•Gi Kwang•

It had been four days since I'd seen Lia. I'd heard from Eomeonim that she could already walk a little, but her legs were not straight. She had to wobble and limp to move from one place to another. The therapy was working, I guessed. The doctor said she had a really strong will to recover. 

I missed her so much that I went straight to the hospital after the asian tour in China. I practically sprinted to her room. 

When I reached the door, I was about to open it. But then I saw them through the small glass window on the door and I stopped moving altogether, stunned. Michael and Lia were cuddling on the bed. Michael was her hair, his face content. Lia was sound asleep in his arms, her head on his chest.

I wanted to barge into the room and started screaming and throwing things like a maniac. I wanted to kill Michael. I wanted to grab the collar of his shirt and drag him out. Then forbid him from ever seeing Lia again. I wanted to kill them both! 

I did none of those things. I just stood there, watching them with an intense pain in my heart. When I couldn't stand looking at them anymore, I turned around slowly, moving in a dream-like state, and leaned against the door. My legs felt weak and I slid down to the ground. 

This was so exhausting. Was I wasting my time, waiting for Lia? Should I just move on with my life without her? She seemed happy in someone else's arms. Should I just let her go? Was it worth it, to wait and hope for this long? Was she ever going to remember me and love me again?

I buried my face in my hands.

>Lia<

"Lee Gi Kwang hasn't come back to Korea yet?" I asked Keomonim this question everyday before she had to leave me.

"He came back yesterday, but then they had to fly off this morning."

My heart fell. If he was here yesterday, why didn't he visit me? I felt upset, and I didn't know why. I didn't even like him, or did I? My emotions were so confusing these days.

Michael gripped my fingers suddenly. I looked at him. He had a lopsided grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. He was gorgeous, obviously. "Want some fresh air?" 

He glanced at Jay, Jace and Adam. They looked at him, and understood, grinning slowly. Roo, Ashley and I frowned at them.

Five minutes later, I was sitting in a wheel chair. Michael was pushing me and the others were trudging beside us. We went to the rooftop. Adam picked the lock and the door easily opened. We went out to the small balcony. Then one by one, we started climbing the roof. Michael picked me up in his arms and passed me to Jace, who was already halfway on the roof. He passed me to Adam and finally to Jay. I hated myself for not being able to use my own legs.

Jay grunted and said, "I don't remember you being this heavy, princess."

"Shut up, jackass."

He laughed.

"Wow!" Ashley said, gazing out at the view.

"It's a killer view," Roo agreed.

The view was amazing. There was a park, a lake and fountains in front of the hospital. I watched the full moon reflected on the lake and suddenly remembered Lucas. We would always watched the full moon from my room's balcony. Because Lucas loved the moon. We would talk and joke with each other. Asking each others opinion about this person and that. And I would dig up on who he liked and vice versa. Then we'd tease each other about it. I missed that. I missed that moment so much that my eyes watered.

Michael caught me again. He always caught me whenever I was upset. It was getting a little annoying. He turned and looked out at the view.

"Let's play a confession game. We'll confess whatever we want to the sky. Scream it out. It can be a wish or something we've been keeping in our heads. Anything," He said.

We all nodded in agreement.

"Okay. Who's going first?" Roo asked.

"I'll go," Ashley volunteered. She turned to the sky fiercely and shouted, "I wish Adam would stop being an and treat me better! I wish he would be as romantic as before and stop blowing up on me! I wish we'd stop fighting everyday!" Tears leaked out of her eyes and she wiped them away fiercely.

 Adam gazed at her sadly, his shoulders dropped. They'd been high school sweethearts. Head of cheerleader and a star quarterback. The most popular, romantic, loving and perfect couple. Sometimes, I would roll my eyes at their affection. They'd been together since forever. I didn't know they were going through a rough patch.

The atmosphere was heavy around us.

Jace shoved Adam a little rougher than needed. "Dude, what do you have to say 'bout that?"

