Seunghyun has been sleeping for few hours after he eats the porridge that Daesung cooked for him and after he eats all his meds. Seungri is definitely a male nurse for today, as he is the one who has been feeding him with porridge and meds. Seunghyun insist to do everything on his own but Daesung with his ahjumma’s mouth, keeps on nagging insisting Seunghyun should just listen to them today. They want to take care of him this weekend. No work, no office, no client, no appointment or any working related matter. Seunghyun is confined on the bed and he is only allowed to go to his bathroom. Jiyong is the only one who didn’t say anything and just let the dongsaengs do what they should do. Seunghyun too didn’t say anything to Jiyong because he is actually mad at him.

Seunghyun opens his eyes slowly but his vision is a bit blurry, so he blinks few times and when it clears, the very first thing that he sees, is his drooling maknae who is practically sleeping soundly in front of him as Seunghyun is lying down on his right side. Their faces is too close with each other till Seunghyun feels like he really wants to slap Seungri but he ends up smiling looking at his maknae that is too deep in sleeping. His bed is not that big, only queen sized, but he doesn’t know how this big boy able to squeeze himself on the bed, sleeping next to him. This maknae is indeed well loved by everyone, and Seunghyun unable to say how much he is grateful towards the others for taking care of Seungri so well even without him with them. He wants Seungri to have all the things that he wants and he wants that thing to continue even he is not here anymore. Seunghyun let out a sigh and slowly his left hand touches Seungri’s head, slowly caressing the youngest hair. You shouldn’t sleep here with hyung Seungri-ah, you would get infected. Haisy.

Seunghyun decides to moves a bit to lies on his back but something or someone is behind him. Seunghyun turns his head a bit and he is shocked because he found sleeping Daesung right up near his head. Daesung is sleeping near his head, and uses his right hand as his pillow. He is sleeping with his legs on the side table, not that comfortable but he is sleeping soundly. Seunghyun moves his head down a bit and he found another figure sleeping right behind me, it’s Jiyong. His head is at the same level with Seunghyun’s waist and his legs are lying down over the bed. Technically, Seunghyun is surrounded by his sleeping dongsaengs. They are not in a comfort positions but still they sleep soundly and Jiyong is snoring slowly. Seunghyun’s head is back on his pillow. Why the hell they are sleeping here when they should just go sleeps in their rooms with comforts. 

Seunghyun moves slowly, his headache is lessening but the pain is still there and same goes to his body. He gets up to sitting position slowly as not to wake up his dongsaengs. He moves his head and looks at his sleeping dongsaengs one by one. Then he sees Seungri’s legs are moving a bit. His right leg on top rubbing his other leg, like he wants to warm it up. Seeing his maknae is in a bit of coldness, Seunghyun pulls his comforter a bit and slowly cover Seungri’s legs up to his upper body with it. Then he turns to look at Jiyong on his left side, and then he moves his comforter and covers Jiyong with it too and as usual, he ruffles Jiyong’s hair a bit before suddenly, he can feels that there is a pair of eyes is currently looking at his actions, so he turns around a bit and found Daesung lifting his head with opens eyes, silently watching him. Busted! Haisy…

Daesung ignoring the fact that he saw everything that his hyung did just now and slowly he moves getting up from his sleeping position and he sits quietly near Jiyong’s head.

“Hyung, you need anything? Are you feeling better?” Daesung whispers to him.

Seunghyun nods at him but he holds up his hand pointing at the tray on the wooden table and then he mouthing “water” to Daesung. Daesung slowly gets up from the bed and go to the wooden table and pours his hyung a glass of water, and then he brings it to Seunghyun. Seunghyun takes it and takes a few gulps of it.

After he finished his drinks, he hands the glass to Daesung and he is back looking at sleeping Jiyong and Seungri.

“Why are you guys sleep here? Just go rest in your bedroom,” Seunghyun said slowly to Daesung who already sits near Jiyong’s head.

“In case you need anything, it would be easier,” Daesung replied.

Seunghyun shakes his head, disliking the idea. He then uses his both hands to push himself up a bit to lean at the head of the bed. Daesung moves with speed in adjusting the pillows behind Seunghyun and making sure that Seunghyun is comfortable in his position. Once, he is sure that Seunghyun is comfortable; Daesung sits slowly beside his eldest hyung and leaning at the head of the bed too.

“It just a fever, you guys are over reacting,” Seunghyun said as he then coughed a bit.

“It’s a high fever hyung, not usual fever,”

“Still, just a fever. I’m feeling better after ate those meds so, don’t worry too much”

“I’m not,”

“Yeah right. I still remember how you babbling before I slept just now,” Seunghyun said as he let out a small laugh at that sudden memory. He never knows that Daesung is able to babbling that much and panicking even more.

