"Oh! Morning hyung! You were up early??" Seungri asked as soon as he walks down the stairs, in his complete school uniform, carrying his bag as well and heading to the dining table which he can sees Taeyang is sitting there alone having his breakfast. Taeyang just smiles at the youngest while he takes a sip of his hot coffee for the morning. The last time he saw Seungri going to school was when Seungri just started entering his high school and now he already becomes taller and is going to finish his high school too. How time flies within these 5 years. He still remembers how he will be so busy in the morning to prepare breakfast, and preparing his dongsaengs for school but that was when they were still in their old house.

 

"Sandwich?" Taeyang pushes a plate of sandwiches that he made just now to Seungri who is just put his school bag on the dining table.

 

"You made it yourself?" Seungri asked as he takes one of it and moves to take his milk from the fridge.

 

"I can make foods too, Seungri-ah. Forgot?" Taeyang replied sarcastically.

 

"Yea, hyung. I know, it's been years right? Oh yea, your sandwiches are the best! Jiyong hyung can't even make these easy sandwiches though," Seungri jokes as he takes his seat in front of Taeyang and his hyung just let out a small laughs at that jokes.

 

"Stop dissing him, Seungri," Taeyang said.

 

"Let's dis him together hyung," Seungri laughs.

 

Taeyang just smiles at his maknae as he takes another sip of his coffee, while looking at his maknae eating those sandwiches that he made just now. This kid sure can eat anything and finish everything.

 

"Why you were up so early hyung?? Sleeps more. You don’t even have schools though," Seungri said.

 

"I woke up hungry and I can't sleep," Taeyang replied.

 

"Oh! I always face that kind of thing. Woke up hungry and can't sleep because of that. I hate that moment the most!" Seungri talked with his mouth full, definitely complaining to his hyung.

 

"You are hungry all the time, so it's not a new thing. I still remember how you will wake Daesung up just to make your food everytime. Everytime,"

 

"I'm still a school kid hyung, I need foods to grow,"

 

"So much for growing. Your fats are showing!"

 

"Fine! Good for you for having six packs. Don't worry, I'll work out after this and get a body like you,"

 

"No. No. No. Eat as much as you want, doesn't ever go for a diet. I'll kill you if I heard of such thing from others,"

 

"You said I'm fat just now,"

 

"Hyung is joking Seungri-ah… You are still a kid, you need food to grow. Just eat. Just eat,"

 

Seungri makes an annoyed face to Taeyang but he continues eating anyway.

 

"So, till these days, you still wake him up when you woke up hungry?" Taeyang suddenly asked as he looks at Seungri drinks his glass of milk.

 

"Old habits die hard hyung, but now, not just him that I would disturb though. I would wake Ji hyung or even Seunghyun hyung but Ji hyung is for sure going to be so pissed at me if I wake Seunghyun hyung up," Seungri laughs at his own words but however he realizes that by only mentioning that one name, Taeyang goes freeze in his seat.

 

Taeyang just looks down at his cup of coffee and stares at it as if the coffee would change colors.

 

"Well, they would get up and make foods for you right?" Taeyang asked slowly without sparing a glance to Seungri.

 

"You know how hard to wake Ji hyung right, he just won't wake up. His eyelids are that heavy but he will ask me to whether wake Dae hyung up or make my own food," Seungri answered and Taeyang just nodding his head lightly without lifting up his head.

 

"But usually, if I was too hungry, I would just go to Seunghyun hyung and wake him up and he will definitely going to wake up," Seungri explains further without being ask. "He never complains about me asking for food from him and he will just ended up ruffling my hair as usual and go to the kitchen to cook something," Seungri continues while still looking at Taeyang who just ignoring his words, keeping on staring at his coffee. "He cooks better than Dae hyung," Seungri still continues, to see how long Taeyang will keep his silent. Few seconds passed, till finally.

 

"I know," Taeyang replied softly, almost sounds like a whisper. "However, you still need to learn to make your own foods, Seungri-ah… You are big boy now, and soon if you go further your studies somewhere, you will need to make your own foods, without hyungs," Taeyang suddenly nag at his maknae after being in a long silent.

 

"I cook my own ramen now though," Seungri replied arrogantly, proud at himself for such "big" improvement and his hyung just hit his own head at that statement. If he can smack Seungri's head right now, he will.

 

"What a big leap you crossed over there Seungri-ah…. Good job," Taeyang said with an annoyed tone.

