Here is an update for you! :)

It is not like the usual morning that I woke up with, there is a loss in this morning that I can't explain why. I looked around my bed and found my usual bedroom with its usual look, the organized furniture were all placed in its place. The bird chirped to the view of sun rising, it was all beautiful and neat like the other morning but there is one thing that is not there.

I felt my breath becomes much heavier once I saw that I don't have any messages coming in, there is none from her. I have been waiting for her to contact me but we both were just busy with each other's business and honestly, I don't have a topic to bring on for a conversation.

It has been a few days after the continous messages from Kiko coming in, the gap between me and Eunji started to grow bigger. I am not sure who is the first who started to part away, but I felt a little loss when she is not around me, not physically because we actually didn't meet eachother everyday. There is a hunger for her, a thirst for her, but I couldn't find a reason to contact her besides telling her good morning and good night. The messages will stop right after we both started our activities and that's that.

On the other hand, Eunji has not been trying either. Along these past days, I guess she knew that we both have grown apart, she is so sensible so there is nothing that goes under her nose without her knowing. But the reality strikes me in the way that I can't explain because I expect that she would add something, ask something, or at least judge me to contact her more often but instead I got nothing but her cold reply acts. If I didn't contact her in the morning then She won't contact me on the rest of the day. All she did was just replying to my messages, only when I text her first. This is frustating because it's been going like this for almost a week.

I sighed a little bit to loud causing Youngbae to turned his attention away from his phone to me.

"What's wrong?" He asked me with both of his eyes looking at me.

"Nothing. Just thinking." I told him coldly.

My answer is partially true, because nothing's really wrong and I was thinking about something just now. I left my phone on my sidebed desk and moved out of my bed, leaving to the bathroom for a wash. I needed to get alive eventhough I feel nothing beats inside my

heart, but I know there is nothing I can do for it. 

...................................................

Since the first time the women of my past contacted me, I never really had a good dream. A beautiful dream is now only a dream for me, because since that day all I have been dreaming is about the screaming and the tears. I wanted to end all things with her, but I had so much memories together with her. Wanted it or not, she has that special part in my life, although I have closed it, the place is still there, only covered and closed. I could open it if I want, everyone know I could because that's what I always do, for her, opening that book that I thought I would close forever.

But the thing is that it is different now. I have someone new now. A better person if I could say, because compared to everything that I have in the past, Eunji has everything that I adore from my mother. Someone says that a person will find their love in someone that resembles his family members, in case of characters, physical looks, or habits. There is always a tendency to have a unique feeling to find that kind of person that almost similar with people that has always been close to you. 

Now that Kiko has been texting me again, in the same frequencies that she did when we were still together, the memories inevitably came back. I felt sorry for myself because I am such a weak and pitiful person to let my past scrap it on my face onc again. The past that I swore I won't live even I am given a chance.

I laughed at the pitiful self of me, having a cigarette lit slipped between my fingers and the smoke was still around me. Slipping it between my lips before the smoke, held it in my mouth for a brief moment as I have my mind going around, thinking about the person that hates the smell of smoke. As I exhaled the smoke, my mind went back to the fact that I need to do something about her, I couldn't let her keep coming back to me. I have a girlfriend, doesn't she see?

I need to end this all, now that I have no more time to deal with her bulls. I have given her enough time to get back but she chose now, when I have a better life, I am not giving it up for her, not an inch, not a pinch