“Hyung, you threw up and almost passed out! What do you expect me to react? Of course I was panic, I’ve never seen you this sick. We should just go to hospital just now. You are still pale. Hyung, let’s go to hospital okay?” Daesung moves facing his hyung, tries for a hundred times to persuade Seunghyun to go to hospital and be admitted there because of the high fever and Seunghyun for the hundred times shaking his head at his dongsaeng, refuse to go to hospital.

“Jong Suk came, he already checks me up and prescribed those meds, there is no need for me to go to hospital now, Dae,” Seunghyun answered slowly.

“But you are still pale, hyung,”

Seunghyun just smiles at his dongsaeng and he pats Daesung’s right hand, shaking his head. Daesung let out a heavy sigh looking at his stubborn hyung and he moves back leaning beside Seunghyun. Silent filling the room as the two brothers looking at the other two sleeping men on the bed.

“Let’s keep your room unlock after this, ok hyung?” Daesung suddenly speaks. Seunghyun raised his eyebrows at that sudden idea and he turns to look at Daesung who didn’t even move to look at him back. Daesung’s eyes only on the sleeping figure in front of him, Jiyong.

“Why?”

“Are you still preventing us from coming in here? We see everything already,” Daesung said as he looks around the room again for how many times. “This is easier, hyung. If something happens to you, we can come in. Look just now, thank god the door is unlock if not, we won’t know what happened to you,”

Seunghyun just let out a sigh and close his eyes back, not replying to Daesung’s statement.

“We are brothers hyung. As much as you already do for us, now let us do something for you,” Daesung said slowly.

Seunghyun just keep quiet till he finally speaks. “Okay,”

Daesung looks at his side, staring at Seunghyun who easily agreed with him.

“Serious? No lock?”

“Yeah,”

Daesung finally smiling widely to his hyung even Seunghyun still with his eyes close, doesn’t bother to look at his smiling dongsaeng, Daesung is still happy at that agreement.

“And hyung, let’s shopping for your room once you are well. Let’s get you a larger bed, new wardrobe, and we need to move these bookshelves somewhere else. I can’t see the door from here,” Daesung continue his words and this caused Seunghyun smiles and just nods at everything Daesung said. He agreed with everything. Whatever that his dongsaeng wants from him, he will gives.

“Daesung-ah,” Seunghyun suddenly speaks.

“Yes, hyung”

“When are you graduating?”

“Early next year,”

“Convocation?”

“Few months after that, I’m not sure when yet,”

Seunghyun nods his head. “What do you want for your graduation?”

Daesung laughs a bit at that sudden question. “Hyung, now is still too early for asking that question,”

“Nothing is too early for everything now. Just tell me what you want for your graduation,” Seunghyun said.

Daesung catches his hyung’s words but he chooses not to ask further about it so he take his time to think on what Seunghyun just asked him, but seriously though, actually he doesn’t need too much time to think at all as he knows exactly what he wants but to spill it out, he is not sure how Seunghyun will take it. After waiting for quite some time, Seunghyun finally opens his eyes and look at Daesung at his side.

“What? Just tell me,” Seunghyun said as he can tell from Daesung’s look that his dongsaeng already knows what he wants at the moment.

“I want us. All of us,” Daesung finally said it. Seunghyun narrowing his eyes to Daesung as he trying to read the meaning behind those words said by Daesung. “I want all of us together,” Daesung continues.

By the word “together”, Seunghyun finally understands what Daesung meant by that. Daesung wants everyone to be back together like before. He wants Taeyang to come home. Seunghyun let out a weak smile. Who doesn’t want Taeyang to come home? Everyone wants him to come home.

“Then call him back and ask him to come home,” Seunghyun said without even mentioning the name and Daesung perfectly understand who Seunghyun is talking about.

“He won’t come back hyung,” Daesung replied as he looks at his eldest with a sad smile. “He won’t come back even if we beg him to,” Daesung continues as he moves his view to his hands. He can’t bear to look at Seunghyun who looks at him straight in the eyes.

“But he will surely come back for you. If we being together are what you want, he will come back. He won’t disappoint his dongsaengs. He loves all of you, he will come home if you ask,” Seunghyun said.

Daesung shakes his head. “No. You are wrong hyung. He won’t come home even if we dongsaengs beg him to. We already asked him before; he didn’t budge even a bit. It’s not us that he wants,”

Seunghyun just stares at Daesung who keeps looking down at his hands. “What does he want then?” Seunghyun asked. Daesung lift up his head and look at his hyung.