 

"Well, don't worry hyung. There will come a time when I don't need you guys to make foods for me anymore, there will come a time when I don't need you guys to do things for me anymore and there will come a time when I don't need you guys to buy things for me anymore and if those times come, I bet you guys will miss the old me," Seungri said as he gets up from his seat and walks bringing his glass to the sink.

 

Taeyang's face change in instant at his maknae's words and he can't help but to feel a bit hurt by those words. Silent is suddenly filling the space as Seungri just washes his glass in silent and Taeyang can't help but to notice Seungri's changes. He is growing up, isn’t he? My maknae is growing up and he will never be the same anymore. It never cross Taeyang's mind that he will disliking the idea of Seungri growing up and maturing.

 

"Seungri-ah.."

 

His maknae turns around as soon as he put his glass on the rack. He looks at his hyung with questioning look as he walks back to the table.

 

"Don't grow up too fast. Maturing is boring," Taeyang said.

 

Seungri let out a big smile at his hyung.

 

"You are overthinking, hyung. Don't. Even at the age of 80, I will always be your maknae, and annoyed you for the rest of my life," Seungri said cheerfully as he takes his bag. "I need to make a move now or I'll be late! Bye hyung," Seungri waves at his hyung and then he runs to the door.

 

As soon as Seungri is out of the house, Taeyang is back in silent as he looks at the now empty plate before him. He then looks at his surrounding slowly, as he looks at the kitchen, the living room, and the stairs. His mind brings him back to that one fateful day, the incident which takes them to the way they are now. The incident is flashing through his mind from how he confronted Seunghyun as soon as his hyung entered the house, still with his bags and how he threw the documents and pictures to him. How he followed Seunghyun to the couch and said all the hurtful things to him. He has been holding in his anger for a very long time and the fact that he came to know what Seunghyun did behind him was just triggers the anger inside him.

 

“You can leave the house, if that’s what you want,”

 

If only you came to me earlier, hyung. If only you went out and search for me. If only you asked me to come back earlier. Maybe… Maybe the wound won't be this deep.

 

Taeyang ended up preparing few more sandwiches for others as breakfast to distract his mind and while preparing it, he can't help but to reminisce their old days which either he will prepare the breakfast alone or he will prepare it together with Seunghyun. Seunghyun is an early riser and Taeyang know it damn well so that is why since he woke up this morning, he has been praying hard for Seunghyun not to come down that early and his prayer is granted. Till now, there's no Seunghyun from upstairs. Taeyang subconsciously making extra sandwiches and he doesn't even know why he did that. In case that someone-who-should-not-be-named appear, he can have his breakfast. After that, Taeyang is having his another coffee and he just sits there thinking and reminiscing on how these past 5 years had breaks his family apart and he just sitting there in silent till another two figures comes in. One in his office suits, carrying his briefcase with him and another in his casual outfit carrying his bag as well. Oh it's time to go to work and class. That someone-who-should-not-be-named will be coming down soon then.

 

"Woah! Since when you've been here hyung," Daesung said as soon as he comes to the kitchen followed by Jiyong behind him.

 

"Even before Seungri went to school," Taeyang replied lazily.

 

"Okay, that was too early. Hey, is this for us?" Daesung asked as soon as he put his bag on the chair and pointing at the two plates full of sandwiches on the dining table.

 

"No, it's for the guard," Taeyang answered while raising his right eyebrow, sarcastically.

 

Jiyong just ignore them and straight away take one sandwich and walk to the glass rack and take one glass with him. Quietly heading to the fridge and take out his favorite orange juice then take it to the table. He sits there in front of Taeyang, occupying the place which was filled by Seungri this morning and calmly pouring his juice into his glass with his mouth busily chewing the sandwich, but then Daesung comes to him, shoving his glass too. Jiyong just throwing a glare to the smiling Daesung but ended up pouring the juice into Daesung's glass.

 

 

The two brothers calmly having their breakfast in peace with Taeyang just eyeing their actions in silent.