Adam turned to the sky. "I'm sorry for being a jerk lately, Ashley Cavanaugh! It's just that everything changed and became out of control after Lucas died, you know?! Things are not the same anymore! I love you more than anything, Ashley! You just have to remember that my love for you will never change!"

Ashley burst out crying and ran to his arms. They made up. We watched them quietly.

Jace swallowed hard and then turned to the sky. "I wanna stop working like this! I don't want to work like Dad anymore! I don't want to see all the innocent girls being kidnapped and ! I don't want to carry ten pounds of drugs in my bag! I wanna repent! I wish Dad would stop forcing me to do this! I hate it! I ing hate it!"

Rage clearly displayed on his dimpled face. His ears and face turned red because of the anger and the cold night air.

Michael clapped a hand on his shoulder. "How long have you felt this way?"

"Since Lucas's death."

Without waiting for anything, Roo screamed, "I hate Lucas! I hate him for refusing to acknowledge our feelings towards each other! I hate him for playing with me!" Her chest was heaving. Hurt, angry tears were flowing down her cheeks smoothly. "You shouldn't have kissed me like how you did, ! You shouldn't have told me you love me and then dropped dead an hour later! How am I supposed to forget you now, you jerk? How am I supposed to move on?" She started sobbing uncontrollable. Jace and Michael hugged her, each on either side of her. I wanted to hug her too, but couldn't because Jay was holding me.

With a start, I realized that Lucas's death had affected and brought a huge change to all of our lives. I wasn't the only one who was mourning and in pain. My friends were too.

And then Jay shouted, "I want my next album to be a huge hit!"

 It completely ruined the mood.

 I sighed while the rest laughed brokenly through their tears. "As expected. Park Jaebeom, the mood spoiler."

He grinned like a fool. "Mikey said it's a confession game. He didn't say that it's a depressing confession game only."

"Idiot! You completely spoiled my dramatic ending!" Roo was crying and laughing all at the same time, totally messed up.

"Sorry, Hon."

"What's your confession, Lia?" Michael asked me suddenly.

I shrugged. "Nah, I'm good."

Ashley spun around toward me and glared. "Oh, no you don't! You are not going to bottle everything up inside your small body there and push us away again. I won't allow history to repeat!"

 "Huh?" I was really clueless.

They started telling me about what happened to me, what I did after Lucas died.

 "Oh," I said. "I... Gee, Ash. I can't remember that."

 "It doesn't matter!" She snapped. "Let it out, Lia. Now."

"Alright, alright." I had a lot of things to confess actually. I hooked my arms around Jay's neck and tried to pull myself up higher. He got the signal and adjusted his hold on me.

I looked up at the sky, collected my breath and emotions then let it out by shouting, "I don't think I can continue living like this! I don't think I want to live anymore!"

I knew my friends were shocked. I felt Jay stiffened.

"Why did you put me through an accident that didn't kill me!?" I screamed. "Why did you have to wake me up with no memory of Lucas's death? Or my husband?!"

Their eyes were like lasers on my face.

"Why must I go through this again?! What did I do wrong?!" I snorted humorlessly. "That's a stupid question. You're punishing me for what I did before, aren't you? Please, just put me out of my misery already. I can't stand it anymore!"

 "Stop it," Ashley scolded.

I looked at her, suddenly so angry. "Why, Ash? You wanted me to let it out so much. Why do you want me to stop now?"

 "It's not right!"

"Of course it's not right!" I yelled. "Everything that comes from the bottom of my heart are never right! Haven't my father told you enough?"

"Why are you being like this, Lia?" Roo demanded. "Why? Because Lucas died? Well, guess what? You're not the only one who's hurting!" 

I laughed sinisterly.

"Its not funny!" Jace snapped.

