“Would you stop- just tell me what you’re trying to say. I don’t have much time to listen to all your craps.” She yelled back at me, yanking my hands away and stepped away from where I was standing.

The look on her face, it was something that I fear of. It contains lots of sadness, confusion, as well as disgust, all together at once. She threw that look as if I was a total stranger that been asking for attention or a total stranger that she entirely didn’t want to meet. I totally get it; she hates me for what I had done to her. But I couldn’t just waste my chance on this; not when I have her in front of me, not when I am standing right before her, not when she was just a step away from being in my arms. I wanted her to come back to me more than anything now. I am desperate for it, and being desperate about something is enough for me to do anything to get it back.

“Okay, I am sorry. I know I am a total jerk for hurting you, but will you please- please just this once, listen to what I am trying to say. Please, Eunji.” I begged.

She scoffed at me in disbelief, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms in front of her chest, fully not buying my words. “Now you are sorry.” She said, sarcastically.

“I really am now, Eunji. That’s why I came here- I came here to explain and apologize- for what I had done to you.”

“Just tell me what’s your point. I told you, I am busy.” She replied coldly, I got it on her cold side and I knew well that it was all my fault.

I took a deep breathe, taking a step closer to her, “I realized what I did was all wrong, I was being a total jerk to you and for leaving you to be with someone else. I was wrong for any reason that you wanted to believe in, but yes- you need an explanation from me on that matters.” I stopped just for a bit, tilting up my face to see her finally gave in and started to listen to me, “The true reason why I left and building gaps was just because I couldn’t stand the chance of being alone for too long and you were busy with your North American tour and I was too with my own. We barely even text each other, let alone to meet for a proper date. At that time, all I needed was just to be with someone that can stay with me anytime I want. I know, even by explaining this stupid reason makes me sound like a weak and whiny kid, but hell- if that could tell you what I really felt that time I wouldn’t mind.”

“That’s cheap. But- yeah, whatever. Go on.” She replied, still with that same cold tone making me shudders in my position.

“I know that’s like the cheapest reason, I admit it, Eunji.  I was stupid, I am a moron, I am an idiot. Call me anything bad because I deserve it. But the truth is I am so over it, I learnt that being with anyone can’t help me go through things. I learnt that I rather be alone than not be with you. I can’t stand the chance of not being with you, Eunji.” I told her, my hands start to tremble in fear and anxiety, I am afraid that she will not believe me again after all what I had done.

I get it. I am not the right one to beg her to stay. I am a sinner. I did something very terrible to her. But that’s because I was too stupid to realize a gem that I had in possession. I was too dense to realize that by having her could help me go through anything, even when I have nothing in my wallet. I wanted her so bad that I didn’t even realize that I had embraced her and she was now crying out loud, crying for a help. I blinked my eyes rapidly and immediately took my arms off of her, she cried for a help when I hug her and that explains more than anything I could ask for. Not long after a few cries, her friends came and gathered around her; she trembled and started to cry even louder.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I started to repeat those phrases when the five girls still kneeling on the carpeted floor, surrounding the crying girl. I stopped saying that right when the oldest girl among them stood up, she didn’t smile, instead her lips formed a thin line. I could see her eyes getting watery and I knew better she would yell at me for making her main vocal cry this loud in their dorm.

“Please leave us. Please, I beg you.” She said pleadingly before tears rolling down her face.

I knew better, it was the cue for me to leave. I lost the chance to convince Eunji to come back to me. I lost the chance to make her smile again as she used to. I lost the chance of having the best woman that ever exists. I heaved a deep sigh before paying them a deep bow, proper one, as a sign how sorry I am to fail my only job, which is to cherish her. I took my leave and left their dorm in silence, my tears didn’t stop from rolling down and I couldn’t care more.

***

I hear most people say that flowers is the way to win girls’ heart, and here I am trying to win her back. I don’t want to think or hope so highly that this thing would work, but I wish, at least, it would knock her heart open and letting me to have my second chance. If that means I have to give her thousand roses every day to show her how sorry I am to make her hurt then I would definitely do it. If that means I have to buy the whole flower shop including the florist so that I can give her flowers every day, I would absolutely do that. If that also means that I have to lose millions of won to plant tons of flowers in her room, dorm, house, even her company, I would do it.

I had gone crazy for her, that’s what Seunghyun told me. It’s not a bad thing, he told me; it was instead a good thing for me finally devoted into something other than alcohol and smoking. See? She has done so much good things in me, I wanted her to keep doing great things and if it includes changing me into a better person, then I am totally into that idea.

Seungri and Daesung could only just sit and watch me do all these things, they call me an amateur florist. I started to learn about flowers more often than I learn about Math in school, Teacher Kang would laugh at me, but I didn’t care. I have set my goal and once I have it set perfectly, I wanted it to be done just perfectly. I planned to have different flowers sent to her dorm every day, I wanted her