 

"Woah.. This truly feels like the old days, right hyung?" Daesung asked as he nudged Jiyong with his elbow, asking for his respond. Jiyong just nodding his head and takes another sandwich to his mouth. "Taeyang hyung would be the first one to wake up and preparing the breakfast for all of us before we go to schools. I still remember how noisy he was while screaming your name to wake you up and then screaming for Seungri's name to have his breakfast and I was that good boy who already sat at the table, eating the breakfast quietly. Woah, I miss that. Those times, we only had that one round table in the kitchen, right and the table always full with four of us sat together having meals. Aaahhh, our old house…. I wonder what happened to our old house," Daesung said as he eats his sandwich and stares into empty space, reminiscing their favorite moments years before. Jiyong just eat his sandwich quietly and he too is reminiscing their old days in the old house before but he keeps his comment to himself. He is in no mood to say anything this morning but then his eyes finally stop at Taeyang who just looks at them eating the sandwiches. Jiyong notices there are extra sandwiches on the plate and he looks at Taeyang back. He does care after all.

 

"Are you going somewhere today?" Jiyong breaks his silence.

 

Taeyang looks taken aback at that sudden question and his mind is suddenly working hard to reply that simple question. That was not supposed to be the question. The right question should be "Are you staying today?". Taeyang moves to look at Daesung who is currently is looking at him, waiting for his answers too.

 

"Well, if you are not going anywhere today, I would like to ask for a favor from you," Jiyong said as he sees Taeyang not answering his earlier question.

 

"What," Taeyang asked.

 

"Well, Daesung has full day class in the university today and he will only be back at 5pm so, Seunghyun hyung will be at home, alone. So, if you are not going anywhere, could you please make foods or something for him? He is not that well," Jiyong said without any expression on his face and he can feel Daesung weird stares on him so, Jiyong straights away kick his dongsaeng's leg under the table to ask him to shut his mouth. Everybody in the house except Taeyang knows damn well that Daesung only has one class today and he can be at home around 12pm. The idea of leaving their two elder hyungs alone in the house is finally sink in Daesung's mind and then he straights away pulling his innocent expressionless face and looks at Taeyang's response.

 

Taeyang's eyes turn wide and he looks at Jiyong with his are-you-serious look but Jiyong just looks at him back like what he asked is nothing much. Just prepares some food for your hyung, that's all.

 

"Ahhh hyung~ Sorry, I got class today, if not I could come back earlier and look after him," Daesung adds in to convince Taeyang who now is loss of words to say.

 

"Kyaaa, I can't cook, you know," Taeyang finally found his voice.

 

"Just make a porridge for him, add in few vegetables and there is chicken in the fridge," Daesung said.

 

"Haisy, where's maid?" Taeyang again tries his best to avoid.

 

"Taeyang-ah, our maids never touch the kitchen. Kitchen area is ours. We cooked for ourselves, remember? Just porridge, he wouldn't mind. Seunghyun hyung is not a picky eater and he will just eat whatever his dongsaengs made for him. You know this better," Jiyong ends his words with a tone that Taeyang dislike the most.

 

"Okay, I need to go now. Thanks Taeyang hyung for the breakfast, see you this evening okay?" Daesung said as soon as he gets up from his seat and he purposely emphasizes the fact that they will meet with each other that evening just to make sure Taeyang won't leave the house. Daesung leaves the two at the dining table and run for the door. The situation is so intense, till he can't bear to be sitting at the table any longer.

 

Jiyong just calmly gulps his juice and finishes it in one go without sparing a glance to Taeyang who just stares at him.

 

"What are you trying to do?" Taeyang suddenly asked Jiyong who just gets up from his sit and fixing his suit.

 

"What?" Jiyong fakes a puzzles look.

 

"I know exactly what are you trying to do,"

 

"Again, what?"

 

"You wanted me to talk to him, right?" Taeyang asked as he folding his arms to his chest and still stares at his dongsaeng.

 

"No. I was just asking you for a favor to make foods for your hyung who is not well in his room right now? Is it too much?" Jiyong started to get irritated now.

 

Taeyang just stares at Jiyong for few seconds without saying a word, till he finally speaks.

 

"The terms are still on, Jiyong-ah"

 

Jiyong's face change in instant at that sudden statement from Taeyang and he can see his hyung's calmness while said about it. Jiyong sighs in frustration and he doesn't know why his eyes are suddenly watery when he hears those words. If those words can stab him this much, what will happen if Seunghyun himself hear about this?

