°Yoseob°

Lia drove recklessly and crazily. She went over the speed limits, kept overtaking cars that were too slow, beat the traffic lights and went faster and faster. The tension in the car was so thick and heavy that it was almost visible. I gripped the sides of my seat hard, holding onto dear life. My heart was beating frantically in fear. I was sure to die tonight.

Omma, sorry for not listening to you and still rode with a reckless driver.

Lia's face was pale, tight and hard. Her breathings were in short, sharp breaths. Her eyes were filled with tears but they wouldn't fall. I wondered how she could see with tears in her eyes. I didn't dare to ask because she looked so, so angry.

We were on the huge, long bridge now. There weren't any cars around here, because it was past midnight.

Lia suddenly gasped and the car abruptly veered to the side. I swallowed an ear-splitting scream. The car jerked to a halt, and we were jolted to the front. I was breathing hard from the impact. L gasped again and clenched her chest, where her heart was. She squeezed her eyes shut and tears started flowing down her cheeks. A huge sob seized her body.

"Lia... What's wrong? Apa?" I asked uncertainly. "Where does it hurt?" I made a move to touch her, but— I didn't know how she knew I was going to touch her since her eyes were closed— she flinched back.

"Don't touch me! I'm not the kind of person you would want to touch," She sobbed.

"What are you talking about, L?"

She shook her head and stumbled out of the car. I followed her.

"L, come back! Talk to me. Please!"

She ran a few feet away but I caught her from behind.

"Let go of me!" She screamed, struggling to get free.

I didn't. Instead, I turned her around and embraced her tightly. My heart hurt, seeing her like this, so vulnerable and in so much pain. She sobbed uncontrollable. Oh god, I didn't know what else to do.

"I can't stand it anymore, Yoseobie. I can't stand it! I don't want to live anymore. I want to die. Just let me die. I want to be with Lucas," she wailed.

I shook my head and wouldn't let go. She sobbed into my chest and I closed my eyes. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They escaped, going smoothly down my cheeks.

>Lia<

I was trying to outrun the memories, driving as fast as I could. But they caught up with me anyway, swallowing me whole. I gasped, because the pain hurt so bad. I veered the car to the side of the road and stopped it. The pain intensified, and I gasped again. Clenching my chest.  I felt ripped open, body, spirit and soul.

When Gi Kwang-goon touched my Lucas tattoo, it burned my skin and the memories rekindled. That was fine. I didn't mind that he touched it. And I didn't even care that he didn't give me a chance to explain who Lucas was. But when he told me to call Lucas, that was the limit. I wanted to call Lucas so bad that it hurt. I wanted to call him and wanted him to pick it up, to hear his deep voice again. But I couldn't. I would never hear his voice again and that hurt. It hurt even more because it was Gi Kwang-goon who had reminded me of it. Gi Kwang-goon, who had protected me of those memories. I couldn't stand it any longer.

The pain was too overwhelming. I wanted to die and join Lucas. I wanted to see him again, to hear his voice again. To have him protect me. I just wanted to see him again.

°Yoseob°

The wind from the sea blew her hair off her face. Tear streaks stained her face, but she didn't clean them off. She looked like a sad, lonely goddess.

We were still on the bridge. After L stopped crying, she sat down on the car's bonnet and gazed out the bridge at the sea. We sat like that in total silence for a long time. The only sound was the sea. I gathered up the courage to speak.

"L, I have a lot of questions."

She smiled slightly. "Of course you do."

I didn't know if that was a green light, but I went ahead anyway. "Why would you want to die, L? You're so talented, so perfect. You can sing, you can play instruments, you can dance, you can cook, you're athletic too. Why would you want to die?"

She closed her eyes and her lips trembled. "Do you have any idea what I had to go through to be perfect?" She turned and looked at me. "You have no idea, do you?" When I didn't answer, she said, "It was complete hell. Next question."

I was startled with the abrupt change, but I continued. "Why did you say that I wouldn't want to touch a person like you? Just now, in the car?"

"I'm a bad person, Yoseobie. I've done bad things. Things you wouldn't imagine."

"It couldn't be that bad, could it?" I asked. "It couldn't be as bad as you killing someone."

She didn't answer, just looked out at the sea.

My pulse quickened. "L, tell me you've never murdered someone before."

She wouldn't look at me. "I would never lie to you, Yoseobie."

I forced a laugh. "No." I looked at her again, and shook my head in denial. "NO! You're lying!"

"I didn't just kill one person. I killed many," she looked me in the eye. "I've also robbed a million bucks, stole cars, dealt with drugs. Kidnapped and threatened someone to death. Held a gun to someone's head."

I frowned. She must be joking right? She had to be.

She sighed and looked up at the sky. "My life wasn't a fairy tale, Yoseob-ah. My father is a mobster boss."

