I sat right at the hospital backyards. There were benches and trees, not so many people were there so it was safe for me to spent my awful day there.

        Yoojin eonni just passed away a few minutes ago.

        And here i was, sat on the bench and pushed people away all over again while they were trying to help me. i was just sad, i got very sad and lonely again.

yoojin eonni wasn’t here for me again, she was gone. I didn’t understand about how the hell this life so unfair for me. i always asked God to take my soul instead now he was taking yoojin’s eonni.

        “sookyu” someone called me from behind. i decided not to look back since i wasn’t in the mood to talk to someone. Then that person sat right next to me.

it was sehun, he haven’t leave yet. “i told you to leave me alone, right?”

        “you might think that this life is , right?”

        “sehun, just-“

        “we have to realize that our lives could be gone in a split second. There are no guarantees that we will be here this time, next month, next year. Stop waiting for Friday when it’s Monday. Learn to live each day to it’s fullest. Don’t complain. Don’t focus on what’s wrong. Be grateful for the opportunity to experience each and every day”

        “how the hell i can be grateful with my life when every each moment of my life, i lose someone i love” i began to chocked up by my own tears. I burried my face on my hands while i could feel sehun’s breath near my ear. “sookyu, do you love me?”

        “sehun it’s not the right-“

        “do you love me or not?”

        “i do, but-“

        “then you don’t lose me. you’re not losing me, sookyu”

        I opened my eyes and found myself right inside my bedroom. The house even looked more emptier than before. There was no yoojin eonni anymore.

We had our ceremony yesterday and people were crying over her, while i sat there and tried my best to look strong. Since i know how yoojin’s eonni felt when she saw me crying. She’ll be sad too.

        I brushed my hair and sighed, i didn’t really felt good to go to campus today but what could i do? If i don’t, i might will get a bad score and will repeat classes.

Darn it, i didn’t know i’ll hate college life this much.

        When i just arrived at the campus, i was welcomed with mr. Junho, one of my literature. “i’m sorry about your sister, are you sure you wanted to start college now? we can give you some day-offs” he said and i smiled at him, i said no.

I’ll try to have a normal life once more. “alright then, be safe” he tapped my shoulder before he left.

...

Minho: do you need to hang out after campus?

Me: not really, i’d like to just lay on my bed

Minho: should i come?

Me: nah, people will starting to attacking me more

Minho: people know about your sister, sookyu, they aren’t going to bash you that harsh anymore

Me: because of my sister death? That’s cruel. I’m okay, don’t be so worry about me

...

        All day, myungsoo and suji tried to bring up my mood with foods and talks but i didn’t react. I just smile and doing something else, i really not into this day.

so i just spent this day like a ing statue.

        I sat on the bus station while listening to music from my earphone. It was almost spring and i could see flowers started to bloom from its tree.

It was so beautiful. Will be even beautifuler if yoojin eonni was here. Then someone with a masked face and a hat came and sat right next to me.

he was so close until i had to moved for a space between me and him. but that guy even moved closer to me. i got so pissed so i decided to left but then, he grabbed my hand.

, there weren’t any people now.

“y-yah nuguya!? Let me go!” i tried to scream and when i just about to scream, that guy took of his mask and hat. It was sehun. Holy ing god it was sehun and i thought he was one of the ert guy.

        “it’s me! how can you don’t recognize me?”

        “i’m not focus right now! wear it back, i don’t wanna people to start to attacking me again”

        “people still attacking you?”

        “yeah, i can’t believe i got bashed by my own fan-friends. I mean, your stans are my friends and now they called me ” i sighed and i could hear sehun chuckled. I glared at him since i didn’t understand how could he laughed at this moment.

“i miss us, you know” he took my hand and he hold it tight. My bus finally arrived. I couldn’t stand this conversation so i got up and about to leaved him behind but he said, “you’re a work of art. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones who do, will never forget about you. now do you understand why i still loves you now, sookyu?” he asked.

I decided not to turn my back down since i was afraid. I had my own goal that said i had to moved on from sehun so i wasn’t going to hurt his fans.

        And if i turned my back, i was afraid i wasn’t going to be able to walk away.

        I sat on my couch with a cereal on my lap. i wore a super short pants since i was alone, a super big sweater and i put my hair as a messy bun.

I didn’t care if i looked like a drunk woman, i just need to lay down and rest all this life away. I took my phone and searched for any news about exo.

Even though we weren’t really in a good term, but this fangirls feelings, ugh, i couldn’t hold it much longer so i had to