 

"I never expect that your ego would be this high. I give up. Truly give up. Maybe you are right for all this time as there is nothing would ever make you come back for good, even if he begs you to do so. I don't know what the hell is going on in your mind and heart, till you can't even see the love in Seunghyun hyung anymore. I've loss words to say. I've loss ways to make you stay. I don't know what I can do to make you stay anymore. I don't know. I won't deny that this is the term, making you stay even for a day, sleep here for a day, do things together for a day, having meals together for a day, plays together for a day, because I thought just within a day, you can see the different in Seunghyun hyung. I thought you can see the love that he has for us. How much he cares for us. How much he cares for you. How much he loves you but as always, I'm wrong. You are too blind with hates and grudges. Just how big the mistakes that he made last time, Taeyang-ah??? How big?? Just like you, what he did last time just because of his dream. His dream of having you by his side, together building the company, staying with the family together, just to be together Taeyang-ah! What is the big deal of what he did last time??? Just because of his dream and nothing more.” Jiyong said as he looks at Taeyang directly in his eyes.

 

The argument that they have now goes unnoticed to the one man that from the very beginning keeping his mouth shut from upstairs, folding his hands to his chest, leaning his back at the wall and listens to each and every word that his dongsaengs said to each other. Seunghyun just stands there in silent and listen but however, he can’t help but disliking how Jiyong raised his voice at Taeyang.

 

“This position that I hold right now, was yours all along the way. Not mine. I was not the one who supposed to have this position in the company and in the house. Just like you blaming him for shifting every responsibility on you, I just want to remind you, that you did exactly the same thing to me right now since 5 years ago. I did things that are supposed to do by you! I took over your role in the house. I took over your position in the company because you ing left last time and let me knock some senses in your head that last time, you said to me "You stay" and I'm ing stay, Taeyang-ah and now, when all of us are asking you to stay, but still you choose to leave even you already living your dreams. I won't stop you anymore. I won't but still, this is wrong Taeyang-ah. This is ing wrong and you would regret it," Jiyong said as he holds his briefcase tightly before finally moves his feet and leaving the other man alone in the kitchen.

 

Taeyang holds his silent even after Jiyong left the house and still each and every words that came from Jiyong staying there with him, in his head. He knows everything and he is aware of what Jiyong said to him but right now, he is stuck. His ego is not that high and obviously he can see the different from his hyung. Of course he can see everything, he is not that blind. He knows Seunghyun like the back of his hand and he knows him even better than Jiyong and that is the very reason why he hurt this much, because the deepest wound is never coming from a stranger or an enemy but from someone that we love the most. No one knows how high Taeyang has been looking up at Seunghyun and how much respect that he has given to his one and only hyung but the anger that he has inside, the hurt that he felt is just too much for him. Back then, before all of these things happened, he thought Seunghyun could understand him, and for once let him pursue his dreams but maybe because of his high expectation towards his hyung, the expectation has crush him till to this day, and he is just too upset.

 

We grew up together hyung, it is impossible for me not to know you even better, it is impossible for me to forget everything. We were there for each other even before the dongsaengs came in our life. We shared many things and because of the love and the respect that I've towards you were just too much, it makes things you did before seems so great to me. You betrayed me. You stabbed me from behind, even knowing how much I wanted this at the first place. You never looked for me, even once and now you expect me to stay?

 

His thoughts suddenly are interrupted by the ringing of his phone in his pocket. Slowly, he takes it out from his pocket and he sighs at the name that appeared on his phone screen. His agency's president is calling him. Reluctantly, Taeyang answered the call.

 

"Hello.."

 

"Taeyang-ah??"

 

"Yes, hyung-nim,"

 

"Where are you? Still at home?"

 

"Yes, hyung-nim,"

 

"Did you receive my text last night? You didn't reply so that's why I call you now,"

 

"Yes, I read your text already last night, hyung-nim and I'm so sorry for not replying the text because I was too sleepy last night so I accidentally fell asleep. Sorry hyung-nim,"

 

"It's okay, I understand but still I need your answer, Taeyang-ah. Have you told your family about it?"

 

"I told them already hyung-nim,"

 

"So, how was it? The sponsor already gave us green light to proceed, Taeyang-ah and I hope your family won't have any problem about it. Just for few years and they can even go and visit you too. No big deal, isn't it?"

 

Taeyang is keeping quiet while listening to his president's words as he doesn't know what to answer right now. He doesn't know what to do and what to say as he was cornered from all angles right now.

 

"Taeyang-ah, are you still there? You are not having second thought on this right? Taeyang-ah, don't cause trouble. We have everything now, the chance for us to grow. You can widen your career. Do you still remember how this is become your goal and dream before? Now we have it in our hands, do you want to let it go just like that? Come on. We have known each other too long. Don't be like this, Taeyang-ah,"

 

"Hyung-nim, can you give me time?"

