That familiar beeping sound, that familiar medicine smells, these wires on the chest, this familiar bed, and this nasal tube, this is obviously the hospital. That’s right, it feels like I’m being taken to that moment 10 years ago, when everything is moving too fast, like every time in the world is running out. The very last thing that I remembered was that I was in the kitchen to have some water and then it happened. The chest tightened, gasping for air, and the surrounding seems fading away. The glass slipped from hand and broke on the floor. Just who the hell that found me collapsed? If it’s Yoona, then it can’t be help. Sighs.

 

Seunghyun’s eyes flutters open slowly and white surrounding is welcoming his view. He moves his eyes to his left and the view of seeing the old man is sitting with folded arms beside his bed with eyes close, makes Seunghyun’s lips turns up a bit in amusement as he looks at his father. His father is here with him. Only the two of them is in the room and Seunghyun moves his eyes to his surrounding, but no one else is there with them. Different room, no windows, and just walls but it just as big as before, a VIP room maybe. He looks at the clock at the wall at the end of his bed, and its showing 9pm. He has been out for few hours already.

 

Seunghyun moves to his left side and he found the bed’s remote at the side table, so he slowly lifts up his left hand to take that remote himself.

 

“For once, learn to ask for help Seunghyun…” a voice came and the remote is taken away from the table in seconds.

 

Seunghyun turns to his father who already looks at him with wariness on his face and Seunghyun ended up smiles a bit, getting his action being caught by the old man.

 

“Wants to lift up the bed?” Seung Won asked.

 

Seunghyun nods his head in return. Seung Won push a button on the remote control and slowly the bed lifts up till Seunghyun lift up his hand, signaling to stop. Seung Won let out a sigh as he puts the remote on the side table and then he turns to his son, who obviously looks pale with his dry lips.

 

“How are you feeling?” Seung Won asked softly.

 

Seunghyun smiles at his father while making an “ok” sign with his right hand.

 

Seung Won didn’t say anything for a moment and he just looks at his son who seems doesn’t want to talk too.

 

“Yoona found you collapsed in the kitchen and she was the one who call the ambulance. Everyone was here just now while you were still sleeping, but they already went home. Seungri will come again later and stays for the night. Appa is waiting for our driver to come and then I’ll go home too. Appa will come again tomorrow…” Seung Won explained.

 

Seunghyun nod his head with a small smile on his face.

 

“How’s Yoona?” Seunghyun’s hoarse voice finally appeared.

 

“She’s fine… She was shocked, but she’s fine… Don’t worry…” Seung Won said.

 

“She must be worried…” Seunghyun said slowly.

 

“Everyone is worried Seunghyun…”

 

Seunghyun let out a bitter smile as he looks down at his hands, slowly touches the IV drip at his left hand and the heart monitor wire clipped at his right index finger.

 

“Seunghyun-ah….” Seung Won said.

 

“Don’t worry appa…” Seunghyun suddenly said as he lifts up his head and looks at his father in the eyes but now, without a smile on his face. “Instead, stop worrying… I’m fine… More than fine… So, don’t worry about me… Please…”

 

That half begging tone from Seunghyun just breaks Seung Won’s heart and that face without a smile is rare to him. How can he not worry about his son? How can he stop thinking about his son’s well-being? How can he stop thinking about his son’s health? Is everyone’s wariness turns out to be a burden to Seunghyun?

 

“Please, don’t worry Appa… You have to take a very good care of yourself too… Eat your medicine on time too… Don’t stress out so much… I don’t want your blood pressure hike up. You have to rest as well… Have you had your dinner?” Seunghyun asked with seriousness on his face.

 

Seung Won looks at Seunghyun sadly but he nods his head nevertheless, responding to Seunghyun’s question.

 

“Go home and sleep well, alright?” Seunghyun added.

 

“I will…” Seung Won replied.

 

Seunghyun finally smiles with relieved but he looks at his father with a meaningful look on his face, like he is reading his father’s face expression at the moment.

 

“I promise… I won’t be long here… After I discharged, let’s go play together again, appa…”

 

Lies.