“He wants you hyung,”

Seunghyun is taken aback at that statement and again he narrowing his eyes staring through Daesung’s eyes, searching for the meaning behind his words. Seunghyun can see that Daesung his swallowing his own saliva and taking a deep breath before continues.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I’ve to bring this up but since we don’t know when we going to have this kind of conversation again, it’s better for me to take the risk.” Daesung is silent for few seconds as he looks straight at Seunghyun who patiently waiting for what his dongsaeng is going to say.

“Hyung, I don’t know what happened 5 years ago, seriously I don’t know but I think I can guess why. Taeyang hyung was very upset with you and you too were very upset with him. You guys argued and he left home. But hyung, we are brothers and brothers do fighting with each other, do get angry with other, and do upset with each other. But this kind of cold war is it worth it to be carried till these days? Hyung, I’m not sure whether you still remember or not but everyone knows that out of 4 of us, we know that Taeyang hyung loves you the most! I still remember the time when he lived with us before. Even before Jiyong hyung is there handling us, taking care of us, everything back then, was Taeyang hyung’s job, hyung. Taeyang hyung who was the one that care for you the most. Do you remember hyung? He waited for you to come home from works, he was the one who leaves the food for you, helped you and basically he was the mother hen before. Do you remember that? He will get mad at Jiyong if Jiyong touched your stuffs, and he will even scold Seungri for eats your foods and he will scold me if I complained about you. That was our Taeyang before, hyung. I don’t know what happened 5 years ago, and I don’t want to know at all. A family is a family no matter what and no matter what fights that we had been through, we shouldn’t live apart like this. We have waste away our 5 years by living far apart, we here and he is out there alone. Our dining table is missing one person when we eat; one of the bedrooms is empty. I didn’t ask much but hyung, if we can’t make him to come back, can’t you at least do something? Ask him to come home,”

Daesung finally finish with his words and still looking at Seunghyun at his side with hope that his eldest hyung would understand how he feels and do something about it. Seunghyun who listens to Daesung before this just keep quiet and didn’t say anything but slowly Daesung can see Seunghyun’s eyes are moving from him to something at his left side. Daesung follows his hyung’s eyes and his eyes landed on the broken guitar that standing stills beside the wooden table. Daesung recognized that guitar in instant even it is too broken to be recognized. Few parts of the guitar were broke and all of its strings are torn off. Daesung didn’t notice that the broken guitar was there in the room before maybe because he was too busy tendering Seunghyun.

“You know whose guitar was that?” Seunghyun finally speaks.

“Yes, it’s Taeyang hyung’s guitar,” Daesung replied slowly.

Seunghyun just nodded but he doesn’t say anything afterwards as he just looks at the broken guitar with a sad smile.

“Why it was broken hyung?” Daesung asked.

“It was my fault. I did that,”

Daesung with wide eyes looking back at Seunghyun. Why the hell Seunghyun damages Taeyang’s guitar! As far as he knows, Seunghyun was the one who gave the guitar to Taeyang as a gift as Taeyang loves music so much.

“I broke his heart as hard as he broke the guitar,” Seunghyun replies slowly and Daesung swears that he hears that his hyung’s voice is shaken a bit and he can see tears in his eldest hyung’s eyes. No way Seunghyun hyung is crying.

“Taeyang hyung broke the guitar?” Daesung asked and Seunghyun just nodded still looking at the broken guitar.

“He smashed it like crazy till he was sure that the guitar can’t be use anymore,” Seunghyun continues.

Daesung is shock like hell but he tries to hide it as this is the first time this story coming from Seunghyun himself. Daesung never knows that there was a scene where Taeyang was smashing down the guitar. Daesung never knows that the argument 5 years ago was bad as he hear it now.

“The deep wounds that we suffered never coming from the enemy Daesung-ah. It always came from the one that we love the most. Just like you, I want him to come home too. I want him to come back and live here with us like before but what am I suppose to do when only hearing my name, he moves his feet and leave. As much as it hurts him, it hurts me too.”

“Hyung, exactly what happened?” Daesung finally asked.

Seunghyun winced at that question; he doesn’t know why he can’t bring himself to tell Daesung about it. The truth that he never has the guts to tell his dongsaengs. That was his mistake. He already lost one dongsaeng, what if the others know about the truth and after that they will blame him for everything that happened, but whether he likes it or not, one day they bound to know what really happened. Seunghyun gulping his own saliva, trying to find the courage within him to tell Daesung the truth about what really happened 5 years ago.