 

"Are you for real? Are you reconsidering it?"

 

"Hyung-nim…"

 

"Is this about your family?"

 

"Yeah.."

 

"Hmm.. I don't want to comment much about this but you know your family better. You should remember who was with you when you were alone. Who was there for you for these past 5 years. I'm not trying to put you in a difficult situation, Taeyang-ah but I just want to remind you about our hard work together till today. We helped you last time, and now we are together at the top, it would be wasted if you withdraw from this plan. It was not easy to find a sponsorship to fund you for everything, Taeyang-ah. We already promised with each other about it. Do you get what I meant?"

 

Taeyang sighs.

 

"Yes, hyung-nim. I know, but just give me time. I just need to do something and then we will talk about this again, okay?"

 

"I hope to hear good things from you, Taeyang-ah"

 

"I hope so too. We will talk later, okay. See you later hyung-nim,"

 

"Yeah.. See you later,"

 

With that, Taeyang cuts off the line and throws his phone on the dining table. He rubs his face in frustrated and let out a heavy sighs. What the is wrong with my life? Why everything turns to be so difficult? Why everything seems to be so hard. Before this, I was fine, just fine. Why the hell I need to choose? I hate making choices, and why the hell I can't get both at the same time?

 

Seunghyun just stands at the stairs rail in silent and looking down at his dongsaeng who looks so frustrated after the phone call.

 

This is indeed too hard for both of us, isn’t it Taeyang-ah…

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Jiyong is too busy checking all the reports that due from last week and he has been stuck with few appointments this morning and now he hopes no one can disturb him anymore and he wants to keep things in order, just like what his Seunghyun hyung wants. He is still staying in his room, even he is now holding Seunghyun's position in the office because he already made a promise to himself just to be in that position as long as Seunghyun is not in the office. Till his hyung well enough, he will takes care of everything, which was the deal. Seunghyun's room remains empty and all the things still in its place till the person comes back and fill the empty seat again.

 

All the works and all the projects handled by Seunghyun before this has been transferred to Jiyong and now he has two secretaries to help him which are Lee Hi and Hye Jung. Mr. Jung's presence has been helping him so much in handling the company and Mr. Jung is always there for him if he needs any guidance. Jiyong is very thankful for that. His hyung chose the right one to be by his side. His hyung is smart and Jiyong's work has been going smoothly without any problems and this fact just caused him to think that Seunghyun must have been planning this thing for quite long time. The way Mr. Jung guides him, the way Hye Jung helped him and the way Lee Hi has been supporting him. Seunghyun has been securing Jiyong's position in the company without him there.

 

Knocking sounds just caused him to finally lifting up his head from the documents before him. The door opens and revealed Hye Jung with a file with her. Jiyong smiles at her, letting her to walk to him.

 

"Sorry for interrupting you Sir. Lee Hi is not in her place so I just knocked," Hye Jung said as she is in front of the desk.

 

"It's okay. You are the exception; just knock my door if Lee Hi is not there. Please, have a sit," Jiyong said calmly and his eyes can't help but to look at the file that Hye Jung brought with her. Another work. "Yes, Hye Jung. Is there anything that needs my attention?" Jiyong asked as soon as the woman taking her seat.

 

"Hmm.. Yes, Sir. This is another project done by your hyung when he was here and now you are here in his place, I think I should give this to you. It needs your attention," Hye Jung started.

 

"What is this?" Jiyong asked as he gives out his right hand, asking for the file from Hye Jung but the woman still holding the file with her, not giving it.

 

"But Sir, you might as well know that this is a project that was done personally by your hyung and only he and I know about this project, so when I give this to you, I hope you can continue it and handle it personally. If you need any help on this, I will always be here for you," Hye Jung said with concern on her face. Jiyong can't help but to feel the uneasiness about this thing that she said. It sounds so private and confidential and it is exactly like his hyung, another secrets. "Handle this personally, Sir because this project is too close with your hyung's heart," Hye Jung continues.