 

Seung Won stares at his son’s face, silently hoping that his son is telling truth but Seung Won knows better so he ended up nodding his head, just agreeing with the sudden plan.

 

“Let’s try that new restaurant in Myeondong together…” Seung Won added, with a bitter smile this time.

 

Seunghyun’s smile widened while nodding his head. “Sure, appa…”

 

“Will you have dinner? Appa will ask the nurse to send the foods inside on my way out later… Is that okay?” Seung Won said softly.

 

Seunghyun nods his head. “I would love to… I’m hungry…” Seunghyun fakes a pout.

 

Seung Won takes his phone out from inside his suit and looks at the phone screen.

 

“The driver is here… Appa moves first… Appa will tell them to send you foods…” Seung Won said as he gets up from his chair.

 

Seunghyun just listen to his father’s words quietly. He wants his father to go home fast so the old man can have his rest comfortably at home. “Be safe,” Seunghyun said.

 

Seung Won nods his head with a smile as he pats his son’s head before he finally walks away, leaving the room. His heavy steps are too obvious for Seunghyun.

 

“Appa…” Seunghyun calls out as his father reaches the door.

 

Seung Won turns around to look at his son on the bed.

 

“Goodnight appa, have a good rest…” Seunghyun said with a small smile, silently comforting.

 

Seung Won smiles a bit.

 

“You too…” Seung Won replied softly and then he looks away, turning the door knob and finally walks out from the room.

 

He closed the door behind him and walks slowly leaving. However, after a few steps, Seung Won stops suddenly as his right hand holding the wall, supporting his body that suddenly weakened. The tears that he keeps on held in before, finally escape from his eyes. The sadness that he feels inside is almost unbearable.

 

Just like you Eun Hye, it’s hard for appa to let him go too…

 

I lose a daughter once before and now I’m about to lose a son too…

 

“Yoon….” Daesung called softly as he sits quietly on the bed, watching his wife combing her hair in front of their vanity table. Yoona calmly combs her hair while sitting on the chair, looking at her own reflection at the mirror. She refused to talk to Daesung since they came back from the hospital that evening, and even during dinner, they are not talking to each other. Daesung can’t take it anymore so right now, he decides to confront his wife.

 

“Yoon… Please… You know why I did this… Hyung asked me to… He doesn’t want you to worry and in fact, he doesn’t anyone to worry. He cares for you a lot… That’s why…” Daesung explained.

 

Yoona stops combing her hair as she let out a heavy sighs as her eyes are still at the mirror.

 

“Everybody knows….Except me…” Yoona said slowly. “I live under the same roof as Seunghyun oppa, but I know nothing, when everyone and even you knew everything… Is this how you treating your wife, Dae? Is this how I should be treated? Like a porcelain doll?” Yoona asked as she finally turns to her right side, facing her husband. She is pissed. “I care for Seunghyun oppa a lot… I’m the one who gives him meds all the time… Reminds him about his check-up every time… Everything… If there’s someone that should know about his well-being first, it should be me! I’m here with you Dae… With him… Living in the same house. Talking to him every day… Even sleep with you every day, but you don’t bother to consider my feelings if I finally get to know all of this, when Seunghyun oppa collapsed…” Yoona stops for a moment as her tears fall. She stares at her husband’s guilty eyes. “I’m your wife, dear… It’s me… With whom do you want to share your pain, if it’s not with me? He falls sick again, should have hurt you so much right, but there you are, keeping everything to yourself while even Jiyong and Taeyang tell their wives. But you!? You keep it to yourself. You know how much I care for Seunghyun oppa, and you only think about how I would go crazy if I know about it. Didn’t it cross your mind even for a second, about what I’m going to feel as your wife, not knowing anything about her husband’s problem? You think I didn’t notice about you being too quiet lately? Losing appetite?? You think I didn’t notice? When I asked, you would say you are tired with the work…”

 

Daesung looks down at the floor before him, not knowing what to say, and doesn’t have the gut to look at Yoona’s face. His wife is right.

