“Hey” Mark waved his hand in front of my face, bringing me back to my senses. He chuckled, “Shocking, huh?” he asked and I just stared at him.

Wow. Jiyong is a single man again. I bet he’s beyond happy because finally he’s free. The woman who’s holding him by the neck for YEARS is out of his life now. Also, I’m happy for him. He doesn’t have to stress over his marriage ever again.

“Comments?” Mark looks so excited and interested of what I have to say about the news. Truth is, there’s really nothing I want to say. “This is all good for him” I said and I can see in Mark’s eyes that he’s not satisfied with what he heard. He smirked, “Is that all you have to say? Seriously Lorelie, I’m expecting a bigger reaction and lots of words from you…I must say…” he leaned back and crossed his arms on his chest “I’m not satisfied”

“Luke…Luke…Luke…” I shake my head and faked a laugh “What do you want me to say? Jiyong, here I come? Or…I’m back in the game again given you’re free now?”

FYI: Mark and I call each other by characters name from the Gilmore Girls (I forced him to watch it with me)– a fun, family, heartwarming series about a Mother and her Daughter. Lorelie is this cool single Mom who raised her child far from the norm, while Luke is this diner guy who became her shoulder to cry on and full on supporter. They are friends, very close friends, just like Mark and I. Catch is, they ended up being together, something I don’t really see happening to Mark and me in the future.

He sighed, “This is big news” he leaned forward again and stared straight into my eyes “This might be a hint from the universe for you”

Hint? Really?

“You’re bananas!” I playfully hit his forehead.

He laughed, “So that’s it? You’re just happy for him? You’re not even a pinch hopeful of you guys getting back together and picking things up where you left it?” he is going to squeeze me dry just to get what he wants to hear from me.

After a few minutes of me just staring at the big yellow mug of coffee in front of me, I told him, “To be very honest with you…I’m not hoping for anything now that he’s divorced…I’d rather let him enjoy his freedom without me in the picture…maybe that way he’ll find himself just like I found myself”

“You’re nuts” Mark said while shaking his head as he leaves to get another cup of coffee for himself.

Why is he acting like I’m about to do something stupid again?

Look, Jiyong being a single man again is not the answer to our messed-up relationship. Let’s admit it, we are so disconnected now than ever and it’s not going to be easy to re-connect once more, given the things we’ve said and done to each other. I’ve already forgiven him but I’m still in the process of healing for things got really out of hand when he pushed me away, and I’m pretty sure he’s still torturing himself because of what he has done to our ‘family’.

Months ago, Dami Unnie and I were able to talk one on one while hanging out in this café. She told me about her business, her very happy marriage life and some other things, as I tell her everything that’s good in the island. After our topic of family, she brought up Jiyong’s disappointment on himself and how, up until this day, he’s regretting everything that he’s done.

According to Unnie, their family was in this silent war for quite some time all because of what he did. Kwon Appa and him weren’t talking to each other. She even said that Jiyong is like a ghost to their Appa. Our old man is mad at his son because he caused his grandchildren more pain instead of helping them heal faster. My absence, my running away from them, is such a big deal and all the blame is on Jiyong. The poor guy was depressed for a while. He was about to release a new album a year ago but because of all that’s happening in the family, he decided to halt it and just focus on the children and patching things up with his parents. Things just came back to their places when they found me. But Jiyong and I, we haven’t talked since the night of him and Emma’s party. Not even a word.

Mark and I stayed at the café until afternoon as usual before heading to the orphanage where I’m going to give flu shots to the kids. I’m their official Doctor since three months ago, and I’m more than happy to give them my service even when I only get little to none of money from it.

“Look there” Mark pointed at a huge poster of Big Bang on a big glass window on our way back to my house “He’s making himself felt” he nudged me with his shoulder and I just rolled my eyes at him.

This guy just won’t give it up. He is still waiting for me to give out a big reaction to the news, that I’m sad he’s not getting any moment.

“Tell me…why are you so nonchalant about it?” here he is trying to squeeze me dry again.

I sighed and looked out the car window, “I don’t know…maybe I just really don’t know how to react to it. But seriously…I’m just happy for him…nothing more…nothing less”. Oh gosh I hope this talk will stop now.

“But…what if” he lifted his index finger and turned to look at me “WHAT IF” he emphasized.

“What?” I looked at him, a little annoyed already.

“What if he goes here and tell you the news personally? What’s your reaction going to be?” he asked.

. Mark is really good in this. He has his way to let me talk.

There was a long silence. All I can hear is the radio that is playing a rock song that neither of us likes but are too lazy to change.

“I will….” Goodness Gracious, I’m spacing out! “I will….” ARGH!

Why the F is this so hard for me? Why do I feel like there’s something inside of me that’s been wanting to talk but another something in me is stopping it from doing so?

“You will?” Mark looked at me anxiously and a little impatient.

I swallowed hard, “I will…definitely….”

Mark stopped my train of thought by laughing hard. “What? I asked. He keeps on laughing, “Nothing…the look on your face right now is like you’re constipated”

Annoyed, I punched him on the arm, making him yelp. “YAH!” he shrieked like a baby.

“Why do you have to ask me this question?” I asked, burdened.

He sighed, “You want me to be honest with you?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes, “You’re always honest with me”

He gave a satisfied nod, “The reason why I’m doing this to you is not to torture you…but to make you feel what you really feel and for you to voice it out for you to hear…because we both know…deep down inside of you…you really have that authentic reaction to the news, that you’re just masking off because of your stupid reasons, preventing you from speaking out…and I know you so well…you won’t believe what you have in mind and heart until you hear yourself say it”

With a year and a half under our wings as the best of friends, Mark really knows me better than I know myself.

“Fine!” I’m giving up now. I’m also giving way to that ‘something inside me’ to speak. “I’m more than happy that Jiyong is free again. I once again have hopes for us. I want to tell him that I’m still here if ever he wants to love again. But…” I paused as tears started rolling down my cheeks. “But…I don’t want to be with him anymore… I don’t want to stress over a relationship again…not after this new life I’m living now…there’s more to just getting back together…you know? There are a lot of issues brushed under the rug…I still have a grudge on him that I know I should let go by now but…he has done me bad…SO BAD…that I cannot just let it go”

And Mark didn’t say a word after that. All he did was drive and let me sob. Silence is his way of comforting me. Unlike Jiyong, who will do everything to cheer me up even when it’s unreasonable already.

“MOM!” my shock is up to the heavens upon seeing Emma and Ethan. They are running towards me.

We just arrived at my house. My eyes are still swollen from crying and I feel lightheaded, but upon seeing my kids, I feel energized and good again.

“What a surprise!” Mark welcomed them with tight hugs as well. Just like me, the kids see Mark as another Aden. The cool uncle who will let them eat all the sweets they can take and take the scolding after it.

“Why…what…gosh!” I hugged them tightly again. They are too big to squeeze in my arms together. “You guys didn’t tell me you’re going here early”

Ethan, who is hugging me by the waist tightly looked up at me with a sweet smile on his face. “Daddy allowed us to go here instead of coming with him to Japan the whole week, Mom”

Great!

“I’m excited!” I am like a child seeing a huge gift. “Wait…” I looked around “Who are you with? Halmeoni and Harabeoji is with Aunt Dami in the States, right?” I asked the kids curiously then looked at Mark. “I talked with Dami Unnie last night and she said they’re not back until next week”

Mark shrugged, “Maybe they flew in by themselves?”

I rolled my eyes at him, “As if Jiyong will let them”

“Daddy is with us” Emma said with a sigh.

“WHAT?!”

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