ward. The surrounding is exactly like 10 years ago. His mind wanders. He stares at the chair in silent as he standing in the middle of the hallway alone.

 

Seungri can see himself is sitting on the chair with a pale face, tears stained, shaking while carefully holding a dry flowers in his right hand. Seungri can see himself crying by himself, feeling scared and guilt which then later much to his surprise, he can see his Seunghyun hyung came to him, staring down at him asking what happened. Seungri can see how himself pulls Seunghyun hyung to sit beside him and he hugs him tight.

 

Seungri looks away from that memory which is the day when they lost everything. The memory faded in front of him and he is back to the reality which he’s just standing alone in the empty hallway heading to his hyung’s room is. Seungri makes a step forward and starts to walk. He finally stops in front of his hyung’s room. It has been two days, since he came to see his hyung and he realized that he’s being childish all over again.

 

“Seungri… Selfish should be the last word that you were ever said about Seunghyun hyung… Selfish should be the last thing that you will ever think of him…”

 

Taeyang’s words are lingering in his ears.

 

“He buried his feelings for us, Seungri….”

 

Seungri slowly turn the knob carefully and push the door. He walks into the room which later, he found his Daesung hyung is sleeping in sitting position next to the bed and the sound of him walking into the room, is waking Daesung up. Tonight might be Daesung’s turn in looking after Seunghyun in the hospital. Who knows, Seungri finally appears at 2am in the morning after avoiding his family for two days. Daesung’s eyes turn wide as he realized who is walking into the room but he then slowly let out a relieved sigh. The ice cold is melting finally. He watches his maknae stop at the end of the bed with his eyes is directly looking at their eldest hyung who is sleeping on the bed.

 

Daesung stretch a bit by moving his ache body. “I’m going for a walk…” Daesung suddenly opens his mouth as he gets up from his chair. Seungri knows that Daesung is giving him a chance to be alone with their hyung at the moment. As always, Daesung is the most understanding one.

 

“How’s he doing?” Seungri asked when Daesung is about to walk away.

 

Daesung stops and look at his maknae and then turn to look at their hyung for a moment.

 

“If you are asking about his health progress, you better see Jong Suk yourselve… But if you are asking about how he has been in two days of your absence, well… He doesn’t talk much… Keep telling that he’s fine… That’s it…” Daesung replied.

 

Seungri keeps his silence.

 

“I’ll go first…” Daesung said as he then walks away, leaving the maknae and their hyung in the room.

 

Seungri looks around that room as soon as Daesung left and his eyes observed the machine reading, and all the medical equipments attached there. He is back into staring at Seunghyun. His hyung doesn’t look fine at all… That thin body, that pale face. Seungri put the file on the table in front of him and walks slowly towards the side of the bed and he stops as he then slowly landed his bottom on the side of the bed very carefully. He takes Seunghyun’s left hand in his and he stares at the IV drip tube that is making his hyung’s hand swelling.

 

“You are such a blessing, Seungri…”

 

His Seunghyun hyung’s voice from years ago came back.

 

“You are your hyung’s baby… Omma said you are a good boy even before you were born… She said you are a blessing to our family and you are so strong…”

 

“Omma told me that you are so strong and you will grow up to be someone who is so bright and strong… You will bring happiness to people around you… And she was right… You turn out to be exactly what she said before… A blessing…”

 

Am I a blessing hyung? Am I? What I done… And what have you done to deserve this kind of treatment from me? You said I’m a blessing… A blessing won’t do things like this… I hurt you hyung… So, which part of it that makes me a blessing?

 

“You are well love by everyone Seungri… Everyone loves you more than anything… No matter what you want to be in future, just be the best of it. Do your best in everything… Study hard, eat well, and take a very good care of yourself… Listen to your hyungs always… They have so much love for you so be good to them too… Understand?”

 

We love you… I love you… I love you hyung…

 

“Don’t cry too much… A man shouldn’t cry so much… You are a big boy now…”

 

I won’t…

 

“Seungri-ahh… My maknae… Hyung never ask anything from you before but this time, can hyung ask one thing from you?”

 

“Seungri?” a hoarse deep voice is pulling back Seungri to the reality. He lifts up his head and he sees his Seunghyun hyung is looking at him with his sleepy look. He just woke up from his sleep. Seungri stares at his hyung without saying anything as his hands are still holding his hyung’s hand.

 

“Answer me…”

 

“Hyung…” Seungri said in his shaking voice with tears in his eyes.

 

“Please, let hyung go…”

 

“I’m taking you home… Let’s go home, hyung…”