 

Jiyong stares at Hye Jung and finally he gives her his reassuring smiles. Hye Jung is indeed his hyung's right hand person and now Jiyong is proud of her. Loyalty is a rare thing these days, and Jiyong is very grateful that his hyung has someone like her by his side. Hye Jung looks relief at Jiyong's smile and slowly gives out the file to him. Jiyong takes the file and he slowly opens the file and have a look of what inside. He turns the pages one by one and his eyes widen at each page and after skimming through the documents inside, finally Jiyong lifts up his head and looks at Hye Jung who waits patiently for him. Hye Jung smiles at him and nodding her head without saying anything. She likes telling him "That's what your hyung did" in silent. Jiyong looks back at the document inside the file and he can't help the tears that fall from his eyes.

 

“I really mean it when I said I want all of my dongsaengs to have all the things that they want in their life."

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Taeyang is slowly climbing up the stairs, carrying a tray that has a bowl of porridge and a glass of water on it as he walks slowly heading to the room at the end of the hallway. This would be his first time entering the room and if given a choice, he just wants to disappear right now. He is just too nervous to enter. Who knows what will happen next.

 

Slowly, he pushes the door and the first thing that he sees is the bookshelf that is located near the door, hindering his sight towards the bed. The bed is not too dark because of the table lamp located at the side table and for the first time in his life, he enters the room quietly, while his eyes roaming the room. He almost jumps on his feet when he sees Seunghyun is fully awake and is sitting in his bed with his back leans at the bed head and he is currently just looking at his hands in silent. Their eyes lock with each other for a moment when Seunghyun lifts his head and see the person, who entered his room, and they are in silent for few seconds but Seunghyun finally found his voice.

 

"What did you bring with you?" Seunghyun asked and Taeyang is startled by that sudden question and he just walks further to Seunghyun' side table.

 

"Porridge," Taeyang answered shortly as he put the tray slowly on the side table and Seunghyun just keep his eyes on his dongsaeng in silent. Taeyang doesn't say anything more but when he wants to move leaving the room, his steps stop when his eyes landed on something besides Seunghyun's wooden table. His heart skips a beat at the sight of that thing. For once and for all, his heart aches when he looks at it. The guitar that he broke last time is safely kept there and Taeyang can't help but to tightened his fist, in attempt to suppress the feelings that he feel now. He is mad, he is truly mad at his hyung and he hates the fact that his hyung is keeping the guitar that he broke so hard 5 years ago. You already made your point clear last time, so what's the need of keeping this thing here with you?

 

"I'm sorry…"

Taeyang freezes in his spot and he just stands there in silent with his back towards his hyung and he is still with his eyes on the broken guitar.

 

“Hyung is sorry, Taeyang-ah…. Hyung is so sorry…” Seunghyun’s finally let out those words and his voice breaks as he said it. It’s time to come clean. With tears rolling down on his cheeks, he looks up at Taeyang, he finally breaks down. “Forgive hyung, Taeyang-ah… Forgive me.. It was my fault. It was hyung’s fault from the very beginning. Hyung did things behind you, hyung tried to destroy your dream, hyung tried to stop you, hyung did many things just to stop you from pursuing your dream. It was my fault, Taeyang-ah…. Hyung is so sorry… It was hyung’s fault Taeyang-ah…. I’m sorry… Hyung hurt your feelings last time. I know you were hurt because of me. Hyung made you left the house. I’m sorry, Taeyang-ah… I’m so sorry….” Seunghyun begs for forgiveness in between his tears. It took 5 years to say all of these things and he just realized he just took so much time just to ask for forgiveness from his dongsaeng. He was the one who caused this cold war with his dongsaeng and he did nothing to mend this.

 

Tears are falling from Taeyang’s eyes but he did nothing and just standing there in silent, listening to his hyung’s words, those words that he has been waiting for all this while. His heart breaks even more as he can hears how Seunghyun is crying behind him but still he freezes in his spot, making no attempt to turn around to face his hyung. Seunghyun is basically crying his heart out and keeps on saying sorry in between his tears. He can’t keep this to himself anymore.

 

“Hyung is sorry, Taeyang-ah… I’m so sorry… Hyung let you go,” Seunghyun said it again.

 

Taeyang cries as he tries to find his voice to say something to his hyung.

 

“Only after 5 years, it finally occurs to you that you have another dongsaeng?” Taeyang finally speaks. Seunghyun bites his trembling lips as he hears Taeyang’s words. “Only after 5 years, it finally occurs to you that you actually have another dongsaeng. Only after 5 years,” Taeyang speaks while roughly wiping his tears. “Everyone is blaming me for leaving. Everyone is blaming me for staying away. Everyone is blaming me for being this stubborn. They only talked about how much you have done for us, how much you have been sacrificed for us, like I didn’t know a thing about what you have done for us. Like I didn’t know you before,” Taeyang said it out and finally he turns around and faces his hyung.

