Eunji's POV

What is an emptiness means to you?

Emptiness- guess, it means the situation when you are feeling nothing and do not care about anything. It might sound as simple as that. But, what I feel about emptiness is more complicated than just not feeling a thing or a zero given to think about something. There is always something more than that to explain what is an emptiness means or feels to me. It’s terrible. It eats me up alive. It consumes me. It destroys me. When every single damn time, my phone rings and there was no single call from you. Not even a slight sign of you sending me a simple ‘good morning, sweet corn’ message to begin my day or ‘miss you’ message in the middle night out of the blue. It was all just messages from friends that I went up seeing in the past weeks, I barely even know. Just wanted to fill the void that I have since the day you called it off.

How does it feel- empty?

How does it feel, you said? Go lock yourself in a room with no window and light, you will know how it feels. Wanna try? Bet- you won’t.

It incredibly makes me feel so damn miserable. Call me exaggerating, but guess you’re never in love with someone till you feel like your whole life is depending on him only. Have you ever had that feeling for someone? No?- then you can’t tell how I am supposed to feel or act.

He was once so important to me, and I believe he is still now. Until I can find a strong and logical reason to hate him, I will stop wanting him.

But for now, I have not found a reason. Not even a single flaw that would possibly make me stops wanting him.

Do you like it- being and feeling empty?

Well- aren’t you smarter enough to just shut your damn mouth and go on continue your life without minding my business?

Thank you.

…

“I am now online.”

“Yahooo! Eunji eonnie, you’re jjang!” Namjoo high-five-ed me with that happy face that had been decorating her face, ever since I knew her, “Welcome to insta gang!” She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly at me, such a bluffing kid.

“Sure, namjoo-ya. Thanks for teaching me how to use this though.” I threw her a pack of marshmallow in return because she didn’t stop teasing me with her wiggling brows.

She dodged my throw and ran outside, leaving me stay in our bedroom.

Now that I think, I thank God for such hella-supporting members that have always been close and kind to me, especially for the past month after you-know-what-happened. It was not an easy moment for me to acknowledge that it was indeed the end for both of us, cringed. Did I just say us? Never mind. It was difficult for me to eventually call it off, just practically give up on what I hoped I might have back. It was probably indeed better to be just like this.

Like this.

Going out more often. Seeing old friends and start to make new ones. Hanging out with what I believe to bring the positivity out of me. Talks to those who I bet will get me more into what people call “lively life”. Gathers in one big group and be drinking buddies.

“It is easy for her to make friends. She is a social butterfly.” I have heard call me that, and I guess it is true.

Ever since that day, I went out more often. Either they were to meet my family, my old friends, my colleagues, and new friends- and also new experiences.

Actually, I thought being like this were not bad at all. It was actually pretty good. I actually have more than just friends to talk to- but also stories to listen on and to be learnt from. Being as sociable as I could, I even managed to have my new Instagram and promised myself to be updated with this new social media that I have, which I kind of liking because most of my new friends that I just met very recently- all of them have it.

I thought everything will be just fine, I thought everything was good. I thought I have forgotten what happened, guess- I haven’t.

Pfft- it came back. This time, it came back in a lot worse situation.

Not that I blame my decision to make an Instagram, but I blame him for being such a bad person. I blame him for being such a shameless person. I blame him for being such a coward to not being the one who talk to me about thi