“Hyung…..” a hoarse voice suddenly get in the way. Seungri stretch his whole body and yawning like a kid beside Seunghyun. The mighty Seungri is waking up and for a moment, Seunghyun is damn grateful for that sudden interruption. Seungri with his half open eyes moves upward to Seunghyun and put up his right hand to touch Seunghyun’s neck. Seunghyun just look at Seungri’s action and let him touch his neck. The male nurse is taking his body temperature.

“Hmmm.. Not that hot anymore.. Good.. Oh man! I’m hungry,” Seungri said that while pouting at the same time. He turns to look at Daesung with begging eyes. “Hyung……” he calls for Daesung.

Daesung is damn frustrated with his maknae for waking up at the wrong time and he just shakes his head looking at the over spoilt brat in front of him. He knows Seungri is asking him for foods.

“You should learn how to prepare your own foods, Seungri-ah. 17 acting like 7! You want me to smack your head?” Daesung scolds the maknae and Seunghyun just nudge Daesung with his elbow.

“Go make him something. Drag him with you,” Seunghyun said to Daesung. Daesung gives his maknae a deathly look and gets up from the bed. He stands there beside the bed with both hands at his waist, waiting for the mighty Seungri to get up from the bed as well. Seunghyun ends up slapping the maknae a bit and ask him to get up and follows Daesung. Seungri slowly gets up from the bed and walks with Daesung leaving and Seunghyun can hear Daesung is nagging at the maknae once they are out of the room.

Seunghyun then turns his view to the sleeping Jiyong down near his legs.

“Are you going to continue sleeping or what?” Seunghyun suddenly speaks.

For a moment, no response from the still body but Seunghyun still waiting till finally the person opens his eyes. Jiyong lifts up his head looking at Seunghyun. His eldest hyung indeed knows him better. Jiyong already awake since Seunghyun is drinking but choose to pretend to sleep.

Jiyong slowly gets up and moves to sitting position. He sits near his hyung’s legs and let his back facing Seunghyun. They didn’t say anything but Jiyong ends up opens his mouth.

“Stop being mad at me,” Jiyong said without looking back. He just looks at the bookshelves in front of him. No response from Seunghyun.

“Stop being mad and talk to me. You know why I do this, right?” Jiyong continues. “I’ve been listening to you my whole lives so, can’t you just listen to me this once? I’m doing this for you; I’m doing this for the family. I would still listen to you hyung, but only for this one thing, just let me handle this one. You’ve been taking care of us your whole life, and now let me do the same. I won’t tell dongsaengs about you and I’ll cover you in the office. I will tell them that you are going for outstation or something and they will understand. It won’t be their first time that you are going for outstation. They won’t ask further, trust me. Just have your rest in the hospital, get treatment, don’t think of anything else, and stop worrying about us. Just get warded, and let us think of something for you. We are not giving up so you must not give up as well! Okay? I’m sorry that I decided this without asking you first because I know you won’t agree. But please, hyung. For once, just listen to me this time. Do as what I say. Okay?” Jiyong said and he stops at his words for awhile before he speaks again.

“And, let’s not tell them about what really happened 5 years ago,” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun just keep quiet but he moves slowly taking his feet down from the bed and sit near his dongsaeng. He finally speaks.

 “They bound to know what happened,” Seunghyun replies.

“They will blame you,”

“It was my fault anyway,”

“Stop taking the blame, hyung,”

“Ji, you know what happened and how it happened. It was my fault. I destroyed his dreams, I stabbed him from behind, I said mean words to him. I chased him out Ji!”

“HYUNG! We both knew why you did that and I said, stop blaming yourself. As much as your words hurt him back then, his words hurt you too,”

Seunghyun shuts his eyes close, then he opens it again and he turns to Jiyong who already facing him.

“I hurt him more. You heard Daesung right,” Seunghyun said with his teary eyes. Seunghyun takes Jiyong’s right hand in his. He holds it tightly and looks Jiyong directly in the eyes. “I hurt him, I betrayed him and my actions caused him to act this way. Ji, 5 years ago was my mistake and mine alone. I deserved this from him. What I’m begging from you now is just to bring him home even for one day. Let’s do this. Bring Taeyang home first, let’s do what we should do and then I’ll listen to you in everything. I’ll do as what you ask, I would do anything that you want me to do and I won’t question anything. Just this once. Listen to me. Bring him home first, and then I’ll get warded. I promise,”

Jiyong moves his eyes from his hyung and looks at somewhere else as he can’t control his tears anymore and for a hundred times, Jiyong breaks down in tears again in front of his eldest hyung. He looks down at their holding hands and cries again. Seunghyun moves his other hand and caress Jiyong’s hair as he knows he can’t do anything with his crying dongsaeng. Jiyong needs his time to digest all this. Jiyong can’t be strong all the time and Seunghyun understand.