 

“Don’t you even think how much I’m going to appreciate it if you tell me sooner?” Yoona asked softly this time. She just looks at how her husband is looking down with guilt, not daring to answer her. “Didn’t it occur to you even once; on how much I’m going to appreciate it if you sharing your pain with me? He’s leaving, baby… And it hurts you too… Am I right” Yoona just uttered the painful truth on her husband’s face, as she slowly lift up Daesung’s head with her right hand, making her husband to look at her face. She can see her husband’s eyes are b with tears.

 

Yoona frowns at that sight.

 

“You are hurt… You are scared… So, why don’t you share it with me?” Yoona whispered softly to her husband.

 

Daesung moves down from the bed and kneels at her feet to put his head onto her laps. He hugs Yoona while he cries on her laps quietly.

 

Yoona shakes her head upon seeing Daesung breaking down before her. She ended up caressing his hair softly this time, while she feels her night gown is damp with tears.

 

“You should have told me sooner, baby… I would have gone crazy, but we have each other… That’s how a marriage should be… Am I right?” Yoona said.

 

Daesung nods his head while still crying quietly. Not telling his wife the truth turns out to be the most foolish decision that he has ever made, even though it was because of the promise with his Seunghyun hyung. Now he understands why Jiyong and Taeyang ended up telling their wives the truth. You can lie to everyone, but not your wife. Wives know better and Yoona is his person.

 

Daesung lifts up his head slowly to look at his wife’s face. Yoona bites her lip when she saw the tears on her husband’s cheeks, so she wipes it with her both thumbs. Those small eyes.

 

“I’m scared…”

 

Yoona’s heart break even more at the honest words from her husband. He is finally sharing the pain with her this time. She nods in understanding.

 

“I know… You have me now….” She comforts softly as she kisses Daesung’s forehead.

 

Yes, I have you now…

 

“Good morning, sleepy head…”

 

Seungri looks up and the first thing that he sees is his eldest hyung’s wide smile while looking down at him.

 

“Ahh hyung…” Seungri said sleepily as he lifts up his head from the bed and he has been sleeping in sitting position for the whole night and now his neck is stiff. “How long have been awake?” Seungri asked as he moves his head to the right and to the left as to ease the stiff.

 

“About an hour… And why did you slept like that? There are couches over there Seungri…” Seunghyun said.

 

“Hmm… Hungry?” Seungri asked in return as he looks at his hyung while yawning, ignoring his hyung’s nags.

 

Seunghyun shakes his head. “Not yet… It’s still early… I’m not hungry yet…”

 

Seungri nods his head and then he leans on his chair, while looks at his hyung with his sleepy face. The smile from his hyung just makes him wants to smile too.

 

“What… I’m cute right?” Seungri said when he notices his hyung is looking at him nonstop.

 

“This room is boring… Why don’t you choose the one with windows?” Seunghyun complains.

 

“Hyung~ You think it’s hotel?” Seungri said in disbelief. “Well, the one with windows are already fully occupied…”he answered nevertheless.

 

“What time did you came last night?” Seunghyun asked.

 

“Hmmm… Around 2am…” Seungri said. “You already sleep that time…”

 

“You had your dinner last night?” Seunghyun asked his usual questions. Always the same one.

 

“Yes hyung... I had my dinner and now I’m hungry… Again… I need to have breakfast after this, because I’ve a meeting at 9am…” Seungri said.

 

Seunghyun nods his head in understanding.

 

“Let’s have breakfast together okay… I’ll buy something downstairs and then eat here with you when they send breakfast…” Seungri said.

 

“Okay…” Seunghyun said, still with his usual smile.

 

Seungri then put his both hands at the back of his head leisurely while looking at his eldest hyung on the bed. He couldn’t help but to reminisce about their situation 10 years ago; stuck in the very same hospital for weeks, his hyung with those wires, those drips, that pale face but still with that small smile. When his hyung manage to get better after that with Eun Hye’s heart, finally his hyung is back on his feet, came back home, joined the company back, living his life with the family under one roof, watching them growing old, have families, kids, and dream career. 10 years is filled with many amazing things, greatest memories but as everyone knows, nothing can last forever because it is so human and this current moment is eventually will happen and it is actually just a matter of time.

