To love

[ romance / fluff / slight angst ] 

Kyungsoo giggled gleefully at the smushed face in his hands. Pulling skin and flesh up and down then stretching it sideways, he enjoyed this game without noticing the painful winces from his boyfriend. Chanyeol knelt patiently in front of his drunken boyfriend and tried not to make a sound. Giggling at the newest funny face he created, Kyungsoo’s eyes squinted into thin lines as a heart shape smile bloomed on his blushing face. Upon seeing the child like smile on the other’s face, Chanyeol could not help but smile back, despite feeling extremely uncomfortable as the corner of his eyes were stretched forcibly towards his ears.

“Look, pointy eyes and pointy ears!” Kyungsoo squealed and Chanyeol chuckled nervously. It was definitely time for bed. Grabbing his boyfriend’s warm hands away from his face, Chanyeol coaxed the other to get ready for bed. After some struggles, there was finally a pile of clothing that smelled of alcohol tossed carelessly on the ground. Standing by the bed, Chanyeol panted lightly in fatigue from undressing himself and a drunken person with wiggling limbs, while the said person dangled his feet off of the bed without a care in the world. Let out a sigh, he looked helplessly at his grinning boyfriend, who hiccupped cutely then stared up at him with dazed, misty eyes. It wasn’t that Kyungsoo is a bad drunk; rather he was a spontaneous drunk, which meant he had no inhibition letting the weirdo inside run wild.

“Alright, pajama time!” Chanyeol cheered while holding a red checker pajama in the air. Kyungsoo cheered along like a happy child and cooperatively lifted his arms. Quickly slipping the loose shirt on the other’s skinny form, Chanyeol mentally high fived himself; mission getting Kyungsoo to bed was going smoothly for once. However as always, he celebrated too soon. The sound of rain drops hitting softly against the window caught Kyungsoo’s attention. Staring at the falling rain with sparkles in his eyes, the drunken man screamed excitedly and ran out to the courtyard with just his pajama top.

“Need to feel nature touch my skin!” Kyungsoo shouted and disappeared from the room. Swearing out loud, Chanyeol quickly slipped on the matching pair of red checker pajama pants and ran after his boyfriend. ‘Kyungsoo’s only in his boxers,’ that was the only thing going through his mind. Partially he was afraid his boyfriend would catch a cold, but largely Chanyeol simply did not want anyone else to see Kyungsoo’s bare skin. Smooth as porcelain and pale like the moonlight; only he was allowed to enjoy the view, Chanyeol thought possessively as he also dashed into the courtyard with a yellow umbrella clutching in his hand.

A laughing Kyungsoo spinning slowly in the rain entered his view. Enjoying each drop of water bouncing off of his skin and hair, the drunken man spread his arms wide while he stumbled around on the brick floor. Jumping from one puddle to the next, he giggled like a five year old on his birthday. Chanyeol’s eyes softened at the adorable sight. It had been too long since he last saw Kyungsoo act this carefree. The toil and fatigue of life made Kyungsoo solemn and stiff; it made both of them forget about the joy of being silly around each other. Paying the mortgage, the car insurance, and rising up in rank in their jobs, the responsibilities of being an ‘adult’ suffocated them slowly and made them quiet and numb. He thought that was how it is, to grow up. But as Chanyeol chuckled and watched Kyungsoo shake his head in the rain like a wet dog, he understood that the flow of time or their stress could not be blamed for their change. Simply, they let themselves be changed and became someone they hate.    

When Kyungsoo finally stopped what he called “the most awesomest rain dance of the century that even Jongin cannot surpass”, Chanyeol approached him with the umbrella. Joining the other in observing Kyungsoo’s wet and dirty feet, he saw a small cut on the left foot. Frowning a little, he met eyes with his wet boyfriend who was now pouting.

“I’ve cut my foot.”

“I can see that,” Chanyeol answered, “Want a piggy back ride?”

“Yah, that’d be good.” Kyungsoo answered and reached his arms out. Smiling sweetly at the taller man, Kyungsoo noticed the umbrella for the first time. Blinking at the yellow umbrella, the smile on his face stretched wider.

“We first kissed under this umbrella!” he exclaimed, and Chanyeol chuckled in agreement. Climbing onto his boyfriend’s , Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around the other’s neck and pressed his cold cheeks warm skin. Breathing in the familiar scent that had always had a special calming effect on him, Kyungsoo sighed contently and shut his eyes. Listening to the steady beat of raindrops hitting the rooftops, he mumbled into Chanyeol’s back.

“I’m sorry…”

Steadying Kyungsoo on his back while balancing the umbrella in his hand, Chanyeol hummed in question.

“Not for dancing in the rain, I am not sorry for that,” Kyungsoo replied quietly with a little attitude and Chanyeol laughed heartily. Rubbing his cheeks against the other’s broad shoulder, Kyungsoo continued in a low voice.