“Ji… You know why I really want him to come back? Not because of the fact that I’m dying. No, not because of that,” Seunghyun said slowly to his dongsaeng. Jiyong is listening but refused to lifts his head to meet Seunghyun’s eyes.

“I do have my childhood time, my playtime, and my childhood memories too. I did have all of that you know,” Seunghyun said trying to get Jiyong’s attention and his dongsaeng finally lifts up his head. Seunghyun smiles at him. “Before all of you came along, Taeyang was my very first friend. He was my first dongsaeng. He was my childhood, we did play together and he was my childhood memories. So, if you talk about happiness, he is the first one who came into my mind. He is my happiness, Ji and that is why I want him back. I miss him,” Seunghyun’s tears finally fall and his voice shaking. Jiyong pulls Seunghyun and hugs him tightly.

“I will bring him back hyung. I will bring him back for you. I promise I will,” Jiyong said as he cries while hugging his hyung. Seunghyun hugs him back.

Once Jiyong breaks the hug, he looks at Seunghyun. “I’ll bring him home, and after that, get warded. Promise me, hyung,” Jiyong said as he looks at his hyung with a pleading look. Seunghyun finally smiles at Jiyong and he nods his head.

“I promise… Now, please stop crying. Your eyes look too bad already Ji, dongsaengs will suspicious,”

Jiyong then wipes his tears but still looking at his hyung. He just stares at his hyung without saying anything and Seunghyun just smiles at him and ends up ruffling Jiyong’s hair. He understands what Jiyong is thinking but he can’t do anything to comfort his dongsaeng. No one can predict the future. No one knows that they will end up this way, tangled in this kind of fate. Seunghyun doesn’t ready to leave all of them behind, not like this. Seunghyun still has so many in his mind, his dreams, things he wants to do together with his dongsaengs, places he wants to travel with them, foods that he wants to try with them. Too many dreams, but too little time. If Jiyong who is known as someone that is rational and strong can’t take this truth, how about the others? Daesung? Seungri? Can they accept this? Can Daesung face this? How his maknae going to handle this? Seunghyun just became closer with them and he is becoming greedy. He wants more time. Time to be with them.

“Hyung…” Jiyong’s gentle voice finally pulling Seunghyun back to reality. He just realizes that his hand is still on Jiyong’s head, caressing his dongsaeng’s hair. Seunghyun draws a smile, a weak smile.

“Go, see how’s Seungri’s doing in the kitchen. He might just get eaten by Dae,” Seunghyun attempted a joke and Jiyong let out a bitter chuckle at that attempt but he nodded anyway and he gets up from the bed, moves walking out from the room, leaving Seunghyun sitting on the bed alone.

When Jiyong is walking down the stairs, he found Seungri is alone in the kitchen, eating ramyeon all by himself.

“Ramyeon?” Jiyong asks as soon as he stands beside Seungri, taking a peek inside the bowl. He pulls the chair beside Seungri and sit on it.

“I even cooked this myself!!” Seungri replied bitterly to his hyung. Jiyong wrinkles at that statement as he pulls the bowl from Seungri, with intention to eat his maknae’s ramyeon a bit.

“Where is Dae? I thought he cooks for you something,” Jiyong asks as he eats the ramyeon, at the same time taking a big bite at that. Seungri gets annoyed at that action.

“He shoved me this and ask me to eat this first, as he wants to ask you what to eat for dinner. Have you tell him, what to eat for dinner? I won’t be full by only eating this ramyeon hyung,” Seungri replies as he pulling back the bowl from Jiyong.

“He didn’t ask me,” Jiyong said.

“Then? He obviously went upstairs just now, wants to ask you about it. I wonder what’s taking him so long. Haisy Dae hyung,” Seungri whining as he eats his ramyeon.

Jiyong stares at Seungri who is eating the ramyeon leisurely.

“He went upstairs to meet me?” Jiyong ask again.

“Yes! If he didn’t meet you upstairs, then what he did up there for so long?” Seungri just answered his hyung absentmindedly and keeps on eating.

Jiyong suddenly become alarmed. No way! Jiyong straights away get up from his seat and it caused Seungri to be shock at his hyung sudden change but refused to be bothered by it and just continue eating. Jiyong running to upstairs and he walk with speed to Daesung’s room. He knocked the door for few times, feeling restless at the same time, but no answer so he just opens the door and it revealed no one in the room but once he enters the room, he hears the sound of water showers running down inside the bathroom. Jiyong heads to the bathroom’s door and knock it.

“Dae! Dae!” Jiyong calls as he knocks the door for few times. No answers. Jiyong keeps on calling till the sounds of water stop.

