Breathe

It’s okay if your breath gets short, no one is blaming you.  

The clock on the wall shows 12:53 a.m.   

Without saying anything, Kyungsoo looked down at the mass of lanky limbs and faded bleached hair leaning against the wall. Chanyeol’s tired body heaves with sharp inhales and his skin glisten with sweat. A frown settles in between the tall man’s knitted brows as he sighs and languidly tugs at the damp clothes clinging uncomfortably to him. Taking a moment, Chanyeol finally acknowledges Kyungsoo’s presence in the practice room, and he cracks open an eye. A faint smile blooms on his face as he takes in his visitor’s usual blank face, and he lifts an arm for a lazy wave. In a husky and sluggish whisper, Chanyeol greets Kyungsoo. 

“You came? This is a nice sur…prise…" 

Chanyeol yawns in between his words and leans his head backward. He rubs the tears away with the base of his palm and blinks rapidly, hoping that the moisture would help to relieve some dryness in his blood laced eyes. Kyungsoo nods in reply and continues to observe the taller man in front of him without a word. 

It has been a while since he saw this Park Chanyeol, the earnest, hard worker that always stays behind to practice dancing after everyone has left because he is adamant about maintaining the integrity of EXO’s performances. When they were trainees and after they’ve just debuted, Kyungsoo would stay with him, and they’d practice together until they collapsed. The two of them had spent countless numbers of hours just dancing, monitoring each other’s forms, then staring at the ceiling when they cannot move anymore, and talk about everything under the stars and anything that came into their mind. However, their schedules rarely match now and until tonight, Kyungsoo forgot how much he has missed this Park Chanyeol. 

In Kyungsoo’s world, there are many Park Chanyeols. There is the silly, playful one that pulls pranks and laughs with mischief shimmering in his eyes, and there is the serious and mature Chanyeol that always dedicates all of himself to his jobs and his composing; there is the clumsy one that trips over his feet, gets small cuts all over his body without knowing how or where from, as well as the cry baby Park Chanyeol who is sentimental and emotional. There are also the angry Chanyeol, the frustrated Chanyeol, the gluttonous Chanyeol that wants to eat everything, and the competitive Chanyeol that will not settle for second place; the tender Chanyeol in the night, the loving Chanyeol that gives the best hugs, the shy Chanyeol with blushing cheeks, and the warm Chanyeol that always makes Kyungsoo fall in love with him all over again. 

Kyungsoo treasures all of these versions of Park Chanyeol, and he loves them all, even if some of them makes him frustrated and angry at times, and hurts his heart and makes him want to cry. He doesn’t even know since when, but he has already fallen too hard for his best friend and he knows that even if one day Chanyeol stops loving him, he would still love the taller man nonetheless.  

"Kyungsoo?"  

Chanyeol whispers again, and he watches as the shorter man in front of him kneels down in between his legs. With their faces at the same level and their slow breath falling into sync, they gaze at each other. In Kyungsoo’s wide eyes that are as clear as the most beautiful cloudless night, Chanyeol saw the words the shorter man wants to say but did not express out loud, and his eyes mist over. Then Kyungsoo leans in and gently wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s body. He digs his chin into the taller man’s broad shoulder and molds their body closely together. As he feels the other’s arms also tighten around his body, squeezing firmly and clenching on as if for dear life, Kyungsoo shuts his eyes and says in a soft voice.  

"It’s late, let’s go home."  

Blurry lights from the city flash by as the car speeds down the avenues of Seoul and inside the dark van, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo sit side by side with their fingers intertwined.  

Even though I won’t be able to understand the depth of your sigh, it’s okay. 

I will embrace you. 

Thank you for so much for your hard work.  

FIN. 

A/N: this is inspired by Lee Hi’s new song Breathe. Honestly, the first time I heard of it, it made me think of Chanyeol. So of course, as usual, I got emotional and wrote this thing on my commute home. Now I have some rants: 

I was upset by the fact that Chanyeol had to apologize about the whole instagram follow/unfollow situation and the fact that he needs to reassure fans that he is not dating. 

First of all, I understand that as a public figure you should watch what you do and what you say, but in this instance, everything was based on rumour and he still apologized for something he didn’t even do. WTH. 

Secondly, if the boy is dating or wants to date, frankly that is none of your business. A fan is supposed to support his idol/bias in their work and their life, not become a restriction to their work/life. I get it, if your oppa/son dates, it breaks your heart, but that’s the same as if your crush ends up going out with this other girl you don’t know. Unfortunately, life is a so don’t turn your fear of being miserable into the problem another person, especially in this case, your oppa/son’s problems, which by the way you’re supposedly supporting. 

I think all of us can see a bit of ourselves in Kyungsoo in this drabble (I can), and really, I just want to give Chanyeol a big hug and let him know that ‘it’s okay’, ‘you’re not to blame’, and that ‘you’ve worked so hard, I’m proud of you.’ 

But, I cannot because I can’t reach out to him. So hopefully, from somewhere and with someone, he is being told these words.