 

Flashback

“Doctor, a heart failure patient, 40 yrs old, in Emergency, they need a specialist!”informed the nurse in hurry to Seungri who at that time is busily checking reports in his room.

 

The sudden information makes Seungri straights away get up on his feet and running out from the room, heading to the elevator, however his mind is running wild and his heart is at the edge.

 

“Let it not be hyung… Let it not be hyung… Let it not be hyung… Let it not be hyung…” he’s telling himself so many times inside. His both hand curl into a fist, holding in whatever he feels right now. It doesn’t feel right and his instinct is always right, but for god sake, he doesn’t want to believe his instinct right now! He just prays silently for his eldest hyung is actually having a smooth meeting in the office or watching television at home, or plays with Seunghoon, or even somewhere in a good restaurant, having a drink with their father. He wants that which is Seunghyun hyung is doing his usual routine. He is out there safe.

 

Seungri runs to the Emergency Department right away and finally his step stops in front of the glass sliding door which separate the waiting area and the room inside which equipped with those machines. His view is however blocked by a few nurses and a doctor who is busily surrounding the stretcher, giving the treatment that the patient needs at that time. He looks at the feet of the patient first and then up to the black pants worn by the patient. He recognized the feet right away… He definitely knows that pants… Seungri cursed to himself, as with the slightest hope that he has in his heart, “Please… Let it be just a mere coincidence…”

 

A wave from the doctor inside is taking his attention, calling him to come in. Seungri moves forward and the glass door slides open automatically, so he slowly steps inside. The nurses moves away giving him the space to walks near the patient as usual but Seungri is finding it very hard to walk forward when his eyes stop at the figure on the stretcher. Now he can sees clearly the face of the patient. “Hyung…”

 

“Doctor! The BP is going down!!”announced one of the nurse.

 

“Dr. Seungri, faster!”called the male doctor who feels weird with Seungri’s behavior.

 

“Doctor!” another nurse.

 

Everyone is calling him, and waving at him but it just appeared to be deafening to Seungri who is staring emptily at his hyung who is lying unconscious on the stretcher, with his shirt cut open and those wires on his chest. That air bag that is currently pumping in the oxygen into his hyung’s lungs.

 

Exactly like the moment he brought his hyung’s to the hospital 10 years ago! That moment…

 

“Get out Seungri!”a strict voice cuts in.

 

Seungri was pushed away by a nurse, telling him to get out of the emergency room and it made him lifts up his head and he finally can sees his Jong Suk hyung is suddenly in the room, taking over the situation in hands, giving a proper treatment to his hyung. Seungri let out a relieved sigh.

 

A pair of hands is holding his left forearm, pulingl him to the reality once he is out of the room, so he turns to his left and he found his sister in-law, Yoona is looking at him with tears on her face. .

 

So, this is not a secret anymore.

 

Seungri pulls his sister in law into a hug. They share an embrace while looking at the emergency room with wariness and fear all over their face, trying very hard to comfort each other in the darkest of time.

 

“Nothing will happen to him right, Seungri???” Yoona asked in tears.

 

Seungri is unable to answer that question right away because to be honest, he doesn’t have any answer for that.

 

“Let’s at least pray for more time…” he said softly.

 

End of Flashback

 

 

“You can make a hole on hyung if you keep on staring at me like that…” Seunghyun’s voice takes him away from the memory.

 

Seungri let out a small laughs. “Why? Uncomfortable?” Seungri asked playfully.

 

“Shut up…” Seunghyun scolded jokingly.

 

Seungri moves down his hands and moves forward towards the bed while pulling the chair with him as well. After he sits near his hyung, Seungri slowly takes Seunghyun’s left hand and holds it softly.

 

“How are you Hyung? Feeling better?” Seungri asked softly with a small smile on his face.

 

Seunghyun looks at his maknae for a moment, slightly taken aback with the question.