“Yea!!” Daesung’s voice shouting from inside appears.

“Dae, are you showering?”

“Yes hyung. Why? It’s hot hyung. Let me shower first, and then I will cook. You don’t cook hyung. We are starving, we need to eat,” Daesung answered jokingly from inside.

Jiyong chuckles at that joke but at the same time, he let out a relieve sigh. Pheww.. Jiyong thought that Daesung overheard his conversation with Seunghyun just now.

“Kyaa!! You are too rude, wait till you come out. I’ll teach you a lesson. I won’t cook silly. I will wait for you. Hurry,” Jiyong said to his dongsaeng.

“Alright! Wait for me downstairs,”

“Okay,”

Jiyong again feeling relieved about it. Things will get messy if what he was thinking just now is really happening. 

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jiyong is in his deep sleep when he hears someone is knocking his door. Jiyong can’t even manage to opens his eyes but he can’t drift back into his sleep when he hears someone’s voice calling for him.

“Ji hyung… Ji hyung..”

The voice is too slow as the voice is still coming from outside the room. This is obviously not Seungri as he knows that the maknae won’t waste his time knocking but just barged into the room.

“What! Just open,” Jiyong answered the voice without opening his eyes or even lifts up his head. He then can hears the sound of the door being open slowly so he turns around and opens one eye to see who was the intruder. At the door, revealed Daesung who is standing and currently holding his pillow together with him. “Dae?” Jiyong asked, lifting his eyebrows a bit, feeling weird of the view in front of him. He turn to the clock on his side table, and it shows 3.30am. “Dae, why? It’s freaking 3.30am, you know,” Jiyong said.

“Hmmm.. I’m sorry to disturb you but, hyung, can I sleep with you tonight? Just tonight,” Daesung asked politely. Too polite actually. Jiyong feels even weirder at that sudden request. Daesung is not like Seungri, obviously not. Daesung is not a spoilt dongsaeng who will come to his hyungs in the middle of the night, asking permission to sleep together. The person who will do that is obviously their maknae, Seungri but not Daesung. “It’s okay hyung. It’s okay. Never mind, I’ll just sleep in my room. Sorry to disturb you, hyung. Night,” Daesung said as he can sense the weirdness of his request after received a full stare from Jiyong.

“Dae..” Jiyong calls him after seeing Daesung is retreating back to leave his bedroom. “Come, sleep with me,” Jiyong said as he moves, making a space for his dongsaeng. He pats the empty space beside him, signaling for Daesung to come and sleep on it. Daesung just smile at his hyung, so he closes the door and moves to the bed, climb on it and lie down. After seeing his dongsaeng settling down beside him, Jiyong turn around lie on his right side, let his back facing Daesung. Jiyong is back in his original position to sleep, but slowly he can feel Daesung moves slowly near his back, his hand hugging him from behind. Okay! Weird. Daesung is not really a hugger. Jiyong is who always a hugger when he wants to sleep but not Daesung. Jiyong open his eyes and wants to turn around but as he moves, Daesung tightened the hug, like he refused Jiyong to move. Jiyong gives up, so he just let Daesung hugs him from behind. This kid might just have a nightmare before, that’s why he acted this way. Jiyong closes his eyes back, wanting to sleep.

When he almost drifting into his sleep, he swears he can hears someone is whimpering behind him. It takes few seconds for him to digest that is Daesung who is sleeping behind him. Daesung is still in the same position, hugging him from behind, but his body is shaking. Jiyong can’ help but opens his eyes a bit, and moves to turn around. This time, Daesung doesn’t refuse it. Jiyong turns around and quite shocks when he sees Daesung is crying behind him. What the hell? He had a nightmare?

“Dae.. Dae..” Jiyong calls him and pats Daesung’s body, like wants to waking him up. “Dae…”

Daesung continues to cry ignoring Jiyong who is calling for him.

“Dae..? Do you have a nightmare? Dae,” Jiyong calls his dongsaeng gently but shaking him at the same time. Jiyong ends up moves to sitting position but facing his crying dongsaeng who refused to open his eyes.

“Dae, hey! What’s wrong? Hey, get up. Hey, Dae! What’s wrong? Stop crying,” Jiyong said to Daesung but Daesung just crying and shaking his head refused to get up.  “You have a nightmare?”

Daesung again shaking his head but still continues to cry. Then, Jiyong knows that Daesung is not even sleeping just now.

