Upon seeing any other couples, if I could put it in words, my relationship is the only one that has gone through many on and offs, we’ve been through many critical points that delivered both of us to each edges of our relationship. Within an eighteen months relationship, we’ve been in many breaks, especially in the recent five months. Most couple had a break in their relationship because they feel like they need some distant, space, to decide whether they need each other or not, some of them even need  a break to make sometime alone so that they won’t feel bored with each other for staying together for a long time. But to us, especially me, the reason we had so many breaks are not because any of those good reasons. If she knew it all along that I am indeed like what other people told her about, I bet she won’t fall in love with me, I bet she won’t stay with me.

The only reason we had so many breakups was because my selfish can’t stand the chance of being alone, of being lonely, of being left away. I wanted to have someone with me, all the time. And most of the time, she wasn’t there with me. She was too busy with her drama, her comebacks, her own schedules, and I was left alone. I couldn’t handle it, I am never an independent man to start with, I am always that type of man who wanted attention and love. She was all I need but I am not the only one she needs to take care of, I never be the only one.

But of course, I am just stupid. My selfish caused me losing the most gracious and selfless woman on earth, what an idiot.

Listening to her voice once again after such a long time made my heart fluttered, it was nice to hear her voice again. But most at the same time, I felt my heart ached in pain- it wasn’t a good voice after all, she wasn’t chuckling nor laughing, she was crying throughout the phone call. It wasn’t a praise nor call to say that she missed me, instead it contained lots and lots of curses. I deserve it, every bits of her hatred toward me, I admit my wrongdoings, I am no good to accept all the good things in her.

Who am I joking with to have such a kindhearted woman all by myself?

“I am sorry to bother you, Youngbae sunbaenim.” She choked a little, her tears rushed down her cheeks like a waterfall. She couldn’t help it anymore.

“But seriously- can I just put a stop at this? I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Is that too much to ask for? Not to be hurt? Or is he just too glorious to begin with from the very start?

Gosh! Why am I so stupid to easily put trust in him- such a douchebag.

He has everything in his hands, and done everything just how the way he likes. Getting back at me like nothing happened and gone again after short explanations?

Could you please teach your friend how to behave well and treat a girl?” She choked between her tears once again, her eyes went terribly red and ached because tears that kept coming out.

“I’m not sure myself, but I don’t know how he always has his own way to just leave someone that he was supposed to love, someone that he promised to cherish and adore, then I realize I didn’t even warrant being broken up with. I meant nothing at all that’s the worst part---

How can he did it- I mean- he knows he is hurting someone so deep and not even flinch a little?” A painful cry was heard upon this- it was indeed hurt for her to finally let out what she had been thinking in the recent five months. Remember the memories of him leaving her for someone just because she was too busy with other things. Classic reason but cause the most painful death.  

There was a long silence. Only the sound of her sobs filled up the silence, she was thinking about what to say next. She grasped her smartphone tightly in her hand, before letting out a soft whimper as if she in pain.

“I- I guess, this is it then. It is over between me and him.” Her cries silenced out for a second, she wasn’t smiling.

“Please tell him that there is no need to call or text, there is no way we’re getting back together. All he says were true, we are way too different to stay together. I must have known better. Thank you and good bye.”

And that was it.

The end of our relationship. The end of my game, I am no winner- instead, I am a total loser.

It was 10th April in 2016, I was only 28 years old- but I felt like I have lost half of my