 

“Everyone is worried Seunghyun…”

 

His father’s previous words suddenly came to him.

 

“I’m fine…” Seunghyun answered.

 

“We are changing your dosage okay hyung… Later Jong Suk hyung will explains to you… You are having another checkup later, and a team of doctors will be form to monitor your health from time to time. If it’s getting bad, we are taking you to CCU (Coronary Care Unit), but don’t worry… Whatever the process or the treatment is, we will consult you first… Is this okay with you, hyung?” Seungri said.

 

Seungri couldn’t find any changes on his hyung’s face and no words come after that. His hyung just looks at their holding hands. He looks like he is thinking of something but he said nothing.

 

“Is something bothering you hyung?” Seungri asked. “Tell me…"

 

Seunghyun’s lips turn up into a small smile but shaking his head in return. He looks at his maknae’s face, as he then pulls away his hand from Seungri’s grip then, slowly caressing Seungri’s hair, like he usually did.

 

“Everything will be fine, maknae… Trust me…” Seunghyun said softly.

 

Seungri is taken aback at that sudden comfort, but he just continues to stare blankly towards his eldest hyung without saying anything in return.

 

“If it’s not getting better today, life will get better tomorrow… If you think you couldn’t survive today, but in time you open your eyes, it’s already become the next day… So be brave Seungri… Hyung wants that from you…” Seunghyun said while patting Seungri’s shoulder. “Be brave…”

 

That sudden comfort from his hyung is however turns out to be an eye opens words for him. Just a few words from his hyung, is already able to put his chaos heart at ease. Seunghyun hyung knows him so well.

 

“Is it too obvious?” Seungri asked.

 

Seunghyun let out a small laughs at that sudden response but he understands what Seungri meant by that. He nods his head.

 

“It’s written on all over your face, maknae…” Seunghyun said with a small laughs.

 

Seungri takes his hyung’s left hand from his right shoulder and brings it to him to hold. He looks at his hyung’s hand and caresses it softly.

 

“The fear of losing you will always be there hyung no matter how you are trying to comfort me….” Seungri said slowly as he then lifts up his head and looks at Seunghyun’s face with a meaningful look. “Because, that is how much love that I have for you. But if it’s the braveness that you are asking for, out of respect, I will try my best for you because I’m not giving up hyung… I’m not giving up. If 10 years ago, I was incapable of doing anything but just watching you slipping away helplessly, but now it’s different. Let me do what I should do, hyung… We are a family no matter what… And a family is not something that we can leave behind just like that… So, before saying anything like death… Fight first, hyung… Fight as much as you can… Because no matter what you say about we now can live without you, or about we are already get what we want, able to achieve our dreams or even about how wonderful the 10 years that we have so far, it will still never be able to fill the empty void that you are going to leave us with, if you are gone…” Seungri said as his face getting serious, without a trace of smile. “I know you are tired hyung… But, at least, please don’t leave without a fight, hyung…” he begs. “Not like this…”

 

“Seungri-ahh…” Seunghyun opens his mouth.

 

“Don’t say anything that can break my heart hyung…” Seungri answered, with a slight warning in his tone.

 

The situation suddenly becomes cold and the two brothers just look at each other without saying anything for a moment.

 

“I don’t control my death Seungri…” Seunghyun said.

 

“But you always speak like you are so ready to leave… So ready to die… So ready to be gone! Don’t you know the weight of your words, hyung?” Seungri couldn’t help but to cut his hyung’s words. “Please, let us worry about you, take care of you, treating you, anything hyung… Please… Now, let us save you…”

 

Seunghyun pulls away his hand from Seungri’s grip.

 

“What are you trying to say, maknae…” Seunghyun asked as he can feel where is the conversation is going.

 

“The moment I saw you in the Emergency last time, I’m confident as hell that I’m not ready hyung… I’m not ready… In fact, I will never be ready…” Seungri said in earnest.

 

Seunghyun just keeps his mouth shut as he waits for his maknae to continue his words.

 

“The transplant, do it hyung…”