“Dae, come get up. Get up. Get up now. What the hell? Why are you crying like this?? Hey! Get up,” Jiyong started to get worried. Jiyong ends up pulling his dongsaeng up, forcing the crying Daesung to sitting position. Jiyong pulling him until Daesung is sitting facing him now but still refuse to stop crying. His body is shaking from crying and his hands are shivering. What the hell is wrong with his dongsaeng? Just now during dinner, Daesung seems alright.

Jiyong wipes Daesungs’s tears and holds Daesung’s face with his both hands. The eyes already swelling from the nonstop crying.

“Dae, tell hyung what’s wrong. Why? What’s the problem? Hey stop crying. Damn it, your hands are shivering. Hey! You better stop crying Dae, or you won’t be able to open your small eyes,” Jiyong said.

Daesung finally trying his best to stop crying, that cries changes into sobs. Daesung wipes his tears and finally he opens his eyes. He looks at Jiyong. Jiyong who is now 100% awake is staring back at his dongsaeng, silently waiting for his explanation.

“Hyung….” Daesung finally let out a word.

Jiyong still looking at him with concerns in his eyes.

“Hyung….” Daesung calls for him again.

“Yes Dae. Why,” Jiyong answered with his gentle voice, his hands are still holding Daesung’s shivering hands. His gentle reply caused Daesung’s eyes to watery again. His lips trembles and the tears fall again.

“Do we really losing him?” Daesung finally said it and he can’t help it but to cry again.

Damn!

Jiyong with his panic expression and full with desperation holds Daesung’s face, forcing his dongsaeng to look at him straight in the eyes.

“Daesung! What are you talking about?” Jiyong ask him straight in the eyes.

“Hyung…. Do we really losing him? Seunghyun hyung…. What is wrong with him? Just what the hell happened with him? Something is wrong! Definitely wrong! Why he needs to be warded? What is wrong with Seunghyun hyung?” Daesung is asking his hyung nonstop.

 

Flashback

Daesung opens a drawer in the kitchen and takes out one packet of ramyeon inside and put it on the cabinet and then he takes a pot and put it on the stove.

“RAMYEON!? Seriously hyung!” Seungri with his most annoyed voice grunting beside him.

“Yes maknae! Ramyeon first because you said that you are too hungry just now right? So, eat this first. I’m not sure what to cook for dinner, I need to ask Ji hyung first. Asking him what he wants to have for dinner,” Daesung said as he opens the packet and takes out a bowl with him.

“You don’t need to ask him hyung. Ask me is enough,” Seungri replied but what he get in return just a hit in the head from Daesung. Daesung shoves the bowl to him.

“Cook this, I teach you how. Oh my god Ri-ah, you are freaking 17 for god sake. You don’t need me to cook ramyeon for you right?”

“Hyung!!! Don’t do this. You always make it for me,”

“Oh stop dreaming. I won’t make it for you anymore, you need to make this yourself. Learn!”

“I’ll tell Ji hyung,”

“You think he will take your side? He is definitely going to smack you in the head. Come on! Fill the pot with water, silly! Oh ! You know how to make it right! You just being a lazy bum ! Do it now, I’m watching you,”

Seungri makes his pleading look as he hugs Daesung silently begging for his hyung to cook the ramyeon for him. “It won’t taste like yours, hyung. I only eat what you made,” Seungri whined at his hyung.

Daesung breaks the hug and takes the pot and knock Seungri’s head with it. “Cook it!”Daesung gives a glare to Seungri and the maknae having no choice but to gives up and moves taking the pot with him to the sink.

“Don’t make a face Seungri-ah. I’ll cook something delicious for dinner, so eat that first. Hyung go ask Ji hyung first,” Daesung said as he moves walk away from the kitchen heading to the stairs. He climbs the stairs but still he can hear Seungri’s endless complaining in the kitchen. Daesung chuckles at that. He then walks to Seunghyun’s room, knowing that Jiyong might still be in there and he can see the door is open a bit just like the way he left it just now. When he wants to push the door, he listened that his hyungs are talking with each other with a bit high toned voice. They had argument? Daesung can’t help but to stand there and listen to the conversations inside.

“They bound to know what happened,” Seunghyun’s voice obviously.

“They will blame you,”

“It was my fault anyway,”

“Stop taking the blame, hyung,”

“Ji, you know what happened and how it happened. It was my fault. I destroyed his dreams, I stabbed him from behind, I said mean words to him. I chased him out Ji!”

“HYUNG! We both knew why you did that and I said, stop blaming yourself. As much as your words hurt him back then, his words hurt you too,”

Damn, what the hell was this? They talked about what? Seunghyun chased who out? , Taeyang is it? They talked about Taeyang, of course they are.