 

“I feel like wanted to scream at their faces and tell them that I met you first before them! I met you first hyung!  What the they are saying, like I wasn’t there and see everything that you’ve done for us? Hyung! Am I wrong for being this upset? Am I wrong for being this mad at you? Am I? I was there for you when all of them complained many things about you, I was there when you were not there for them, I was there when they keep asking for you, I was there standing up for you the whole time! But still in the end, I was the one who being blame for! Hyung, I love you hyung! I love you so much and because of that fact alone, I am hurt this much. You don’t know how much I have been hoping for you to understand me and how I’ve been hoping for you to be there for me. We spent our time together more than how much time you spent with them. I shared everything with you. I told you everything. I told you about dongsaengs, house and always put you first before anyone else. If there is one person in this house that understands me, it should be you hyung! It should be you! Jiyong kept on saying to me on how much you have change, and how you have been there for them and how I’ve been so wrong about you! But why you were not there for me? Why didn’t you treat me like you treat them now? Why didn’t you understand me? Why did you let me go?” Taeyang spills it out as he raised his voice at Seunghyun. The history is repeating itself and again Seunghyun is being in silent, and just listens to his dongsaeng venting his anger at him. Taeyang finally stops in the middle of his words to calm his anger and he just stares at his hyung before he finally speaks again but this time without raising his voice but his voice is full with disappointment.

 

“Hyung~ Hyung~ 5 years ago, I ing waited for you hyung! I didn’t leave! I didn’t leave.  I waited for you to come and look for me! I waited for you near the house, I didn’t leave. I didn’t go too far because I thought you might look for me, so I stay within this area just in case, you might come out and look for me. I ing slept in a bus stop for a week, hoping that you will come and look for me and ask me to come home! I was being childish and I’ve been waiting for you for a week, but you didn’t look for me hyung!! You didn’t look for me! You didn’t come and look for me… I watched you come out from the house from distant everyday but not even once, you come and look for me… I waited for you hyung… I waited for you but you didn’t come,” Taeyang said and finally he breaks in tears one more time. “But I always put you first hyung… Always…” Taeyang cries like crazy now. “And I didn’t tell them about this because, even during these 5 years, I still put you first but you never once think about me…. You forget about me…”

 

Only God knows what Seunghyun feels is when Taeyang told him about it. Seunghyun is loss of words to say right now, as he feels like just the word “sorry” is not enough anymore to mend his mistake. He hurt his dongsaeng so bad and this very much explains why Taeyang is being so difficult to come home. Why Taeyang has been so egoistic in refusing to come back.

 

“Taeyang-ah….” Seunghyun calls as he gets up from the bed and he wants to walks to his crying dongsaeng and it breaks his heart when Taeyang retreats from him.

 

“You forget about me hyung…” Taeyang said as he moves away when Seunghyun tries to come to him. “You ing forget about me… You never come and look for me… I waited for you hyung.. So tell me why I should stay!!????? When only after 5 years hyung, it occurs to you to finally asking me to come back! You even sent Jiyong to coax me! You sent Daesung to ask me to come back! You made Seungri hates me!! Now everyone is mad at me because I ING LEFT THIS HOUSE WHEN IT WAS YOU WHO ASKED ME TO LEAVE AT THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!”

 

Seunghyun is desperately taking a deep breath when Taeyang is screaming at him and he can’t help but to clutch his left chest immediately when he can feels the stabbing pain in his chest. ! Not now!

 

“Taeyang-ah… Hyung is…. I’m so sorry.. I don’t know…” Seunghyun is trying his best to let out those words. He is desperately asking for his dongsaeng’s forgiveness.

 

Taeyang shakes his head furiously, refused to listen to Seunghyun’s words.

 

“Now tell me why now!! Why now!? Why do you want me to come back now! Why is suddenly you become so desperate of wanting me to come back!?” Taeyang raised his voice again.

 

Seunghyun stares at him in silent and he takes a proper look at his dongsaeng. Even if God gives me another 5 years to mend this, it won’t be enough to heal your wound, Taeyang-ah. You must be so mad at me. It must be hard on you.