"A... a mobster?"

"Hmm... mobster. You know, like a gangster? But bigger and more dangerous. He deals with drugs, black markets and es. He's the biggest mobster in the U.S, possibly the world. Even the police can't do anything to him because he has too many influence and power."

"Why are you here and not with him?"

"I was brought up by him. Until Lucas died. And then my keomonim and sahnchom took me in." She looked at me then. "You're going to ask me who's Lucas, aren't you?"

I nodded silently.

"Lucas was my twin brother, Yoseob-ah."

I was stunned. So stunned that I couldn't speak for a very long moment. Gi Kwang was wrong. We were all wrong. Lucas was not her boyfriend.

"He died?" I whispered.

"Yup." Her eyes filled with tears again and they poured over. "Five months ago. 20th july. 11.39pm."

"I'm sorry."

She wiped off the tears. "Do you know what it feels like, to lose someone you love? To lose someone who was so close to you. Someone who was always by your side, since you were in your mother's womb? Someone who went through the same hell you did growing up, who protected you, who understood you most, who would always love you no matter what, who gave his life for you." The tears kept coming. "Do you?"

I shook my head. She gazed back at the sea. "You were close to him?"

"We were inseparable. We did everything together. We were too close, actually, that we could practically read each others thoughts."

"What was he like? Lucas."

"He was an over-protective, cocky, idiot." Her voice softened then. "He was the best twin brother I could ever ask for. He took care of me when I was hurt. He saved me so many times from our father." She saw the questioning look on my face and elaborated. "My father hates me, you see. He wanted two sons. Instead, he got me. He'd always beat me up or hurt me when I refused to do what he ordered or make a mistake, or just because he had a bad day. That, he would beat both me and Lucas. Lucas always protected me. He would throw himself in front of me, protecting me from my father's punches."

"You were abused!" I cried. I couldn't believe Lia kept all this tortured traumas to herself. She should have told me!

She smiled bitterly. "When we were four years old, our father taught us how to assemble a gun. Where the bullets go, the safety ledge. How to aim it. At five years old, he sent us to every combat lessons he could find. We would have to do drills every single day. Seven years old, we were forced to learn music and dancing. That was fine, because I love music and Lucas loved dancing. Ten years old, we learned how to hack into a security system. Eleven years old, we had to learn how to act and lie convincingly. Twelve years old, he made us memorize this whole bunch of other mobsters. The enemies, he'd say." She sighed. "If we didn't want to do it, any of it, we'd get beaten up. If we didn't do it properly, couldn't get it right, we'd get tortured. That's what it took to be perfect, Yoseob-ah."

"Why did your father do such a thing?" I asked, appalled.

"He was training us to be a spy, Yoseob-ah. To go undercover in other mobster's territories. And then Lucas was to take over his business. That kind of thing, you can't afford to make mistakes. You have to be perfect."

"What about your mother?" I asked.

Lia snorted. "My mother wasn't any different."

"Your mother is a mobster too?"

"No. She was a professional thief. And I mean a real professional. She robbed expensive stuffs. Stuffs like, a painting in a museum that cost millions of dollars. An artifact that cost way much more that this car, locked up in a high-tech security system room. Things like that. She was always planning a heist or two. Every summer, she would bring us along to one of her "expeditions". She'd point out important points, like where the CCTVs were and how to avoid them. She'd force us to sit down and listen to all the heist plots her team and her were doing for months. So you see, she wasn't any different."

"Where's your mother now?"

"She died when we were fourteen."

"Oh." I stared at Lia, seeing her in a different light. "How did Lucas die?"

"In a gang fight. A guy was coming at me with a knife, he got in between." Tears started pouring over again. "It's my fault he died."

"L, you shouldn't blame—"

"My father disowned me after that. Lucas was always his favorite, you know. He blamed me for his death. Said that I was the one who should have died, not his son. He whacked me with my electric guitar and wanted to send me off to the es. I ran away."

"Oh, my god. Lia, I'm so sorry." My eyes watered and I hugged her.

"You shouldn't be hugging me, Yoseob-ah. You should be running the hell away from me, you should be disgusted by me."

"No," I hugged her tighter. "No. All the things you did, you didn't have a choice. You were forced to do it."

She buried her face in my chest. "I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to kill that guy, or stole that car. But if I didn't do it, my father would hurt me and Lucas."

"I understand, L. I really do."

"I don't think Gi Kwang-goon would."

I pulled back and looked into her eyes. "You'll have to tell him." She shook her head frantically. "You have to, L. For the marriage. He needs to know this. I'm not forcing you to tell him tonight. But you'll have to tell him soon."

"I'll think about it," she whispered.

I wasn't going to get involve here. But if she wouldn't tell him, and their relationship got worse, I would step in. Tell him and force him to understand.