“I hurt him more. You heard Daesung right. I hurt him, I betrayed him and my actions caused him to act this way. Ji, 5 years ago was my mistake and mine alone. I deserved this from him. What I’m begging from you now is just to bring him home even for one day. Let’s do this. Bring Taeyang home first, let’s do what we should do and then I’ll listen to you in everything. I’ll do as what you ask, I would do anything that you want me to do and I won’t question anything. Just this once. Listen to me. Bring him home first, and then I’ll get warded. I promise,” And this time, Daesung listened clearly and damn sure that was Seunghyun’s voice.

Get warded? Why? Why hyung needs to get warded? What the hell is wrong with Seunghyun hyung? Why he talked like this?

 

“Ji… You know why I really want him to come back? Not because of the fact that I’m dying. No, not because of that,”

Dying? Daesung’s eyes turn wide at that word. He feels like he wants to barge into the room and ask, but he can’t move his legs. He is numb. What is this? What is happening? His instinct that tells him there is something wrong with his hyung is totally right. Something is definitely wrong.

“I do have my childhood time, my playtime, and my childhood memories too. I did have all of that you know.Before all of you came along, Taeyang was my very first friend. He was my first dongsaeng. He was my childhood, we did play together and he was my childhood memories. So, if you talk about happiness, he is the first one who came into my mind. He is my happiness, Ji and that is why I want him back. I miss him,”

“I will bring him back hyung. I will bring him back for you. I promise I will. I’ll bring him home, and after that, get warded. Promise me, hyung,” Jiyong’s voice came in.

“I promise… Now, please stop crying. Your eyes look too bad already Ji, dongsaengs will suspicious,”

 “Hyung…”

“Go, see how’s Seungri’s doing in the kitchen. He might just get eaten by Dae,”

By hearing that, Daesung finally moves away leaving the place where he stands. He runs away and enters his room. He can’t hold his tears anymore. He wants to scream but he has nowhere to go. Daesung immediately enters his bathroom. He wants to cry. He wants to cry so much, he ends up turns on the shower to hide his crying voice. Daesung falls on the floor. For the first time in his life, he is so damn scared. He still doesn’t know the real truth yet, but he can feel that his eldest hyung is seriously ill. That is why Seunghyun hyung has been acting this way lately. Spending his time with them, taking care of them, stays at home, and become closer with them. Seunghyun hyung is sick.

End of flashback

 

Oh my! Jiyong was definitely right just now. Daesung was really overheard their conversation. Jiyong lost word. He is not ready to handle this. He is not ready to comfort his dongsaeng. He can’t even calm himself and digesting this fact, so how would he explain this to Daesung.

“Hyung! Answer me! Stop hiding this! I definitely can sense something is wrong with him. He changed drastically! He was acting weirdly! Why he needs to be warded? What is wrong with him? Something is wrong with him right! WHY HE SAID HE IS DYING!” Daesung can’t help but to raised his voice but Jiyong ends up covers his mouth with his hand. Just like how Seunghyun did to him last time. Oh! This is how it feels. This is how Seunghyun hyung’s feels last time. Afraid.

“Daesung-ah…” Jiyong is trying to find his own voice to talk. “! This is not the way to tell you, let’s talk about this tomorrow,”

“Are you crazy hyung? You think I can sleep now? And you think you can sleep too?”

Jiyong close his eyes and he opens his eyes back, only to find Daesung who is still waiting for him to speak. Jiyong gets up from the bed and he moves to the door. He opens it checking out if there is anyone outside his room, and he finds no one. He closes the door back and turns around.

You will crush if you know this Daesung-ah but it is wrong to keep this from you. Not when you already heard everything.

Jiyong sits slowly on his bed, let his back facing Daesung. He doesn’t have the strength to face his dongsaeng.

“Seunghyun hyung.. He has a serious heart problem and it has been 3 years since he was diagnosed with that problem. I didn’t know anything about it till now. I came to know about it accidentally. He never tells me anything about it. He hid his illness away from us, Dae,” Jiyong finally spills it out.

No respond. No reply. Nothing. Jiyong understands. Definitely understands, so he just keeps in silent too. Waiting is the best thing to do now.

“How serious?” Finally Daesung’s voice appears after few minutes.

“He already undergone a surgery before and according to Jong Suk himself, the surgery didn’t going so well for him. His heart muscle is weakening. Maybe they can do something with the valves, but the heart. Nothing much. So for now, he is depending fully on his meds,”

Jiyong finally hears the crying sounds again. Yes, Daesung is burst into tears once more but Jiyong is unable to bring himself to turn around and face Daesung. He can’t bring himself to comfort his dongsaeng. Not when he himself is crushing down because of this painful truth.

 

They are indeed is losing their eldest hyung.