 

“Hyung is missing you, Taeyang-ah…” Seunghyun said it out and he can see Taeyang’s face change in instant by hearing his words. Seunghyun is really wants to pull Taeyang and hugs him tight just how he hugs Jiyong, just how he hugs Daesung and just how he hugs Seungri. This is his first dongsaeng, but he has been taking him for granted. “Why hyung didn’t go and look for you, Taeyang-ah.. Why hyung did that? Why hyung let you go last time? Why hyung said those words? Why hyung didn’t ask you to come home earlier? It would forever be my biggest regrets, Taeyang-ah…. My biggest regrets…. How hyung wish hyung can turn back those times and runs to you. Stop you at the door, and not letting you go… How hyung should go out and look for you and pulls you back to the house and tell you that you were just being childish.. How I wish I should do that before and these things won’t happen and we are able to stay together in this house happily.. How I wish… How I wish.. Hyung loss those 5 years, Taeyang-ah… We loss those 5 years… It was my fault.. It was my fault,” Seunghyun cries.

 

Taeyang turns his eyes away from his hyung and continues to cry, silently remembers back on what he had been doing in those 5 years, alone without his family.

 

“How does it feel of having only three dongsaengs with you? Is it better?” Taeyang asked slowly.

 

Seunghyun shakes his head. “You are my dongsaeng too… You are my first dongsaeng, Taeyang-ah…” Seunghyun answered and his answer almost melts the younger’s heart.

 

“So what do you want me to do now??? You can’t even give me any reason to stay either…” Taeyang said as he turns away from his hyung and just let his back face the elder. Silent suddenly taking its place between them till finally Seunghyun opens his mouth.

 

“Do you… Do you still… want to leave for US?” Seunghyun asked slowly to Taeyang.

 

Taeyang closes his eyes as he listens to that question. hyung! !!! Just ask me to stay! I will stay hyung. I would ing stay for you! Just ask me to stay! Don’t let me go hyung… I don’t want to go.. I miss you too… Hyung don’t ask me to go… Please…

 

“That’s your dream… As much as you want it, I would want it for you too… I will let you go as we promised earlier… Go for your dream, Taeyang-ah... Hyung would be so proud of you…” Seunghyun said as he finally turns away too.

 

Taeyang bites his trembling lips so hard to avoid himself from bursting to tears again when he heard what Seunghyun just said. Again! His hyung let him go. His hyung made the same mistake. His hyung let him go again. Taeyang takes a deep breath before he finally speaks.

 

“Thank you so much… If you can have the three of them with you and living just fine before this, of course you can continues living in that way for more years to come.. Thanks, hyung,” Taeyang managed to let it out before finally walks and leave the room. Taeyang roughly wipes his tears on his cheeks and walks in speed leaving the space, leaving the room. He walks down the stairs, refused to look back even once. His broken heart can’t be mend anymore. His hyung is letting him go again and Taeyang takes out his phone, dialing the number that he never thinks he would dial even after talking to his hyung. Taeyang walks out from the house and heads to his motorbike at the lawn with his phone at his left ear.

 

“Hello hyung-nim… Yes… About the US thing, yes… I’ve finally got the permission to go. Yes.. Just get everything ready.. Yeah, it would be great if I can leave as soon as possible. I don’t have any reasons to stay here anymore. Yeah, just get things ready.. I am ready and I can leave at anytime.. Thanks hyung-nim. Thank you so much… See you later..”

 

Taeyang finally cuts off the line and he just shoves his phone inside his pocket. Taeyang wears his helmet that he just put on his motorbike before this and he starts the engine harshly. As soon as he gets on his motorbike, he looks back at the big house for the last time. You didn’t stop me from leaving and you didn’t even give me any reasons to stay either hyung… Just like 5 years ago, you made me leave and now too… Taeyang doesn’t know what is wrong with his eyes now, as there are more tears falling from it and Taeyang finally moves leaving the house with his motorbike without looking back anymore.

 

Meanwhile, in the room, Seunghyun falls to his feet as soon as Taeyang left. He tries his best to breaths as much as he can and his right hand is strongly clutching his chest. Seunghyun drags himself to the bed and once his left hand manages to touch his bed, he is finally can’t hold the pain anymore. His breathing started to wheeze and his head is too dizzy. He blinks his eyes few times when his vision starting to blur and he did try to fight and stay awake but he can’t bear the chest pain anymore. He gives up and weakly let the darkness swallowed him.