"That's right, Jace. It's not funny at all. You think you had it bad, Roo? I know you loved my brother. And I know you think he was your everything. But look at me, Roo! I lost my brother and my father! A father I was trying so hard to please for my whole life! I have nothing else, Roo! I can't even remember my freaking husband and I don't think I'd ever will! I can't find anything to live for anymore."

"What about us, Lia?" Michael asked. I saw the hurt in his eyes. "What about your Keomonim, Sahnchom and Ha Seung? Don't you think you could atleast stay alive for us?"

"Yeah, princess. We love you. We're your family."

"It's not the same," I muttered. "Once this is all over, you guys have a real life to go back to, a real family to be with. Me, I have nothing."

"What about Lee Gi Kwang?" Adam asked. "The guy who'd been patient with you. Who'd been sticking by your side the whole time you were knocked out dead."

"The guy who loves you so much," Jace continued. "I'm not blind, Lia. I know he loves you like ."

"He's going to give up on me," I countered. "If not sooner, then later."

"He's not going to give up on you, Lia," Jay said.

"He will. I bet he's giving up already."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he didn't come to see me yesterday. He said he'd be gone for four or five days. Not more than that. Even if he came back just for one night and had to go back on tour the next day, he'd still visit me. But he didn't. He didn't come yesterday. What does that tell you?"

"You're upset because of this?" Michael asked.

I got more angry. "Of course I'm upset! He'd promised he would come visit! He'd promised to see me. He said he loves me, but why didn't he come and see me?"

There was suddenly a shout coming from below. "Ya! You kids!" We all looked down to see a security guard at the ground floor shining his torchlight at us. "What are you doing up on the roof? You're not supposed to be there! Get down from there and wait till I come!"

"!" Jay muttered.

"Get down! Get down!" Michael ordered frantically.

They all jumped down to the balcony. Jay jumped with me still in his arms. He wobbled a little on the landing, but managed to remain up right. Then he put me down on the wheelchair.

 "Run! Run! Run!" I yelled.

They ran. Jay pushed my chair. We didn't bother to lock the door, just left it open.

"Faster, Jay! Faster!"

"I'm trying, princess! You're heavy!"

"Screw you, jackass!"

We managed to reach my room without the security guard catching even a glimpse of us. And then we burst out laughing.

 •Gi Kwang•

"Gi Kwang, waeguerae?" Doojoon asked me.

"Oh, Gi Kwang-hyung. Why are we on tour again so soon after China?" Dongwoon asked.

I shrugged and didn't answer. I looked out the window of the hotel room and thought of Lia. Of course I would be thinking of her. Who else right? Even if I didn't want to, she'd still come creeping into my head.

 God, I missed her so much that it hurt.

 My phone rang then.

 "Yeoboseyo?"

 "Gi Kwang," Jay hyung said.

"Oh, Jay hyung. Why are you calling me?" My voice sounded weak even to me.

"Why didn't you come and see Lia yesterday?"

I knew he was going to say something like this. I sighed. "I don't know. Why didn't I see her yesterday?"

"Ya, Lee Gi Kwang! Don't joke with me."

I sighed again.

"Lia got all upset and depressed when she found out you deliberately didn't want to see her. She was hurt that you didn't come and see her!"

 "Mworago?" That, startled me. "Why would she be...?"

"Try and finish that sentence, Lee Gi Kwang! If you want to die, try and finish that question! How can you be so pabo?"

 "Mwo?"

"You promised her you'd come and see her. You told her you love her! How can you treat her like this?"

Now, I felt bad. She was probably hurting because of me. But...

"Argh, she's the one who made me do it!"

"What the hell did she do?"

I hesitated. "Argh, never mind!"

"What do you mean never mind?!"

"I'll make it up to her. Somehow..."

"Ya, pabo. Don't tell me... Are you giving up on her?"

I sighed again. "I don't know. Am I?"

"Ya, Lee Gi Kwang!"

"I have to go now. I'm hanging up."

I really hung up on Jay hyung.