Chanyeol

[ g / characterization ]

They say growing up is like waking from a dream. The world starts to look a little too clear and the pains are becoming too real. Illusions of the naive that used to protect our innocence dissipate like the smoke screens they are and suddenly, we find ourselves alone at night, lamenting over the memories of yesterday.

Chanyeol realizes all that is wonderful does not always last. Flowers wilt, seasons pass, even the colours on his favourite T-shirt eventually fade. He finds himself looking back and reminiscing more because one morning it dawns upon him that he has already said too many goodbyes and life is too short; even the ones closest to his heart will go someday. So he tucks beautiful scenes, places and times he treasures into his heart and into his mind, until they are permanently burnt into his consciousness and become a part of him. 

Gradually sadness is replaced by disappointment and eventually, perhaps only loneliness is left behind as his sole consolation. This is not the same loneliness he felt when he lost his favourite toys or played alone, it's not the kind that tugs at his heart and makes his frown. This is the kind that have melted into his flesh and sank into his bones, the kind that resounds with his soul and silences him in overwhelm.

The further he walked, the more it builds in him. But that is alright, he tells himself, because loneliness is the privilege of the lucky. Unless one have tasted the sweetness of gathering and felt the love of being a part of something, they could not possibly understand the bitterness of parting or experience the emptiness of goodbyes. It is only because he has had that he can now truly understand the pain of loss. 

Chanyeol is learning but he also knows that growing up means parting with ones you may not want to part with and accepting that forever is just an ideal. It means learning how to smile without showing your tears and how to cry while still laugh. It is being grateful, being hurtful, being the best you could be and being the worst you may ever be. It means learning how to be yourself and not someone others want you to be. It is about getting hurt, being denied, but most importantly, it is about becoming stronger. 

Flowers may wilt, but they will always bloom again. People in his life will leave, but they will also stay in his hearts and memories. Definitely, growing up hurts and at times, Chanyeol cannot help but cry. However he knows those are not just tears of sorrow and anger; they are also tears of joy, of gladness, of relief and they embody his appreciation for everything. 

So like all of those living the growing pain, Chanyeol hopes that the sun will always shine in his sky, brightening the way for him and his loved ones, as well as lighting up their worlds. Even when storm clouds rumble by and his world is consumed in darkness, he knows that eventually clouds do part and the he will shine again because he is loved. 

They say growing up is like waking from a dream and Chanyeol is waking up.