“I’m sorry for being so difficult lately and for being such a pain in the . I know I was stressing you out a lot and I was stressed too… Work has been hard and I hate that because I am having a hard time, I was stripping the smile off of your face too…” he paused and sniffed. Standing unmoving in the rain, Chanyeol listened quietly. For a moment, there was only the rhythmic sound of rain drops bouncing off of the umbrella.

“The more I hate myself for making you unhappy, the more I am afraid you’ll hate me too, and the more I hate myself. It’s like a horrible cycle I can’t break free from…” Kyungsoo continued to mumble into the other’s back. Chanyeol’s hand tightened around the umbrella handle; he understood fully of how Kyungsoo felt. Sometimes, he too wondered if he really was making his boyfriend happy. They were the complete opposite of each other and more often than not, they’d spend half of their time together bickering. It used to be playful banters that always ended in laughs, but recently they found themselves simply walking away half way through their squabble. At some point which they could not even pin point themselves, these meaningless banters turned into passive aggressive quarrels.

“I just…” Kyungsoo sniffed again and clung his arms and legs tighter around Chanyeol’s body, “I do love you, Chanyeol, I really do. But I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how to show you how much I love you anymore.”

Hearing the pain and anguish in the other’s voice, Chanyeol’s heart twitched in agony. He tried to swing Kyungsoo around to his front, but the drunken man struggled against it and buried his face deeper into his neck. Sighing helplessly, Chanyeol began to pat the bare legs around his waist slowly. Looking up at the inside of the yellow umbrella, his spilled out his heart.

“You know Kyungsoo, recently I often wondered if we really are right for each other. I even wondering if I can still make you happy,” Chanyeol’s voice was raspy and each of his words vibrated through his body against Kyungsoo’s cold skin, “I hate it too that we became so irritable around each other, and so silent with each other. Yet like you, I find it hard to say anything about it as well because I am also afraid that you’ll begin to hate me. I hate that I can’t make you stop hating yourself because I can’t stop reacting badly to your stress. I hate that I care so much about you yet I can’t do anything to help you. I love you so much, but I am almost afraid to tell you.”

Listening to the steady string of sniffles by the crook of his neck, Chanyeol tilted his head to lean against Kyungsoo’s head. Nuzzling against the other’s wet hair in comfort, Chanyeol continued to speak to the soft dribbles of rain falling on the yellow umbrella.

“But now I won’t be a coward anymore. I am not going to worry about if we are right for each other anymore because I know we are. I cannot imagine a life with you. From now on, no matter how irritable you are or how bad you’re feeling, I am going to stand in front of you and tell you that it’s alright because I love you. I’ll love you when you’re screaming, I’ll love you when you’re crying; I will even love you when you’re wiping snot on my shoulder.” Kyungsoo slapped him on his chest and Chanyeol laughed, “I love you even if you slap me.”

Kyungsoo let out a muffled grunt and sniffled more. Feeling hot tears roll from his neck down to his collarbone, Chanyeol twisted his head backward as much as he could. Pressing kisses on Kyungsoo’s arms around his neck over and over again, he whispered affectionately.

“So don’t worry about showing me how much you love me Kyungsoo, just love me. And I will love you back unconditionally.” Feeling tears also welling up in his eyes, Chanyeol whispered into Kyungsoo’s hair. “I love you Kyungsoo, I really do.”

“… I know,” Kyungsoo replied after a few seconds, having calmed down a little. Lifting his head up, he regarded the taller man with red eyes and a shy smile. “I love you too, Chanyeol, very much.”

Smiling back happily, a single tear escaped form Chanyeol’s eyes and he replied sincerely: “I know.”

Then underneath the shelter of their umbrella, the couple walked back into the house, leaving behind a trail of water marks and heart-warming chatters. Quietly, the yellow umbrella leaned against the brick wall next to the door as the rain continued to fall. Standing face to face, Chanyeol bent down and pressed a passionate but tender kiss on Kyungsoo’s lip. Pulling apart briefly, they looked affectionately into each other’s eyes.  But just as they were about to kiss again, they were interrupted by a loud sneeze from Kyungsoo. Sniffling pitifully, the shorter man play glared at his laughing boyfriend.

“This is what you get for feeling the touch of nature!” Chanyeol teased and Kyungsoo punched him on the chest, drawing a half-hearted cry of pain from the taller man. Feeling slightly apologetic for his action as well as unable to resist Chanyeol’s puppy eyes, Kyungsoo quickly pecked the spot he punched.

“Shut up, idiot.”

“I’m your idiot.” Chanyeol grinned and Kyungsoo giggle, feeling the euphoria of inebriation return to his body.

“Yes, you are.” He kissed his boyfriend again, “I am so glad you are.”

Art by Kagihana (http://chansooyeoll.tumblr.com/)